PES picked this note out of an apartment building in Newark, New Jersey in 2004 because he loved the third paragraph, which is oh-so-amazing. Add in the peculiar diction and the glorious redundancy of it all, and you’ve got one fucking delicious note.
related: Your to lazy
extra credit: For more deliciousness, be sure to check out the stop-motion shorts at eatpes.com.
197 responses so far ↓
#1
anglophile
I wish I had a witty comment, but as the note did not apply to me, I stopped reading after the first sentence.
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:11 pm rating: 90
#2
Mishee
Homeland Security? Yea, let’s forget about those terrorists for a while to investigate what happened in the 2nd floor hallway!
They should just be lucky they don’t live in an apt building where there is a whore who uses substance and regurgitates to no extent all over the garage! That would piss me off!
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:22 pm rating: 90
#3
Wade
HOMELAND SECURITY?!?!?
ROTFLMAO!!!!!
OK, won’t make the “word” but, damn.
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:22 pm rating: 90
#4
Troy McClure
My anticipated cooperation is yours to enjoy, for as long as you are able to sustain it.
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:22 pm rating: 90
#5
Mishee
Those deeply carved writings were fucking delicious!
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:23 pm rating: 90
#6
Mishee
Anglo, that was great. You are #1 for a reason, and you are going for another Word! aren’t you?
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:24 pm rating: 90
#7
Wade
Maybe that why we haven’t found bin Laden. Too busy investigating overly carved on tables.
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:25 pm rating: 90
#8
Mishee
Also be informed, that Homeland Security will be informed, that we have informed them of informing you about how you need to be informed. If you have questions, please inform me.
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:25 pm rating: 90
#9
Andy
Woot! Kerry beat ya’ll to it, so it doesn’t need to be stated here. See, I’m resisting…
Anyhow, I love the note. Homeland Security?! That’s so crazy, I think it must be true.
I love the scrawled “NOTICE” at the top.
Finally, I did go to eatpes.com, very nice. I am wondering, though. Is this note the result of that short “Roof Sex”? That may explain everything, it was furniture terrorists!
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:25 pm rating: 90
#10
Andy
Jeebus! As I was writing this, I was going to be #2 comment, now I’m at nine. Hey you guys, Ritalin is calling you! Sheesh!
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:27 pm rating: 90
#11
GVI
I so agree with this note, I hate having to come home to my stairwell and see that my neighbors have been smoking and throwing their ashes and trash on my home
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:27 pm rating: 90
#12
Mishee
And don’t forget the terrorists who are lingering at the other end of the stairwell G….
They use those big knives they always have and carve shit into tables! They are out of control!
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:29 pm rating: 90
#13
WanderingPenguin
“Several residents, who choose not to live as a slob…” [italics are mine]
Gee, that’s too bad. That would be one gigantic slob. How cool would that have been?
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:29 pm rating: 90
#14
Wade
Apparently things have improved since 2004.
Now the only policy is no pets.
http://www.hallmarkapts.com/policies.html
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:29 pm rating: 90
#15
Andy
One final thing, is this the luxurious Hallmark House of Newark? Please let it be so, please.
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:30 pm rating: 90
#16
southern girl
I’ll never know if the note applies to me or not! I stopped reading after the very first line!
Now I am going to go congregate in the stairwell, pondering what this note said, smoking cigs, and throw trash on the floor.
Bye!
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:30 pm rating: 90
#17
Andy
Holy shit! I didn’t read the first sentence, where it says newark, nj. I googled it, and I found it first off. Yegads. *blush*
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:31 pm rating: 90
#18
GVI
What are these carving that need to be decoded by Homeland Security, can’t they just read what it says?
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:31 pm rating: 90
#19
WanderingPenguin
“Look! Those deeply-carved… erm…. carvings! They’re spelling something! It says…. ‘S-U-R-R-E-N-D-E-R… D-O-R-O-T-H-Y…..’ Wow! I wonder what it means?”
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:31 pm rating: 90
#20
Mishee
Best of all you could throw the NOTE on the floor of the stairwell southern girl!
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:32 pm rating: 90
#21
Wade
Andy, the address is on the bottom of the note, lol
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:32 pm rating: 90
#22
Troy McClure
WP, yeah. I hope the choice is unanimous! Unrequited love is bad enough; an unrequited desire to assimilate into one gigantic borg-slob would be unbearable.
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:32 pm rating: 90
#23
Mishee
WP!!!!!! You made me laugh out my smoke!!! That was HILARIOUS!
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:33 pm rating: 90
#24
WanderingPenguin
But oh, so f’ing delicious, Troy!
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:33 pm rating: 90
#25
GVI
Aw man, you have to check out the amenities at that place.
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:33 pm rating: 90
#26
Andy
Wade, thppt.
I was just excited to find the website. At the site, under ‘policies’, I was hoping to find this note. Alas, all it says is, “Sorry, no pets.”
That needed a section to itself?!
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:33 pm rating: 90
#27
Mishee
How funny I just thought of this on a totally different line of thought (the No Pets line)… in Vancouver, WA there is an apt complex that has a big sign out front that says:
“Lions, Tigers, and Bears – OH NO!
Dogs and cats, ok”
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:35 pm rating: 90
#28
WanderingPenguin
Wade, I went to that site you linked to. You know, the one where they say, “Sorry. No pets.” and there are three pictures? One picture with a fountain pen framed against what I can only assume is a Lease…and two pictures of kids…..each of whom is holding….. a pet! WTH is up with that??
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:37 pm rating: 90
#29
Wade
no disrespect intended, Andy (typing fails at conveying tone
).
I too was disappointed by the policy statement.
I wonder if there were more, and it has gradually been whittled down to one.
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:39 pm rating: 90
#30
Andy
Those are pictures of people who can’t rent there, because they were taken away by Homeland Security.
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:39 pm rating: 90
#31
GVI
I love the fact that they offer A/C.
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:39 pm rating: 90
#32
Mishee
I wonder when “No Pets” became an amenity?
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:39 pm rating: 90
#33
WanderingPenguin
Furthermore, if you click on “Floor Plans” you come to a page saying, “Sorry we are under construction.” So…the building hasn’t even been finished and people have been living there since at least 2004??
Yes, yes, I know – it means the website is under construction. But that’s not as funny. I particularly liked the icon of the guy leaning on a shovel drinking a coffee. No wonder it’s never been completed.
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:40 pm rating: 90
#34
Andy
Wade, no problem. I was more chagrined I missed so much, observationally. Ah well.
Though, now I know, if I move to Newark, I know where to go first! Yay!
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:41 pm rating: 90
#35
WanderingPenguin
Andy, I just figured those devious pets were doing the unfathomable carvings on the table.
Those pets were…. well, you know.
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:42 pm rating: 90
#36
Mishee
I wonder how long until Kerry is contacted by the Hallmark House management demanding this note be taken down? Everyone save it to your hard drives now!
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:43 pm rating: 90
#37
Andy
Man, it’s tempting. So tempting, like, “Homeland Security has raised the fucking delicious level to red.”
There, I said it, dammit.
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:44 pm rating: 90
#38
Mishee
Let it out Andy! It’s cleansing!!
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:45 pm rating: 90
#39
Wade
A careful analysis of google maps shows that the hallmark house does in fact overlook the Newark City Hall.
Maybe Homeland Security should be concerned by 2nd floor (overly) table carving.
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:47 pm rating: 90
#40
Team Cassandra
That was lovely double take fun.
It started out so mellow, like a story almost…and the next thing I know they’re calling HOMELAND SECURITY on my ass cuz I’m practicing my bubble letter etching while I party in the hallway with my friends.
Yeesh. You coulda just said No Loitering.
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:52 pm rating: 90
#41
Mishee
Sorry. No Pets.
Sorry. No Loitering.
There’s your sign TC!
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:56 pm rating: 90
#42
GVI
This is NOT a pigsty.
Your mother does NOT clean here.
NO littering.
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:58 pm rating: 90
#43
rupert
Hmm……. I wonder if Homeland Security will dig a big ditch and erect a huge tall fence around the place?
Nov 6, 2007 at 10:58 pm rating: 90
#44
morpho aurora
all caps, scrawled header, really strange grammar – and then Homeland Security – wow!
i see you shiver with antici……pation
Nov 6, 2007 at 11:18 pm rating: 90
#45
Mishee
oh m_a I totally thought of Frank N. Furter when I saw “anticipation!”
Nov 6, 2007 at 11:32 pm rating: 90
#46
morpho aurora
glad i wasn’t the only one – but since you are the movie goddess i knew you’d smile
Nov 6, 2007 at 11:39 pm rating: 90
#47
Coke-aholic
Ahh, finally everyone is back to being fun again.
Nov 6, 2007 at 11:43 pm rating: 90
#48
Oti
Rocky Horror Rocks
Nov 6, 2007 at 11:44 pm rating: 90
#49
Mishee
Yes, I am a movie goddess, aren’t I?
Coke, good to see ya!
Nov 6, 2007 at 11:50 pm rating: 90
#50
Coke-aholic
You too Miss Mishee. I loved WP’s Dorothy comment. Thought I would wake up the kids I was laughing so loudly.
Nov 7, 2007 at 12:00 am rating: 90
#51
Mishee
I am still laughing about it!
Nov 7, 2007 at 12:02 am rating: 90
#52
Mishee
WP is a contender to be the first in the history of Word! to be listed twice in a row!
Nov 7, 2007 at 12:06 am rating: 90
#53
Wade
kudos to Team Cassandra!!
Nov 7, 2007 at 12:14 am rating: 90
#54
Mishee
WTG TC!!
Nov 7, 2007 at 12:31 am rating: 90
#55
morpho aurora
congrats tc – how’s the bubble lettering going?
Nov 7, 2007 at 12:35 am rating: 90
#56
Julie
“Deeply carved writings” . . . the way it’s put makes them sound EPIC.
Nov 7, 2007 at 12:40 am rating: 90
#57
Troy McClure
I googled the lyrics to today’s tune & found that it was covered by a band I’d never heard of before yesterday, Less Than Jake. What are the odds??
There’s a man who leads a life of danger
Who causes Hallmark management much anger
With every puff he takes
Another rule he breaks
Odds are he’ll throw his filth and make you wallow
Secret Agent Man
Secret Agent Man
Those deeply carved writings’
Meanings will soon be plain
If this does not apply, please disregard it
But some of you behave like you’re retarded
If you congregate and sit
And make cellphone calls and spit
Odds are an eviction note will follow
Secret Agent Man
Secret Agent Man
Those deeply carved writings’
Meanings will soon be plain
Maybe it’s just meaningless graffiti
It could be just a carving for your sweetie
But if the HSA aren’t told
And your horrific plans unfold
Odds are Newark’ll be a pile of ash tomorrow
Secret Agent Man
Secret Agent Man
Those deeply carved writings’
Meanings will soon be plain
Nov 7, 2007 at 5:22 am rating: 90
#58
Team Cassandra
Thanks! – And not very well m_a, Homeland Security took the nail file I was using
Nov 7, 2007 at 7:01 am rating: 90
#59
Wade
Throw their ashes?
How does that work? Are they tapping their cigarette ashes into a cup, then hurling them down the stairs?
Nov 7, 2007 at 7:23 am rating: 90
#60
Tarn
I like the idea of the borg-slob.
‘Resistance is…. oh shit, who cares. Hand me a beer and those Doritos…’
Can’t stand people who hang around in stairwells though. Happens at my block – it’s noisy & their smoke gets in my flat, which I hate. And they leave a mess on the stairs. (Wade – we have one loiterer who pretty much does that! He uses a coke can as an ashtray…)
Nov 7, 2007 at 7:52 am rating: 90
#61
Wade
LOL, Tarn.
I guess they should be glad no one is chewing tobacco.
Oh, wait, there is spitting. ick.
Nov 7, 2007 at 8:08 am rating: 90
#62
Stephanie
I wanna know what the hell was “deeply carved” into the table….
Nov 7, 2007 at 8:24 am rating: 90
#63
Ozymandias
Hey Stephanie…well, if people are ‘throwing their ashes’ (whose ashes?) down the stairwell, maybe there are some Satanic type rituals going on that involve (virgin) sacrafice and the writing of the lyrics of Deep Purple songs backwards onto hallway tables?? Though, I don’t know that that would be a case for Homeland Security…
Nov 7, 2007 at 8:35 am rating: 90
#64
Mishee
Oz, Homeland Security has their fingers in everyone’s pie…
They are reading this right now.. thanks to Google and their algorithms!
Nov 7, 2007 at 8:42 am rating: 90
#65
ginger
oh thanks for this. has cheered up a rotten day.
Nov 7, 2007 at 8:45 am rating: 90
#66
Oedipa Maas
Last Will and Testament: “When I die, throw my ashes over the second floor stairway.”
Nov 7, 2007 at 8:55 am rating: 90
#67
Katzndogz
There may have been some sort of threat carved on that table. It’s likely some sort of prank – people bent on murder and destruction don’t usually announce it ahead of time. But in the event that it’s real, warning him about Homeland Security is just going to cause him to move up his scheduled mayhem. Way to go.
Nov 7, 2007 at 8:59 am rating: 90
#68
bethany
what’s slobbish about talking on your cell phone in the stairwell? Noisy, but not the same kind of menace as the others.
Nov 7, 2007 at 9:02 am rating: 90
#69
WickedLady
If Homeland Security had to figure out what those ‘writings’ mean, how can they be so sure that those deeply carved ‘writings’ aren’t just some new and alternate way of decorating a boring old table?
Nov 7, 2007 at 9:02 am rating: 90
#70
the dawd
This one time at band camp, A copulated with Aminor and after that we had a new band leader.
Nov 7, 2007 at 9:05 am rating: 90
#71
the dawd
Ack i did not get a chance to say what homeland security did to the old band leader. Premature submittal of letters without proper connotation. d’oh!
Nov 7, 2007 at 9:09 am rating: 90
#72
Ozymandias
Wicked lady, I bet it was all the wood-boring insects boring into that boring old table that caused the consternation in the first place. Weevils (not that they bore, I don’t think) rhymes with evils, after all.
Mishee, I guess Homeland Security has tags on them, too.
Nov 7, 2007 at 9:38 am rating: 90
#73
Mishee
HLS has tags on everything! The Government is corrupt! Big Brother is watching!
BTW – Love James Patterson, he’s my favorite; that where your name came from Oz?
Nov 7, 2007 at 9:48 am rating: 90
#74
WanderingPenguin
Woo hoo, TC! Team Comment #40 FTW! Nice job.
Troy, that’s one of my favourite songs from LTJ. It has always been a great tune – even when Johnny Rivers first recorded it – but their cover just cooks. Excellent choice! (Blues Traveler does a great job, too. It’s hard to mess that song up, I guess.)
I’m glad everyone enjoyed the Surrender Dorothy comment.
“If we bring a little joy into your humdrum lives, it makes us feel as though our hard work ain’t been in vain for nothin’. Bless you all.” 
And how’s this for full-circle, Troy: there is a band with the name “Surrender Dorothy” out of Indiana (not Kansas, oddly) that covers old R&R hits. Guess what song they’ve covered?
Nov 7, 2007 at 9:52 am rating: 90
#75
WanderingPenguin
Speaking of “Surrender Dorothy”, isn’t it interesting that that post brought “OZ-ymandias” out to play?
Nov 7, 2007 at 9:53 am rating: 90
#76
Ozymandias
Ooh, they do exist (italics under, do, don’t know how to do it yet. Advice?)
Homeland security: Come out of the woodwork and fight, you Goddamn Alaskan Wood-Boring Weevils!
Somebody else has to fill in the response. I haven’t got that far, yet.
Nov 7, 2007 at 9:56 am rating: 90
#77
suhayla
haha. For some reason I didn’t read past the first sentence, then when I read #1, I remembered that there was a whole note I didn’t read!!
And the angry guy threatening to call Homeland Security on table carving troublemakers is a fucking delicious caricature of an American!!
Nov 7, 2007 at 9:59 am rating: 90
#78
Ozymandias
Hey, Mishee – my name comes from a Percy B (can’t spell it) Shell(e)y -poem. However, James Patterson may have read it.
Glad to join the ruby slipper thread, WP.
Nov 7, 2007 at 10:02 am rating: 90
#79
WanderingPenguin
Oz:
” before the word or phrase and after it will give you italics, if you lose all the “thens” and the spaces.
Nov 7, 2007 at 10:02 am rating: 90
#80
WanderingPenguin
DAMMIT! I hit “preview” and it submitted.
Sorry about that….Oz I can’t figure out how to show you the italic tags in HTML. Suffice it to say you need to type the “less than sign” then the letter “i” then the “greater than sign” before the word or phrase you want to italicize….and do the same thing to turn off the italics with the addition of the “/” in front of the “i”.
There are some pretty good HTML tutorial sites out there – you can easily find them on Google and use the one you are most comfortable with.
Nov 7, 2007 at 10:04 am rating: 90
#81
Mishee
Oz, I figured it was either that or Patterson – he has a series of books featuring a character with your name. I just figured Patterson is a little more recent than the poem – since the poem is from 1817.
WP – Your Surrender Dorothy is still killing me… if we could nominate, I would have to say that was worthy of Word! But I guess PAN God is playing it fair!
Nov 7, 2007 at 10:05 am rating: 90
#82
Ozymandias
Cheers, WP, will try it (did try it, and wasn’t successful, so will try again later).
Nov 7, 2007 at 10:05 am rating: 90
#83
Mishee
to start to end, just no spaces!
Nov 7, 2007 at 10:06 am rating: 90
#84
Mishee
damn! those things are good! I put like, 3 spaces between each character, and still it Italicized!
This is how (GVI I think) helped me learn:
http://www.arachnoid.com/lutusp/html_tutor.html
Nov 7, 2007 at 10:07 am rating: 90
#85
Mishee
And while Bold and Italics work on this site, I don’t believe underline works…
StrikethroughWorks though!Nov 7, 2007 at 10:08 am rating: 90
#86
Ozymandias
WP, just posted after your second post. Cheers, I will look it up and practice! Otherwise you are just going to get a series of posts that say >i< etc.
Nov 7, 2007 at 10:10 am rating: 90
#87
Ozymandias
Thanks, Mishee, too. Have copied and pasted the instructions.
Nov 7, 2007 at 10:11 am rating: 90
#88
Wade
Oz
When I look upon you, I despair.
Nov 7, 2007 at 10:13 am rating: 90
#89
Ozymandias
Wade,
King of kings, how the mighty have fallen (loosely paraphrasing). Can’t even spell ‘sacrifice’ nowadays. Used a different alphabet back in the day. Didn’t have html or nuttin’.
Nov 7, 2007 at 10:19 am rating: 90
#90
GVI
HOORAY TC!!! Congrats on the “Word.”
Nov 7, 2007 at 10:20 am rating: 90
#91
Wade
I know, Oz.
Texting in cuneiform was a pain!
And don’t get me started on chat room hieroglyphics, lol.
Nov 7, 2007 at 10:22 am rating: 90
#92
WanderingPenguin
Wow, Wade, Very nice indeed. Personally, I would have said, “When I look upon your words, I despair.” But lovely reference.
LOL – Oz, I assume you know you have the signs backwards there.
Don’t forget to “turn off” the italics tagging or you will look like Wade on “Crazy Italics Day“!
Nov 7, 2007 at 10:22 am rating: 90
#93
FickleGal
Any children left unattended or wandering around the stairwell will be given a shot of espresso and a free puppy.
Yours truly,
The Informer
Nov 7, 2007 at 10:24 am rating: 90
#94
WanderingPenguin
Mishee, I think somebody different should be honoured in the Word! area every day. It will help to keep the comments fresh and funny, IMHO. Not to say one can’t be there more than once…just maybe not twice in a row.
Nov 7, 2007 at 10:25 am rating: 90
#95
Ozymandias
Cheers – WP and Wade. I tried the signs both ways! The “less than” and “more than” signs were always quite confusing.
Wade, #91 LOL.
I thought I’d come in as a Colossal wreck before someone did it for me.
Nov 7, 2007 at 10:28 am rating: 90
#96
Idman
I’d respond but I’m too busy covertly sniffing my scrotum.
Idman
Nov 7, 2007 at 10:59 am rating: 90
#97
Mishee
LOL!!
http://www.snorgtees.com/thechickenortheegg-p-357.html?osCsid=dbfc470c4cb0a598391186da8d37be8b
Nov 7, 2007 at 11:01 am rating: 90
#98
Mishee
oopps… wrong page… my bad…
Nov 7, 2007 at 11:05 am rating: 90
#99
unholyghost2003
I am a bad person. I should probably be beaten (perhaps by the stairwell dwelling ruffians?) My first though was that this must have been posted at some sort of group home for the insane or mentally challenged, some group that would believe that Homeland Security would “get them” for graffiti on a table. I demand a description, if not pictures of the defaced table!
Nov 7, 2007 at 11:12 am rating: 90
#100
unholyghost2003
Idman,
you never really explained HOW you covertly sniff your scrotum.
Nov 7, 2007 at 11:14 am rating: 90
#101
Juliet
I am still laughing about the homeland security paragraph. Yeah, I just got here.
Troy, always enjoy your reworded songs! Keep up the good work.
Nov 7, 2007 at 11:16 am rating: 90
#102
GhostWriter
…and then a dirty bomb went off at the Hallmark House apartment complex, and nobody was laughing about contacting Homeland Security anymore.
Nov 7, 2007 at 11:56 am rating: 90
#103
unholyghost2003
What we DON’T realize is that Halmark House is code for Guantanamo Bay. See, NOW the Homeland Security thing makes MUCH more sense!
Nov 7, 2007 at 12:09 pm rating: 90
#104
A.A guy
I can definetly see the possability of satanic rituals being practised at Hallmark House on deeply carved tables,but honestly, where are you going to find a virgin in Newark New Jersey?
Nov 7, 2007 at 12:10 pm rating: 90
#105
Mitsu
#57, Troy, nice! Finally, a song I know the tune of… much funnier now!
Nov 7, 2007 at 12:10 pm rating: 90
#106
Mitsu
lol, Homeland Security… Only in the US
Nov 7, 2007 at 12:14 pm rating: 90
#107
Mitsu
EH!
Nov 7, 2007 at 12:14 pm rating: 90
#108
Writer, Rejected
Hallmark House is probably just secret spy code for its anagram: MARK A HELL HOUSE.
If I were a terrorist (and of course I’m not, in case the CIA really reads this shit), I’d probably go to Newark NJ and spit in some hallways and throw some ashes. Just to raise holy hell in the house of Management.
Nov 7, 2007 at 12:25 pm rating: 90
#109
Writer, Rejected
Oh, it would be german: MARK A HELL HOUS
Nov 7, 2007 at 12:25 pm rating: 90
#110
Lara
Since Hallmark House still seems to be standing, I guess we can assume Homeland Security caught the bastards.
Now if they could only do something about Jake and his issues.
Nov 7, 2007 at 12:56 pm rating: 90
#111
Canthz_B
I know the area. They have bigger problems than tenants congregating in their stairwells…trust me!
Nov 7, 2007 at 1:31 pm rating: 90
#112
Wade
ROFL, GW
I think only McGyver could construct a dirty bomb from ashes, cigarette butts, spit and a cell phone.
Unless he carved the instructions into the table!
OMGZ! Evacuate City Hall!!
Nov 7, 2007 at 1:32 pm rating: 90
#113
A.A guy
Bendy straws,air mailed office memos,CIA ,someone elses homeland security,surreptitious groin self-examinations,I haven’t slept in two days! I need an exorcist(or a couple of verses of kumbya).
Nov 7, 2007 at 1:36 pm rating: 90
#114
Canthz_B
I guess it would depend what was carved on the 2nd floor table. Lots of Middle Easterners live in Newark BTW.
On 9-11 their was a shot on TV of a group of them in Jersey City (which overlooks Lower Manhattain across the Hudson River) jumping up and down and cheering as the towers burned.:-(
Nov 7, 2007 at 1:38 pm rating: 90
#115
Canthz_B
*there*
Nov 7, 2007 at 1:39 pm rating: 90
#116
Canthz_B
#68 Bethany, It is annoying. I suppose you’ve never had to ask someone to get the hell out from in front of your door who is shouting into a sprint phone with that horrible bleeping noise and smocking a cigar which whants to change the air quality of your living room.
The point is that apartments are for lease, not common areas. How would you like to came home at 11pm to three large 22 year-olds sitting in your stairwell? Even if they are clean and quiet, it’s creepy!!
Nov 7, 2007 at 1:52 pm rating: 90
#117
Canthz_B
*smoking*….sorry, I was having a moment!!
Nov 7, 2007 at 1:53 pm rating: 90
#118
Space Monkey
You forgot “whants” and “came”.
Nov 7, 2007 at 1:55 pm rating: 90
#119
Coke-aholic
What if they were 3 small 22 year olds? Or 3 large 86 year olds? Or 7 Munchkin from the land of Oz?
Just kidding, CB, I would kill myself if I had to live in an apartment building. Okay not really, but I would want to.
Nov 7, 2007 at 1:58 pm rating: 90
#120
Coke-aholic
Shit, Munchkins, dammit. Sorry.
Nov 7, 2007 at 1:58 pm rating: 90
#121
D
Homeland security? what??
Nov 7, 2007 at 2:01 pm rating: 90
#122
Canthz_B
I saw them…just did want to become annoying with too many corrections.
Nov 7, 2007 at 2:02 pm rating: 90
#123
Wade
On the bright side
At least now we know where Rene Hall lived before she moved to Queens.
Thank You, Terry!
Nov 7, 2007 at 2:06 pm rating: 90
#124
Canthz_B
You’ll have to forgive me. I don’t feel well this afternoon…perhaps more Pepto-Bismol will do the trick.
Nov 7, 2007 at 2:06 pm rating: 90
#125
Canthz_B
Hey Wade, I think they wanted me to go in so they could poison me with lox! LOL
Nov 7, 2007 at 2:08 pm rating: 90
#126
Wade
Step away from the bagel, C-B!
Nov 7, 2007 at 2:12 pm rating: 90
#127
Idman
Sorry, I can’t give away my trade secrets (on covert sniffing.) But I will say this: it’s not at easy as it looks and requires multiple yoga stretching classes for preparation. I think I’ve busted a clavicle.
Idman
Nov 7, 2007 at 2:19 pm rating: 90
#128
unholyghost2003
What is wrong with lox?
I must say I simply don’t understand the stairwell gathering/smoking. Gather and smoke in your OWN flipping apartment. Wouldn’t that be much more comfortable? I doubt the stairwells have couches or fridges with snacks and cool beverages. I can see stepping *briefly* into the stairwell to take a phone call if you are concerned about disturbing a sleeping or ill person in your home, or if the noise level of your home is too great for you to take the call there, but for the rest of it … just WHY? I hope someone can explain this to me.
Nov 7, 2007 at 2:20 pm rating: 90
#129
Wade
UHG2003
I would be more suspicious of the cream cheese, lol.
In my college days, the stairwell was the place to gather and chat after hours. My guess is this is where folk go to do stuff they can’t do in the lobby (like smoke) and not have to clean up (like in their own apartment).
Either that, or it is a terroristic henchman cell, gathering to plot either the eviction of the crazy cat lady or the opportune time to sneak into the lobby and steal Wall Street Journals.
Nov 7, 2007 at 2:28 pm rating: 90
#130
Canthz_B
I like lox UHG, perhaps too much!
Nov 7, 2007 at 2:35 pm rating: 90
#131
unholyghost2003
Thank you Wade. I still don’t fully grasp the advantage of not having to clean up has over nearby snacks and TV/computer, but it makes a bit more sense now. Though I suppose not having to clean in conjunction with stolen WSJs … hmmm
Nov 7, 2007 at 2:37 pm rating: 90
#132
iamhotterthanyouandurmommatoo
OMG, I kid you not, I used to live here! This management company SUCKS ASS! They also never ever address any complaints, so I am so surprised to actually see this here. That being said, for the neighborhood, the apartments are pretty bitchin’. As for homeland security…homeland security doesn’t have the balls to come to Newark.
Nov 7, 2007 at 2:37 pm rating: 90
#133
unholyghost2003
CB, sorry! I didn’t understand. Usually “lox” + “poison” isn’t a good thing
Nov 7, 2007 at 2:38 pm rating: 90
#134
Canthz_B
The letter is dated June…The weather is so nice outside, why not hang out there?
Oh, yeah…stray bullets.
Nov 7, 2007 at 2:40 pm rating: 90
#135
GhostWriter
2004
Apt. Manager: “Over there, Officers!”
(points to picnic table)
Agent Smith: “For the record, Ma’am, we’re not “officers,” we’re “agents.”
Agent Jones: “Wow, detailed Arabic carvings and a schematic of some sort.”
Agent Smith: “It says something like, ‘…will explode a .25 megaton weapon surrounded by depleted uranium… …this exact location… November 2007…’ something, something… then, a short statement on the persistence of relative realities! hmmm”
Agent Jones: “Those are some deep carvings- we’d better write it up in a memo to Bush and title it, “Al Qaeda Determined to Strike Newark”.
Nov 7, 2007 at 2:40 pm rating: 90
#136
Wade
LMAO, IAHTYAUrMT!
Nov 7, 2007 at 2:42 pm rating: 90
#137
mike
home land security will also investigate the clumpy cat hair as well as the heisa monster repoted roaming the other stairwell….
Nov 7, 2007 at 2:50 pm rating: 90
#138
Ariadne
Something that always strikes me as odd on notes like this – why is the whole thing typed, but the word “Notice” is scrawled in Sharpee marker at the top? Did they forget to type it in the first place? It looks crappy, and I don’t think it really adds anything. Isn’t it OBVIOUS that this is a – um – a notice of some sort?
Nov 7, 2007 at 3:44 pm rating: 90
#139
Ariadne
‘Course, ALL CAPS looks crappy too… guess I shouldn’t be too worried about the way the note looks overall.
Nov 7, 2007 at 3:46 pm rating: 90
#140
WanderingPenguin
Is Oveta another slobbering cretin whose messages were removed before I returned? I don’t see her/him/it around anywhere….
Nov 7, 2007 at 4:12 pm rating: 90
#141
Radar
i dont know why you validate kibitzers by answering them.
Nov 7, 2007 at 4:13 pm rating: 90
#142
Mrs. Bender
It’s dark in here and I am scared!
Call Homeland Security! Or better yet, the NSA! Call someone! There are strange carvings on the walls in here… I need them deciphered!!!(!!)
Nov 7, 2007 at 4:32 pm rating: 90
#143
WanderingPenguin
Thanks, Ariadne, but do be careful. Apparently that thread is strictly on a need-to-know basis and the locals get awfully short-bunchy if you broadcast their whereabouts. I have long ago decided to meet them halfway – in the interests of trying to be a good neighb – and not mention how ridiculous I think that is in these other threads.
Oops. Until now, that is.
Sorry!
Shhhh…be vewy vewy quiet….I’m hunting cwazy people….heh heh heh heh heh….
Nov 7, 2007 at 4:38 pm rating: 90
#144
will
Homeland security has determined that the carvings mean that the writer of this letter is ridiculous.
Nov 7, 2007 at 4:44 pm rating: 90
#145
Ariadne
My bad. Sorry!
Also, I’m registered – why don’t I have a kewl exclamation point next to my name?
Whoops – off topic! How ’bout that crazy pa note?? It is ug-ly!
Nov 7, 2007 at 4:44 pm rating: 90
#146
timebaron
Sign in Ariadne
Nov 7, 2007 at 4:47 pm rating: 90
#147
Ariadne
Yay! Thanks TB. Don’t know why that was so difficult. :S
Nov 7, 2007 at 4:52 pm rating: 90
#148
WanderingPenguin
Have you signed in, Ari? I have found it’s a bit tough to do that, at least here on this browser. I now leave myself permanently signed in on this browser; a bit tougher if you are at work, I would imagine.
Nov 7, 2007 at 4:53 pm rating: 90
#149
Ariadne
Thanks WP – think I’m in now, and will stayed “signed in” too.
Nov 7, 2007 at 4:55 pm rating: 90
#150
WanderingPenguin
Oh, I don’t know about it being ugly. I wish my computer had a “Heavy Black Scrawling Permanent Marker” font for when I want to make notices of disgust!
Nov 7, 2007 at 4:55 pm rating: 90
#151
FormerNewarker
If a little spit in the halls is all the have they are lucky!
Nov 7, 2007 at 5:00 pm rating: 90
#152
FormerNewarker
I had my car stolen twice.
Nov 7, 2007 at 5:01 pm rating: 90
#153
FormerNewarker
Crackheads stole my VCR.
Nov 7, 2007 at 5:01 pm rating: 90
#154
amos
Sounds like the perfect neighborhood!
Nov 7, 2007 at 5:02 pm rating: 90
#155
FormerNewarker
If you want to die in your sleep! Good ridance
Nov 7, 2007 at 5:03 pm rating: 90
#156
WanderingPenguin
Well, I am hoping that today’s page is more of a reflection on the quality of the note being parsed and not a return to form. Yesterday was brilliant! Perhaps a new note….?
*lighting a candle* *watching out for the “sconce”*
Nov 7, 2007 at 5:12 pm rating: 90
#157
Ariadne
WP -#152 – LOL -I bet there is a font house out there somewhere making it now. It would be called the “Superintendent Heavy” font, or perhaps “Drunken Marker Scrawls”.
Nov 7, 2007 at 5:14 pm rating: 90
#158
Mishee
Newarker – why did you still have a VCR? It’s almost to the point of, “What’s a VCR? Why isn’t it in a museum?”
Nov 7, 2007 at 5:20 pm rating: 90
#159
Mishee
WP – “Andy” Font on BOLD would be close to that marker font you want…
Nov 7, 2007 at 5:21 pm rating: 90
#160
FormerNewarker
#160 It was a long time ago.
Nov 7, 2007 at 5:24 pm rating: 90
#161
FormerNewarker
I headed for the ‘Burbs when my dog was stolen.
Nov 7, 2007 at 5:25 pm rating: 90
#162
Space Monkey
I have nothing to add, so I will add: nothing.
Nov 7, 2007 at 5:25 pm rating: 90
#163
amos
You can go to Hallmark House now. No pets allowed.
Nov 7, 2007 at 5:26 pm rating: 90
#164
Space Monkey
Wait, wait. Nope. Nothing….
Nov 7, 2007 at 5:26 pm rating: 90
#165
amos
Less is more SM! LOL
Nov 7, 2007 at 5:27 pm rating: 90
#166
Space Monkey
apparent-fucking-ly, amos. i wish more people knew that.
Nov 7, 2007 at 5:33 pm rating: 90
#167
Mishee
Newarker and miser – Please cease and desist… or I will have to call Homeland Security…
Nov 7, 2007 at 5:52 pm rating: 90
#168
Canthz_B
WP, there are lots of free font sites around. Something suitable should be available for download on your home computer. You probably can’t do it at work…but you never know.
I had a font-fest a few years ago! LOL
Nov 7, 2007 at 6:12 pm rating: 90
#169
A.A guy
A shot of penicillan will cure your font fest right up.
Nov 7, 2007 at 6:37 pm rating: 90
#170
Team Cassandra
Hey #152 WP…I have a font like that…It’s called…wait for it…Andy.
I know, I know it would have been better if it was called Claw, but hey, I’m not going to lie to you!
Nov 7, 2007 at 6:47 pm rating: 90
#171
Mishee
TC – look at comment #161 – great minds think alike!
Nov 7, 2007 at 6:55 pm rating: 90
#172
WanderingPenguin
Holy hell.
I am going to have to look for that font now! Thanks, guys and gals!
Nov 7, 2007 at 6:57 pm rating: 90
#173
Troy McClure
#60: I know a guy call Tarn. You’re not in Sydney, are you?
#74: After reading their songlist I guess you mean Born to be Wild? Not such a huge coincidence, given how many songs they know! But I’m still wondering what “R&R” stands for.
#101: Thanks Juliet! I may remember you in my creative slumps.
#105: Mitsu, omg, I’m sure this is one of the obscurer tunes we’ve ripped off. And it’s the first one you know! (You must know Somewhere Over the Rainbow?) Please tell me what’s on your CD shelf. I’ll try to aim a few more your way.
#112, 135: I just can’t bring myself to type “ROFLMAO”—I think I have a strange personality disorder where, no matter how funny something is, I keep my balance. Probably not enough drugs; I just haven’t really learned to let go. But these definitely gets PASHYs from me: Pointing At Screen Howling “Yes!”
Nov 7, 2007 at 7:03 pm rating: 90
#174
Team Cassandra
Ooops, Mitsu…I missed that in my haste.
Nov 7, 2007 at 7:38 pm rating: 90
#175
Team Cassandra
I mean: Mishee. I really do think I’m getting sick.
Nov 7, 2007 at 7:39 pm rating: 90
#176
Mishee
Sick of what TC? Why not join me in the study for a brandy and a cigar? I’m in here waiting!
Nov 7, 2007 at 8:01 pm rating: 90
#177
Andy
What the hell? A font named after me? I went to look (I don’t have it on my computer), and found a description saying “…this childish font…”.
Bleah. I demand that font to be renamed! How did they know to distill my essence into that font?
Nov 7, 2007 at 11:24 pm rating: 90
#178
Ozymandias
Hey WP# 145, shouldn’t that all be in crazy italics, just for fun, too? Though I know you’re not that “W”. Ozymandias is down with one aspect of html! Have turned off italics. Did you get the wabbit?
Nov 8, 2007 at 5:22 am rating: 90
#179
WanderingPenguin
SAW WABBIT SHOT SAME STOP
I probably should have put post #145 in crazy italics, but they are just too much darn work.
WTG, Oz!
Nov 8, 2007 at 10:12 am rating: 90
#180
Ozymandias
Cwazy italics?
Nov 8, 2007 at 10:24 am rating: 90
#181
WanderingPenguin
Cwose. “Cwazy itawics”.
Nov 8, 2007 at 10:38 am rating: 90
#182
marla
#7 Wade, I think it’s obvious that Bin Laden does live there.
Also, “Hallmark House” sounds like the name of a home for troubled youth or something.
Nov 9, 2007 at 9:13 am rating: 90
#183
Ozymandias
This from Wikipedia: “A hallmark, is a mark or series of marks struck on items”. Could the writer of the note, or those who run and own the apartments, be the actual perpetrator(s) of the deeply disturbed carved writings? Said writer(s) is trying to deflect attention from his ‘dethpicable’ and dastardly deeds? The Hallmark House of Horrors?
Nov 9, 2007 at 11:07 am rating: 90
#184
morpho aurora
escalating from tables to everywhere -maybe the note’s mention of homeland security prevented this:
http://englishrussia.com/?p=1583
Nov 9, 2007 at 1:37 pm rating: 90
#185
renton
Hallmark House… when you care enough to send the very best passive-aggressive notes.
Nov 22, 2007 at 8:52 am rating: 90
#186 just trying to “keep austin weird”
[...] local color you won’t find in those glass-and-steel towers, such as 1) the building’s property manager, a character known for his impassioned screeds about everything from trash cans to expired vehicle [...]
Apr 8, 2008 at 1:45 pm rating: 90
#187
alexandervnhc
vfDSPV dvhjfdgsrter http://sdfkjserf.com
Feb 15, 2009 at 11:46 pm rating: 90
#188 filthy, and very nasty
[...] related: be informed, homeland security will be [...]
Apr 21, 2009 at 6:00 pm rating: 90
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