Writes Joe in Van Nuys, California: “Dave has been upset because people have been drinking his tea. Apparently, he was unaware of other potential Daves in the office. Next time, maybe he should clarify?”
related: Who’s the smartass?
The International Brotherhood of Daves
April 16th, 2009 · 161 comments
FILED UNDER: California · most popular notes of 2009 · office fridge · rebuttals · stealing · tea
161 responses so far ↓
#1
crackjob
“Daves 4 Life!!!” is my new everything.
Apr 16, 2009 at 4:40 pm rating: 90
#2
Shadow Lurker
…And Dave was instantly crushed, finally coming to the realization that, despite his Mom’s constant assurance, he is not, in fact, special….
Apr 16, 2009 at 4:42 pm rating: 90
#3
anglophile
My name’s anything you want it to be, honey.
Apr 16, 2009 at 4:44 pm rating: 90
#4
jb
These are the Daves I know, I know, these are the Daves I know.
Apr 16, 2009 at 4:46 pm rating: 90
#5
Mark
Dave’s not here.
Apr 16, 2009 at 4:54 pm rating: 90
#6
Bunnee
I’ll bet that guy from Wendy’s is pissed he didn’t get in the free drinks club.
Apr 16, 2009 at 4:57 pm rating: 90
#7
zenvelo
Dave Lipton wants to know who’s messin’ with his tea….maybe Dave Green!
Apr 16, 2009 at 4:58 pm rating: 90
#8
Mishee™
I’m Mrs. Dave… does that count?
Apr 16, 2009 at 5:01 pm rating: 90
#9
Jessica Bunny
I love it! I wish I could find a “Is your name Jessica?” label on some random food/drink!
Apr 16, 2009 at 5:05 pm rating: 90
#10
SuperMe
i don’t have the ability to produce enough laughter to sufficiently make fun of the Dave with the stolen drink.
Apr 16, 2009 at 5:11 pm rating: 90
#11
claw71
I know that theft is wrong and I go to great lengths to justify it with my free range lunch policy. Even though I think I give everybody in my office a fair shot at making good on their promise to eat their lunches by waiting until 12:45 to raid the fridge, I realize on some level that taking what is not mine, no matter how eloquently I rationalize it, is wrong.
I think about how I would feel if somebody imposed an arbitrary policy on me that allowed them to take things from me and I don’t like it.
Then I see note like this and I realize that most people simply have it coming. I’m not a thief at all, just an opportunistic predator doing my part to keep the natural order. Dave is weak, he is submissive and needs to learn that scribbling a simple question on some painters’ tape isn’t going to solve the problem. He either needs to accept his lot in life, or endeavor to change it. Eat or be eaten.
No, my name is not Dave but I’m thirsty and your drinks are cold. The world is a cruel place, Dave and I’m a survivor. I take what I need when I need it. That’s just the way it is. There’s no right, no wrong. It’s not personal, it’s Darwinian.
Apr 16, 2009 at 5:11 pm rating: 90
#12
lauren
I love this
I wish my name was Dave so I could drink too. I hope three more Daves take the other drinks and leave three more notes…
Apr 16, 2009 at 5:13 pm rating: 90
#13
QuarterRoy00
Dave #1 doesn’t actually say that only Dave’s should be drinking the tea…so I say it is still open for the taking for anyone!
Apr 16, 2009 at 5:14 pm rating: 90
#14
amy d
No. Is your name asshole?
Apr 16, 2009 at 5:14 pm rating: 90
#15
Geek Goddess
“Did I ever tell you that Mrs. McCave.
Had twenty-three sons, and she named them all Dave?”
Apr 16, 2009 at 5:18 pm rating: 90
#16
amy d
If I worked in this office, I would convince my co-workers to all come in the next day wearing t-shirts that have Dave written on them.
Apr 16, 2009 at 5:21 pm rating: 90
#17
Eric
Dave’s the late night custodian(or janitor if u wanna be a dick about it) that Dave doesn’t even know exists since he’s busy coping with his stolen duct-taped tea and having to work in The Valley.
Apr 16, 2009 at 5:29 pm rating: 90
#18
lightspeed
I’m on Team fake Daves. If Dave #1 was so upset that people are drinking his tea, why does he put multiple ones in there and tape off half a shelf of a communal fridge. You’re hogging that much space and not a quick learner? Then learn to share bitch.
Apr 16, 2009 at 5:32 pm rating: 90
#19
mamason
I don’t understand why people even use the communal fridge at work. I have never worked anyplace where the fridge was anything more than an overgrown petri dish that smelled as if claw had been trapping his farts in the crisper.
Apr 16, 2009 at 5:49 pm rating: 90
#20
80sChild
It was clearly Alvin of Chipmunks fame. He’s always screwing around with Dave’s stuff.
Any child of the 80s would know that.
Apr 16, 2009 at 5:53 pm rating: 90
#21
Jake
Yay! Stealing is fun!
Apr 16, 2009 at 5:59 pm rating: 90
#22
aaa
My friends’ dad’s name is Dave. Does that mean I can get him to get free communal Lipton green tea for me? I mean, I like the beverage well enough, just not enough to pay $1.25.
Apr 16, 2009 at 6:12 pm rating: 90
#23
aaa
See, I don’t have this problem since I’ve never run across another aaa. (Well, a person, at least. The American Anthropological Association and the people who’ll tow your car when it craps out don’t count.) I mean, people do often get me confused with the wrestler Triple-H, but at least he doesn’t put his bottled green tea in the fridge at work.
Apr 16, 2009 at 6:32 pm rating: 90
#24
agatha christie
My name’s not Dave and I don’t like Lipton green tea beverages, but I’ll steal one for the simple fact that Dave #1 wasted blue painter’s tape to show everyone in the office that he’s a selfish douche hat. That shit is expensive!
Apr 16, 2009 at 6:40 pm rating: 90
#25
oi!
Why do u think that? Do I look like self righteous retard? I am brad. nice to meet you. and yeah thanks for the tea.
Apr 16, 2009 at 7:15 pm rating: 90
#26
GoldenHomie
It’s true… Daves do kick ass. See, e.g., Dave Grohl (whose badassness extends to any instrument that could imaginably be in a rock band including the piano).
Apr 16, 2009 at 8:54 pm rating: 90
#27
ClearlyDemented
I hate Dave for the following reasons:
A) He obviously is one of those earth-hating republicans, doing his part to prove he, as a human, has the right to waste as much plastic as he darn well pleases.
2) He’s a horrible marketer. If you’re going to take the time to tape bottles together, at least face them properly.
7) He could have done without all this drama by simply opening each bottle and taking a swig. No one ever steals ‘used’ drinks. (Obviously, the chocolate milk’s owner employs this method.)
D) One word: variety. I know green tea is good for you, Dave, but just because your mom stocks cases of it it in your basement doesn’t mean you have to suckle on it all day.
Apr 16, 2009 at 8:54 pm rating: 90
#28
Katsuya Kaiba
No, but I’ve been to the “Republic of Dave” in Fallout 3, does that count?
http://fallout.wikia.com/wiki/Republic_of_Dave
Apr 16, 2009 at 8:57 pm rating: 90
#29
Canthz_B
I think writing “Dave’s specimen” would do the trick next time.
Apr 16, 2009 at 9:05 pm rating: 90
#30
Shazbot
The Dave Conspiracy strikes again!
Apr 16, 2009 at 9:46 pm rating: 90
#31
hibousoir
Hello, Dave! You wanna buy some pegs, Dave?
Apr 16, 2009 at 9:48 pm rating: 90
#32
mare
Now that WAS funny!
Apr 16, 2009 at 10:02 pm rating: 90
#33
Canthz_B
I don’t know what Dave’s worried about.
HAL doesn’t even drink tea.
Apr 16, 2009 at 10:19 pm rating: 90
#34
Canthz_B
Dave used to be a really gregarious person. His personality has steadily soured since the day his buddy Dan failed to qualify for the 1992 Olympic Games.
He still has a Bronze Medal and a huge collection of Reeboks though.
Apr 16, 2009 at 10:36 pm rating: 90
#35
Evangeline
Thats too damn funny.
Apr 16, 2009 at 10:45 pm rating: 90
#36
Bcteagirl
No, my name is not even close to Dave. But what is produced by Lipton is now where near tea either, so it all works out.
Apr 16, 2009 at 11:51 pm rating: 90
#37
shel
That lipton tea was unitard worthy!
Apr 17, 2009 at 12:22 am rating: 90
#38
Canthz_B
That fridge is filthy!!!
Oh, wait…that’s my screen!
Apr 17, 2009 at 12:51 am rating: 90
#39
Canthz_B
Given the tons of carbon emissions involved in producing and delivering by truck Lipton Green Tea, I don’t think it’s very realistic to call it “Green”.
Apr 17, 2009 at 12:54 am rating: 90
#40
Brainsmmm...nevermind
Speaking of people with the name Dave….it reminds me of one of my Uncle’s favorite limericks:
“There once was a man named Dave
Who found a dead woman in a cave.
Oh what the hell,
I’ll get used to the smell.
And think of the money I’ll save.”
Apr 17, 2009 at 1:00 am rating: 90
#41
Canthz_B
They say that Green Tea is good for you, so Black Tea must be even better…it’s much more experienced.
Apr 17, 2009 at 1:04 am rating: 90
#42
Rhiannon847
Once you go black, you never go back…does that apply with green as well?
Apr 17, 2009 at 1:24 am rating: 90
#43
Anniee451
So are those Dave’s urine samples for company drug tests or what?
Apr 17, 2009 at 3:29 am rating: 90
#44
Grimfool
Dave #1 — or perhaps Dave #2 — should put up another sign: “Dave knows which of these bottles is really fecal mist. Are you Dave?”
Apr 17, 2009 at 4:47 am rating: 90
#45
Kainenchen
Team Dave!
Apr 17, 2009 at 9:24 am rating: 90
#46
DearJane
Maybe Dave was merely conducting a poll to see how many people in the office were named dave. He quickly bypassed the company bullitin board, his question would surely get lost in between requests for the names of competent babysitters and interoffice memos on proper office dress, figured a mass email would just hit the spam box and finally inspiration hit.. The fridge! Of course! Everyone uses the fridge! Armed with his eye-catching blue painters tape, his query would be quickly answered, right after lunch!
Apr 17, 2009 at 9:32 am rating: 90
#47
Andy
Dave, you are one thirsty, rhetorical question asking motherfucker.
Apr 17, 2009 at 12:59 pm rating: 90
#48
Andy
*Undoes belt. Drops pants. Pulls down undies. Cranes neck and stretches elastic*
Nope, says here I’m Mommy’s specially little man.
Apr 17, 2009 at 1:07 pm rating: 90
#49
Stuff Queer People Need To Know
That is so funny. Serves him right that there was someone else named Dave. Ha Ha.
http://stuffqueerpeopleneedtoknow.wordpress.com/
Apr 17, 2009 at 1:49 pm rating: 90
#50
Eric
Dave had to change his name when he joined with The Brotherhood. Being named after a Jew king just didn’t go over too well. And then of course there’s all those non-whites named Dave. It never ends!!
Is your name Ralf?
Apr 17, 2009 at 2:55 pm rating: 90
#51
miss
my dad’s name is dave. sins of the father, anyone?
unfortunately lipton green tea kinda tastes like dirt.
guess thats what they mean by “natural” flavor, in which case claw’s fridge farts are au natural too.
Apr 17, 2009 at 2:59 pm rating: 90
#52
The Commish
DAVES POR VIDA Y-QUE! Chale, holmes. Daves para siempre. Ch-ow.
Apr 17, 2009 at 7:26 pm rating: 90
#53
Belinda
passiveagressivesabotage.com
Apr 17, 2009 at 11:13 pm rating: 90
#54
Julia
Haha, the second note writer is such a douchebag, but it’s something I would totally do just to fuck with someone.
I haven’t lived in a place yet where stuff didn’t go missing from the shared fridge, so I just had to learn to live with warm drinks and non-perishables. Perhaps Dave needs to do the same, at least while he’s at work.
Apr 18, 2009 at 3:14 am rating: 90
#55
Remwen
So…I wonder why Dave has to keep three teas in the office fridge?
In the event of a lockdown, he may not have access to the rest of the food, but at least he’ll have his tea with the painters’ tape.
Apr 18, 2009 at 7:58 am rating: 90
#56
TheOldSchool
OMG, I’d be, like, soooooo embarrassed right now if my name was Dave.
Apr 18, 2009 at 12:36 pm rating: 90
#57
Jenn
These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
David Hoffman
He works in my dad’s store
He’s worked here for 12 years
He’ll probably work here for more
These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
Dave Gort
I’ve known since I was six
In grade eight he broke his leg
So we got drunk and sick
These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
Some of them are Davids
But most of us are Daves
They all have their own hands
But they come from different moms
These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
Dave Jadiski
Man, this cat can swing
He weighs almost 50 pounds
And he delivers my paper on time
These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
Dave Capisano
I hardly know him
…
These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
Apr 18, 2009 at 11:49 pm rating: 90
#58
ummmmheyyyy
My response via note would be
‘We’re soda bottles, Dave. We don’t HAVE names. Geez, and you said you went to college… ‘
Apr 19, 2009 at 9:25 am rating: 90
#59
GK
“I’m afraid I can’t let you drink that, Dave.”
Apr 20, 2009 at 9:30 am rating: 90
#60
DAVE ID
Wasn’t me, I’m not liking the tea. I steal the coca-cola at the office
Apr 23, 2009 at 7:26 pm rating: 90
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