From the department of disgruntled baristas

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September 30th, 2009 · 189 comments

Writes Tim: “I work at one of the better specialty coffee shops in Portland, Oregon. Some people come in knowing that we can prepare a fantastic drink, but don’t actually know what they like or how to order it. And sometimes these people decide to write a note expressing their displeasure instead of simply asking us to remake their drink.”

Adds Tim: “For the record, these two women ordered a 16 oz. caramel latte and a 16 oz. mocha, which are certainly going to be sweeter and less espresso-forward drinks than our more traditional, non-flavored drinks. And if these two actually visited regularly, they would also know that we don’t have 16 oz. ceramic mugs, which means all 16 oz. drinks are served in paper cups.”

So there.

related: An extra bold request

FILED UNDER: coffee · cranky barista · Portland

189 responses so far ↓

#1 MAMARILLA2

Ah, the joys of living against a name brand…

Sep 30, 2009 at 9:59 pm rating: 90

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- #1.1 Alyssa Myers
  
  What’s funny is that she sounds like a Starbucks customer!!!
  
  Oct 2, 2009 at 12:23 am rating: 90
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#2 pony girl

such nice handwriting for a snarky, pretentious bitch

Sep 30, 2009 at 9:59 pm rating: 90

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- #2.1 Jynical
  
  Almost TOO nice.
  
  Sep 30, 2009 at 10:17 pm rating: 90
- #2.2 mandy
  
  my thoughts exactly
  
  Sep 30, 2009 at 10:46 pm rating: 90
- #2.3 oi!
  
  How did she write so neatly on the curved surface?
  Did she carefully drained the cup down the toilet and keep it on side to jot down that message with sharpie?
  truly caffeine devotee.
  btw is there any kind of restriction on flushing down caffeinated beverages?
  .
  
  Sep 30, 2009 at 11:03 pm rating: 90
- #2.4 MAMARILLA2
  
  Oh honey, she drank it all up before she started her little paper tirade.
  
  Sep 30, 2009 at 11:24 pm rating: 90
- #2.5 JetJackson
  
  Snarky, pretentious bitches are my type…
  
  I want her to write passive aggressive notes all over my back about how next time I had better lift my game…
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 12:37 am rating: 90
- #2.6 park rose
  
  True, true. Your tackle’s been a little bit on the deflated side lately, JJ.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 1:13 am rating: 90
- #2.7 T imo®
  
  Dear snarky, pretentious bitch,
  Suck it!
  
  Regards,
  Barista Tim
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 9:49 am rating: 90
- #2.8 T.U.M.
  
  If she’d gotten that second shot in her coffee, her hands would have been shaking too badly to write on the cup.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 10:28 am rating: 90
- #2.9 Car RamRod
  
  I would have given her a second shot of “something” in her coffee…
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 5:46 pm rating: 90
- #2.10 Claire
  
  I live in Portland. I’m not surprised. We’re known for our snarky, pretentious bitches.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 6:44 pm rating: 90
- #2.11 JetJackson
  
  Really? Portland here I come!
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 7:56 pm rating: 90
- #2.12 Tabayag
  
  I actually thought it just looked like a snarky, pretentious bitch’s handwriting.
  
  Oct 3, 2009 at 2:00 pm rating: 90
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#3 nina

west coasters are weird about coffee.

Sep 30, 2009 at 9:59 pm rating: 90

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- #3.1 leftfoot
  
  not just west coasters. I’m on the east coast (about to make the move west, tho) and I’m terrible particular about my coffee. I actually drive 20 minutes out of my way because I’ve finally found someone who makes a fantastic latte and actually asked how many shots I wanted the first time I was a customer – and haven’t forgotten since. I tip the HELL out of them.
  
  Sep 30, 2009 at 10:02 pm rating: 90
- #3.2 Meesh
  
  You’ll fit right in over there.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 8:34 am rating: 90
- #3.3 oi
  
  I don’t know about East coast but i gurantee you here in west coast even with the recepie in big ass fonts stuck in front of them, they can’t make it right. i am talking about those chain stores. No sir they don’t what they are doing.
  I don’t know about you but I would rather pay less money and get good coffee without extra helping of attitude.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 10:47 am rating: 90
- #3.4 Kelly
  
  And not just about coffee.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 5:38 pm rating: 90
- #3.5 Car RamRod
  
  It’s just fucking coffee! I’ll admit, some tastes better than the others, but let’s remember, the aim is just to mainline caffeine so one can wake up in the morning and go to work. So I’d rather have a strong cup of black coffee sludge that tastes like ass than a weak one that tastes like rainbows. Hell, in the army I just poured instant coffee packets in my mouth and swigged a little water. That’ll put hair on your chest, but it’ll also wake you right up.
  
  Now I can dig it if you wanna sit down in a trendy coffee shop and sip on some strange creation that’s coffee based and has some flamboyant, foreign-sounding name whilst typing away on your laptop, pretending to write a novel. To each their own. But why must people be so insane and picky about a simple beverage?
  
  On the other hand, this douche who submitted it deserves anything he gets. Anyone who refers to themselves as a ‘barista’ should be violated by a bear with HIV.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 5:54 pm rating: 90
- #3.6 analogeyser
  
  Dude,
  
  What did Yogi or BooBoo ever do to you ? Scratch that…maybe I really don’t wanna know.
  
  True, the earlier in the day (or the sooner after waking up) we’re talking coffee, the greater the chance that caffeine is the operative ingredient.
  
  I’ve got a Krups espresso rig that retails for around $200 that I picked up on Ebay for $22 including shipping. It makes a killer mocha…but at 6:30 A-fuckin’-em, I’m not in the mood for the assembly/cleaning required, so it’s over to the drip/filter machine that came on automatically at 5:45 for a few cups of the EZ and fast drugs. Mocha-hontas can wait ’til afternoon.
  
  Taster’s Choice and good old agua, sounds harsh to drug wimps, but I can see doing it. Just be glad you weren’t born British and had to gargle Lipton’s instant or a face full of leaves and scalding British tap water…
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 6:37 pm rating: 90
- #3.7 Powdered Toastman
  
  The real problem here is not the coffee. The underlying reason this note was written by the two Portland Coffee drinking wenches is that they are bingers and purgers. They use their coffee trots in the morning to get the job done instead of laxatives. This 16 oz. binge fest (and lets face it who needs a grande or venti) did not create the desired results. Loss of a 5 pounder that morning. Please put 3 shots in next time.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 8:37 pm rating: 90
- #3.8 jayco
  
  more specifically, pacific northwesterners are weird about their/our coffee. and i’m a snarky pretentious bitch.
  
  Oct 4, 2009 at 9:59 pm rating: 90
- #3.9 HugsandKisses101
  
  Car RamRod–
  
  Tim (the ‘douche’ who submitted this) never referred to himself as a barista. It was the title given to the submission by admin.
  
  But, leave it to Portlanders to write a novel instead of making a complaint. We are nothing if not overly considerate and willing to go the ‘extra mile’.
  
  Viva la NW!!
  
  Oct 10, 2009 at 9:48 pm rating: 90
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#4 pony girl

So, it’s easier to write a novel on the side of a cup than to go back to the counter and request an add’l shot of espresso to pour into said cup??

Sep 30, 2009 at 10:03 pm rating: 90

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- #4.1 Clarissa
  
  Yeah, but it’s because people like them that PAN lives strong and healthy.
  
  Sep 30, 2009 at 10:20 pm rating: 90
- #4.2 MAMARILLA2
  
  God forbid that someone see them actually complaining in an adult fashion. Then what would we do with all our down time at work?
  
  Sep 30, 2009 at 10:37 pm rating: 90
- #4.3 not me!
  
  At least they had decent grammar, punctuation, and handwriting…. There aren’t any pink tool-doodles or outright aggression.
  
  I’m pretty impressed by all those attributes, AND it’s written on a side of a cup. I can only dream of achieving such PA form.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 4:27 pm rating: 90
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#5 jc

That latte was NOT fucking delicious!

Sep 30, 2009 at 10:04 pm rating: 90

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#6 leftfoot

I kind of side with the coffee complainers about the mochas on this one. Most people don’t know how to balance the espresso with the flavor added. My favorite flavored coffee is a white chocolate raspberry latte. And yes, I still want to taste the coffee. That’s why I ordered a coffee, asshole baristas.

It’s rare to find baristas that aren’t snooty, up their own ass and total bitches and I don’t think the barista who sent this in was one of those precious few.

Sep 30, 2009 at 10:05 pm rating: 90

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- #6.1 pony girl
  
  Wow, where do you live? I’ve only encountered 1 snooty, bitchy barista here. Guess I’ve been lucky.
  
  Sep 30, 2009 at 10:13 pm rating: 90
- #6.2 leftfoot
  
  pony girl, I live in Florida. If I can’t make it to my favorite place, I have to get it in the arts district and the girls there are all so into themselves anyway, so it’s not surprising.
  
  Sep 30, 2009 at 10:28 pm rating: 90
- #6.3 pony girl
  
  leftfoot,
  Ah, the “I’m just working here until I get discovered, or meet a rich man to take me away from all this” syndrome.
  Gotcha.
  I mostly just feel sorry for those chicks.
  
  Sep 30, 2009 at 10:36 pm rating: 90
- #6.4 MAMARILLA2
  
  I call that pretentious entitlement, not restricted to barristas…I have actually seen this attitude on a Denny’s waitress..She didn’t last long.
  
  Sep 30, 2009 at 10:47 pm rating: 90
- #6.5 The Real Meh, The Great Meh, The Blue Meh
  
  Yet another trip into the wonderous little world of leftfoot. Let’s not forget that being entirely too particular about coffee definately comes across as very snooty as well. In my wonderous little world, when I go to an establishment such as these and order a house blend, black, or a plain hot tea and tip them a bit, I am looked at like some sort of barista messiah that will actually be grateful of the luxury of enjoying a cup of coffee and will drink what is presented to me without complaining. Man, I suppose us midwesterners are so far behind.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 12:07 am rating: 90
- #6.6 Snuff Lick
  
  Bubba, ain’t no supposin’ about the behind…just some uncertainty ’bout how far behind “so” might be.
  
  But fret not that you’re currently a mere tailback running behind the blocking of the pulling avant-Guard that *is* Florida.
  
  Fashions and tastes are like that old Joni Mitchell song, and before you know it a house blend, black will be known as a “Cafe au Meh” in all the trendy hip-wah-zee hangouts.
  
  Walking it to the condiment bar and dumping in two packets of mutant pink sweetener will be the new, chromosomal version of Trainspotting.
  
  So, when, as Peter Marshall says, “the circle gets the square”, get ready to lead a fancy-free nation…somewhere.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 1:30 am rating: 90
- #6.7 The Real Meh, The Great Meh, The Blue Meh
  
  Well Mirium (see what I did there? I gave you and old Jewish lady’s name. You know, because of Florida), I would have assumed that if Florida was so cutting-edge and fashion-forward that hand-knitted sweaters would be in and oxygen masks would be the hot new accessory (look at me! I did it again! How witty am I?).
  
  Also, I had no idea that preferring coffee black made one an old, conservative robot that fears change as much as young people with facial piercings. I guess my case sets the precedent that 23-year-old-liberal-black-coffee-fans are the new 65-year-old-Bill-O’reilly-fans.
  
  Believe me, I would prefer if gratitude was know as “reconnaissance”, rather than “non existant”, which was the theme of my original post, but go on ahead with your cutsie rhetoric towards where I come from and it’s associated steriotypes. And here I was thinking that generalizations and poor reading comprehension were frowned upon by those of the post-modern movement.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 3:30 am rating: 90
- #6.8 anglophile
  
  We don’t have baristas in Wisconsin. We just call them “coffee shop workers”.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 5:46 am rating: 90
- #6.9 unholyghost2003
  
  Because I too can be picky about my coffee … I brew my own damn coffee in my own damn kitchen from the beans that I ground my damn self!
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 7:15 am rating: 90
- #6.10 T imo®
  
  I get my coffee from a guy named Kevin. That is it, no stupid assumed title.
  If you ask for something with tons o’ shit in it you don’t taste the bean. So be an adult and order an extra shot. If that isn’t possible please please please use more clip art style drawings in your P-A diatribe next time.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 9:56 am rating: 90
- #6.11 Snuff Lick
  
  So, Murray….
  
  Haven’t lived in Florida since before Kennedy was elected.
  Didn’t seem hip to me then and doubt it would now.
  Nice touch with the oxygen masks, rilly.
  
  You may have slipped a rhetorical gear when instead of “hassle-free customer” you chose “messiah”.
  
  Here’s your original post:
  1) Snark @ Leftfoot…he’s dumb
  2) people who would dare send a complicated coffee back to the pro’s who specialize in complicated coffees are dumb…like Leftfoot
  3) I am cool because I order simple stuff from people who can make complicated stuff
  3a) Revise “cool” to “much like a Second Coming of something ultra-cool”
  4) By saying I’m uncool I’m emphasizing how utterly cool I actually am
  
  Since you are the one who is:
  … looked at like some sort of barista messiah that will actually be grateful of the luxury of enjoying a cup of coffee…
  seems like you could have changed “gratitude” to anything you wanted all by your lonesome, so….
  
  Where did you imagine the “reconnaissance” angle got communicated ?
  
  Got done with po-mo about the time Saint Reagan the Forgetful got elected.
  
  Feel encouraged to reply.
  
  Your correspondent,
  Not Nearly the Messiah
  (or even a messiah)
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 11:01 am rating: 90
- #6.12 GhostWriter
  
  I am still trying to locate an “arts district” in Florida- is that the street where they sell conch shells with those Geico eyes glued on them?
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 11:53 am rating: 90
- #6.13 springs eternal
  
  Like, do they have any signs there that say PA stuff like “You break it, you bought it” or threats against unattended children ? If so, send ‘em in, OK?
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 7:26 pm rating: 90
- #6.14 Barista L
  
  There is a certain way to make a drink. You don’t just get to throw whatever in at your own pleasure. So, please, don’t blame baristas. We’re given recipes, we carry out said recipes.
  
  If you want your own special coffee and no one else makes it right, make it yourself. Since it seems like everyone else is so inept.
  
  - Barista
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 8:25 pm rating: 90
- #6.15 Neeners
  
  Barista Schmarista don’t they still make minimum even if they have a fancy schmancy name?
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 8:32 pm rating: 90
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#7 Gittel

Oh the lovelies of portland coffee pretention. So accurately describes the people i moved away from!

Sep 30, 2009 at 10:05 pm rating: 90

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- #7.1 pony girl
  
  Portland Coffee Pretension.
  That would be a great name for a coffee shop.
  dangit, somone’s gonna steal my idea and make millions.
  bastards!!
  
  Sep 30, 2009 at 10:46 pm rating: 90
- #7.2 JetJackson
  
  Calling yourself PCP might not attract the intended crowd…
  
  Sep 30, 2009 at 11:53 pm rating: 90
- #7.3 flying fish
  
  Nah, the hipsters would probably like that. They’d feel so cool saying “Let’s get some PCP”
  
  dangit,
  someone IS going to steal my idea.
  (oh, it’s me, i couldn’t figure out how, well, forget it. depending on the browser, i have a different name)
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 12:13 am rating: 90
- #7.4 pony girl
  
  see, this is lame.
  i may lose touch with reality.
  i’ll try to just stick to firefox.
  
  and, btw: I totally call dibs on Portland Coffee Pretension. Anyone opens up a coffee shop by that name, I get free drinks for life!
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 12:18 am rating: 90
- #7.5 JetJackson
  
  They would feel cool until you actually put PCP in their coffee leading them to gouge their own eyeballs out. Bloody hipsters!
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 12:52 am rating: 90
- #7.6 park rose
  
  Could you come up with a cornea joke?
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 1:17 am rating: 90
- #7.7 JetJackson
  
  No more corn than that… your deflated call back is gold though…
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 1:46 am rating: 90
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#8 parlagame

I am so glad I don’t live in Portland.

Sep 30, 2009 at 10:09 pm rating: 90

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- #8.1 T imo®
  
  I liked the news item where the coffee hut girls were charged with prostitution.
  Naked chicks and hot coffee first thing in the morning = awesome.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 10:00 am rating: 90
- #8.2 Mark
  
  We have that “problem” near Seattle, too.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 10:50 am rating: 90
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#9 kati

i live in portland and this just cracks me up, it is so classic.

the funniest thing was the starbucks ad that was at the bottom of this post on my google reader

Sep 30, 2009 at 10:17 pm rating: 90

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#10 pa coffegirl

Ugh! I love it when people come into my coffee shop and order a mocha with no espresso but demand that it not be a hot chocolate. The best is when they order in Starbucks terms.

Sep 30, 2009 at 10:18 pm rating: 90

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- #10.1 Meesh
  
  Oh noes! The baristas are judging me! How will I sleep at night?!
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 8:26 am rating: 90
- #10.2 Car RamRod
  
  Yea, on the rare occasion I need a coffee and the only thing nearby is a Starbucks, I refuse to succumb to their bullshit measurement scale. What the fuck ever happened to just a large black coffee? The entire pop terminology that has arisen in the coffee industry disgusts me. You don’t sound cool or edgy cause you say things in a strange, butchered mix of spanish and italian. You just sound sad and pathetic.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 6:08 pm rating: 90
- #10.3 Whole Latte Love
  
  For anyone wanting a magic decoder ring…
  
  http://www.quicksilverweb.net/sbucks/sbcharts.htm
  
  Yeah, CRR, it always bothered me that Starbucks’ small size is called “Tall”.
  
  After checking out the link site, it turns out that they actually have a smaller size (not on the menu??), but you have to ask for it correctly…and of course it’s not called “Small”, but”Short”.
  
  Bottoms up!
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 8:00 pm rating: 90
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#11 Jorge Barnes

I’m guessing “next time” they’ll be getting a more loogie-forward drink.

Sep 30, 2009 at 10:22 pm rating: 90

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- #11.1 TheOldSchool
  
  Another cup of cough-ee.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 11:04 am rating: 90
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#12 MAMARILLA2

It still costs 4 to 7 $$ a cup. I am so glad I know how to make my own coffee at home.

Sep 30, 2009 at 10:25 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #12.1 pony girl
  
  mmmm, yeah, I love my home coffee the most. I’m thinking of having a civil ceremony with my french press.
  
  Sep 30, 2009 at 10:39 pm rating: 90
- #12.2 j
  
  cuz it is soooooooo hard. man, those percolators ‘n shizz are like totally space age.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 3:56 pm rating: 90
- #12.3 pony girl
  
  j,
  um, not sure what you said.
  
  I’ve had percolators and drip coffee makers in the past.
  my french press just makes better tasting coffee.
  plus, I can have coffee even when the power goes out, since I have a gas stove.
  plus, i save money on coffee filters
  oh, and I don’t think I’d care for any shizz in my coffee.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 4:51 pm rating: 90
- #12.4 jenocide
  
  I’m always a bit overzealous in my grinding of beans, and end up with swampy coffee when I use my french press. If only I had the gentle touch required for ‘coarse grind’!
  
  Oct 3, 2009 at 1:33 am rating: 90
- #12.5 pony girl
  
  jenocide,
  Yeah, it takes some practice. i used to do that as well. kinda difficult to pull off that task without the first cup of coffee. i started doing the grinding the night before, that helped!
  there are grinders available, btw, that have different settings, so you don’t have to worry about that.
  of course, you need electricity for that. so you’d be out of luck during a power outage.
  
  Oct 3, 2009 at 2:40 am rating: 90
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#13 Buck

Yet another reason that we should institute death panels for the people who consider themselves “coffee connoisseurs” and spend all their time hanging out in coffee shops pretending to be tragically trendy. I say this bitch goes first!

Sep 30, 2009 at 10:26 pm rating: 90

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- #13.1 harmonicpies
  
  or is that trendily tragic?
  
  Sep 30, 2009 at 10:54 pm rating: 90
- #13.2 The Real Meh, The Great Meh, The Blue Meh
  
  Tal vez prefieres trágicamente de moda?
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 12:13 am rating: 90
- #13.3 Teatro del ab sur
  
  Quiza modernamente tragico
  
  O puede ser tragicamente al dia
  
  ¡los intelectuales del mundo, únase!
  
  ustedes no tienen nada para perder, pero sus yemas de huevo
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 2:02 am rating: 90
- #13.4 Clarissa
  
  Yemas de huevo y café en polvo.
  
  Rimó…
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 7:58 am rating: 90
- #13.5 The Real Meh, The Great Meh, The Blue Meh
  
  No me gustan huevos verdes y jamón.
  A mi no me gustan, Samuel-yo-soy.
  No los comeré en el coche, ni el tren, ni avión.
  No los comeré en el oscuro.
  No los comeré con tiburón.
  No me gustan huevos verdes y jamón.
  A mi no me gustan, Samuel-yo-soy.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 8:55 am rating: 90
- #13.6 Clarissa
  
  A ver…
  
  Talvez arroz con pollo te agrade un poco más.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 9:11 am rating: 90
- #13.7 Teatro del ab sur
  
  Apologies to any descendants of Sen. Stevenson…
  “de huevo” was unnecessary and probably misleading.
  
  Clarissa…soon to open shows for Chingo Bling. Eschuchenle.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 10:08 am rating: 90
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#14 marpolejoel

Meh…’extra large double double, please’…I hope I don’t mess up on their FcDonalds #2 meal tonight…

Sep 30, 2009 at 10:30 pm rating: 90

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#15 becstar

Two shots is Portland standard, eh? Is that a city ordinance? Is there a by-law? If so, am mightily impressed with your coffee standards, Portland!

Sep 30, 2009 at 10:37 pm rating: 90

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#16 The Queen of Chaos

absolutely fantastic Tim!

(from someone who has lived in Portland for over 20 yrs)

Sep 30, 2009 at 10:39 pm rating: 90

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#17 bowloftoast

I’d heard of Portland’s double stand ard, but thought it was just urban myth.

Sep 30, 2009 at 10:51 pm rating: 90

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#18 Ralph

While I can understand the annoyance of being greeted with a note like that, who in their right mind asks people of the food sector to “remake” their orders? That’s like saying “Excuse me, mine didn’t come with enough bodily fluids. Please add a couple tablespoons of mucus, move things around a bit with your bare hands to make it look like a new order, and don’t forget to heat it in the microwave for a few seconds to fool me into thinking it was done just now, and to keep the germs viable.”

Sep 30, 2009 at 11:00 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #18.1 pony girl
  
  I always ask for an extra shot when I order. Twice I’ve sipped it, and I could tell they had forgotten to add the extra shot. I just went back and asked for a shot, and i put it into my cup myself.
  No risk of bodily-fluids that way.
  
  Sep 30, 2009 at 11:08 pm rating: 90
- #18.2 MAMARILLA2
  
  They’re regulars, according to the back story, so even without putting their name to the offending accusations, they might still be subject to the expressions of the rest of the coffeehouse staff.
  
  Sep 30, 2009 at 11:08 pm rating: 90
- #18.3 alexa
  
  as a cook (and a barista), I have to object to the statement about remakes. not every restaurant is like the one in “Waiting”. A good majority of us have a lot of pride in the food we put out, and while it does suck to have to remake food, we would never compromise the quality of the product we send out of our kitchens, even if the customer is a picky, pretentious jerk.
  
  Sep 30, 2009 at 11:51 pm rating: 90
- #18.4 beanster
  
  i’ve never defiled a complainer’s order, and lord there have been plenty of excuses to.
  
  for example, the woman who comes in daily, ordering a “large cappuccino in a paper cup, more milk, less foam, with a small cup full of just foam, lids off both with lots of cinnamon. i used to get cocoa AND cinnamon but you changed the type of cocoa you use so now just lot’s of cinnamon. is allison here? can she make it?” and then complains when it is “wrong”. ma’am, we can’t get your drink wrong because it is not a drink. while we make it for you because we like to give customers what they want, you can’t invent something ludicrous that entitles you to twice the product for a lower price and then give me attitude because i’m not pleased about it.
  
  but i never spit in it. not even once.
  (i have made drinks with skim milk if the customer is both rude and physically unfit, or used extra cream for skinny bitchers.)
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 11:16 am rating: 90
- #18.5 Bex
  
  I used to give the jerk customers decaf.
  
  Oct 2, 2009 at 9:58 am rating: 90
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#19 harmonicpies

“Expresso-forward”? If baristas are adopting banal corporate buzzwords, they have lost all right to mock their customers.

Sep 30, 2009 at 11:07 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #19.1 TheOldSchool
  
  You also lose your right to mock what someone said, when you can’t accurately repeat the phrase that you’re mocking.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 12:25 am rating: 90
- #19.2 bowloftoast
  
  Speaking of banal corporate buzzwords, what the fuck does Barista (Italian for bartender) have to do with someone working in a coffeehouse in North America?
  The entirety of this invented ‘culture’ is corporate BS, created by some douchebags in Seattle in the late 80′s. The only thing worse is those who buy into it.
  If you’re going to squirt a bunch of unneccesarily fruity/chocolaty-high-fructose-corn-syrup-goo into a perfectly good cup of joe, you have zero right to complain when it ends up tasting like ass.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 12:51 am rating: 90
- #19.3 pony girl
  
  oh. Is that what ass tastes like? A caramel latte?
  If so, I may have to rethink my no ass-licking rule.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 1:50 am rating: 90
- #19.4 Top o' the Pops (almost)
  
  TOS,
  
  Rather than mocking “loogie-forward” @#11, I think harmonicpies is mocking Tim’s
  
  “for the record, these two women ordered a 16 oz. caramel latte and a 16 oz. mocha, which are certainly going to be sweeter and less espresso-forward drinks than our more traditional, non-flavored drinks…”
  
  from the text just below the picture.
  
  Pretty sure the phrase-repeat was a clean shoot.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 1:52 am rating: 90
- #19.5 The Commissioner's Orifice
  
  PG,
  
  Think you have it bass-ackwards.
  
  Ass tastes like a properly prepared (2 shot) mocha.
  
  Caramel lattes taste like the front side.
  
  We anxiously await your committee’s announcement of rule changes. Remember, replays are still available in slo-mo.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 2:15 am rating: 90
- #19.6 JPo
  
  @Bowloftoast:
  
  What people call “bars” in Italy aren’t like bars here. They’re mostly coffee shops that specialize in fancy coffee drinks or hot chocolates, but also have wine and liquors that people drink as aperitifs before or after dinner. They’re not places you would usually go to get trashed. So, it makes a little more sense that they would be called Baristas here. It sounds better than Coffee Bitch, anyway!
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 2:41 am rating: 90
- #19.7 Clarissa
  
  Espresso (italian) means: beverage made under high pressure of steam.
  
  Expresso (portuguese) is something made quickly.
  
  Just saying…
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 7:48 am rating: 90
- #19.8 The Real Meh, The Great Meh, The Blue Meh
  
  @JPo:
  
  It may sound better, but it sounds less honest.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 9:07 am rating: 90
- #19.9 bowloftoast
  
  JPo:
  
  I have spoken to some of my local Italian colleagues, one of whom is a roadside sanitation engineer, and another who is employed as a postal services technician, and they confirm your story.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 10:36 am rating: 90
- #19.10 GhostWriter
  
  Exprezzo: GWB, Clinton, etc…
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 11:21 am rating: 90
- #19.11 pony girl
  
  TCOrifice:
  
  I will give that deep consideration.
  
  Okay, the jury is still out.
  
  Because if that is caramel latte then I taste like peaches and vanilla.
  So, not sure if I can trust you on the whole ass tastes like 2 shot mocha thing.
  
  *sigh*
  I miss my boyfriend
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 2:56 pm rating: 90
- #19.12 The Commissioner's Orifice
  
  PG,
  
  Don’t consider it so deeply that ya gotta go to an ER to get it removed…
  then we’d have to put up with PAN from ER staff about hyper-caffeinated gerbils or some such…on second thought, well, use your own judgment !
  
  Did someone complain to you about peaches and vanilla? Heathens!
  
  Butt seriously, if the choices are mocha and caramel latte, well, the whiter, creamier one makes sense in front and the thicker, chocolatier one makes sense, as the CPA’s put it, in arrears.
  (Make a bumper sticker and neither of us will pay for coffee again.)
  
  Best wishes on the boyfriend thing. But if he’s long gone (or not returning anytime real soon), there’s probably a few baristas around town who could use some comforting after the trashing they’re getting here today.
  Plus, they can keep you up to your ears in caramel latte.
  
  I’d offer to help out, but I just come here for the humor.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 5:08 pm rating: 90
- #19.13 pony girl
  
  Thanks, but no worries.
  It shouldn’t be too difficult for me to find another emotionally-unavailable man to pretend to love me.
  
  I’ll get over it.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 6:17 pm rating: 90
- #19.14 harmonicpies
  
  @TOS & Pops, you’re both right. I was mocking Tim the Barista, but I also committed a felony typo on “espresso.” I humbly beg forgiveness.
  
  Can I still mock the posters?
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 7:47 pm rating: 90
- #19.15 The Commissioner's Orifice
  
  Hey, I’m not emotionally unavailable, I’m just happily married to a very territorial woman.
  
  She’d let us love each other to our hearts’ content…but she draws the line well in advance of the point where we’re scalding, frothing, and exchanging exotic syrups.
  
  At least your boyfriend isn’t from Ulan Bator…is he?
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 7:55 pm rating: 90
- #19.16 pony girl
  
  LOL.
  
  For the record, when I said another, I was referring to my boyfriend, not you. Not looking yet anyways. Think I’ll enjoy the peace and quiet for awhile.
  
  Ulan Bator? No, he’s from Texas.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 8:09 pm rating: 90
- #19.17 The Commissioner's Orifice
  
  PG,
  
  I got that you were referring to your boyfriend…
  just trying to extend the (hopefully) humorous riff.
  
  If/when you start looking, I hope you find something good.
  
  TX, you say?
  
  I have two brothers in Austin and a good friend in Vegas who used to be part of the Bill Hicks, Sam Kinnison, et al TX Outlaw Comics crowd.
  
  Some parts of TX…if I had a gone girlfriend from *some* parts of TX, then on the rebound I might be looking for a nice Mongolian woman.
  
  Ozona, Fort Stockton, Ulan Bator…son iguales mas o menos.
  
  Buena Suerte con todos,
  Da Commish
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 8:37 pm rating: 90
- #19.18 Top o' the Pops (almost)
  
  @ TOS
  
  Too late to edit #19.4, but not too late to say OOPS/sorry ’bout that.
  If I could apologize with a double-thumb I’d do it.
  
  Didn’t notice the expresso/espresso mismatch.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 8:45 pm rating: 90
- #19.19 pony girl
  
  Yeah,well, i wasn’t completely sure.
  new here and didn’t want to offend.
  Sorry to break the riff.
  
  I suck.
  
  Yeah, I’m in Austin. Bill Hicks is pretty much a god here, at least amongst most of the people I meet.
  
  My own fault anyways (boyfriend) I’ll try to be more careful next time.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 9:02 pm rating: 90
- #19.20 TheOldSchool
  
  TotP(a),
  
  When I read your earlier comment, I kinda figured that you missed it.
  
  I was traumatized at an early age by printers who would spell espresso, “expresso.”
  
  Lately, I sometimes still forget that most people do not view the use of this word as a highly targeted assault of soul-sickening brutality upon their eyeballs, as I do.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 9:57 pm rating: 90
- #19.21 TheOldSchool
  
  Harmonicpies,
  
  Mock on. I think you were the first to catch the corporate buzzword jargon.
  
  That was such an astute observation that I do believe I’ll still be clutching it within my cold, petrified, yet oddly prehensile heart, until the day finally comes when I’m finally stuffed, mounted, and lovingly hung over the fireplace in the den. (Hopefully, at that point, I’ll be dead.)
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 10:17 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#20 Clarissa

I don’t live in the US, so I have to ask: Is Portland all that bad?

Sep 30, 2009 at 11:29 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #20.1 Khubilai Con
  
  It’s not as bad as the mean streets of Ulan Bator, where insulted knife-wielding tea-baristas have been known to leap the counter to confront customers who were too busy talking on their cell phones to remember to specify that they wanted their Banshtai Tsai made with Airag rather than the traditional moo-juice. (And dude…as if you can blame them?)
  
  The cup-writer was a student who had spent two previous semesters at
  U. Mongolia. She had been about to go up and request a do-over on her mocha when her colleague pointed out that the barista’s name tag said, “Hi, my name is: Muunokhoi”, which roughly translates to “Vicious Dog”.
  
  Sure, we like to believe we’d just waltz right up and ask El Perro Bravo for an extra shot we forgot to mention…but when he’s from a no-nonsense town where the “He 6pocante mycop!” sign means exactly what it says, well, muchachos, as they say in Karachi, “Let he who is without Sindh…”
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 1:00 am rating: 90
- #20.2 unholyghost2003
  
  Or to just answer your question Clarissa,
  Portland is no worse (and no better) than any other large city with a big and influential art scene.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 7:26 am rating: 90
- #20.3 Clarissa
  
  Thx Sa… unholyghost2003.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 8:05 am rating: 90
- #20.4 bowloftoast
  
  Portland is just fine.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 10:33 am rating: 90
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#21 April

I used to live in the building next to Coffeehouse NW. They sometimes appeared to be snooty, but they are actually really, really nice and their coffee is fucking fantastic.

Oct 1, 2009 at 12:23 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#22 shwonline

Sorry, Timmy, but it’s not up to the customer to understand your store’s nuances. The note on the coffee cup is a bit douchey, but your attitude of “you’re a stupid customer who needs to adapt to our store’s superior coffee mojo” is ultra-douchey.

What a ret ard.

Oct 1, 2009 at 1:18 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #22.1 The Real Meh, The Great Meh, The Blue Meh
  
  Looks like someone doesn’t understand the demographic the target customer falls under. Also, for your own safety, you shouldn’t use that word around those from said demographic. That might get ugly.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 3:43 am rating: 90
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#23 ian in hamburg

So start serving your coffee in ceramic mugs, ffs!

Coffee in a paper cup is not worth drinking.

Oct 1, 2009 at 2:24 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #23.1 SARAH
  
  if i bring you my own mug, will you fill me up?
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 2:41 am rating: 90
- #23.2 Susannie
  
  I agree! “Better specialty coffee shops” should certainly serve coffee in proper mugs. Honestly..If they wanted paper cups they could just visit Starbucks!
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 3:12 am rating: 90
- #23.3 "Barista" Calvin
  
  Coffee in a 16oz cup is not worth drinking.
  
  so there
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 6:23 pm rating: 90
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#24 sexy_angelina

ahhahaha LOL

Oct 1, 2009 at 3:50 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#25 Susan

I am impressed she can write so neatly on the side of a cup. I can’t even do that on a notepad!

Oct 1, 2009 at 3:57 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#26 PortlandCoffeeDrinker

Funny thing is, I’ve had that same cup at Coffeehouse NW. It’s pre-printed on there. There are a bunch of funny cups.

Oct 1, 2009 at 5:08 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #26.1 GhostWriter
  
  I actually bought your line until I reread the note and was reminded that it mentions the coffee shop and Portland…
  
  But up to that point, I was giddy with prankishness.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 11:25 am rating: 90
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#27 neverfirst

Sounds like the servers (excuse me, baristas) and customers alike are passive aggressive.

Oct 1, 2009 at 6:32 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #27.1 Clarissa
  
  Aren’t we all?
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 7:15 am rating: 90
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#28 FoxtrotAlph

Meh, I must say…… I think the midwest is actually so indifferent to being ‘behind’ that we’re ahead of the game. I can’t believe people are still hanging out in coffee shops and over-analyzing their coffee concoctions, that is so 1990.
This is basic food service people, move you’re neurosis along already.

Oct 1, 2009 at 7:13 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #28.1 GhostWriter
  
  You Midwesterners can bite your thumbs at the coffee connoisseurs all you want, but we all know you guys act the exact same way when it comes to carnival corndogs.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 11:31 am rating: 90
- #28.2 Gandalf
  
  The last time I was in the Midwest, I was waiting at the airport coffees shop in Sioux Falls with some friends, and they engaged in a 20 minute conversation on how good the coffee was. However, these same people also thought Taco John’s served quality Mexican food. Go figure.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 1:11 pm rating: 90
- #28.3 GhostWriter
  
  Aren’t “Taco-Johns” a pair of long-johns with the crotch cut out? To Midwest hookers, it’s known as negligee.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 1:23 pm rating: 90
- #28.4 anglophile
  
  I must say, I really am disgusted with all these Midwesterner “jokes”. I suppose that’s what passes for humor in your sophomoric brain, huh, Mr. GhostWriter? I guess you have nothing better to do but sit around on the Internet all day making your crass little jokes, like you people living on the coasts are so much wittier than those of us who live in the real world. Why don’t you get a life, you pathetic excuse for a human being?
  
  Troll.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 1:43 pm rating: 90
- #28.5 Gandalf
  
  Don’t knock the Fair food in the Midwest. Out here in Southern California what passes for a county fair is pretty lame, as is the food. I was at the South Dakota State Fair once, now that was some good eatin’! Yes, I know that it probably clogged my arteries a little, but it was worth it.
  
  Additionally, most of the people I met were very friendly, and most hospitable. I seriously considered staying there, until I lived through one of the winters. Well, that and all my friends, family, job, etc are all here.
  
  Here’s to you Midwesterners!
  *raises coffee mug*
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 2:38 pm rating: 90
- #28.6 GhostWriter
  
  Admit it, Anglophile- you are wearing your taco-johns right now, aren’t you? …and I got a pretty good idea what you’re planning to do with that corndog.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 3:14 pm rating: 90
- #28.7 anglophile
  
  I’ve never done anything to a corndog in my life.
  
  I’m not from Iowa for pete’s sake.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 3:59 pm rating: 90
- #28.8 Intelligent Agent
  
  Just checked with a buddy at NSA.
  
  He reports a large spike in plane and hotel reservations for Des Moines just after 4:00 PM.
  
  No Middle Eastern names, but some of these folks have some assterisks by their names and some interesting comments in their cyber-dossiers.
  
  Anglophile, I imagine you thought you were just being cute about the Iowa thing, but corndogs are SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 5:20 pm rating: 90
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#29 Tony Bullard

Coffee people are dumb.

That’s all I wanted to say.

Oct 1, 2009 at 8:14 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #29.1 unholyghost2003
  
  “Coffee people”
  Do you mean people who make coffee? People who drink coffee? People who grow coffee? Or are you talking about some crazy group of sentient coffee beans? Sure they developed a culture but they don’t have more than basic mathmatics!
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 8:34 am rating: 90
- #29.2 Clarissa
  
  No reason to call them dumb.
  They’re still people… beans.
  Whatever, I don’t know.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 9:00 am rating: 90
- #29.3 Beanster
  
  Beans are people too!
  
  (Beans is person too?)
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 11:29 am rating: 90
- #29.4 Gandalf
  
  Apparently you don’t know beans about coffee people!
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 1:12 pm rating: 90
- #29.5 amy d
  
  What, no human bean joke?
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 8:25 pm rating: 90
- #29.6 Top o' the Pops (almost)
  
  Make a joke on a blog about the band that did “Nobody but Me” and covered “Turn on Your Lovelight” even before the Grateful Dead ?
  
  Sacrilege! Heathen apostasy!
  
  Plus, you could never be served in a bar anywhere near Youngstown…
  
  File under “Not Worth the Risk”
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 8:56 pm rating: 90
- #29.7 Meesh
  
  Tofu is PEEEEEOPLLLLLLLE!
  
  Oct 2, 2009 at 7:36 am rating: 90
- #29.8 MAMARILLA2
  
  Take your damn dirty coffeebean hands off me…It’s a mad house, a MAD HOUSE!
  
  Oct 3, 2009 at 9:42 am rating: 90
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#30 FryinBrian

One shot in a 16oz is blowin it …. n00bs. Common sense is short in Portland, and on this thread. o_0

Oct 1, 2009 at 8:29 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #30.1 unholyghost2003
  
  Your use of slang, the “word” noobs, and emoticons tells me you are much smarter and cooler than me. I bow to your superior standing.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 8:39 am rating: 90
- #30.2 anglophile
  
  Don’t feel bad, uhg2k3. There comes a day when all of us must face the realization that we are old, and not “with it” any more. While it takes some getting used to, the payoff is we can wear comfortable clothes and say whatever the hell we feel like to the snot-nosed little brat pouring the coffee.
  
  o_O
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 12:44 pm rating: 90
- #30.3 pony girl
  
  ah, yes.
  The “I’m older and have more insurance” clause.
  Just exactly when does that come into effect?
  I think I may have jumped the gun!
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 3:35 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#31 Sam

I have to sympathize with Tim about the passive-agressiveness of some “trendy” college-age latte drinkers. I worked as a coffee-jock (what we called ourselves and got in trouble for) for a few months and I can’t even count the number of people I had storming up with an empty cup and demanding a refund because their drink had been terrible. None seemed to understand that while we were happy to remake (and properly remake from the very start) a drink that wasn’t what they ordered or wanted, we couldn’t do so if they’d already drank it all. It isn’t that difficult to tell the difference between a mocha and the fancy hot chocolate we did but so many customers apparently couldn’t tell the difference. We got to the point where when someone ordered one or the other, we had to clarify that they did know that there was/wasn’t espresso in it.

However, a 16oz drink should be made with a double shot of espresso in any good shop (which is different from 2 shots, but most people don’t know that). If the ladies wanted two double shots, they would have to ask in any coffee place I’ve been to. Mochas and caramel lattes do tend to be on the sweet side of the espresso drink spectrum and “too” sweet is subjective, so it’s hard to tell who screwed up here; the women for not knowing what they wanted or not asking for the extra shot or an employee only putting a single shot into a large drink. Both are equally possible.

Either way, it makes me glad I don’t drink coffee and only get coffee shop drinks when I’m out and can’t get home. Having a steamer of my own makes risking the skill of the workers no longer necessary and if I screw it up, I can just make it again myself with no fuss.

Oct 1, 2009 at 8:47 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #31.1 mystic_eye_cda
  
  Most coffee places have signs up that say they are happy to remake it if you don’t like it. But you can’t drink the whole drink first.
  
  I rarely send things back (even at restaurants when I’ve been given something completely different than what I ordered *lol*) but I’ve sent back a couple of coffees. Mostly they are more than happy to remake it.
  
  Also once I was carrying two coffees out and somehow managed to cause one cup to explode (this was back when they were Styrofoam and there was literally hunks of Styrofoam everywhere) and not only did they not make a big deal out of the disaster they remade the coffee (some sort of espresso) before I had even managed to dust myself off.
  
  Also a barrista once almost slugged the trainee cashier for not telling her it was a children’s hot chocolate (like I wouldn’t have checked before giving it to my kid). However I got the feeling that it was the millionth mistake of the day.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 10:04 am rating: 90
- #31.2 GhostWriter
  
  That is why I always order a 20 oz. half double-decaf/ half-caf iced mocha latte. When I’m done with 16 oz., I still have 4 oz. left to complain about for a refill.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 11:47 am rating: 90
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#32 Stream of bat's piss

I’d take those two cups and try and flush them down the shitter. Then I’d see what happened

Oct 1, 2009 at 9:19 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #32.1 "C"-4 Coffee
  
  Or take the remake of whatever exploded + flush it BEFORE it explodes !
  
  Set depth charge for 20 feet !
  
  Per SCTV: “That blew up real good !”
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 10:19 am rating: 90
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#33 fan

Ahhh, Portland Baristas!

Working in a coffee hut is the top of the ladder for most of them. What could be better?

I know , being one of the few and mighty ‘Bank Teller Bitches’!

Oct 1, 2009 at 9:22 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#34 mystic_eye_cda

I like the fact that she left garbage (ie an empty paper cup) somewhere for staff to clean up rather than cleaning up after herself. If she wanted to leave a note she should have used paper.

Next thing the staff are going to put up a note “Dear customers: Please place your garbage and recycling in the appropriate containers, your mother doesn’t live here so don’t leave your garbage on the tables. Also if you wish to leave a comment the comment box is by the door”

Oct 1, 2009 at 9:42 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #34.1 not me!
  
  I would think the response to that note would be a comment box containing a slightly-damaged commented-upon cup.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 4:36 pm rating: 90
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#35 Fervel

The best thing to do would be to have a Q&A board not unlike those at Whole Foods where written questions get public, written answers.

The super-awesome upshot of shame would be that if that had already been in place the staff could have cut/flattened the cup, posted it and their response PLUS a reminder to customers to bus their own tables.

Oct 1, 2009 at 10:43 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#36 Woman on the Verge

Portland Coffee Drinkers:

Unattended empty coffee cups with obsessively written insulting notes will be promptly shoved up your ass by a one thumbed seaman toting a 2 headed opossum who was texting while driving.

Thank you.

Oct 1, 2009 at 11:18 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #36.1 One Good Turn
  
  The ambulance that takes you to the local ER will be driven by Aaron L.
  
  If you survive the journey and the ER procedure, please call Aaron’s mother-in-law when you can.
  
  Thx,
  Fred
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 7:38 pm rating: 90
- #36.2 MAMARILLA2
  
  Adoni was watching you write that note, keep that in mind.
  
  Oct 6, 2009 at 2:35 pm rating: 90
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#37 Ray!

…and our cheese curds.

Oct 1, 2009 at 11:51 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#38 Peter

That stupid bitch needs a dick in her mouth…then two shots.

Oct 1, 2009 at 12:50 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #38.1 anglophile
  
  You’d call someone whose mouth is around your most sensitive body part a bitch?
  
  Either you’re really brave, Peter, or you’ve never actually been in that potentially precarious position.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 1:45 pm rating: 90
- #38.2 pony girl
  
  *sigh*
  I miss my boyfriend.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 2:40 pm rating: 90
- #38.3 Hah
  
  Look at what he wrote and remember that he’s stating it in a comment on a blog. It’s pretty obvious that he’s never been in any “positions”.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 2:41 pm rating: 90
- #38.4 Pers
  
  You really should be nicer to your mom Peter, she’s just trying her best.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 5:14 pm rating: 90
- #38.5 amy d
  
  His name is Peter.
  
  Just sayin’
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 8:28 pm rating: 90
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#39 Dagny

People like that make me want to “throw up”

Oct 1, 2009 at 1:24 pm rating: 90

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- #39.1 pony girl
  
  Just be sure to do it into the trash can, NOT the toilet. or Sandra will come after you with sharp dental instruments.
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 2:41 pm rating: 90
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#40 Kate the Great

Ah, I used to visit that coffee shop. They charge too much, and as many times as I asked them not to make my drink scaldingly hot, it was always scalding. Also, they charge extra if you use a card, which is technically against their credit merchant agreement.

They are nice, though.

Oct 1, 2009 at 3:25 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
#41 wanderyonder

I worked for Starbucks for five years(much to my chagrin). I got customers like this all the time. These are the people who, upon their next visit, would be the unsuspecting recipients of something inappropriate written on the bottom of their cups – typically, something along the lines of “I heart anal”. They wouldn’t see it, but as soon as they took a sip, everyone else would.

Oct 1, 2009 at 4:23 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
#42 AmelAmel

The over emphasis of Portland in that rant makes me inclined to believe that the coffee bitch is trying too hard to convince herself that she is a “real” Portlander.

Probably some newcomer who heard that Portland was the hippest of the hipster towns and decided that she would become the hippest of the hippest hipsters by trying to come off as a Portland expert. aka: poser.

“We will be back but next time hopefully you will be on your game”

Seriously? If you’re such a fucking Portland Coffee expert, why don’t you make your own Portland standard coffee? And if you were butthurt enough to write a novel about the fine art of Portland coffee, it was probably a pretty big deal… but apparently not enough to get to you to go away forever, which would have been ideal.

Oct 1, 2009 at 4:34 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
#43 Xcapee

I can’t believe you fell for this blatantly obvious fake. “Tim” has used this site for a viral ad campaign. Well done Tim. Poor pick up PAN.

Of course, it was a clever trick to choose those two drinks – it’s not like they’re for anyone who actually LIKES coffee. No one who likes coffee orders sweet sugary milky syrup by the bucket. I guess this was to get real coffee drinkers to send the link about the stupidity of these “women” to their friends.

Oh the transparency!

Oct 1, 2009 at 5:06 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #43.1 pony girl
  
  So, how do you like working at Starbucks?
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 5:29 pm rating: 90
- #43.2 me
  
  Nailed it!
  
  Oct 1, 2009 at 6:35 pm rating: 90
- #43.3 Xcapee
  
  You’ve got to be kidding – Starbucks, like most North American coffee chains don’t understand coffee at all. I wouldn’t go near a store – life is too short to drink bad coffee – which pretty much covers most of the dishwater passed off as coffee in the USA.
  
  Just because I can spot a fake doesn’t mean I’m a shill for someone else!
  
  Oh the shallowness!
  
  Oct 2, 2009 at 12:53 am rating: 90
- #43.4 Common Grounds
  
  Lived in Seattle 1977-1987.
  
  Went back to visit in 1997.
  
  Was having lunch with an old friend when an old friend of his walked over and joined us for a bit.
  
  Turns out this guy had the first commercial-grade espresso machine in Seattle at a U.W. area coffee house called The Last Exit back in the early 1970′s, where the guys that started Starbucks used to hang out and quiz him endlessly about everything under the bean.
  
  The funny part is that the origin of Starbucks’ Cafe Americano is that that is what the original espresso guy used to call the odd drippings from the filter-handles that would accumulate between shots of espresso. Not exactly dishwater, but not much of a pedigree either.
  
  Oct 2, 2009 at 1:49 am rating: 90
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#44 Neeners

Hey don’t like the coffee?

For the price you pay everyday for that designer coffee you could have bought your own machine and been churning your own special recipe out yourselves.

Everyone who drinks coffee knows making can be tricky business. Some days your just not on your game even at home and it tastes like crap.

Quit being a pompous brat and ask for what you really want when ordering. I bet you could have had it in the time it took to write that stupid note.

Oct 1, 2009 at 8:45 pm rating: 90

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#45 Elodie

Poor coffee guy, I know it isnt easy slinging lattes all day! Elodie

Slim Girl Diary

Oct 2, 2009 at 9:57 am rating: 90

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#46 Parvaneh

Who even gets 16 oz. drinks at a specialty coffee shop? People who go to starbucks, that’s who…

Oct 2, 2009 at 3:37 pm rating: 90

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#47 Violet Beauregard

Our lovely barista had time to prepare drinks then watch all customers to determine who was responsible for this PAN. If you have enough time to watch your customers and prepare all coffee drinks/chai tea lattes/hot cocoas/espressos, then maybe you do suck and your shop is not busy enough to support your employment. Thanks for taking the time to snap the photo and send it in, though.

Oct 2, 2009 at 10:06 pm rating: 90

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#48 C

woah. is this what it’s like to be a coffee drinker?? Glad I dodged that bullet.

Oct 6, 2009 at 12:51 pm rating: 90

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#49 gourmet coffee

What from your department.?

Oct 6, 2009 at 2:10 pm rating: 90

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#50 GiggidyGiggidy

It looks fake, doesn’t it? Someone said earlier that it is printed on the cups. It really does look printed on. Hehehe.

Oct 6, 2009 at 3:44 pm rating: 90

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#51 BLE

Makes me love my little independant fair-trade organic coffee shop even more. A place where the fanciest questions you get it “Do you have a milk preference?” Or “do you want the big one or little one?” No fancy schmancy terms from the hippy chicks that run that place and the coffee and tea ROCKS.

Oct 6, 2009 at 11:38 pm rating: 90

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#52 Sabby

Next time they come in, kindly write on their cup “Dear Portland Coffee drinkers,
Sadly to say we do NOT actually offer mugs, if you want mugs, as you apparently know, there is a starbucks across the street. If you are not satisfied with your drink please kindly ask us to remake it, we will.
- Coffee House.”

Nov 4, 2009 at 10:57 pm rating: 90

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#53 A clue that your whole “half-caf, extra hot, non-fat dressing-on-the-side” thing might be a bit much. | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

[...] And from the Athens, Ohio Dept. of Disgruntled Baristas… [...]

Sep 23, 2010 at 12:35 am rating: 90

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