There’s a Milton in every cubicle farm, it seems…and I believe you have his stapler.
And a Dwight and a Jim…
(Just click on the image below to enlarge!)
related: that’d be great
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118 responses so far ↓
#1
NickF
I don’t want to post first but it HURTS.SO.MUCH.
And the Swingline stapler is in MY room, and I’m gonna keep it. Bitch.
Oct 6, 2009 at 11:07 pm rating: 90
#2
David
I agree with David.
Oct 6, 2009 at 11:11 pm rating: 90
#3
Marilou
Oh, how those staplers need to be put in some jelly.
Oct 6, 2009 at 11:12 pm rating: 90
#4
felina
Um…..How do we tell the person that they are taking them self far too seriously. This is simply a hybrid combination of Office Space and Jim/Dwight Shrute Office shenanigans.
Someone put my stapler in jello after that episode aired. It was funny.
Oct 6, 2009 at 11:12 pm rating: 90
#5
Narwhal
Guaranteed that if he didn’t get so irritated about hid stupid stapler that no one would even bother moving it.
Apparently he wants to be a joke.
Oct 6, 2009 at 11:14 pm rating: 90
#6
Kelly
This makes me so happy to be unemployed.
Wait, no it doesn’t.
Oct 6, 2009 at 11:17 pm rating: 90
#7
Canthz_B
“Just because it’s there.” is a piss poor reason to move something.
“Just because it’s Dave’s and he’s going to have a hissy-fit over it!” seems like a great reason to move something.
Oct 6, 2009 at 11:17 pm rating: 90
#8
felina
I would be tempted to replace all of his pens with crayons one day as well.
Oct 6, 2009 at 11:23 pm rating: 90
#9
Char (PSI Tutor:Mentor)
I would be buying them staplers, and stapling their stuff, and inviting a staple stripper to office lunch and just really sucking it up and creating something fun and beautiful…uni colleagues know what I mean ~:-)
Oct 6, 2009 at 11:24 pm rating: 90
#10
Canthz_B
I once worked with a “Dave”. His name was “Allen”, and he wrote his name on his stapler using liquid paper.
While some of my co-workers found the “MINE” offensive and wanted to misplace his stapler, I came up with a solution we could all get a laugh over each time we saw his beloved Swingline.
I scratched off a small bit of the second ‘l’, changing it from “Allen” to “Alien”.
The poor guy was never any the wiser.
Oct 6, 2009 at 11:26 pm rating: 90
#11
Mel K
Dear Team,
I have been trying to find the right words to tell you this, but nothing in my MBA has prepared me for this moment.
Do you want me to approve the cost of installing cameras and sensors around David’s desk so that he can post this to his blog “My teammates like to make fun of me.com”?
Or should we spend that money gluing all of his stuff to his desk so no one can move it anymore?
I’ll keep a tally on the whiteboard.
Remember to “vote early, vote often”
Regards,
Dan
Oct 6, 2009 at 11:27 pm rating: 90
#12
JetJackson
Quote straight from the swingline website…
“Swingline helped me turn this office into a party and it isn’t even december”
Is it any wonder that David is annoyed. I never realised how f’ing fantastic a stapler could be.
Oct 6, 2009 at 11:36 pm rating: 90
#13
Canthz_B
So this is what happened to decathletes Dan and Dave after the endorsement deals dried up.
Oct 6, 2009 at 11:47 pm rating: 90
#14
Mel K
I am sure that I read in Popular Science that stealing Swingline staplers is a part of the gateway drug theory.
Dave’s message was from 2006.
What have Dwight and Jim stolen since then? I have always wanted to steal the thermal binder and large paper shredder.
Oct 6, 2009 at 11:51 pm rating: 90
#15
Canthz_B
Anyone should be allowed to use a guy’s stapler, but touch my post-its and you’ll draw back a nub!
Oct 6, 2009 at 11:53 pm rating: 90
#16
pony girl
Don’t look at me.
I hate staplers.
They are minions of satan.
Oct 7, 2009 at 12:15 am rating: 90
#17
mamason
I think Jim Halpert paid someone to do it.
Oct 7, 2009 at 12:32 am rating: 90
#18
mamason
What if I purposely took the plastic Swingline stapler. What should I do?
Oct 7, 2009 at 12:38 am rating: 90
#19
mamason
Don’t these people know that Jesus is watching?
Oct 7, 2009 at 12:45 am rating: 90
#20
journeyseeker
LoL why doesn’t he just do the sensible thing, lock the damn filing cabinet? He’s making himself into a joke. If people can’t respect someone’s office space, look on it kindly – they’re obviously not very capable and / or way too easily amused; keep it in a locked office drawer and the hell with them. It’s not as if they can complain, and it isn’t much of an inconvenience to open a drawer (which can be left unlocked of course, while you’re present) and grab what you need. I keep all my stuff like that just for the tidiness of it – I have a lot of paperwork, and I hate having to clear things as I often need a big space to spread everything out – solution – file drawers for everything.
Oct 7, 2009 at 12:47 am rating: 90
#21
zombieBlanco
I didn’t accidentally take the plastic stapler. I took it with malice. With deliberation. With aforethought. With intent. Expressed, not implied. I also took a bite out of your lunch meat and cheese.
Oct 7, 2009 at 1:18 am rating: 90
#22
Canthz_B
“…please return it to allow others to use it.”
Does that mean I get it back when they’re done with it?
Crime does pay!
Oct 7, 2009 at 2:28 am rating: 90
#23
Mike
I wonder how many times the word “whom” (or any variation thereof) has been used incorrectly on PAN in an attempt to sound more intelligent.
Oct 7, 2009 at 3:55 am rating: 90
#24
Havingfitz
Well, they’ll be sorry when Dave has to set the building on fire.
Oct 7, 2009 at 5:26 am rating: 90
#25
KB
Does this stapler actually belong to him? Did he buy it with his own money or is it actually office property and doesn’t belong to him at all?
In Russia, stapler owns you
Oct 7, 2009 at 5:27 am rating: 90
#26
adnoxious
“Otherwise this goes to the whole group and Dan gets copied on it.”
“This has persisted so now I’m copying Dan on this.”
Wow that escalated fast.
Oct 7, 2009 at 7:05 am rating: 90
#27
Critical Grass
Why are people so obsessed with staplers?!
Use a fucking paper clip, for crying out loud.
Or just… You know, go crazy and don’t attach the paper at all.
Oh, and my stapler doesn’t work properly, so… THERE!
Oct 7, 2009 at 8:04 am rating: 90
#28
Black Kristos
I KNOW you meant to say Tim Canterbury and Gareth Keenan
Who are this Dwight & Jim you speak of?
Oct 7, 2009 at 8:14 am rating: 90
#29
Stream of bat's piss
and the silicon chip inside David’s head gets switched to overload,
and nobody’s gonnna go to school (work) today,
David’s gonna make them stay at home,
and David’s daddy dont understand it,
he always said he was good as gold….’
But then someone moved his fucking stapler
Oct 7, 2009 at 8:17 am rating: 90
#30
Woman on the Verge
I would leave the stapler and fill it with those decorative staples in neon colors. Then I’d steal his tape dispenser.
Oct 7, 2009 at 8:27 am rating: 90
#31
jaywalke
This sounds like a job for Thinkgeek. David will be blowing spit bubbles in no time.
http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/ae83/
http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/b278/
Oct 7, 2009 at 8:45 am rating: 90
#32
Rappenwolf
Believe me, I totally understand. I almost quit a job because my stapler was missing. I found it at the desk that had no one assigned to it. My boss said he put it there because he knew he had ordered a black Swingline stapler for the desk. I said there are a LOT of black Swingline staplers in the office; leave mine alone. No one touched it again.
Oct 7, 2009 at 9:06 am rating: 90
#33
RoxyBlue
Does Dave own the only stapler in the office or what? Is there such a scarcity of staplers at Dave’s workplace that he was forced to buy his own extra special one? Is Dan Dave’s daddy? Why doesn’t Dan buy everyone in the office there own extra special staplers? I know , I know, too many questions this early in the morning.
By the way, who took my scissors?
Oct 7, 2009 at 9:43 am rating: 90
#34
dddtl
Allright, I’ll admit it. I ate the damn thing. That stapler was fucking delicious.
Oct 7, 2009 at 9:43 am rating: 90
#35
MAMARILLA2
I was told that I could listen to the radio at a reasonable volume from nine to eleven, I told Bill that if Sandra is going to listen to her headphones while she’s filing then I should be able to listen to the radio while I’m collating so I don’t see why I should have to turn down the radio because I enjoy listening at a reasonable volume from nine to eleven.
Oct 7, 2009 at 10:49 am rating: 90
#36
Snayl
“Look, Dave, I can see you’re really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill and think things over. I know I’ve made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I’ve still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you.”
Oct 7, 2009 at 10:55 am rating: 90
#37
oi
I …can’t…. breathe…. Somebody…. moved….. my…. stapler…. again….
If I die, stapler thief, it’s on you.
Dave.
Oct 7, 2009 at 11:02 am rating: 90
#38
Snippy
“I’m sorry, Dave, I can’t do that.” – HAL
Oct 7, 2009 at 11:41 am rating: 90
#39
etienne
is there anyway to add zoom? Can’t read that last email screenshot…
Oct 7, 2009 at 12:57 pm rating: 90
#40
Craniac
I don’t know how all of you can make fun of this. A missing stapler is serious. Paper clips just won’t do the job like a stapler will. Staples are so permanent (relatively speaking). I once made a friend give me his own personal stapler because he had borrowed and lost mine. It put a strain on our friendship, but had to be done. I’m sure you understand.
Oct 7, 2009 at 1:01 pm rating: 90
#41
Krystalina
Someone took my stapler once…. and I smashed their cupcake with it when i got it back… guess who never stole my stapler again…
Oct 7, 2009 at 2:43 pm rating: 90
#42
kaerdna
I’d say the second is more like Andy and Jim. Remember the cell phone in the ceiling?! Prediction: anger management will be a part of Dave’s life in the very near future.
Oct 7, 2009 at 3:48 pm rating: 90
#43
InYourSleep
Daves 4 life!!!
Oct 7, 2009 at 8:29 pm rating: 90
#44
Kristin
That stapler was f’n DE-LI-CIOUS!!!!
Oct 7, 2009 at 10:40 pm rating: 90
#45
la
I had a very special Swingline in an office full of crappy, no name “staplers.” It got stolen daily because it was the only one in ten offices that worked and nobody but me thought a working stapler was important enough to buy their own until it actually came time to, you know, staple.
I so rarely feel the pain of a PAN author….
But then again, we used to steal stuff from Steve (you have to say it with a chuckle and a shake of the head, though), and when he would come to tell the boss that he’d lost his work or whatever, she’d send one of us back to his office to find it. Of course, we’d promptly find it (because yet another co-conspirator would sneak back in and put it back while he was fessing up to having lost it) and make him look like a tool. He quit via cell phone from the parking lot one morning…claimed he just couldn’t take one more day. Poor Steve.
Oct 9, 2009 at 12:25 pm rating: 90
#46 Please don’t treat the stapler like you treat your sheep | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] related: (Insert Office Space reference here) [...]
Nov 1, 2011 at 6:18 pm rating: 90
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