Launching a cannonball at the breeders

March 9th, 2010 · 284 comments

Emily in Richmond, Virginia says this note was recently posted in her apartment building, “right next to a note complaining about a) the tenants in the building that have parties and don’t clean up the beer that gets left in the hallways and b) the laziness of the dog owners in the building that don’t pick up their dogs’ poop.”

If your baby cries all night-shut it up. No one wants to hear about your fucking MISTAKE! sorry if its been 12 FUCKING HOURS but not every1 is stupid and has to wake up early because of CRYING ASSHOLE. get the fuck over living in an apartment! WAH!!

related: Wanna touch the baby?

FILED UNDER: exclamation-point happy!!!! · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · kids · more aggressive than passive · most popular notes of 2010 · neighbors · noise · Richmond · spelling and grammar police

284 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Kevin


    Mar 9, 2010 at 9:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   TheOldSchool


      I want to do more than just thumb you.

      Unfortunately, this site doesn’t have a button to press that simulates putting on a latex glove and then dipping ones fist into a large vat of aqualube.

      Your “h” speaks to me so … succinctly.

      Mar 9, 2010 at 11:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   claw71 bang

      I think we should finish Kevin’s thought:

      holy crying asshole, batman!

      Mar 10, 2010 at 8:35 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   turkey

      how i posted comment?

      Mar 10, 2010 at 9:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   Connie

    Being colicky as a baby is the most passive aggressive thing my sister has ever done. I expect this baby is also an evil mastermind. Nothing like colic to make everyone hate your mother wherever she goes.

    Get a one up on the mental scarring you’re in store for, and let her have it! Team baby.

    Mar 9, 2010 at 9:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   TippingCows

      That’s what duct tape is for.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 4:30 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   Wade bang

    The rancor of the note was somewhat diminished by the choice of light green marker.

    Mar 9, 2010 at 9:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Canthz_B bang

      Thinly veiled envy from the “barren” of the Manor?

      Mar 9, 2010 at 10:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   Dani

      And the awful sorority girl handwriting.

      Mar 11, 2010 at 11:35 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   Maas

      At least the the author didn’t dot each “i” with a heart.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 7:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   Jonathan

    Team Spay-and-Neuter-Your-Neighbors crushes Team Oops-I-Did-It-Again!

    Mar 9, 2010 at 9:54 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   Apertif

    Now THAT’S one crying baby I’d like to shut up!

    Mar 9, 2010 at 9:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   A Fox

    I know I hate it when I have to wake up early because my asshole is crying.

    Mar 9, 2010 at 10:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   TheOldSchool

      Cheer up, A Fox.

      Every time an asshole cries, another proctologist gets his wings.

      Angels have sphincters, too. Yes, they’re clenched tighter than ours, but they do have them.

      (Their poop is nothing like ours, either. It’s white, peanut shaped, and made of styrofoam. The angels save it, then sell it wholesale to Staples or Office Depot.)

      Mar 10, 2010 at 3:13 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Shalindria

      I love it! I will now always call stryofoam peanuts “Angel Poop.”

      Mar 10, 2010 at 9:24 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   Cosigns

      They originally wrote “still my rectum gently weeps” but thought better of it…

      Mar 10, 2010 at 9:58 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   Canthz_B bang

    See, that’s why my apartment complex only allows autistic babies.
    They still cry, but only inside their little heads.

    Mar 9, 2010 at 10:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   xyzzy

      Ha, try telling that to my mother… She loves to remind me about how I slept about 45 minutes per day and screamed a large chunk of the rest of the time. One of those cases where I guess it’d be nicer if the stereotype was accurate…

      Mar 9, 2010 at 11:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   Jadefirefly

      Goddamn it, CB. You made me laugh so hard my cold took over and I coughed myself stupid for five minutes.

      Mar 9, 2010 at 11:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   TheOldSchool


      Keep it down in there! I’m trying to fucking sleep!

      It’s been five fucking minutes!!!!

      If you have a cold, it’s because you’re stupid.


      Mar 9, 2010 at 11:12 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   Canthz_B bang

      xyzzy, you are right of course.
      Babies have proportionally large heads. ;-)

      Mar 9, 2010 at 11:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.5   snatchbeast

      Ooo, I need to move into one of these autistic-only places.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 12:58 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   farcical aquatic ceremony

    Team ‘trees that had to die so people could write a world’s-worth of fucking incoherent notes like this one’.

    Mar 9, 2010 at 10:09 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   marco

    guess who should “get the FUCK over living in an apartment” ;)

    Mar 9, 2010 at 10:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   R.M.

    People live in apartments because of the novelty of it? Dang, I thought it was a cost issue…

    Mar 9, 2010 at 10:11 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Amanda

      Raising kids is even more costly…

      Mar 10, 2010 at 6:50 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   Canthz_B bang

      Amanda, some would say raising kids is money well spent. ;-)

      Mar 10, 2010 at 8:03 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   Team Me

      Cost? Pshaw. It’s the eccentric food odors and 24 hour pulsing club music that keeps me coming back.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 8:10 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.4   Amanda

      “Money well spent”, only if you have it to spend in the first place. In which case you should probably make sure you have somewhere decent to live and raise them as well.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 8:50 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.5   jjdonkey

      are…you saying that you can’t raise a baby in an apartment? Better notify 75% of the people in Chicago.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 9:38 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.6   Amber

      I’m a little confused on the required credentials for parenthood at this point. Hopefully Amanda can help me out.

      If I purchase a large multimillion dollar unit overlooking Central Park, will I be a fit parent? It is an apartment, after all. If my choice is to buy a home in a poor school district or rent an apartment in an area where my child gets a better education, should I choose the back yard?

      Luckily, I have a few years to decide as my daughter is only one. (yes, I am a mother and a homeowner) I’ll eagerly await your advice and possibly even contribute to your sterilization.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 10:31 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.7   Z

      Nothing is taken lightly on this website is it?

      Mar 10, 2010 at 3:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.8   anglophile bang

      Either that, or nothing is taken seriously. Depends on the poster, and the topic. ;)

      Mar 10, 2010 at 4:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.9   Maas

      Kids are actually a great investment if you sell them while they’re still pretty young (or is that “pretty and young”? I guess that depends on the buyer).

      Mar 15, 2010 at 7:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.10   infant tyrone bang

      Maas, you appear to have a veal head for business.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 7:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   Curtis Retherford

    “It wasn’t a chicken!”

    -Hawkeye Pierce

    Mar 9, 2010 at 10:12 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   girltrolldoll

      God, I hated that MASH episode.

      Mar 9, 2010 at 11:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   TheOldSchool

      Was there ever a good one?

      Mar 9, 2010 at 11:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.3   Mike626

      …but it tasted like chicken.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 12:00 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.4   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice. Pull down your pants, and slide on the ice.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 10:35 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.5   gladystopia

      That non-chicken was fucking delicious.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 5:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.6   cinde


      The only time that episode of MASH ever evoked a laugh!!

      ps Hawkeye – No one wants to hear your CRYING ASSHOLE chicken smothering story! Stop making MASH suck!

      Mar 12, 2010 at 9:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   farcical aquatic ceremony

    i realize that it’s little more than a scrawl (or simply the result of a hand spasm while holding a marker), but, jeez, for some reason that little cartoon baby huddled in the corner of the note looks so pathetic…

    Mar 9, 2010 at 10:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   ashmeadow

      That’s because it’s bleeding green blood from its head.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 3:35 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   Aksijuice bang

    I love how they assume (and I would say are right) that if you have a kid and live in an apartment your child is a mistake.

    Unplanned pregnancy which leads to lowering the quality of life for others ftw!

    Mar 9, 2010 at 10:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Canthz_B bang


      Mar 9, 2010 at 10:36 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   meesh

      you had a baby, you live in an apartment. most likely a mistake. some where, something in your life went horribly wrong-probably when the condom broke. i’m just guessing though…

      Mar 9, 2010 at 10:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   Canthz_B bang

      Okay, I’ll tell my kids that we must not have been trying to get pregnant because we didn’t own our own home yet and could not possibly have desired to have children.

      At least I’m clear on that now.

      Now I just have to figure out why we had a three bedroom apartment.
      Hell, if it wasn’t for the kids, we could have had a conservatory and a library up in that mother! ;-)

      Mar 9, 2010 at 10:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.4   Peasant

      You obviously don’t live in California. The house down the street from my old apartment sold for over a million dollars in a marginal neighborhood. The owners would be *lucky* to sell it for 600K now. Our rent was 1/6 of what our mortgage payment would have been and we weren’t sitting on a negative equity time bomb. Mistake indeed.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 12:54 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.5   matt

      i think this fits somewhere in here:

      DAD: The mill’s closed! There’s no more work. We’re destitute.

      CHILDREN: [talking]

      DAD: Come in, my little loves. I’ve got no option but to sell you all for scientific experiments.

      CHILDREN: [whining]

      DAD: No, no. That’s the way it is, my loves. Blame the Catholic church for not letting me wear one of those little rubber things. Oh, they’ve done some wonderful things in their time. They preserved the might and majesty, the mystery of the Church of Rome, and the sanctity of the sacraments, the indivisible oneness of the Trinity, but if they’d let me wear one of those little rubber things on the end of my cock, we wouldn’t be in the mess we are now.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 4:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.6   Amanda

      @ Canthz: sometimes you have to look beyond what you WANT at the moment and think about what’s best in general. For instance, I want to punch this annoying bitch I work with who, among other things, insisted on having children because she ‘desired’ them even though she can’t afford to raise them properly or live somewhere where they don’t annoy everyone around them. But I don’t, because that would be selfish and inconsiderate of others.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 6:47 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.7   Canthz_B bang

      Amanda, thank you for opening my eyes.

      It is now obvious to me that anyone who lives in an apartment is basically financially destitude and has no business having children.
      They all live on welfare checks and only have children to get more of your tax dollars.

      We need more really smart people like you around here.
      You see the light.
      Walk toward it. :-P

      Mar 10, 2010 at 7:27 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.8   Amanda

      Not all, but definitely more than is easy to stomach. And either way, it’s just my personal belief that having babies while living in an apartment is kind of selfish and inconsiderate. I wouldn’t do it and I despise living next to people who do it. That being said, I *am* quite intelligent, despite the sarcasm you used when accusing me of it, and I know more than to think I will change anybody else’s mind.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 8:55 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.9   park rose bang

      Amanda, barking dogs (16.1) can be trained not to bark. If their owners are aggressive, there is a fair chance that the dog will never be trained. Even without an aggressive owner, often they will not be trained. The owners are never around to hear them bark. The situation can occur where a dog will bark for all 15 years of its life. If you happen to share that neighbourhood, that’s 15 years of your life too.

      A wailing baby, one crying for milk, or for a diaper/nappy change, or because it is sick or teething. . . not throwing a temper tantrum . . . will eventually grow out of that stage of its life. Hopefully it isn’t still doing that stop-the-traffic cry when it is fifteen. Of course, a kid will always find ways to be noisy, but so do many adults. I think that comparing a crying baby to a barking dog possibly brings your intelligence into question.

      And CB did not accuse you of sarcasm, but I’m just the pedantic bitch around here. Being *accused* of intelligence is a strange concept, but I guess it’s how George Bush won his elections. Nup. No way. No way in hell anyone could accuse me of having intelligence. Sad that is was true.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 9:08 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.10   Connie

      Frankly, I am disgusted by your behavior, Canthz. Everyone knows that children cannot be raised properly without a house with at least one backyard pool.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 9:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.11   aloria

      It doesn’t matter if you’re financially destitute or rich, a great parent or a shitty one, have a baby with spinning head who spits pea soup or a perfect angel. If your kid’s crying is consistently keeping your neighbors up at night, expect them to hate you for it. Your kid isn’t their problem, but their inability to get any sleep IS. Get it?

      I also surmise that if you are living in an apartment complex with insufficient enough soundproofing that you can hear crying babies, perhaps you should be more upset about your crappy living situation than other people’s reproductive choices.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 11:50 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.12   daniellediamond

      Thanks Amanda. I now know that my husband and I are rearing our child completely wrong because we don’t own a HOUSE. We are college educated, both work full time, feed and clothe him and do not rely on public assistance.

      Even if we could afford one of the $800,000 2 bedrooom tiny homes in our LA neighborhood, it would still be right up against the next house, where loud baby screams would be heard by HOME OWNING NEIGHBORS.

      You know nothing. Obviously money and THINGS are what matter most to you. I pity ay children you may have. Be sure to get the best of EVERYTHING for them, no matter what the cost. You must have lots of $$. My suggestion? You should just be responsible and never have kids.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 12:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.13   aloria

      Pity any children she may have? You actually think someone like Amanda has mommyhood on her list of life goals? Are you high?

      Mar 10, 2010 at 12:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.14   ohreally

      Amanda, what about people who live where the bulk of housing is multi-unit dwelling (be it apartments or condominiums)? Shoudl the residents of major cities, like Chicago and New York never have kids, no matter how financially and emotionally prepared they are for it because you think having kids in an apartment makes them selfish assholes?
      If you move into an apartment, you have to expect that you are going to hear all manner of noises from your neighbors, that’s just a part of apartment living. I personally think that living in an apartment and expecting that no one will ever make any kind of noise that interferes with your sleep schedule, whether it be a crying baby, barking dog, or someone’s party, is FAR more selfish than making the choice to have a baby while living in an apartment.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 12:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.15   matty-wat

      Q: Amanda’s form of birth control?
      A: Personality.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 8:07 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   Ashley

    Yes, of course. When your baby cries, you’re not already automatically and even frantically and desperately trying everything you and anyone whose phone number you know can think of to “shut it up”.

    As a mother, I’d really love to track this person down and give them something to cry ABOUT. I’ve been reading these notes for almost a year and have NEVER thought that.

    Mar 9, 2010 at 10:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   xyzzy

      Well, most do, at least… The parents in question might follow that scary religious “training” described at where screaming/crying infants are ignored or smacked. (Info at if you’ve never heard of it.)

      Or they might be like the family in the condo my father’s place shared a wall with… They had a crib against the wall shared by my room, and let the baby scream for hours every night. They finally started doing something when, weeks later, irritable exhaustion made me start knocking on their bedroom wall whenever the poor kid began wailing. I’ve definitely seen quite a few others that let the baby cry for extended periods while they had conversations in the store or did similarly non-critical things.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 12:54 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   park rose bang

      Controlled crying does give some mothers some form of break, eventually. If it works. If people subscribe to behaviourism then maybe the baby does figure that every single time it cries someone comes to pick it up, or pay attention to it. Kids don’t have a lot of consideration for others, it is kind of their shtick. Many babies will cry because someone exited the room. It’s the end of their world.

      The baby has already depleted a fair bit of the mother’s actual good health, and if the mother is breast feeding, the mother’s calcium and other things can go out the window. Nature is first and foremost interested in the preservation of the baby, mother comes second best. If the baby is a difficult baby, Mum is getting about as much sleep as the baby and you are, probably a lot less. If she has a partner (assuming he’s male, here) and he helps her, then great. If he doesn’t, then it’s even harder, and there are many things that only she can do. She feels pretty much like how your dog ever did when it gave a litter and all the pups care about is the next feed. Clambering all over the mother with complete disregard. Absolutely exhausted. Beyond exhausted.

      I have seen a baby get fed, and then half an hour later cry for a feed again and so on. If you are the one feeding I would say you would be pretty much at the end of your tether. For the parents’ sanity, and particularly the mother’s, sometimes it is a good idea to not respond to the baby every single time it cries.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 3:32 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.3   Jennifer

      I typically have no sympathy for mothers that complain about the situation they volunteered (usually) their bodies for 9 or so months prior, but your explanation of what it’s like is pretty darn good!

      While I think the green note a) made no sense, and b) was rude, it really does suck to be kept up/woken by your neighbors– especially when it’s something the neighbors can’t just “turn down.” If you’re going to disturb the peace, maybe an apartment isn’t the ideal place for you.

      Great explanation of a mother’s experience, though. Too bad we all have to be a part of the behavioral modification of the child, and the mental health of the mother.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 7:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.4   park rose bang

      That’s another argument, too, Jennifer. If you fall pregnant for whatever reason: the condom broke, the pill didn’t work, your period came early, you stuffed up, is it volunteering your body? I am pro-choice, but it is not always an easy choice for everyone to make – whether to have the baby, or not have the baby. I know that neither myself nor my brothers or sisters were planned (4 including me), but I guess our mother decided to have us anyway (for which I am usually grateful), so I guess she volunteered after the fact. Have sex, the risk of pregnancy is always there for women. My father wanted to keep having children. She didn’t. When she got her tubes tied, I guess that ended her volunteer service. She fell pregnant with my youngest sister when she was on the pill.

      I agree with you, a baby’s crying is a difficult noise to contend with, but is also a fact of life. An apartment block is not an ideal place, but again, people live in them for many reasons. I guess the baby will eventually grow out of the crying, whereas other annoyances in the apartment block might continue ad infinitum.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 8:23 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.5   Mike

      Geez, they make these little foam things called ear plugs. I’m a lot more sympathetic to a crying child than I am to a loud party or people who walk like elephants in the apartment above.

      Edit: sorry someone else already pointed this out.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 6:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.6   neena

      Is it that bad? I am not having babies. ever.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 7:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.7   Oracle

      Boo hoo Ashley (pun not necesssarily intended). Shut your kid up. I don’t care how. I often wonder why a screaming baby is keeping me up at night when I dilligently went out of my way to never fucking have one.

      I have no sympathy for you or any other mother in that situation. You knew what you were getting into when you had the thing. If you got pregnant by accident, get an abortion. Don’t believe in abortion, have your kid, but don’t inflict it upon everybody else. One more time for emphasis: shut it up. I don’t want to hear it at 3am on the floor above me, I don’t want to hear it on the train, or in a restaurant. If I did, my girl parts work just fine – I’ll have one myself to annoy me.

      Mar 11, 2010 at 2:30 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.8   B

      Oracle: Ooooh, you’re such a badass! You tell those exhausted mothers of colicky babies!

      If you don’t want to be around proof of existence of kids, stay away from them. Go live in isolation in the woods or something. It is absolutely ridiculous to expect someone to 1) put their entire life (including getting food, traveling) on hold because they have a baby, and 2) to walk on eggshells because some oversensitive prick like yourself bursts a blood vessel every time they hear a cry. No one cares about what bothers you. A kid is a human being, and though parents are in charge of reeling him in, he cannot always just be “shut up.”

      It’s one thing to get upset if kids are causing chaotic noise that the parents don’t bother to try to stop. It’s another thing if a baby — which has no other form of communication — cries. Get the fuck over yourself.

      Mar 13, 2010 at 1:14 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.9   Oracle

      It’s aboslutely ridiculous to for you to think that I or anybody else who feels this way should move out of someplace we’ve lived comfortably and peacefully for five years while you and your greser boyfriend who just moved in argue loudly over who’s job it is to shut your shit machine up at 3am while your dog that is CLEARLY violating the lease because it’s the size of a small horse runs around excited because of all the noise. Above me.

      If you want to have a kid, at least be smart enough to make sure you can afford it and take care of it properly. Get a house in a nice place that’s suitable to raise a family. The city isn’t suitable! That kid will not have a nice or safe yard to play in when it gets older and god help it crossing the street when the time comes. It’s not my fault you’re too stupid to realize that you have neighbors who pay a lot of money to live there as well who deserve peace and quiet.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 4:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.10   oi

      oh oracle you are so wise. It’s a crying shame that world does not abide by you.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 5:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.11   Oracle

      I wholeheartedly agree. Thank you.

      Mar 16, 2010 at 9:57 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   Lori

    Who calls a baby a crying asshole? Pot, meet kettle.

    Mar 9, 2010 at 10:33 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Canthz_B bang

      Ya gotta admit “annoying bundle of joy” doesn’t make much sense. ;-)

      Mar 9, 2010 at 10:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   TheOldSchool

      Blubbering cherub?

      Mar 9, 2010 at 11:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #15.3   park rose bang

      Cute little gargoyle?

      Mar 10, 2010 at 4:30 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #15.4   K

      Gargoyle is about right. I know all babies are perfect to their parents and all, but some of the ones I’ve worked with have been a little… unfortunate looking. Mostly, they grow out of it by pre-school age. Mostly.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 6:01 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   Jason

    Team Shut It Up!

    Mar 9, 2010 at 10:33 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Amanda

      Yeah, I’m really sick of this myself. If you can’t afford to live somewhere where you don’t have neighbours all around you, don’t freaking procreate. All you do is make everybody around you tired and grumpy and hating you, and it’s just rude. If you had a loud or aggressive dog who was decreasing the quality of life of the people around you, you’d be asked to get rid of the dog or move out with it. I say apply the same standards.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 6:44 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   Amused

      Ahahhaa, wow, what charming naivete. Apply the same standards indeed. I love this crazy idea you have that you can make your apartment complex neighbors get rid of their noisy dogs or move!

      My last apartment complex didn’t even allow pets and the manager still wouldn’t make the people with the constantly barking dog get rid of it or move, even though the neighbors on both sides and above them complained and threatened to move out. Where were they going to go? All the apartment complexes in that town were owned by the same company. Moving is expensive. The managers didn’t want to deal with it so they didn’t. Everyone just got used to the stupid dog.

      It’s also cute that you contend that only people who can afford houses should get to have children. The vast majority of people in the world can’t afford a house of their own, but they seem to be reproducing away despite your disapproval. How rude!

      Mar 10, 2010 at 6:57 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.3   Canthz_B bang

      Hell, I’m just loving the idea that all apartments are cheap hole-in-the-wall abodes.

      Amanda must have grown up in a real shit-hole.

      Amanda, you are aware that there are apartments that allow pets and those that do not.
      There are those that allow children and those that do not.
      If either annoys you, don’t live where they are allowed.
      See how easy that is?

      Mar 10, 2010 at 7:34 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.4   kmd

      Team Canthz B

      I am impressed by your ability to remain so genially amused in the face of rampant stupidity.

      Hat tip.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 7:56 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.5   Amanda

      I did grow up in a real shit-hole, in fact. That’s why I’m taking the measures I am to not be like the people who surrounded me throughout my childhood. Namely, not thinking I’m entitled to do whatever I want and live far beyond my means.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 8:59 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.6   park rose bang

      Well, I hope the abortion is within your means if you accidentally get pregnant and cannot afford to shift out of your apartment.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 9:10 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.7   Amanda

      I’m not going to get pregnant. Just another area of my life in which I’m making responsible choices.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 9:20 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.8   park rose bang

      Hmm. I think that’s what Mary said before the angel visited her. Life has a way of springing little surprises on us all. Just ask Leda.

      I grew up in a pretty crappy neighbourhood, too. Can’t say that the people who lived in houses were much quieter than those who lived in apartment blocks. Just had more space to have their drunken fights. Wailing babies were the least of anyone’s problems.

      Sure, take control of your own life as much as you can, but I don’t think it should knock your empathy out the window, nor does it make you infallible.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 9:27 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.9   Sirius¤ bang

      “Namely, not thinking I’m entitled”, unless I’m, you know, deciding where other people can live while they raise their children.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 9:38 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.10   jen

      Wow, Amanda, you are a charmer. I’m guessing you aren’t going to get pregnant because no one wants to have sex with you? Honey, that’s not classified as a responsible choice, it’s classified as being an annoying bitch with the superhero like ability to shrink all boners you come in contact with.

      Now, since you come from a “real shithole” I’m going to guess that maybe you don’t realize that not all apartments are created equal? There are apartments in places like Manhattan that cost upwards of a million bucks (so I’m guessing that you are a-ok with people who can afford those pro-creating?). There are also houses in the city that are attached meaning that even though they are not apartments they still share walls with neighbors. Not everyone wants to live in the boondocks and raise little hicks and if you want the awesomeness that comes from city living you have to take the noise and congestion and general annoyances that come with it too. In short, fuck off.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 9:39 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.11   jjdonkey

      What’s it like to live in privileged white middle class America, Amanda? Not all of us have our 1/2 acre lot without “people all around us”. Go visit a city sometime, step outside of your “big ideas” bubble and see how most of America lives.

      It’s also incredible that you automatically assume all children are wailing beasts with inconsiderate parents. You’re super progressive Amanda, with those awesome assumptions about the people around you. Your anti-breeder “kill the crotchfruit”manifesto is awfully edgy though, make sure you put it in your livejournal!

      Mar 10, 2010 at 9:49 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.12   Amanda

      @ jjdonkey — HA! Nice one, assuming I’m white, middle-class, or privileged in any way. Is that the only demographic you assume are responsible enough to be careful and considerate of those around them? The only ones who might consider the impact of their living situation on any potential children as well as those around them and decide what’s best?

      And @jen, that couldn’t be farther from the truth either, actually. But I’m not discussing those details on here.

      You know, I didn’t realise there were so many smug, sniveling parent assholes on this site. I thought this was a site for laughing at sarcasm and PANs. I’ll just go back to STFU, Parents, go back to simply lurking here, and let you all have your fun.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 10:00 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.13   jen

      Oh Amanda, you are an idiot. Too bad you weren’t also an abortion…

      Mar 10, 2010 at 10:23 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.14   anglophile bang

      Look, park rose, if you’re implying Jesus was raised in an apartment, I hope you know you’re going to burn in hell! He was raised in a split-level ranch in a lovely subdivision with a big yard for his swing set and sandbox and every weekend the neighbors all mowed their lawns, edged their sidewalks and washed their donkeys in the driveway. It says so in the Bible.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 10:25 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.15   oi

      Thanks for letting us know that a point, CB tried to made in 16.3 and in thread 13, flew right over your head!
      And jen please! don’t call her an idiot. Amanda is intelligent. She says so.
      Is there any proof out there bigger than that?

      Mar 10, 2010 at 10:51 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.16   Sirius¤ bang

      Not only that, but when it’s suggested that nobody will have sex with her, she replies “nothing could be further from the truth”! So she’s smart, and a whore! Where do you live, Amanda?

      *hopes it’s not some grotty little apartment building

      Mar 10, 2010 at 11:01 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.17   KidFreeByChoice

      Frankly, I’m with Amanda on this – sick of being subjected to other people’s mistakes, and their righteous indignation because they squeezed a lump of flesh out of their loins.

      I don’t care if good, reasonable parents tote their kids around apartment buildings, malls etc. But they’re in the minority anywhere I’ve been. Instead I’m subjected to selfish, self-centred a**holes who border on neglect or abuse, and get to listen to their brats screaming and wailing on transit, in the mall, from the (1 bedroom) apartment next door that 3 kids inhabit.

      If you can’t afford your own space and privacy, you shouldn’t have kids. If you choose to be a city-dweller with nieghbours sharing the same space, then you choose not to have kids. It’s simple. Every a**hole out there is allowed to breed – I can’t wait until radiation renders us all sterile so you need to have a license to breed (or whatever similar sci-fi movie plot means I have some peace and quiet.)

      But my feelings aside, what really REALLY amuses me is that you people – presumably parents who are defending the right to have kids – are setting such a wonderful example for your spawn by responding with the sort of vile insults usually reserved for the brats you raise. Telling someone they should have been aborted? Calling them a whore, or a prude or whatever? What statements did she make that were personal attacks on you? How does she deserve this reaction for voicing her opinion, no matter how unpopular?

      You all should be ashamed. If I were your kid, I know I would be.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 11:45 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.18   Sirius¤ bang

      No, if you were my kid, I’d make you shut up and quit bothering people.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 11:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.19   oi bang

      “Telling someone they should have been aborted? Calling them a whore, or a prude or whatever? What statements did she make that were personal attacks on you?”
      so are you saying that they should have waited until she starts personal insults? huh!
      She is not on the short end of stick because her opinion is unpopular. She is there because she is tyrant asking people not to procreate if they choose to live in apartment.
      I am so tempted to invoke Godwin’s law.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 12:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.20   Sirius¤ bang

      Shut your baby up or I’m going to invade Poland.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 12:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.21   Luna

      My brother hates kids. How did he solve his problem. He bought a house. He only spent 17K because it was in a bad school district. He didn’t care. He doesn’t have kids. End result: he has a nice house, no house payment, and he doesn’t have to deal with any kids (except mine and only on major holidays.) My point, people without children have a lot more freedom about where they live. Use it to your advantage instead of whining about the few inconsiderate parents you’ve run across.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 12:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.22   Woman on the Verge bang

      I wasn’t going to comment, but here goes… I had to live in an apartment for two summers while my husband was in classes. It was where the company put us. No choice. I had three kids under 5 in a 2 bedroom apartment. I did my best to keep them quiet.

      To think that people with children don’t have a right to live in apartments is absurd, however… if this is an issue, it should be raised with the owner of the complex. It is they who choose whose application is accepted. They can say “no smoking, no children, no pets” if they like.

      I say, if it bugs you that someone has a crying child, move. I also say that Amanda should pull her head out of her ass.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 12:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.23   ohreally

      I love how people who don’t want kids themselves assume that everyone else’s kids are “mistakes.” Heaven knows that just because THEY don’t want kids, there is no way anyone could possibly actually want and plan for a kid when they are ready on their own terms.

      And how is someone who lives in an apartment and has a child automatically “living beyond their means”?

      I also love how kids are “mistakes,” yet you can assure us all that you won’t have a kid because you’re responsible. Unless that responsibility extends to 100 percent abstinence, you yourself might find yourself facing a “mistake” when your not 100 percent reliable birth control lets you down.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 12:41 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.24   claw71 bang


      You seem pretty sure about not getting pregnant, but I wonder how much of a choice that is. Judging by the venom in your posts I’m inclined to think that you’re in dire need of what my Jewish friends would call a good ‘shtupping’.

      You have that frosty ‘see you next Tuesday’ vibe going on, which has been known to land a few moderately attractive girls their fair share of rough sex (just ask Lara Flynn Boyle) but yet you still seem on edge. That means you’re probably not attractive enough to get the payoff.

      Either that, or your definition of a ‘wise choice’ is keeping the road to the hatchery closed while all the boys get to play ball on your dirt lot.

      Either way, I’m in. Call me.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 12:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.25   anglophile bang

      I’m thinking we need to start some sort of re-attachment therapy or something. Guess what, KFBC, the world does not revolve around you. Get over it.

      No, I’m not a parent. I don’t particularly like kids and I really have no interest in babies. But they are a fact of life and are not here on this earth to annoy you.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 12:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.26   Team notewriter

      “Wow, Amanda, you are a charmer. I’m guessing you aren’t going to get pregnant because no one wants to have sex with you?”

      I’d have sex with her.

      The boner-shrinkers are the ones who can’t stop talking about having babies, defending neighbors with screaming babies, and refusing to use birth control. Scary!

      Mar 10, 2010 at 3:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.27   Luna

      And I’m sure that right after you found out you knocked her up, you’d never call her.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 4:35 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.28   jen

      KidFreeByChoice: I was actually saying Amanda, by her own standards, should have been an abortion. She thinks that only people who have enough money/live in the boondocks should have and raise children yet says she was born and raised in a “shit hole” thus making her prime abortion material. That and she’s a heinous bitch.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 5:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.29   park rose bang

      KFBC, no, I am not a parent either. Maybe that invalidates my comments, I don’t know. 16.26, I haven’t read one post advocating the non-use of contraception. I have read posts saying that contraception does not always work. This is also a fact of life.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 7:40 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.30   Canthz_B bang

      KFBC, you need to copy and paste that screed into a Word document and forward it to the mayors of every city and town in the world.
      They could all save a bundle on their school budgets if none of their residents had children.
      Of course, clothing stores, ice cream shops, fast food restaurants and movie theaters would suffer greatly, but who cares about those people who make their filthy living by selling things kids need and like? What’s a few trillion dollars worth of economy more or less as long as you have some peace and quiet?

      Someone check the calendar. Is today “Let me prove I’ve never thought anything out Day”?

      Mar 10, 2010 at 9:30 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.31   FeRD

      @ohreally (16.23): Given the population situation on our planet in the present time, the argument could be made that even people who choose to have children are making a mistake. Obviously, it wouldn’t be good if all of them reversed that decision, but we could do with a lot less procreatin’.

      Also, I can “assure us all that you won’t have a kid” because I’m a gay male. 100% reliable birth control methods FTW!

      Mar 10, 2010 at 9:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.32   B

      Team notewriter: Uh… when did anyone say they refused to use birth control? People only said that it can fail, which is, you know… true. Not everyone who accidentally gets pregnant was being irresponsible, because birth control can fail.

      Anyway, from what I hear it’s more often than not men who try to weasel out of using it. Responsible gentlemen, they are.

      Mar 13, 2010 at 1:25 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.33   Jen

      re: Amanda’s comment on making ‘responsible choices’ by ‘not getting pregnant’ -
      Why do childfree people always say things like this as if all people who have children are being irresponsible in doing so? I don’t have kids, nor do I plan to anywhere in the near future, but I certainly don’t feel the need crap all over those who do.

      Amanda, your Superiority Complex Award is in the mail, along with a lifetime supply of Alesse.

      Mar 13, 2010 at 1:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   Dibs

    Virginia is for lovers….but not of babies, but if you’re a lover, don’t have a “[email protected]#$%g mistake” and then have the nerve to live in an apartment. Get the F#$%K over it…wahhhhh

    Mar 9, 2010 at 10:36 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #18   Jen

    Wow, as if someone trying to find a way to quiet a crying baby doesn’t have enough problems withOUT having to wonder who the douchebag is who left this grammatical abomination of whine sauce for all to see.

    Mar 9, 2010 at 10:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Meesh

      I seriously doubt that the parents are up at night worrying about who left the note. They’re too busy plotting how to ruin their neighbors’ sleep.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 7:51 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #19   TheOldSchool

    Dear Note Writer:

    Hi. We’re the family with the sick baby on the top floor. We feel awful about the inconvenience our baby’s crying caused you. We would dearly love to help you out. Stop by our unit, and we’ll let you pick the window.

    Mar 9, 2010 at 10:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Canthz_B bang

      They do get to keep the bath water, right, TOS?

      Mar 9, 2010 at 11:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   TheOldSchool


      If they get sprinkled upon, it won’t be from bathwater.

      Mar 9, 2010 at 11:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.3   G bang

      My dad tells me that he used to try to throw my brother out the window, but my mom wouldn’t let him.

      He says, “The ground was soft! He’d have been fine!”

      Mar 9, 2010 at 11:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #20   Bobalina

    I love how he uses punctuation and capitalization to give us a visual representation of his swelling rage. The first sentence is whiny, yes, but not terribly angry, apparent in his use of lowercase letters and a period. Then, as he thinks about it, he gets angrier and angrier, resulting in this: “No one wants to hear about your fuCKING MISTAKE!” After that, his rage takes over. He is no longer able to form a coherent sentence, and profanity has become his punctuation.

    Mar 9, 2010 at 10:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   gladystopia

      Why (probably the light-green marker?) did I assume the writer of this …ahem, charming…note was in fact a SHE????

      Mar 10, 2010 at 5:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #21   Rossy

    Sorry but I have to join team Shut It Up on this one. Too many parents in this world get used to the sound of their children and start slacking off on shutting them up, forgetting that the rest of us never get used to it. We hates it.

    Mar 9, 2010 at 10:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   TheOldSchool

      Rossy, if this were in a restaurant or theatre, I’d agree.

      Mar 9, 2010 at 11:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #21.2   Canthz_B bang

      Hated to hear my own babies cry…but that’s what they does.

      Hate to hear other people’s babies cry, but someone, somewhere, put up with hearing mine.

      Lion King lesson…it’s the circle of life.

      Someday biologists will identify the “baby is crying” nerve located somewhere in the reptilian brain of the human adult and neutralize it. Until then, we are doomed.

      Mar 9, 2010 at 11:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #21.3   park rose bang

      TOS & Rossy,

      Even then, the baby doesn’t know where it is. The vitriol reserved for crying babies is only matched by the vitriol reserved for mothers breastfeeding in public.

      Oh, and there is the restroom, if it has a parents’ room, a lot of them don’t, and think about it, would you enjoy eating your dinner in the toilet?

      That’s if the baby is crying because it’s hungry. They haven’t got such a great grasp of language, it’s hard to know why they’re upset. Sometimes it’s obvious (dirty nappy), often it’s not. And how do you stop a baby teething, Rossy?

      Of course, mum could nurse her post-natal depression at home, and dad could tear his hair out, but someone’s bound to leave a p.a. note stencilled in green ink, even then.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 12:00 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #21.4   Peasant

      Name one parent who “gets used to” their baby crying – drug users don’t count. Even now that my kid is no longer a baby the sound of baby crying grates on my nerves like nothing else.

      Team Shut It Up should be Team Move Out. Living in an apartment means dealing with the life-noise of your neighbors. Five bucks says Team Shut It Up didn’t even bother to discuss the issue with the landlord before leaving their irrational note. If they think apartment life is hell now, wait until their neighbors discover who left the note.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 1:01 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #21.5   TheOldSchool

      Tossin’ Rossy?

      Absolutely not.

      The memo writer should get the heave-ho.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 3:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #21.6   park rose bang

      I know, mr. ToS. I was just responding to the restaurant/theatre point of your 21.1 manifesto (ToS’ Little Green Book).

      But at for the other two possible meanings of your opening gambit (excluding the conjunction) at 21.5…yup.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 4:24 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #21.7   anglophile bang

      Do NOT be starting a breast-feeding-in-public debate.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 5:47 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #21.8   jjdonkey

      Golly, I wonder if maybe, MAYBE there’s a way to let your neighbors know that “these walls are really thin and I can hear your baby crying…” without spewing hate filled invective and accusations. You know, you catch more flies with honey and all that shit.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 9:52 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #22   Gery

    Wow, what a whiner. Get some ear plugs!

    Hopefully he / she is sterile and will never have to eat those words when he / she finds out how what raising kids is really like.

    Mar 9, 2010 at 11:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Meesh

      Or he/she knows how to use birth control… or Benadryl…

      Mar 10, 2010 at 7:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #22.2   Cosigns

      Nyquil shooters!

      Mar 10, 2010 at 10:08 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #22.3   aloria

      Most people with the attitude of the note writer’s are not interested in “[finding] out how what raising kids is really like.”

      Mar 10, 2010 at 11:55 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #23   beth

    Baby H8tin’ Bizatch!!

    Mar 9, 2010 at 11:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   TheOldSchool

      Beth, if you want to get into a cat fight with her, can I watch?

      Mar 9, 2010 at 11:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #23.2   Church

      Or a grammar and spelling fail contest. Yeesh.

      Mar 11, 2010 at 7:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #24   Pterosaur

    I bought a house to escape all that apartment bullshit. When you live in an apartment, every audible neighbor is automatically an asshole.

    Crying kid? Asshole.
    Barking dog? Yep, asshole.
    Loud partiers? Definite assholes.
    Old deaf lady who keeps her TV on full blast? Total asshole.
    Young couple who won’t stop fucking? Complete assholes.
    3am alarm clock guy? Fucking asshole.

    Mar 9, 2010 at 11:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   TheOldSchool

      I think you’re being overly critical of the young couple who won’t stop fucking.

      Mar 9, 2010 at 11:30 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #24.2   Canthz_B bang

      And fucking asshole at 3am. That babe is supposed to cry or you’re not doing it right.

      Mar 9, 2010 at 11:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #24.3   Canthz_B bang

      I dunno, TOS…if that young couple keeps on fucking at the current rate, soon they’ll have a crying baby.
      They will have a loud party to celebrate the birth of their little angel.
      In a few years they’ll buy their kid a barking puppy and have the kid’s deaf old grandma babysit and she’ll keep the TV on full-blast.

      Mar 9, 2010 at 11:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #24.4   park rose bang

      Vacuum cleaners. A solution, or a problem? Guess it depends upon whether they’re switched on or off. I’ve heard they make a good substitute, and it’s next to impossible to get them up the dust up the duff.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 12:11 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #24.5   snatchbeast

      I’ve got to admit to being that loud-sex-person a few times. And yearrrrrs ago received a PA note of my own. Had I had the foresight to know this site would exist in the future it would’ve been saved.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 1:03 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #24.6   TheOldSchool


      I’ve been that loud sex-person a few times, too.

      It usually happened in hotels, after a few drinks, and everyone lost all their inhibitions.

      The next morning was always somewhat awkward. Hungover, I’d could tell from the way people looked at me that I’d been less than discreet the night before.

      Why had I been jumping up and down on the bed, naked, screaming at the top of my lungs, and masturbating?

      And why didn’t Mom and Dad just tell me to shut up? We were all sharing the same room. I guess my family is fairly tolerant of people’s peccadilloes, quirks, and raging alcoholic tendencies.

      Still, for the guests in the rooms surrounding ours, it might have been better had father said something like: “Son, put your penis back in your pajamas, get under the blankets, and let’s all get some shut-eye. We’ve got a long day of drinking ahead of us tomorrow, and it’s always nice to start out fresh.”

      Mar 10, 2010 at 3:38 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #24.7   Team notewriter

      “if that young couple keeps on fucking at the current rate, soon they’ll have a crying baby.”

      This is literally what happened in my apartment over the last two years. I used to hear their hilarious pathetic sex noises, and now I just hear the resultant screaming kid.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 3:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #24.8   harmonicpies

      Pterosaur, I wish I could thumb you twice. I hated every noisy asshole baby, dog, fucker, fighter, and partier in my apartment complex, so as soon as I could scrape together the cash, I bought a tiny little house. And when the asshole bankers started handing out mortgages to anyone with a pulse and the asshole apartment dwellers moved into my neighborhood, I sold that house and moved into one with a bigger lot. I love my neighbors and their kids, but I’m sure that’s because I don’t have to listen to them having tantrums on the other side of my bedroom wall.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 8:51 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #25   Mike626

    Team Procreation Is Wrong

    Mar 10, 2010 at 12:02 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Bernd das Brot

      What’s your parents’ opinion on that now that they can see how things have turned out?

      Mar 10, 2010 at 8:49 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #26   Havingfitz

    We’re biologically hardwired. When we hear a crying baby our genes tell us that we do something to remedy the situation. If we cannot (baby is in another apartment) this distresses us and causes these kind of notes. Or this guy doesn’t realize that he was once an annoying, crying baby too. One of those has to be correct.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 12:04 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   atoothpick

      He’s still an annoying, crying baby.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 7:27 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #26.2   N

      Yes! Finally a voice of reason on this whole page!

      Mar 10, 2010 at 11:41 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #27   Jan

    I can totally relate to this note, my neigbhours have broken up many a party thrown by me or my roommate at 10PM because it kept their baby awake, but did we EVER call them at 5, 6 in the morning to tell them to shut their baby up because it kept US awake (when we’d gone to bed only half an hour before and had to get up a mere 2 hours later)? No! Because we’re good people, obviously!

    So suck it, baby. No-one wants to hear about your puny problems. If you’re lucky, we’ll invite you to one of our parties in 20 years. WAHHWAH WAH

    Mar 10, 2010 at 12:30 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   park rose bang

      I think there is a big difference between things that can be helped, and things that can’t.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 12:44 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #27.2   snatchbeast

      It is unacceptable to break up any party at 10 pm.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 12:57 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #27.3   Canthz_B bang

      Wait, you’re pissed because you stayed up way too late to get enough sleep?

      You do know that if you’d gone to bed at a decent hour, you’d have probably been in a deep enough sleep-state that you’d have slept through the baby crying in the next apartment, right?

      You see, you don’t have to have a party…but babies tend to get hungry in the middle of the night.
      Other babies cry about that, but who cares about them?

      Mar 10, 2010 at 1:56 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #27.4   Amanda

      “You do know that if you’d gone to bed at a decent hour, you’d have probably been in a deep enough sleep-state that you’d have slept through the baby crying in the next apartment, right?”
      – not to get involved in yet another argument with you, but some people are very light sleepers and would be woken by that terrible shrieking sound no matter what. Sadly, I’ve been jolted from a nice REM sleep by even less than a wailing baby.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 9:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #27.5   ohreally

      If you’re that light of a sleeper, I don’t think apartment living is for you. If it wasn’t the baby at 5 AM, it would be your new neighbor who has to be at work by 6 AM and likes to listen to the news cranked up to top volume while he eats his breakfast. Or the elderly (but, hey, childless!) couple who moves in and gets up at 5 AM because, well, that’s what the old people do, and they need to crank up that TV to hear it when their hearing aid batteries go on the fritz. Or the couple with a dog who needs to go out bright and early every morning and barks at his owners until they wake up, walk him, and feed him. Or the two or three freshly-graduated young guys who share the apartment to save on rent and party well past the end of your own party, keeping you awake until 3 or 4 AM.
      Babies are not the only sources of noise in an apartment environment. There’s just no way of getting around the fact that, if you live in an apartment, you are going to deal with noise at times that are inconvenient for you.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 12:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #27.6   Canthz_B bang

      Sorry, Amanda, but you and I were not in an argument, and everyone here knows that. Trust me when I say that.

      Glad you looked up REM sleep, now try understanding it fully, then look into Delta sleep.

      If you never get past REM to Delta, that may explain some of those strange perceptions you have. I’d suggest a polysomnograph, STAT!!!

      See? You weren’t in an argument with CB! :-P

      Mar 10, 2010 at 9:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #28   snatchbeast

    Granted, I dislike children myself… but there are far better, more passive ways to word this without sounding like a douche nozzle.

    Loud parties and dog poo are also undesirable.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 12:56 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #29   Canthz_B bang

    Here’s the one and only way to quiet a crying baby, it worked for us:

    First you, oops, phone is ringing, BRB…

    Mar 10, 2010 at 1:44 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #30   Yipper

    It’s been in several of my apartment leases: Your crying baby wakes up other tenants? Buh-bye.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 2:54 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   TheOldSchool


      The rapidity at which informality in legalese has become pervasive is astonishing.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 3:50 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #30.2   Canthz_B bang

      You’ve lived in “The Saturday Night Live Arms”?
      That place is not ready for prime time, Player!

      Mar 10, 2010 at 7:46 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #30.3   Amanda

      Hey, where do you live? I’d move to a place like that.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 9:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #30.4   ohreally

      And, of course, as has been pointed out already, there are apartments that don’t allow children. If you find their presence to completely ruin your quality of life, you can always look into one of those. Because an aparment can have a clause in the lease about crying babies being a reason to get booted all they want, but the realities of evicting someone are a gigantic pain in the ass even when they’re guilty of far worse than not shutting their baby up in time to please their neighbors.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 12:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #30.5   harmonicpies

      The no-screaming-baby-allowed apartment isn’t an option for everyone. We have a Fair Housing Act that forbids discrimination on the basis of family status. I would have loved to be able to rent in a child-free apartment complex. You can bitch about controllable noises like howling dogs and chair-throwing fights and loud parties that you didn’t get invited to, but only an asshole would bitch about a crying baby. Well, bitch aloud, anyway.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 9:09 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #31   dostoevsky

    The coherence really deteriorates after “HOURS”… What on earth is this person trying to say, exactly? In fact, the 12 hours thing doesn’t make sense either.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 5:24 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Pterosaur

      Maybe the kid wailed for 12 straight hours? Or is that how long the note writer likes to sleep in?

      Mar 10, 2010 at 10:24 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #32   WaywardCat

    You know, this note was next to two others. Maybe it’s supposed to be a joke, taking a jab at the other two? That’s what I’m going to hope, even though I know some people are… pretty insane when it comes to children and their expectations for what children should be able to do and what their parents can control.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 5:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #33   K

    I don’t know about anyone else, but last time there was a baby screaming the place down next door to me, I knocked and asked if everything was ok and needed any help. Two cups of tea with a frazzled mother, use of my internet connection to look up way to soothe teething pain, and an offer to help with her housework since I was between jobs, and things have been a lot quieter ever since. Odd how when the mother isn’t stressed, the baby isn’t stressed.

    But, y’know, that takes human decency and all that.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 6:05 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   blu_canary

      And that is why in your next life you won’t come back as a cockroach. Kudos to you K.

      We lived in a house with our very happy, good-natured baby. She only cried if she was hungry, wet or needed swaddled tighter. I was/am a stay-at-home mom with a child who was both planned and easily afforded.

      And I was still stressed and tired as hell.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 7:28 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #33.2   Amanda

      That is very kind of you. If only I had the time to handle things in such a way. Unfortunately I work so much I treasure the 4-6 hours of sleep I can usually manage to catch per night… provided there’s no screaming baby ruining even that.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 9:38 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #33.3   K

      Oddly enough Amanda, I got a lot MORE rest once I’d offered some help for the situation. Got to give a little to get a little.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 9:50 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #33.4   peigi

      Wow, Amanda, you’ve just got something to say about everything don’t you? That’s fun.

      K, good for you! You’re an excellent human being. My housemate did the same thing a few years ago and not only did the baby stop waking us up, but we had new friends in the apartment complex.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 10:56 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #33.5   Sirius¤ bang

      But you didn’t get that warm feeling of smug superiority.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 11:03 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #33.6   Izze

      Haha Sirius! :D What a shame, eh?

      Mar 10, 2010 at 3:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #33.7   K

      Y’know, I like to think that offering a hand is what most people would have done, but reading other comments, it seems that once again, the internet is dancing around me wearing the remains of my faith in humanity as a loincloth…

      Maybe I’m too much a hippie for my own good

      Mar 10, 2010 at 7:11 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #34   morgan

    granted, the note writer could have used a better marker (not green) and proofreading would have helped, but I agree with then completely.
    The note writer has to live there too. Parents need to learn that not everybody loves little snot factories, and if you live in an apartment, you need to teach the kid to shut up fast.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 6:17 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   Bah

      I hate kids, but you “Shut that baby up!” people are idiots. Spend even half a day around a baby and you’ll understand that there isn’t shit you can do about it when a baby decides it’s got to cry.

      I’d love to shut you all up in a room with a crying baby and a frantic mom and dad who are trying every possible thing in the world to get the baby to quiet down. You think the parents aren’t at wit’s end? You think they don’t want to sleep? You think that noise isn’t a hundred times worse for them than it is for you? That’s their CHILD crying! It’s because they love their little snot factories that they’d do anything to soothe their baby and make it happy and quiet again. But sometimes nothing helps.

      Go talk to your mom and dad about what a pain in the ass you were as a baby and get some damn perspective.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 7:10 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #34.2   Canthz_B bang

      Thanks for the insight, morgan…and just how would you suggest those infants be taught to “shut up fast”?

      The world wonders.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 7:52 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #34.3   peigi

      I’m picturing a large Rube Goldberg machine involving a teapot, some old boots, and a series of pacifiers…

      Mar 10, 2010 at 11:04 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #34.4   Church

      Agreed. A pillow over the face of an infant shuts ‘em up, quick! Actually, a pillow over the face takes care of many child-related problems… ;)

      Mar 11, 2010 at 7:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #34.5   creamy

      Let those who have not woken the neighbors as a baby cry the first ‘arsehole’.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 2:38 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #34.6   park rose bang

      You mean, let those who were without crying arseholes, cry arsehole first?

      Or, cry arsehole not, lest ye be judged crying arsehole?

      Mar 15, 2010 at 7:46 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #35   JK

    I love the commenters that show their obvious lack of kids… I love my daughter dearly, but when she was less than a month old I spent 2 sleepless nights due to colics… I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, I was desperate! Luckily I live in a reasonably large house, and the neighbours aren’t too close, but I did have to put up with my husband telling me to shut her up, since he had to work the next day!!!
    of course theres no way of knowing if the baby in question was colicky or sick, but I do know that most parents try anything to calm their kids in situations like that!

    Mar 10, 2010 at 6:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   Amanda

      You say that as though “obvious lack of kids” is a bad thing? I 1) prefer to live my life this way, and 2) wouldn’t have kids in my current living situation even if I did want them. Base biological urges can and should sometimes be ignored for the sake of a civilized, responsible society. Plus, people who are intolerant of children aren’t any better than the horribly smug people who think that because they chose to have kids, they are somehow better than people who made a different choice.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 9:50 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #35.2   ANgela

      Wow, harsh. I don’t have babies, but I’m not a baby hater. It sounds like you have issues people who reproduce, whom, believe it or not actually are responsible in large measure for civilized, responsible society. Our society is only as good as our brattiest baby.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 10:39 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #35.3   JK

      I didn’t say obvious lack of kids is a bad thing, I’m sure it’s a lot better for everyone for some people to stay kid free…. I for one waited until my husband and I had our own house, large enough for kids, and doing ok enough for me to cut down to part time work, in order to send as much time as possible wth our daughter… Amanda, I really don’t get why you’re attacking those of us that choose to have kids, I definitely didn’t attack anyone all I said was that it’s not possible to always keep a baby quiet!!! (apparently it’s hard to keep some “adults” quiet also!)

      Mar 10, 2010 at 11:04 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #35.4   JK

      ugh I was so indignant I lost the chain of thought… it’s not possible to keep babies quiet at times, but usually non parents are unaware of that fact…

      Mar 10, 2010 at 11:11 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #35.5   oh really

      Amanda, out of curiosity, do you judge your parents for choosing to have you and not ignoring their base biological urges? You said you grew up in a shit hole, so, really, you shouldn’t be here, right? Have you read them the riot act for their ridiculously irresponsible and uncivilized behavior?

      Mar 10, 2010 at 4:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #35.6   gladystopia

      JK, just wondering….you DID give hubby a sharp kick in the ‘nads for that comment, didn’t you?? Please tell me you did. It would make my foot stop twitching.

      I’ve got no kids. I’m not likely to have kids. That’s about 30% my choice and 70% One Of Those Biological Things; there are days I wish things were different, mostly days during which I don’t hear friends talking about the atrocities and biohazards committed by THEIR kids. (Mostly the biohazards, gotta admit. I’m a sympathy-barfer.)

      One of my dearest partners-in-crime gave birth to her “surprise” about a month ago. I couldn’t be happier for her, have already usurped the Crazy Auntie position, and have already proclaimed her daughter as the most beautiful baby ever born, EVAR, bar none, full stop.

      She made her choice. I made my choice. The people in the apartment next-door, the ones with the noisy toddler, made their choice. We all are equally entitled to our choices; we are all equally obligated to allow others their choices, and to mitigate any problems our choices cause for others.

      I’m with Team Catch More Flies With Honey, myself; I’ve found it’s best to start with the assumption that everyone else is doing the best they can, and make “they’re inconsiderate assholes” the LAST assumption, even in the presence of corroborative evidence. We’re all assholes in one way or another, probably in ways we haven’t even considered; it’s safer to play nice than to demonstrate the nature of your personal assholery for all to see. Not sure why that’s so hard; maybe it’s just that writing bitchy notes is quicker.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 6:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #35.7   JK

      Yes gladystopia don’t worry, though the violence was purely verbal… imagine I wasn’t in the best of moods at 5 am or so, being with my poor crying baby!!!!
      Love your comment by the way!!!!!

      Mar 10, 2010 at 6:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #36   HappyNat

    Nobody can call my baby an asshole, except for me.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 6:58 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #37   wfa

    I can kinda feel her pain. Crying babies are fucking annoying. Unfortunately they’re also mostly unavoidable. But after 12 hours I think everyone would be cranky.
    My neighbors let their kids fake-cry-cuz-i’m-not-getting-what-I-want for hours and it makes me want to punch the parents in their reproductive organs.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 7:07 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   Scythe

      And if they give IN to those fake-cries, you are going to say that they are bad parents and don’t have their kids under control.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 7:57 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #37.2   Amanda

      there’s a difference between dealing with the fake cries and “giving in” to the little brats’ demands.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 9:51 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #37.3   anglophile bang

      Your mother didn’t hug you enough, did she Amanda?

      Mar 10, 2010 at 11:03 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #37.4   Sirius¤ bang

      Now, Glo, I’m sure Amanda’s mother loved her little fuCKING MISTAKE!

      Mar 10, 2010 at 11:11 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #37.5   Luna

      Amanda, I think what everyone is trying to say is that suggesting people not have children so as not to annoy any potential neighbors is ridiculous. Life changes fast. I had a house when I got pregnant with my last child. In my 7th month, my house burned down. We are now renting a duplex. There is no way I could have anticipated this. There are family friendly apartment complexes and neighborhoods like mine. And there are complexes and neighborhoods that are adult only. We should all be able to find a place where we can be annoyed by our neighbors in the ways that we find most comfortable.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 11:27 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #37.6   Kore

      I’m so sorry that this happened to you. Are you and your family okay? Is there anything that I can do to help?

      Mar 10, 2010 at 1:54 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #37.7   Luna

      Thank you, Kore. We are fine. This actually happened a few years ago. We did not have replacement cost insurance so the insurance company offered us $1400 to rebuild our house which would have been a fair price in 1901 when it was built. After much negotiation, we were still unable to come to an agreement with the insurance company so we are awaiting our day in court. In the meantime, we rent and pay a mortgage while our lovely lot in the country goes to seed.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 2:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #38   macmommy

    You know, they make these amazing things that help with the noise of living in an apartment.

    I believe they’re called earplugs.

    They also work at hotels.

    I am confused about this part of the note: “not every1 is stupid & has to wake up early because of CRYING ASSHOLE”.

    I hope no one has to wake up early from crying asshole. That sounds horrible.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 8:15 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   claw71 bang

      Crying asshole is what you end up with after eating the Tiger Cry special at Thai Palace.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 8:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #39   claw71 bang

    This note was clearly posted by the baby’s daddy. Trust me, no matter how hot the chick in 3D is, don’t bang her until you move to another building.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 8:32 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #40   Max Time bang

    well my toy baby was working fine till i spilled beer on its batteries and it started balling for 12 hours

    Mar 10, 2010 at 8:38 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #41   oi

    Whatever you say wailing banshees are nuisance. no, they are more than nuisance when you are stuck behind them in long haul flights.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 9:26 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #42   GhostWriter bang

    Did nobody think to use a ball gag?

    I’ve applied this technique whenever I babysit my nieces and nephews; I think it makes them look sexy/cool! (…like something out of “Pulp Fiction“)

    Mar 10, 2010 at 10:20 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #43   ANgela

    Excuse me, but is that squiggle at the bottom a depiction of a crying baby? Wow, artistic and articulate.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 10:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #44   Luna

    Common sense should be the rule here people. Occasionally, all of us make some noise. Sometimes it’s crying babies, sometimes it’s barking dogs, and sometimes it’s a drunken orgy. If it’s one instance, ignore it. If it happens on a regular basis, maybe casually mentioning it in a nice way is called for. But all of this fury should really be reserved for people with no regard for their neighbors. I’ve lived a lot of places and most people just don’t fall into that category. Have a little tolerance, people.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 10:35 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #45   Wizard

    Hey Luna(tic), here’s some common sense for you:

    Bringing something into an apartment complex which you KNOW is going to make a big loud disturbance at all hours is the epitome of rudeness.

    Too bad we can’t demand child-free complexes (except for a few brave owners) because it’s “discrimination” to not want to wake up at midnight because *someone else’s* BRAT is wailing!!!

    Mar 10, 2010 at 11:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #45.1   Luna

      Wizard, there are plenty of adult centered communities in my area. Most parents try to find complexes that are kid friendly so if you don’t like kids, try to find a place without a swing set. Or if you ask, many complexes will put you in a building without families in it. My point is all people make noise. My neighbor is a nurse and her alarm goes off every 10 minutes from 4:30 for 5:30 every single morning. Is it annoying? Yes. Do I have a fit about it? No, because I chose to live in a place where I share a wall with someone. If you don’t like the noise, you should move to a house.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 11:56 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #45.2   B

      Wizard, sorry to break it to you, but sometimes people get into tight situations. If the parent(s) of that “brat” can only afford that apartment as the best living arrangement for their child, then they’re going to move there. Providing for your child is more important than being a little rude to your neighbors.

      If you’re so prissy that you can’t put up with the occasional baby-noise, YOU save up the money to live somewhere you can get silence.

      Mar 13, 2010 at 1:41 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #46   claw71 bang

    Dear Green Crayola:

    Thin walls are a bitch, aren’t they? That’s why we bought ear plugs two weeks after we moved in. Now that we have a baby, we can’t use them to drown out things like the Jason Mraz Live album that was causing our baby to cry all night. Hell, I wanted to cry.

    Look, I know Jason Mister A to the Z is a local kid, but that doesn’t mean the whole city needs to jam to the extended acoustic version of ‘Geek in the Pink’ at 3am.


    Call my kid an asshole again and I’ll shove that lame marker so far up your ass, your gall bladder will be writing haikus on your pancreas.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 12:37 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #47   veinglory

    My solution to the baby next door sometimes crying is a $2 set of vinyl earplugs. They could block out the sound of a jet engine.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 12:51 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #48   Bossy

    1) If you are in an area where houses are common (i.e. not Manhattan and similar cities) then people should have homes before having children. Why? Kids need space. Not to offend anyone by comparing kids to dogs but it wouldn’t be fair to keep a Labrador in an apartment, the dog is full of energy and needs to move, same for kids. Yes there are parks, but sometimes you need the privacy to let your kid play in a wading pool or have a private birthday party.
    2) Regardless of whether the baby is an “a**hole” or not all apartments/dorms should be made soundproof. No one wants to hear any noise or even acknowledge that neighbors exist when they live in community quarters.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 12:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #48.1   anglophile bang

      1) Poppycock.

      2) Wouldn’t it be nice. It would also be nice if it never rained on weekends and ice cream didn’t have any calories.


      Mar 10, 2010 at 1:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #48.2   Luna

      Bossy, there are plenty of apartments that offer kid friendly floor plans. I have a 3 bedroom apartment and share a wall with just one other family. We have separately fenced back areas – not huge but as big as some of the home lots I’ve seen. Outside my fenced area, is a huge, well maintained playground. My child has plenty of space to run around. She is happy and doesn’t bother anyone. That is precisely why I chose this community. That is also why I suggested to those that don’t want to be around children that they should look for those things and avoid them.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 1:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #48.3   oi bang

      That’s damn straight bossy. You know the best. you have broken down your argument in points. It’s so easy to understand now. I would like to add third point.
      If you are in an area where houses are not common (i.e. not Manhattan and similar cities) then you should move to are where houses are common.
      That way your kids will have room to roam in privet. Who cares if sky high mortgages does not leave enough money for formula. At least they will have room to roam in privet you know. food?? food is for sissies. Toughen up you kids. enough room to roam in privet is the first and foremost necessity for your kids.
      I bow to you, bossy the great. (I hope you won’t mind little salutation I added to your name.)

      Mar 10, 2010 at 1:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #48.4   Bossy

      Sky high mortgages don’t leave money for formula? lol. The road to home ownership is pretty simple and one that’s made easier by not having kids before you own a home.

      You develop your skill set so that you can find a job that will compensate you well. Then you save money for a down payment while living a responsible financial life so that your credit rating is high. You continue to excel in the field you’ve chosen (and you CHOSE it because you had the luxury of time to sharpen your skills, your time wasn’t taken up by having children too early nor were you forced into a field that you’re not very good at or that isn’t very lucrative just because you had a child and need to make money for that “formula” ASAP). Then you find a house you like, put down your hefty down payment, get a low interest rate because you have such great credit and now you’re set. That’s it, that simple.

      But once you have kids you have to put them before you and certain needs seem more immediate. Like you said, you need to worry about feeding them. Giving them the luxury of privacy is not an option because food is a necessity and buying them a lot of toys (beyond a reasonable amount) and clothes you can afford seems more fulfilling than putting the money aside for a future home. It’s much harder to develop a career when you want to be a good parent and spend a lot of time with your children.

      Bottom line, homeownership and financial success can be accomplished with children, of course. However, it takes a lot more determination and discipline to take that route rather than establishing yourself first and having children later.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 3:16 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #48.5   Mark bang

      I don’t disagree with you, but keep in mind that the longer women wait to have children, the higher the likelihood of birth defects. And also, having a child at 40 means you’ll be 60-ish before they’re on their own. Having a child at 25 means you’ll be 45-ish. There are tradeoffs to be made.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 3:33 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #48.6   melissa

      The starting age for increased risk of birth defects is generally stated to be 35. Buying a house THEN having children is plausible for many people in their late 20s and early 30s. Sky high mortgages? Move to an area with low ones. I know the cost of a mortgage is typically significantly lower in the Houston area than renting, not to mention you are putting money into something you own rather than paying for something someone else owns. Many people who rent for years on end would be surprised that they may have been able to save a lot of money by buying.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 4:40 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #48.7   Mark bang

      But Houston is a shithole.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 4:42 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #48.8   Luna

      I think one point everyone is missing is that it takes 20 years to raise a child. Even if you wait to have a child until you buy a home, you are then assuming that in the next 20 years you won’t lose a spouse, lose a job, lose your house or lose your mind. It just doesn’t work that way. Life is uncertain. Not to mention, fertility starts dropping in the late 20′s. I started trying to have my daughter at 29 and it took me 4 years of fertility treatments.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 4:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #48.9   Q

      Actually, the market can’t really support having every person who rents switch to owning their own house. Plus owning your own house comes with a lot of unexpected costs.

      For instance, right now we rent our house (2 bedroom, 1 bath). A couple years ago, we had a huge storm and the end result of it was that our carport collapsed due to trees falling on it. If we had owned our own house, that would have been about twenty grand that we would have had to spend getting that fixed. And owning a home is somehow to be more economical, when you consider repairs, renovations, and taxes you have to pay on that home?

      Mar 11, 2010 at 1:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #48.10   Canthz_B bang

      No. It’s not age 35, Melissa. That’s why most health insurance now days will begin covering amniocentesis for genetic testing at age 30 or 32.

      Mar 11, 2010 at 10:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #49   claw71 bang

    I wish I lived here! Young couple, just starting out. The stress of raising a baby in a tiny apartment. Dad’s got to work during the day, mom’s staying home with the kid because day care is too expensive. The baby cries all night. Neither of them sleep. They fight. She feels lonely. All by herself during the middle of the day.No friends. No life. Just emptiness.

    That’s when I knock on the door. “Hey,” I say in a soothing voice, “I’m claw71 from up the hall. I heard all the crying last night and thought you could use a friend.”

    She’s nervous at first, but desperate for the interaction. She hasn’t had a conversation with another adult in weeks. Her husband gets home and falls asleep. The days drone on and on.

    I take an interest in her. I make her feel like a person. I make her feel pretty even though her hair is a wreck and she hasn’t put on her makeup. I pour some wine. She gets a little giddy. One thing leads to another and 9 months later we’re back here x2.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 1:07 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #50   Rose

    I’m amused at how passive-aggressive many of the comments are. It’s like a low burning flame, perhaps a scorching….

    Mar 10, 2010 at 1:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #50.1   Luna

      It’s true, Rose. I never thought in a million years that I would be flamed for suggesting people be tolerant and moderate in our dealings with neighbors. I get this just hits a hot button.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 1:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #50.2   Mark bang

      Flamed? By random strangers on teh Intarwebz? Say it ain’t so!

      Mar 10, 2010 at 1:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #50.3   anglophile bang

      The surprise at finding passive-aggressiveness at a site devoted to passive-aggressiveness is always surprising.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 1:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #50.4   Luna

      Yes, I know, Mark. I shouldn’t be surprised at all. :P

      Mar 10, 2010 at 2:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #51   claw71 bang

    Dear Rose:

    Blow me!



    PS: your link sucks and so do you. Team Park Rose.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 2:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #52   Izze
    My money is on the note-writer being a girl… ;)

    Mar 10, 2010 at 2:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #52.1   Izze

      Of course, you can already sort of distinguish that by the handwriting, but anyhow here’s a bit of extra proof or whatnot.

      Mar 10, 2010 at 2:09 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #53   melissa

    I would be pissed off if an adult or a child old enough to know better was being ridiculously loud in an apartment, but I have to blame the note writer here. They chose to live in an apartment with thin walls/poor insulation. I have lived in four different apartments so far (low-priced ones at that) and never hear a peep from anyone unless they’re talking extremely loudly while walking by my door, which rarely ever happens. The building structure is something I have always taken into consideration when choosing an apartment.

    Though, one time recently I came home to find a woman who dwells in the building next to mine holding the hand of a baby learning to walk… across my doormat. But it’s an apartment. You can’t control what goes on outside of your door.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 2:30 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #54   aaa bang

    Holy shit, son. All this ‘net-bitching has given me a girl boner. Quick, somebody grab the butter and get the emu ready!

    Mar 10, 2010 at 5:40 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #54.1   gladystopia

      Oh, is THAT how we’re s’posed to take care of those????

      Damn. All those years wasted…..

      Mar 10, 2010 at 6:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #54.2   aaa bang


      Mar 10, 2010 at 7:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #55   Cordelia

    All babies cry and there’s no way it bothers anyone half as much as the baby’s parents who are listening to it in the same room/home. If a neighbor doesn’t like it too damn bad! That’s life. The baby can’t help it and there’s only so much a parent can do. The same can’t be said about adult behavior – like the moron who wrote the note and is in desperate need of a thesaurus. If the note writer is that intolerant then s/he needs to go out and buy a home. Probably deep in the woods where s/he can write PANs to the birds who chirp too loudly.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 10:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #56   Kat

    I’m going to go ahead and agree with several of the relatively sane individuals who chose to post today:


    Seriously. Team “Stop Bitching About Parenthood and Apartments and Buy Some FUCKING EARPLUGS”

    Mar 10, 2010 at 10:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #57   Leesuh

    i don’t like the thought of screaming babies next door because my neighbor’s dog’s incessant barking and her horrible taste in music already make me want to smash – but i deal with it because the broke ass underemployed of us can only afford apartments and our parents’ have changed the locks (IN THIS ECONOMY?!). i will say i’m sure parents of younguns don’t move in to apartments writhing their hands together and cackling about how step 1 of their master plan is complete – annoy the crap out of their neighbors with the sound of babies!!!!!!!!(! infinity). or maybe it is, i dunno i don’t have kids so i’m not in on the master evil plan of baby domination.
    also, i don’t like the assumption that people who choose to not have children hate all children and think children are a mistake. i mean, yeah i totally do, but i’m sure there are some people that don’t. i wasn’t a mistake because now i’m on at midnight getting involved in a commentroversy over babies. so…life well spent, obviously. oh and i don’t want to imply that all broke ass underemployed people live in apartments. well they do, but not everyone who live in apartments are broke ass underemployed people. it’s like not all whiskey is bourbon but all bourbon is whiskey…or vice versa i don’t remember too much whiskey…or bourbon.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 11:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #58   Felicia

    The parents on this site are the real crying assholes. If you don’t realize why people don’t want to hear your squalling semen demon, there’s really not much help for you.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 11:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #58.1   Canthz_B bang

      I don’t think anyone said that their crying babies are not annoying…just that babies will cry, so don’t cry about it like a baby.

      Maybe you don’t read too well, maybe it’s just the comprehension factor that you lack, but people have been having babies near non-parents for like 1.5 million years.
      Do you think there were separate caves for Cro-magnon with and without children?

      “Son, Mbaba is with child. Time to find your own cave and leave the community until that little crumb-snatcher learns to grunt.”?

      How fucking stupid can you possibly be?
      Babies cry. Aways have, always will. Welcome to a life that’s not all about you. You’re old enough to have leaned that lesson, a baby’s world is in fact all about them.
      Whining, crying three year-olds should be drowned in burlap sacks.

      Damn! I held it all in so well until now too.
      See what your dumb ass made me do? :-|

      Mar 10, 2010 at 11:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #58.2   BeQui

      See? These kind of discussions are why I usually avoid the comments like the plague.

      I agree it’s annoying to hear a baby crying in the middle of the night, especially if it’s not yours. But like people have said, that’s part of life. If the baby is really bothering you that much, how about you go to the parents and say, “Hey, can we work something out here? Maybe you could rock the baby in the living room instead of the bedroom?”

      My husband and I decided to get pregnant while we were still living in an apartment. *Gasp!* It was during the housing boom. We tried to buy a house, but everything in our price range was a condo. The whole point of buying is to get OUT of that, right? So rather than move into something we’d regret, we took the responsible route and stayed in the apartment so we could save up more money.

      It’s great that some people can get their career and house and everything lined up before having children. But that just isn’t an option for everyone.

      Amanda, having children in an apartment doesn’t make someone irresponsible, or a low-life, or mean they don’t have the money to care for a kid. We were making over $50K a year when I got pregnant (And that’s a LOT of money where I live). There was a lot of thought that went into our decision. Unfortunately for crabby people like you, our decision was NOT based off how much it would annoy the neighbors.

      And just so you know all kids aren’t crybabies, My daughter ony ever cried for 30 minutes total per day. Hopefully this next one will be as nice…

      One final thing. Amanda, I think the only reason people are singling you out is because you choose to argue with EVERY NEW POINT. Obviously there are lots of people on here who agree with you, but no one’s talking to them because they said their piece and then let it go. Take a lesson, take a break, whatever. Just let it go and realize none of this is affecting you.

      Mar 11, 2010 at 12:03 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #59   SillyGirl bang

    I just want to know if the baby was actually crying for TWELVE HOURS. If a baby is crying non-stop for 12 hours, it seems like maybe they need to take the baby to a doctor to make sure it’s alright. I mean if it’s off & on for 12 hours, that’s normal, but if it’s 12 hours straight of non-stop crying, that seems more than “I’m hungry” or “Change me” crying. That seems more like “maybe the baby’s in pain or something that a doctor should check out just to be safe”

    Mar 11, 2010 at 8:39 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #59.1   Meg

      I was the neighbour from hell.

      My first (born in an apartment!) would cry for half an hour, sleep for 20 minutes, and nurse for about 10 before launching on another crying jag. Right around the clock! I wanted SO bad to throw her out the window. But instead of killing the kid, I put my Heavy Metal collection on the stereo and cranked it up loud.

      Luckily I got sympathy and offers of help from my neighbours, instead of PA notes.

      The baby will stop crying in a couple of months. Unlike the writer of this note who will probably never mature.

      Mar 11, 2010 at 10:02 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #59.2   Canthz_B bang


      Maybe the baby would have stopped crying sooner if the Heavy Metal music wasn’t cranked up?!


      Mar 11, 2010 at 10:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #59.3   Meg

      My thinking was that I could play classical music and then I’d have to listen both Mozart AND a crying baby. Or I could toss on some Metallica, and then she could cry as much as she liked.

      Of course, I can’t say what long term impact the Metallica Effect might had on her brain development… ;-)

      Mar 12, 2010 at 9:30 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #59.4   Mark bang

      Hush little baby, don’t say a word
      And never mind that noise you heard
      It’s just the beasts under your bed
      In your closet, in your head

      Mar 12, 2010 at 9:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #60   H for Toy bang

    Holy Moly! Look at all I missed by not reading PAN everyday!

    Team sleep-deprived mom gets off on temporary insanity plea for killing rude note writer.

    Mar 11, 2010 at 9:03 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #61   Not That Nicole the Other Nicole

    This is the kind of hateful, ignorant, spiteful BS that makes me ashamed to tell people I don’t want children of my own. I get lumped in with the “childfree” crowd and automatically this sort of screaming, “children are leeches” attitude gets attached to me and almost nothing I can do can shake it. You think being accused of being militant just for being a quiet atheist is bad, try telling people you don’t want children when jackasses like this notewriter are going around smearing people’s perceptions.

    You don’t like kids, fine. Move to a childfree apartment complex. They exist. I live in one–although that wasn’t why I moved there (rent was low, honey). I’m with the Comment of the Day person here–I wish I could chase down the note writer and choke her for being such a backwards, ignorant, rude jerk. It’s not like any mother worth a damn WANTS to hear her baby crying.

    I would put money on it–however much I could afford on this shoestring budget I have–that this baby cried intermittently, every couple of hours, over a night. Maybe the baby was sick. Maybe it had hurt itself earlier in the day. Maybe it was just in a bad mood. I KNOW people like this notewriter and I can guarandamntee you that the baby was not going on and on for twelve hours. It was probably crying three times in the space of eight (heaven forbid!).

    As for you people in the comments throwing around stupid terms like “breeder” and “semen demon,” I hope you’re ashamed of yourself. It’s all fine and good to not want kids (I’m there with you) and all fine and good, even, not to like them (I’m there with you too), but if you’re ignorant enough to apply negative terms to people who see fit to heed biology’s biggest imperative (to breed), I hope you decide to reject biology’s second biggest imperative as well–that whole staying alive thing.

    Jesus Christ. I have rarely been so incensed by a PAN and the ensuing comments. Make that never.

    Mar 11, 2010 at 10:12 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #61.1   Annie

      Oh I like you.

      Mar 11, 2010 at 11:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #62   Q

    I’m team receiver of note here. I remember my days of living in an apartment with thin walls– hearing the loud music, the sex from all sides, etc.. I DEALT with it. You can’t always help a baby crying.. with my 6 month old, I swear one minute she will be smiling, then she’ll get this sad pathetic look on her face and burst into tears for a few seconds, and then she will break out into a smile again. All this while she’s been fed, has a fresh diaper, wearing fresh clothes, and being held in my arms. She’s a drama queen and attention whore :P

    Then again, our cat is also a drama queen and attention whore, and has gone so far as to be able to perfectly imitate the baby’s cry, but that’s because the cat is a bitch

    Mar 11, 2010 at 10:45 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #63   lisa

    I lived above a single mother with a baby for 9 months. I heard the baby cry sometimes, but it wasn’t *that* bad. Get some thicker skin, people. It’s not like you can’t drown it out with a little music or TV. My next door neighbors singing off-key karaoke songs all day were much more annoying, even though my floor was supposedly much thinner than my walls.

    And as far as that whole Amanda v. PAN drama up above, I will say this: I think it’s a great value to want to raise children in a nice environment, and having your own house in a good neighborhood would be ideal. But I’m not going to judge people raising kids in an apartment, because a)it’s none of my business b)different lifestyle does not equal bad lifestyle c)they’re providing for their children and d)I was a kid once, and people tolerated me, so why should the world have to stop reproducing to accommodate me now? I figure if you can’t afford a home, you have to learn to tolerate your neighbors.

    The writer of the note is probably just as annoying as the newbie mother she’s criticizing. I mean, look at it: girlish writing in green marker, obviously old enough to not have to wake up early (guessing college or night shift) and is probably only annoyed because she’s so hungover. Yep, she’s one of the partiers leaving beer in the hall in the other note on the wall. Boom! Roasted.

    Mar 11, 2010 at 12:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #64   KarenW

    Other Nicole: that was an awesome comment. Thank you for restoring my faith in humanity. I’ve never commented here before. I love this site and think the posts are hilarious – however, many of the commenters are self-righteous, judgmental fuckheads. I’ve noticed that they just love to crucify parents, using only the tiniest bits of information. Baby crying? Must be a shitty parent.

    By the way, I am a mom, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you not wanting kids. If anyone tells you otherwise, it is none of their damn business. They are just as rude as this note writer and give all parents a bad name.

    Mar 11, 2010 at 12:33 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #65   Emma

    I would way rather live next to someone with a crying baby than next to someone with a barking dog. At least the baby is my own species. I live next to a pathetic couple with two greyhounds that never ever stop barking and these morons won’t shut them up and get highly offended when anyone complains about their “kids”. At least a baby actually is a kid and not some sorry child substitute.

    Mar 11, 2010 at 5:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #66   Church

    Canthz B said, “some would say raising kids is money well spent.”

    Others would say that an abortion was money well spent.

    Mar 11, 2010 at 7:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #66.1   Canthz_B bang

      Actually, I’ve said both in my lifetime.

      Depends on the situation. One should never limit oneself to what one is willing to consider before saying anything.

      At age 19, single, in college and working at IHOP being a dad would have been a bad idea.
      At age 24, married and working for a major insurance company, being a dad was a privilege I was proud to receive.

      Some would say that if you Gigglebrax, your comments will make sense in the context of the thread they are made in response to. ;-)

      Mar 11, 2010 at 10:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #67   ArtisticBusinessOwner

    Yes, people need to understand that babies cry. They do it when they have needs, they do it for no reason at all. It grates on our nerves and makes us want to cry to. It physically and mentally hurts a mother to hear her child cry. Rest assured, you ignorant bitches who complain about it, everything is being done to stop it. Sorry, it just sometimes doesn’t work. Some of you chose not to have kids. Kudos to you, you probably couldn’t handle it. It takes a stronger person to raise a child.
    As for Amanda and her rant on having to buy a house first. Hmm, sorry, but that isn’t always possible. Let’s see, if you can only afford one at a time, and choose the house first, that’s a 30 year mortgage. By the time you have that paid off, you are at the very least, 50 years old. That’s far beyond child bearing age. So I guess those of us who don’t make several hundred thousand a year should live in misery with empty lives because we don’t want to cause an insignificant amount of annoyance to the pathetic excuse of humanity that you are.
    I have my own business, but cannot afford my own home as of yet. I could rent a shitty, drafty, old, dangerous house to raise my son in around here. I can’t afford to rent a super nice new house. I think I’d rather have an end unit apartment on the bottom floor to have my son in, than that deathtrap house. You can have it, be my guest.

    Mar 12, 2010 at 2:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #67.1   Oracle

      If you need to have a baby to fill some kind of emptiness in your life lest you live in misery, you’re the “pathetic excuse of humanity”. Don’t bring a child into this world to fill some void you’re too vapid to fill yourself. God help us if the kid grows up like you.

      Also, an insignificant amount of annoyance? Let me heartily say, screw you. A screaming baby at 3am isn’t insignificant when it impedes on my life. I require a good nights sleep to stay healthy. You and that baby can go to hell for taking it away from me. How dare you imply my health is insignificant just because you or your significant other can’t close some legs.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 2:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #67.2   oi

      Shut up Oracle.
      You know what? I don’t have any kids but if I knew you personally I would get a place close to you and keep on having babies.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 3:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #67.3   ArtisticBusinessOwner

      You obviously do not have a clue as to what you are speaking of. Children do not fill voids, that’s pretty ridiculous. I love children, and wanted to have and raise my own. To not have any children would leave a life empty. I’m sorry if you lack the humanity, strength, and mental fortitude to understand this.
      As for him growing up like me, I hope he does. I hope he has the intelligence I possess, being a mere 8 points from legally being a genius. I hope he gets my open mind and creativity, so that he can see the world beyond scum like you and find some beauty in it. And most of all, I hope he gets my empathy, my compassion, and a love for the wonderful bond that only exists in family.
      As for your health: sorry, but a baby’s health is far more important than yours. Shrink your ego and buy some ear plugs. And honestly, a baby cannot calmly describe what it needs. He does not understand, he only knows that something is wrong. And he only knows of one way to get the attention he needs to fix it. And parents do everything they can to take care of it. You cannot seriously expect a baby to stop needing things because some asshole like you can’t accept a normal part of life.
      And I don’t see how I should deprive myself of the joys of motherhood so as not to upset the fragile mind of someone such as yourself, who has yet to progress beyond the mind of bratty, ill-raised child.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 7:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #67.4   Sydney

      Oracle, you seem like a truly appalling excuse for a human being. May you be locked in a room flooded with high-volume, pre-recorded baby wails for the rest of your days.

      Mar 13, 2010 at 10:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #67.5   Oracle

      oi: You know what, it does not surprise me at all that you would have a baby for such a ridiculous reason as the one you stated. Line up a guardian ad litem for the little bastard when it suffers from neglect at the hands of the vapid whore who’d give up her uterus to spite someone.

      ArtisticBusinessOwner: Oh what’s up internet smart guy. Your IQ is 8 points away from a genius? Awesome. Do you know what that doesn’t make you? A genius. For someone who claims to be so close to it, you sure do like to tie yourself up with vacant threads arguing with faceless people. Also, everybody knows actual smart people cringe when starting sentences with conjunctions and ending them with prepositions even though it *is* technically allowed these days.

      Finally, if you have a son I’m pretty sure he’s a mindless jock, and if you have a daugther she’s probably a dumb slut. Don’t bother replying, you’re just going to lie about how smart your kid supposedly is like you did about yourself.

      Sydney : OH MY GOD I can NOT believe you just cursed me. Don’t you realize that’s actually going to happen to me now since you are the be all end all of ALL proclamations? Well fuck me. Let me try it. May some frazzled tired career woman who was smart enough to never have a kid yet was kept up all night by yours, knock on your door one night. May she rip your throat out and mail it to your mother. You obviously fail at childcare as well since your panties got so twisted at my comment.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 4:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #67.6   oi

      why would it surprise to you? You know me so well of course. or probably you have done that yourself.
      Do I care you called me whore? No. Do I call you a whore? No. People around you probably know that you are not only whore but self righteous bitch who won’t be able to digest the food if she does not bring home a fight.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 4:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #67.7   Oracle

      Did you just “take one to know one” me? Please have a kid, pass on that genius and save the world.

      Mar 16, 2010 at 10:00 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #68   Max Time bang

    babies crying? give it whatever and it will cry later anyways, a babies cry may be annoying and irritating but they dont know any better, they just want to be comfortable any way they see fit. Its up to whoever cares for the baby to do whatever. If the baby cries I say its the babies fault, dont blame it on someone who doesnt fully understand their baby. Sure they have time to learn about the baby but hey everyone’s different so STOP READING BOOKS!!!! XD

    Mar 12, 2010 at 8:39 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #69   Greengrassblueskies

    I just spent an hour reading these messages. I am flummoxed and disheartened. It’s hard to accept that people bright enough to post to the website (that’s an intentionally low bar) are not clear enough about the human condition to understand:
    1. Owning your own home is not and should not be a prerequisite to being a parent.
    2. Babies can’t be forced to stop crying but that doesn’t mean they are assholes. They haven’t reached the age of reason.

    The people who deny numbers 1 and 2 are either under 30 and childless, over 30 and have major control issues, or simply not as bright as they imagine they are. I suppose number 1 is debatable: we could live in a society that had that as a law but number 2? To believe babies can be made to stop crying, even if you have no children, simply contradicts what should be clear from an adult experience of the world.

    And finally, I must say that Amanda’s tone was like nails on a chalkboard – so full of contempt and superiority. Perhaps Amanda does have many lovers and many friends but I wonder how many of them feel accepted by her and valued. It’s hard to imagine someone who sounds like that being a person others would really feel connected to. And I guess for all of those who have felt the need to defeat her view and strike back at her that may be all you need to know about Amanda – I, at least, imagine her interior world to be an unhappy, insular one. Might even bring up some sympathy – not sure I’m there yet but it’s possible.

    Mar 12, 2010 at 11:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #70   Ash

    Felicia (#58), I think I love you for that one.

    Greengrassblueskies (69), you’re exactly the type of person everybody else hates. The rest of the world shouldn’t be made to suffer because YOU couldn’t stick a condom on it.
    As somebody who either deliberately chose to have children or made the mistake of having unwanted children, it’s your responsibility to keep your kid from disturbing those around you. And NO, I’m not clueless about the way kids work–I know some kids are unconsolable and can’t be made to stop crying. But you know what your responsibility is in that situation? Get up off YOUR lazy ass and take YOUR little mistake outside until the screaming bastard calms down, so that the neighbors around you don’t have to suffer.
    You aren’t some sort of saint or hero or good Samaritan just for popping out a kid. Your kids didn’t ask to be born and your neighbors didn’t ask for you to help further condense the human population… therefore, it’s YOUR responsibility to care for them and keep them from being a disturbance to others. You aren’t entitled to just take a break and let everybody else deal with that.

    Mar 13, 2010 at 1:51 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #70.1   KarenW

      Take the baby outside? THAT’S your solution? So the baby wakes up the whole block instead of just the building? You are an idiot.

      Mar 13, 2010 at 8:44 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #70.2   Sydney

      And if YOU have children, you’re simply going to rip out their vocal cords ar birth, yes?

      Mar 13, 2010 at 10:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #70.3   Canthz_B bang

      Ash, I just gotta chip in that”unintended” pregnancy is not the same as either “mistake” or “unwanted”.

      We weren’t trying to make a baby with my first daughter, so it was certainly “unintended”. But she wasn’t a “mistake” and has never been in any way “unwanted”.

      As far as having bastards,we were happily married parents, but our “legitimate” children have the same number of chromosomes as a “screaming bastard”.
      I’ve never been able to tell the difference in the cries of “legitimate” babies and those of “bastards”, but apparently you can.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 11:01 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #71   Greengrassblueskies

    Ash, you miss my points entirely. Home ownership and parenthood are not connected. Babies are not assholes. Those are narrow points. My comment was that a person like you who calls a crying baby a bastard is ignorant and/or a dullard and is not someone I would enjoy knowing. It is not the baby’s intent to ruin your night’s sleep. They don’t have the kind of intent that can earn them the label asshole or bastard. You see? What I found disturbing about this thread was the fact that people believe the first point, which smacks of an Orwellian approach to the world, and that they are cruel enough and stupid enough to ascribe intent to wailing infants. I was not speaking to what the parents’ job is in that situation. You jump to conclusions.

    Mar 13, 2010 at 5:42 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #72   FlyingLady

    This is one of my favorite notes on this site and anywhere! I want to hand a similar note to all the parents who bring their screaming babies into every one of my flights. Bastards.

    Mar 13, 2010 at 11:11 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #72.1   Luna

      And how are we supposed to get our screaming babies places so as not to inconvenience you? The airlines make it very difficult to fly with a kid these days. You can’t bring bottles over 3 ounces or juice boxes, and every time I’ve flown in the past 3 years, I’ve ended up with ridiculous delays ON THE PLANE where there is nothing I can do for my child. Blame the airlines, not the babies.

      Mar 13, 2010 at 8:16 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #72.2   VivisMom

      Rest assured that if you handed me a note like that on a flight, I’d let my kid scream allllllll flight just to piss you off. In fact, I would probably request a move to sit next to you, just so you could hear it a little more clearly!

      I love how so many childless people think that the parents are not actively trying to get their child to behave-sometimes kids cry! Kids get antsy! They whine! It’s what they do. And I don’t know any parent that wouldn’t be embarrassed as hell (and incredibly apologetic) if their kid cried for an entire flight.

      That being said, when obviously childfree people treat me (or my child) with disdain because she is acting like a child (which occasionally, but not often, includes a tantrum), I am not inclined to want to do anything but piss you off more. In fact, if you choose to say something to me about my parenting, my child’s behavior, or how rude I am, I will allow my child to continue the behavior while I issue a verbal bitchslap to you.

      Grow a soul and try showing some compassion.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 7:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #73   sketchy bang

    @greengrassblueskies- great comment. Improved my increasingly dim view of humanity.

    People who spew such venom about babies are creepy. Probably also hold grudges against rainbows and puppies…..

    Mar 13, 2010 at 1:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #73.1   Oracle

      You’re so wrong, I f’kin LOVE puppies!!

      Mar 15, 2010 at 4:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #74   Fanboy Wife

    There are some really mean posts here. I just wanted to comment on the incomprehensible-angry-washable-marker-note! (Is she retaliating because of the notes she gets for her loud parties and she leaves dog poo everywhere?)

    I live in an apartment, and many of my neighbors are annoying. Many of them let their annoying children run yelling up and down the halls. I’m not going to post any notes about it though. Not only will that not solve anything, but it seems that childfree people who are irritated by misbehaving children are awful humans. To be fair though, the parents and other adults are worse at times. Some of them like to stay up all night screaming at each other and pulling the fire-alarms. I also have the neighbors that let their dogs defecate in front of my garage door.

    In a perfect world, people would wait until they could afford to live somewhere other than an apartment with paper-thin walls before procreating.

    Mar 14, 2010 at 11:23 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #75   A Richmonder

    Just a little perspective…
    Judging from the mention that the PAN was a response to a note about partying, I’m guessing that the apartment building is located in the downtown or fan districts of Richmond.
    This isn’t NYC or LA. There are affordable houses for rent or sale within the greater Richmond area, within 20-30 minutes. I live in this area because it’s within walking distance to many bars and restaurants, but if I found out I was pregnant, I’d get my ducks in order and move to a more baby-friendly atmosphere ASAP.

    The author of the note was incredibly rude, and I’m not condoning her choice of words… but odds are, an infant living in a Richmond apartment building prone to partying was NOT planned.

    Mar 15, 2010 at 2:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #76   Oracle

    What are you supposed to do about your screaming babies in public? Hire a baby sitter. If it’s recreational, don’t go. These are the consequences you suffer for having children. Take some fucking responsibility.

    Mar 15, 2010 at 4:30 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #76.1   VivisMom

      So those of us who have chosen to have children should just stay in our homes? Never go out? What a fucking ego on you. I wish I knew where you lived, so I could move next door and procreate ad infinitum just to piss you off.

      I said it upthread, and I will say it again. Grow a soul, and please realize that the world does not revolve around you and what you want.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 7:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #76.2   Canthz_B bang

      No, not never go out. But hire a baby-sitter and don’t take your baby to the movie theater. They aren’t going to watch the movie, and they aren’t going to be quiet for two hours either.

      Outdoor events, family oriented events…take your child. Just don’t take them to adult oriented events.

      My rule of thumb is that if a restaurant serves alcoholic beverages, don’t take your little ones there. Grown-ups are trying to “relax” in there and don’t want to hear babies and toddlers screaming during happy-hour after working all day.
      You want to go to Applebees? Fine. Hire a baby-sitter and open a can of Spaghetti-o’s for your kid before you go. Who do you think wants to work all day, sit at the bar and watch the game and listen to what goes on in your livingroom every night?
      Be considerate.

      But that’s just me.

      I’m team babies cry, get over it. I’m also team not everyone thinks your children are as cute as you happen to think they are.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 11:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #76.3   Oracle

      As previously stated, hire a baby sitter or stay home. Absolutely. Going out whenever to wherever you please, and doing whatever you want whenever you want, are some of the things you sacrifice to become a parent. You and all other parents would do well to grow up and realize that.

      You think that just because you had a baby, everybody has to put up with it? Everybody has to love it or care about it? Like you did something special? Oooh you followed a biological imperative to perpetuate, and likely validate your existence. Good for you. Is a storebought cookie okay or should I bake one for you?

      Mar 16, 2010 at 10:06 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #77   J

    Damn, that’s one hell of a nice title. Kudos.

    Mar 15, 2010 at 10:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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