Jack and Sarah in Tacoma, Washington both spotted this note taped to the window of a coffee shop outside the Fort Lewis military base in Tillicum. While I particularly enjoy the slow crescendo of this note, I’m not sure the manager of the H&R Block across the street would feel the same.
related: Raging against the little guy
88 responses so far ↓
#1
Margaret
The “Thanks!” is perfect.
Mar 22, 2010 at 4:46 pm rating: 90
#2
Christine
Love it!
Mar 22, 2010 at 4:48 pm rating: 90
#3
Fiona
Their security system is also much more advanced… I’ll take my chances and risk my face!
Mar 22, 2010 at 4:53 pm rating: 90
#4
Woman on the Verge
No clipart? Seriously? With an American flag, a soldier, the H&R Block logo, and a computer, this would be perfect.
Mar 22, 2010 at 4:55 pm rating: 90
#5
Julio Iglesias
The computers were fucking delicious.
Mar 22, 2010 at 4:55 pm rating: 90
#6
infant tyrone
I’d hate to have to decide between the non-profit and H&R Block.
In the event of a burglary gone wrong, the vets’ place could get you killed, but H&R Block could probably arrange to get your ass audited.
I’d rather take my chances parking in North Dakota than either of these.
Mar 22, 2010 at 5:00 pm rating: 91
#7
QuarterRoy00
So does my face have to be fucking for me to be shot?
Mar 22, 2010 at 5:02 pm rating: 90
#8
nic
wait… what’s that smell?
i’m pretty sure there’s a lawsuit cooking.
Mar 22, 2010 at 5:09 pm rating: 90
#9
shwonline
Dear Lunch Thieves,
While I appreciate your hunger and hard work I’d like to suggest you not steal my “Jenny Craig” dinner. There is a Hungry Man pot pie on the next shelf and I’m certain its chicken and vegetables are much richer and nicer than mine. I work in the office and would appreciate you not stealing from a poorly paid colleague who provides services to fellow workers and customers. Also, I will sit on your fucking face.
Thanks!
The Really Big Guy at Extension 417
Mar 22, 2010 at 5:12 pm rating: 90
#10
Jill Terwilliger
If it goes along with everything else in the fine, fine city of Tillicum, the (probable) bikini baristas that wrote that was likely mostly nekkid with unkempt pubies poking out.
Really, the thief was doing a community service there. But, it being Tillicum, they failed. Next time they should just burn the place down.
(I say that with love Tillicum! I love all my heroine nodding, burning-houses-down-with-babies-in-them peeps! Keep on being an awesome procreator Uncle Joe!)
Mar 22, 2010 at 5:25 pm rating: 90
#11
Sra
You do know that a crescendo is the process of building up, and is not itself a climax, right? So you can’t build to a crescendo; the crescendo is the building. Hate to get all passive aggressive on you, but this prevalent misuse of crescendo bugs the shit out of me.
Mar 22, 2010 at 5:27 pm rating: 90
#12
gordo
hahaha i like the part where he said he will shoot them in the fucking face
Mar 22, 2010 at 5:29 pm rating: 90
#13
pony girl
If I worked at the H&R Block across the street, I’d put up a Free Coffee sign.
Mar 22, 2010 at 5:36 pm rating: 90
#14
Steven
It’s pretty sad when people steal from those helping the poor.
Mar 22, 2010 at 5:39 pm rating: 90
#15
pony girl
Wait, so Tillicum is a killer and a thief?
Mar 22, 2010 at 5:46 pm rating: 90
#16
Rude
Why do “mom & pops” and non-profits always suggest robbing nearby corporate businesses instead? Granted… they do probably have nicer computers. So there’s that, i guess.
Mar 22, 2010 at 6:07 pm rating: 90
#17
G
A coffee shop is a nonprofit? Or are they just whining about how little profit they make?
Mar 22, 2010 at 6:51 pm rating: 90
#18
Escape Goat
“… I will shoot you in the fucking face” followed by “Thanks!” simply makes me smile.
Team Management 4 Eva
PS: Management=US War Veteran
Mar 22, 2010 at 6:56 pm rating: 90
#19
Odium
I can’t tell what a “tillicum thief” is. First I thought a tillicum was like a leprechaun, or a little green gremlin that, in Tacoma culture, is blamed for things that go missing. Then I thought it was a name for people from Tacoma. But then I decided they would be Tacomans or Tacoma-ites (either way, “tacos” for short). Then I thought Tillicum was name of the town adjacent to the base, but there is no town of Tillicum, WA. So I googled it, and it’s apparently the name of a whale.
What the heck kind of store was this?
Mar 22, 2010 at 9:04 pm rating: 90
#20
cherylicious
mental picture: someone sleeping on a cot in the coffee shop bathroom with their finger on the trigger. oh wait, that’s not a mental picture. that’s real life.
Mar 22, 2010 at 10:44 pm rating: 90
#21
p4w4rr10r
Thief 1: Let’s rob this here coffee shop.
Thief 2: Yeah, come on, I’ll just break the wind-
Thief 1: No, wait a minute: this note says he lives in the neighborhood. We don’t steal from locals, remember? The Burglars’ Code?
Thief 2: You’re right! Let’s try that H&R Block across the street.
Mar 23, 2010 at 12:49 am rating: 90
#22
katie
Brilliant. I love it.
Mar 23, 2010 at 1:47 am rating: 90
#23
claw71
First of all, H&R Block doesn’t have better computers. As it turns out, you don’t need a lot of RAM to process those 1040EZs.
Secondly, the fact that your shitty little coffee shop isn’t making money does not qualify it as a “non-profit”, even the nitwits at H&R Block know that.
Mar 23, 2010 at 9:52 am rating: 90
#24
aaa
What the hell did the people at H&R Block do to piss off the coffee shop manager to the point of telling burglars to vandalize and steal their property?
Mar 23, 2010 at 12:28 pm rating: 90
#25
Sarah
Passive aggressiveness targeted at tea partiers?
Mar 24, 2010 at 8:06 am rating: 90
#26
Meg
Tillicum is just a neighborhood, part of the City of Lakewood. It is a total shithole. Lots of low income housing and drug use.
Mar 24, 2010 at 5:13 pm rating: 90
#27
Chris McManus
Gallant effort sir! Could really feel the anger at the “in the face” moment. Welcome to Tillicum:)
Mar 24, 2010 at 9:54 pm rating: 90
#28
megamen
Now THAT’S what I call a “poker face”.
thankss…
Apr 4, 2010 at 9:02 am rating: 90
#29
GLS
Ha! Little do they know, it was prob the HR Block employees that were the thieves… it IS tax time, working all those long hours, coffee machine goes down, “oh no! what do we do? I can’t keep typing all these numbers without caffeine!”, “wait, the coffee shop!”, “oh but they’re closed”, the newest member of their team (an ex postal worker no doubt) pulls out a brick/rock/crowbar/whatever and says “they won’t be for long” and so there you go… they get their much-needed coffee as well as a little petty cash that they’ll need to give their manager since they did his taxes for him and got the rebate wrong after telling him it would be much higher than it actually was… hey, it’s plausible! It IS Tillicum after all
Apr 6, 2010 at 1:26 am rating: 90
#30
Long before dawn
Doesn’t that qualify as a terroristic threat? And unlike the theft, the police have a pretty clear idea of who did it this time.
Apr 6, 2010 at 10:29 am rating: 90
#31 Funniest notes of 2010 | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] Also, I will shoot you [...]
Dec 31, 2010 at 12:12 am rating: 90
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