Katie in Oklahoma City was cleaning out a box of wedding memorabilia when she rediscovered this note from her mother, written just after she paid for Katie’s wedding dress.
Although I know a lot of brides who would have immediately ripped this card (and the enclosed check) to bits, Katie accepted the gift with impressively good humor. “I found it funny,” she says, “because it’s just the way my Mom is. She signed my Dad’s name too, but it’s from her…just her.”
“Oh, and just FYI,” Katie adds, “I think I weighed 115 pounds at the time this note was written.”
related: Loose lips shrink hips?
extra credit: We hope there’s a Borg scale for every bride! [LIFE magazine, 1961]
143 responses so far ↓
#1
Rae
Wow. I’m just surprised at how normal the daughter sounds.
Apr 28, 2010 at 6:18 pm rating: 91
#2
Vespa
Ouch! Thanks Mom!
Apr 28, 2010 at 6:19 pm rating: 90
#3
molly ringwald
“somes” scales? how fat is katie to begin with that one scale just won’t do?
maybe her mother has reason to be concerned.
Apr 28, 2010 at 6:20 pm rating: 90
#4
Lurker
Sounds like something my mother would have done – but I want to know, did she gain any weight before the wedding? Did she have to let the dress out??
Apr 28, 2010 at 6:20 pm rating: 90
#5
habermama
“PS: For every pound you gain after receiving this notice, we will enjoy your wedding that much less exponentially.”
Apr 28, 2010 at 6:21 pm rating: 91
#6
Sabine
I would have used the money to buy four dozen Cinnabons.
Apr 28, 2010 at 6:22 pm rating: 90
#7
Misanthrope
Is it any wonder that countless girls fuck up their lives through starvation and binging/purging?
Apr 28, 2010 at 6:23 pm rating: 91
#8
Melodie
I remember the day a lady I worked with showed me her daughter’s wedding photos. I said “Oh my god, she’s so beautiful!” and my coworker snorted and said, “She’s too fat.”
Apr 28, 2010 at 6:26 pm rating: 90
#9
FRisty
i’m so parched and FIRSTY!!
Apr 28, 2010 at 6:27 pm rating: 90
#10
sleater
I love me somes scales…
Apr 28, 2010 at 6:32 pm rating: 90
#11
oi
Isn’t 115 is underweight for average height woman in US? She has not mentioned her height so I am assuming her at average height (around 5’4″) that gives 124-138 lbs as healthy weight. May be her mother was being sarcastic as in asking her to get onto fatter/healthier side and not on thiner side. She does not say either way in her card really.
May be indeed that was the case and submitter thought it would be funnier if she says the story this way. not very realistic though. She should have stuck with real number, 150lbs. She would still garner the sympathy. (Sidenote: 150lb is @5′-4″ is not fat it’s realistic)
or simply enough mom is psycho really.
Apr 28, 2010 at 6:36 pm rating: 90
#12
AnonCow
I am assuming that the flaming bag of poop on her mother’s doorstep on May 9th will be Katy’s Mother’s Day present???
Apr 28, 2010 at 6:37 pm rating: 91
#13
G
Wow.
Their “investment.”
Reducing stress by adding something unnecessary and designed to be stressful.
Sounds like a glorious wedding preparation and a top-notch family.
Apr 28, 2010 at 6:37 pm rating: 91
#14
zenvelo
isn’t it hard to sew scales onto a wedding dress? “something old, something new, something snarky and mom loves you”
Apr 28, 2010 at 6:38 pm rating: 91
#15
Reb
Or, in other words, LOSE SOME WEIGHT FATTY, OR YOU WON’T FIT INTO YOUR DRESS AND GOD KNOWS I AIN’T PAYING FOR ANY MORE ALTERATIONS!
Apr 28, 2010 at 6:44 pm rating: 91
#16
Sarah
Wow. Does her mom know my mom? ‘Cause I thought, “Good thing we bought the fat dress,” when I dared order some ice cream after we bought my dress was bad…
Apr 28, 2010 at 6:55 pm rating: 91
#17
Pterosaur
How is a wedding dress an investment? Is Mom profiting from the wedding? Does she get 15% of the gifts and the net cash bar sales?
Team Elopement.
Apr 28, 2010 at 7:01 pm rating: 90
#18
shwonline
Wedding dress: $1000
Greeting card: $2.25
Bathroom scale: $45
Instilling a lifetime eating disorder in your daughter: priceless
Apr 28, 2010 at 7:03 pm rating: 91
#19
ClearlyDemented
I would have to use the money to buy a thrift store ‘Mother of the Bride’ dress in lime green (possibly puke yellow). And it would absolutely destroy me if she didn’t wear that gift on my special day.
Apr 28, 2010 at 7:11 pm rating: 91
#20
RA
Mother (you cow), is that you?
You never told me you had another daughter called Katie…How come you paid forher wedding dress…and a pair of scales…(*sob*)
And which dad is that?
Apr 28, 2010 at 7:21 pm rating: 91
#21
laura
that’s it. i’m wearing a muumuu to my wedding.
Apr 28, 2010 at 7:28 pm rating: 90
#22
farcical aquatic ceremony
Dear Mom,
You’re right, I did need scales–metaphorical scales, that is, to weigh my self-respect against my need for wedding frills I can’t afford to cover myself.
You’ll be glad to hear that I came down on the side of spineless materialism! I’ll just sublimate my pain into a manageable ache (perhaps through some intensive scrapbooking), and before you know it I’ll be able to tell myself this was just about “mom being mom”, and certainly not about mom being a total fucking bitch.
With love,
Julie
Apr 28, 2010 at 7:34 pm rating: 91
#23
Denny DelVecchio
Sister should have run out for a pint of Ben & Jerry’s immediately thereafter and let the chips fall where they may.
Apr 28, 2010 at 7:34 pm rating: 90
#24
Michelle
I think my favorite part is the opening line, “You are beautiful now.” She didn’t think her daughter was beautiful before? Yiiiiiiiikes.
Apr 28, 2010 at 7:37 pm rating: 91
#25
ansert
Reminds me of being 15 and my sister telling me I couldn’t be a bridesmaid unless I lost weight – all at 5’7″ and size 12. Welcome to the next 35 years of being skinny and now overweight and everything in between.
Thank you SO much dear sister!
Apr 28, 2010 at 7:42 pm rating: 90
#26
Escape Goat
Weddings have always been tough times for the Moss family.
Apr 28, 2010 at 7:47 pm rating: 90
#27
jessi
the first thing i thought was it is a hint to not get pregnant before the big day… but that’s just how things would have went in families i know.
Apr 28, 2010 at 9:03 pm rating: 90
#28
debkatz
Obviously, the words “…beautiful now” indicate a recent weight loss on the part of the bride. But nothing, NOTHING, accounts for anything that follows after that sentence. Did the bride marry at the age of 13 to escape her family?…cause there are pastries EVERYWHERE girlfriend, and you do NOT have to be married to partake…
Apr 28, 2010 at 9:06 pm rating: 90
#29
aaa
Translation: You were hideous before and now you’re tolerable. I’m shallow and have unrealistic ideas of how people should be proportioned and will only love you once I can see ribs.
P.S. It would also help if you smashed all the bones in your feet and reset them so they’ll be smaller. Your giant boat feet will look awkward on you once you reach an acceptable weight.
Apr 28, 2010 at 9:40 pm rating: 91
#30
MonaLisa (inCT)
As someone with a mother who often volunteered the opinion that I’d be SO much prettier if I “… just lost the weight….”:
“*Sigh*… just… fuckin’ *sigh*!“
Apr 28, 2010 at 10:04 pm rating: 90
#31
Kate
That wedding dress was fucking delicious.
Apr 28, 2010 at 10:13 pm rating: 90
#32
MAMARILLA2
How is it that a dress that you wear only once, for a few hours, is thought of as an investment?
Is it made out of bearer bonds? Is it made of precious metals and stones?
Apr 28, 2010 at 10:53 pm rating: 91
#33
molly
I had to post the whole thing as an early mothers day present to my mom. I thank GOD she never made one comment about my weight, ever. As a result, I never even thought about it til I was in college. Thanks, Mamma. I had a childhood, not an eating disorder. I love you for it.
Apr 28, 2010 at 10:53 pm rating: 91
#34
mamason
Worst conversation overheard at Potomac Mills Mall.
daughter: “Oh, lets check out this store, mom!”
mom: “I don’t know, honey. I think they only sell normal sized clothing.”
daughter: “What?”
Apr 28, 2010 at 11:33 pm rating: 90
#35
agenthousewife
Wow. I would have eaten a whopper, wiped my mouth with the card and sent it back. Buy some scales?! EFF THAT NOISE.
Apr 29, 2010 at 12:04 am rating: 90
#36
claw71
But what do you weigh now Katie? Now that the wedding is over and all of the nuptial knickknacks have been stuffed into boxes, did you get back at your mom by porking out? Can you still fit into the dress or would your layers of gelatinous back fat rebel against the zipper and explode from it like guts out of a June bug when it meets a windshield at 65 miles per hour? Do you take it out on your husband? Do you scream at your kids? Do you flirt with the beverage manager at Trader Joe’s when you buy your weekly case of Two Buck Chuck, hoping one day he invites you behind the partition where he hides empty boxes and devours your voluptuous goodness the way you now devour a family size box of Pop Tarts?
Apr 29, 2010 at 9:31 am rating: 90
#37
Cady
And people say the mass media give women body issues. With a mom like this, who needs the fashion industry?
Apr 29, 2010 at 9:50 am rating: 90
#38
G
Hmm, only 115 pounds, but 4 ft 10?
Apr 29, 2010 at 10:41 am rating: 90
#39
jaywalke
“Oh thanks, Mom! And all I have to give in return is this big box of fuck you.”
Apr 29, 2010 at 10:50 am rating: 90
#40
Bunnee
Maybe if Mom practiced her relationship skills as much as she practiced her penmanship, Katie wouldn’t have to think, “It’s just the way my Mom is”….
Apr 29, 2010 at 11:20 am rating: 90
#41
Sam S
“We are sure you will be a beautiful bride”
I would never miss an opportunity to speak like this to my mum from then on.
“I am sure you will make a super mother-in-law. The probability is staggering.”
“I am sure the grandkids will visit you often. You can bet the ranch on it.”
“I am sure I won’t ever stick you in a nursing home. Not gonna happen. I don’t even know why I’m even bringing it up”
Apr 29, 2010 at 12:11 pm rating: 90
#42
Brian Jackson
Why does she need more than one scale? Is she supposed to strap them to her feet so that she can check her weight with every step down the isle?
Apr 29, 2010 at 12:31 pm rating: 90
#43
Z
I would have had fun making sure mom felt as old for the wedding as possible. “Gee Mom, your not botoxing your crows feet for my day? What about pictures!?”
Apr 29, 2010 at 12:33 pm rating: 91
#44
Mills
Dear Mom,
I have reserved our flight for the appearance on “The Dr. Phil Show.” Thanks for the heads up about watching my weight. I could never have broken off the engagement without your help. The marriage probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway. Gosh, you are such a tremendous support! I don’t know how I could function without you!
xoxo, Katie
PS Please call the Eating Disorder Clinic and let them know I will be a few minutes late for my counseling session. I will be stopping by Burger King for 6 Whoppers on my way and then the rest stop to purge before I go.
Apr 29, 2010 at 3:07 pm rating: 90
#45
RJ
I would have bought a crate of Ex-Lax and sent mom the receipt so she could see her check went to good use in ‘insuring’ (learn to spell, mom) I didn’t gain a pound before wedding day. What a bee-yotch!
Apr 29, 2010 at 3:44 pm rating: 90
#46
ISpy
Dear Katie,
You are beautiful now (THAT YOU LOST ALL THAT WEIGHT.) We are sure you will be a beautiful bride (BUT WE THINK YOU MAY RETURN TO YOUR EARLIER GLUTTONOUS WAYS.) To help insure our wedding dress investment (BECAUSE WE HAD BUDGETED FOR A CANVAS TENT NOT THE DESIGNER GOWN YOU INSISTED ON), please buy somes (CRAP, I ACCIDENTALLY ADDED AN “S” AND RUINED THE PERFECTION OF THIS NOTE) scales of your choosing with this money and weigh yourself once a week (AT LEAST. YOU KNOW HOW THOSE POUNDS CAN CREEP BACK ON.) We love you (MORE AT YOUR CURRENT WEIGHT) and want you to enjoy your wedding day (AT YOUR CURRENT WEIGHT.) This present might help with some of the stress (OF POSSIBLE WEIGHT GAIN, BUT NOT OF HAVING LAME, SHALLOW CONTROLLING PARENTS LIKE US.)
With (CONDITIONAL) Love, Mom & Dad
Apr 29, 2010 at 3:54 pm rating: 91
#47
Amber
Wow… are you sure my MIL didn’t write this? I invited her with my wedding party to try on dresses. She seemed to think my size 2 dress was “squeezing my back fat” & told the sales person, bridesmaids, and anyone who would listen. And yeah, I needed a 4…
Apr 29, 2010 at 4:06 pm rating: 91
#48
Rebekah
Lucille Bluth from Arrested Development must have wrote this note
Apr 29, 2010 at 4:17 pm rating: 90
#49
Chicken Underwear
That is why we have therapists
Apr 29, 2010 at 7:39 pm rating: 90
#50
Blogmella
“Once a week”? That isn’t enough, surely? She should weigh herself every morning, every night, after everything she eats and every time she goes to the bathroom. Duh.
Apr 30, 2010 at 1:36 am rating: 90
#51
The Rockie
Whoever let a comment like this become the starter for “an eating disorder”, pretty much deserve the fucking “eating disorder”. This world is becoming way too PC.
BTW, my mom is the best scale on weight issues “You’re WAY too skinny and not in a good way” (to me when I was 105 pounds), “You’re WAY too fat and not in a good way” (to my sis when she reached 200 pounds), “You look good” (to me when I was 128 pounds and my sis about 130 pounds). I am still skinny, my sister is still fat and we both eat, don’t starve, neither purge.
Regarding your note, give us the background. Because, from my POV of view it can be interpreted as : “Do not lose anymore weight” or “Do not gain a lot of weight!”.
Apr 30, 2010 at 10:04 am rating: 90
#52
Cordelia
I would love to know just how much the mother weighs. I bet she was a “pleasantly plump” bride (as Carolyn Keene would say) and still hasn’t gotten over it decades later.
I hope when it came time for the bride and groom to slice the cake the daughter threw herself on top of it, devouring the whole thing in a gluttonous frenzy. Just to keep mom proud!
May 1, 2010 at 12:03 pm rating: 90
#53
Sika
So if she weighed 115 when this was written…is anyone wondering how much she weighs now
May 2, 2010 at 11:49 pm rating: 90
#54
Pippi Gardulla
The parents sound like thorough and complete goiters. I would have uninvited them to the wedding.
May 3, 2010 at 12:22 pm rating: 90
#55
shwonline
Mr. and Mrs. Pat A. Notes
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Katie Anne
to
Mr. John Quincy Public
on Saturday, the sixth of September
two thousand and three
at 11 o’clock in the morning
First Church
Oklahoma City
NO FAT CHICKS
May 3, 2010 at 12:51 pm rating: 91
#56
zomboid
she should have used the cheque to buy a fat suit
May 4, 2010 at 3:25 pm rating: 90
#57
lala
“You are beautiful now”
NOW? NOW!?!?!
Oh Katie, i’ve never even seen you, but I want to tell you that you have ALWAYS been beautiful. I am so happy you are so normal and well adjusted. Stay pretty.
May 7, 2010 at 3:14 pm rating: 90
#58
Bauble
I’m pretty sure mom was supposed to use ‘ensure’ instead of ‘insure.’
May 8, 2010 at 7:08 pm rating: 90
#59 This is like offering your seat to a lady with a poofy empire waist top...only worse. | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com — funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people
[...] I am beautiful, not matter what they say (or passive-aggressively insinuate) [...]
May 11, 2010 at 8:17 pm rating: 90
#60
ty509
Okay, I actually know a recent bride who gained roughly 20lbs between investing in her wedding dress and the ceremony. She had to have half the dress butchered just to fit in it. It cost her parents extra money and was extremely noticeable during the ceremony. Her entire family was pretty much appalled that after her family investing the money (which did not come easy), she couldn’t be bothered to avoid gorging herself for a few months.
If your mom paid for the dress, try to fit in it.
Also, being encouraged to maintain a stable weight instead of bloating up is not the same thing as encouraging an eating disorder.
May 12, 2010 at 1:03 am rating: 90
#61
abby
she spelled “ensure” wrong. her opinion is invalid.
May 12, 2010 at 2:18 pm rating: 91
#62
TootsNYC
I don’t think she DID use the wrong “ensure”–I think she was thinking of “insure,” like “insurance, which will keep you from losing mone if something goes wrong.”
I wanna know how expensive that dress was–bcs it sounds like it completely freaked her mom out!
“OMG, what if the stress makes her gain weight, and she can’t fit in that expensive dress! It’s not like we can just return it and get our money back!!”
and wedding dresses are usually ordered MONTHS before the ceremony, so it’s a genuine worry.
May 12, 2010 at 8:48 pm rating: 90
#63
TootsNYC
Or, this, perhaps
Dear Katie,
You are beautiful now (SO PLEASE DON’T THINK THIS LETTER IS A SNIDE WAY TO SAY WE THINK YOU’RE FAT, BECAUSE WE DON’T.) We are sure you will be a beautiful bride (BECAUSE WE THINK YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.) To help insure our wedding dress investment (BECAUSE WE’RE STILL IN SHOCK ABOUT HOW MUCH THAT DRESS COST, EVEN THOUGH IT’S BEAUTIFUL), please buy somes scales of your choosing with this money (BECAUSE WE’D NEVER SUGGEST THAT YOU SPEND YOUR OWN MONEY ON OUR NEUROSIS) and weigh yourself once a week (NOT DAILY OR ANYTHING–JUST SO YOU HAVE A HEAD’S-UP IF THE POUNDS START TO SLOWLY CREEP ON). We love you (SO PLEASE DON’T THINK WE’RE TRYING TO IMPLY YOU’RE INADEQUATE–THAT’S NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT) and want you to enjoy your wedding day (WHICH WON’T BE EASY IF THIS DRESS YOU LOVE SO MUCH DOESN’T FIT.) This present might help with some of the stress (BECAUSE STRESS SOMETIMES MAKES PEOPLE GAIN WEIGHT, AND MAYBE YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT THAT. IF YOU HAVE THE SCALES, YOU’LL KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING WHILE IT’S STILL EASY TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.)
With Love, Mom & Dad
May 12, 2010 at 8:56 pm rating: 90
#64
TootsNYC
(gain weight, not wait)
May 12, 2010 at 8:58 pm rating: 90
#65
Pookster
Though the card is in poor taste, I can’t help but think it’s a little funny. If Katie’s mother is very old fashioned, she may have actually thought she was doing this as a reasonable favor or sound advice. I worked in estate planning for awhile & many of our firm’s clients were 65+, with ideals comparable to this one. Mom probably thought because it was in a card, she was being more sensitive.
As for Katie, because she is laughing about it & doesn’t seem hurt, then clearly she is well adjusted. And probably happily married, living without Mom.
May 20, 2010 at 11:45 am rating: 90
#66
Kristin
Hey, my mom did almost the exact same thing before my wedding, except she told my fiance that if I couldn’t fit into my dress, someone would be wearing it and insinuated he was fat also by poking him in the stomach. I feel this poor woman’s pain. I was in the same shape and my dress almost ended up loose due to all the stress.
May 28, 2010 at 1:27 pm rating: 90
#67 The “Next to Marry” List | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com —
[...] We are sure you will be a beautiful bride, but… [...]
Jun 2, 2010 at 9:20 am rating: 90
#68
James Lasie
Loved the article, plenty of great advice. When it comes to hosting a wedding, my advice is to shop around a bit.
Jun 3, 2010 at 9:45 am rating: 90
#69
Eve
This is why my mother is a smart woman……we found a dress that isn’t pricey and has a corset so even if my weight changes I can still fit into it…..if only people thought ahead and did smart things
Jun 3, 2010 at 10:57 pm rating: 90
#70 A few choice words from Mom | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com — funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people
[...] truly skilled in the art of passive-aggression don’t need much to make their feelings [...]
Jun 8, 2010 at 4:11 pm rating: 90
#71
Alex
Maybe Mom just didn’t want her daughter to LOSE too much weight, and in the process ruin the fit of the dress.
DIDN’T THINK OF THAT ONE DID YA
Jun 11, 2010 at 3:30 pm rating: 90
#72 "Just enough." | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] Take this and go buy yourself a couple of scales, okay, sweetie? [...]
Aug 5, 2010 at 9:24 pm rating: 90
#73 Best wishes, godless heathens! | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] our bristling bride: “I felt like telling her she could keep her $50 and her guilt trip, too, but decided I would [...]
Oct 27, 2010 at 8:07 pm rating: 90
#74 Funniest notes of 2010 | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] Mom’s passive-aggressive wedding gift [...]
Dec 31, 2010 at 12:12 am rating: 90
#75 Happy Valentine’s Day to my son…and the harlot with whom he’s living in sin. | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] Virginia had been living together for two years when they received this Valentine from his mother, “with the not-so-subtle implication that we should take our relationship to the next [...]
May 13, 2011 at 9:46 am rating: 90
#76 Best Wedding Card Ever
[...] First found here. [...]
Aug 2, 2011 at 8:10 am rating: 90
#77 Best Wedding Card Ever
[...] found here. #dd_ajax_float{ background:none repeat scroll 0 0 #FFFFFF; border:1px solid #DDDDDD; float:left; [...]
Aug 11, 2011 at 11:03 am rating: 90
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