You’re a zookeeper. You’re sick of answering the same damn question all day long. How do you handle it?
Well, there’s the PC approach…
The pedantic approach…
And then there’s my personal favorite, the German approach.
(Thanks to Gina in Cincinnati, Sarah in Los Angeles, and Andrea in Berlin for their submissions!)
related: Don’t die; it’s expensive
122 responses so far ↓
#1
Jen
The place where I work just says “exhibit in development”
We clearly need better signs.
Jul 15, 2010 at 5:15 pm rating: 90
#2
HandyMarigolds
No better epitaph than “Why did you feed me to death?”
I want that on my tombstone!
Jul 15, 2010 at 5:26 pm rating: 90
#3
The Great Joe Bivins
Little German children wake up screaming, their dreams haunted by vengeful gluttonous ponies.
Jul 15, 2010 at 5:47 pm rating: 90
#4
Andi
Oh yeah, I love the last one. Doncha know humans need blunt to get it through their skulls?
Jul 15, 2010 at 6:04 pm rating: 90
#5
infant tyrone
Mommy, can we donate that old VHS tape rewinder to the aquarium ?
Maybe if they rewind the octopus it can play again.
Do you think they need seven more to make it work right ?
Jul 15, 2010 at 7:00 pm rating: 90
#6
wright1
“Well, little Billy, are you SURE the cages are empty? Why don’t you lean in and take a closer look…?”
(foot poised, URBAN PRIMATE plaque held behind back…)
Jul 15, 2010 at 7:03 pm rating: 90
#7
QuarterRoy00
That pony must have been a lovely snack for Death during his German holiday.
Jul 15, 2010 at 7:11 pm rating: 90
#8
dixiechick
That pony was fucking… >sigh< No. I can't do it.
Jul 15, 2010 at 7:21 pm rating: 90
#9
Na
I love the last one, makes people fully realise the consequences of feeding the animals and not obeying the rules.
Jul 15, 2010 at 7:46 pm rating: 90
#10
Fridge Pirate
The octopus was fucking delicious!
Jul 15, 2010 at 7:56 pm rating: 90
#11
Fridge Pirate
The ocelot, leopard, and reindeers were fucking delicious!
Jul 15, 2010 at 7:59 pm rating: 90
#12
ISpy
Is there anything Fridge Pirate won’t eat?
Jul 15, 2010 at 9:35 pm rating: 90
#13
shwonline
Our octopus has completed its life cycle.
A new octopus will be here soon.
In the meantime, try our new fried “calamari” appetizer!
Jul 15, 2010 at 9:39 pm rating: 90
#14
shwonline
Look, mommy, a talking pony! What are you saying, talking pony? What? Oh, no! Mommy, it’s a talking zombie pony! ZOMBIE PONY!
Jul 15, 2010 at 9:45 pm rating: 90
#15
Having Fitz
Okay, perhaps I shouldn’t have fed the octopus, the reindeer, the ocelots, and the leopard to the pony…
Jul 15, 2010 at 10:42 pm rating: 90
#16
Canthz_B
Nothing like paying an arm and a leg to take your kids to the “zoo”, only to find out that Mom and Pop keep only one of everything (except the vermin in the cafeteria), and half of what they do have is either dead, sick or hibernating.
Jul 16, 2010 at 12:22 am rating: 90
#17
Anon in MI
Leave it to the Germans to turn *everything* into an overly dramatic episode.
Jul 16, 2010 at 12:25 am rating: 90
#18
Canthz_B
I may not be that bright, but it seems to me that if you start with a boy animal and a girl animal, they tend to make more animals.
That would both cut down on transport costs to replace old ones, and make for a nice revenue stream selling the offspring to other zoos.
Zoo keeping really ought to be a pretty sustainable industry…it’s as easy as sex!!
Jul 16, 2010 at 12:28 am rating: 90
#19
meri
life cycle…like Logan’s Run? That octopus never had a chance.
Jul 16, 2010 at 1:44 am rating: 90
#20
Froget menot
.. Coming to getya …
G.W Octopony.
Jul 16, 2010 at 4:25 am rating: 90
#21
wfa
I worked at a zoo and caught people feeding fries to the otters; signs are not enough, I suggest savage beatings.
Jul 16, 2010 at 6:46 am rating: 90
#22
Christine
I love that the Germans have a single word that means “to feed to death.”
Jul 16, 2010 at 7:05 am rating: 90
#23
Froget menot
C ‘mon lets play Toys r’them!
Team Santa and The Serengeti Allspots.
Jul 16, 2010 at 7:19 am rating: 90
#24
Angela
They should sell the first signs to people trying to explain death to their kids. “Grandpa has completed his life cycle.”
Jul 16, 2010 at 7:46 am rating: 90
#25
Zapakh
The octopus was excellent.
Here is an external photo that epitomizes the great circle of life.
http://www.google.com/maps?ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=Cincinnati,+Hamilton,+Ohio+45206&ll=39.094926,-84.49711&spn=0.005604,0.010364&z=17&layer=c&cbll=39.094926,-84.49711&cbp=12,0,,0,5&photoid=po-18568340
Jul 16, 2010 at 8:35 am rating: 90
#26
Helena
You know you’re PMSing when … you start to cry about these random zoo animals being dead. Not so much for the octopus (sorry, little—big?—fellow!), but that reindeer bit really got me. This seems like a clear indication that it’s time to pop another Midol.
Jul 16, 2010 at 8:42 am rating: 90
#27
nebraskawhit
That is terrible about the pony. People do really need to be told things like this bluntly or else they will never get it. At our local children’s zoo, they lost one of their seals because kids would throw rocks at it and it would eat the rocks!! WTH is wrong with people? Can’t parents teach their children the difference between right and wrong?! “Come on Jimmy, now aim for it’s head.” SO WRONG.
Jul 16, 2010 at 9:08 am rating: 90
#28
oi
and here I was wondering how come death missed me three times? Now I know! Death is aging and needs others to complete his job.
Jul 16, 2010 at 10:41 am rating: 90
#29
Froget menot
Braten Sie sie mit Knoblauch und Petersilie, mein liebe …
Jul 16, 2010 at 1:54 pm rating: 90
#30
Xenobiologista
THE GERMANS KILLED THE OCTOPUS!!!
.
.
.
.
^ in case any clueless US Americans are reading this, please Google “paul the octopus world cup semifinal”.
Jul 17, 2010 at 8:46 am rating: 90
#31
RunForTheRoses
The poor pony… Tried to be an international supermodel but they laughed her off the catwalk. Forced to move out of her mod flat, and reduced to life in the confines of a German zoo, she drowned her sorrows in carrots and cheap grain. A vicious binge-purge cycle commenced, and the zookeepers tried to stop it with signs. Despairing, jacked up on coke, and dreaming of taaaaaasty apples, she escaped and ate the octopus. It’s all a big coverup. And the octopus was fucking delicious…
Jul 17, 2010 at 11:06 am rating: 90
#32
pilgrimchick
Incredible–really. The last one literally renders one speechless.
Jul 18, 2010 at 10:43 am rating: 90
#33
saint gobnet
The last one just looks like someone made bubbles and typed it in via Photoshop. Am I the only one who thinks this?
Jul 18, 2010 at 12:10 pm rating: 90
#34
sunshynegrll
(sob) You killed Buttered Stuff!
Jul 18, 2010 at 9:29 pm rating: 90
#35
patrick
I agree that summer is the worst possible time to acquire a new critter. Any new critter.
Jul 19, 2010 at 1:01 am rating: 90
#36
orinoco womble
Yes, sometimes animals do grow old and die. Sometimes, they are fed too much and die.
But sometimes, just sometimes, the park owners don’t know how to take care of the animals….or run out of money…and they still die.
Jul 19, 2010 at 2:04 am rating: 90
#37
Brooklyn Jim
Well, no sense letting a perfectly good pony go to waste. [drool!]
Jul 19, 2010 at 7:44 pm rating: 90
#38
Jolie Krystova
Try showing them something spectacular! http://mytape.com/tbremmer/albums/1041/12233
Aug 6, 2010 at 6:24 am rating: 90
#39
itsazoo
Most zoo visitors consider it their right to do whatever they want in the name of their children having fun. The German sign would not have phased anyone at the zoo where I worked and the zoo frowned on negativity in its signage. It’s difficult, sometimes, not to call visitors dolts, ot worse.
Aug 6, 2010 at 10:37 am rating: 90
#40
Krissy
what zoo is the german one?
Aug 9, 2010 at 3:01 am rating: 90
#41 The most pitiful folk song never written | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] couldn’t help but think of poor Snowman, the ill-fated pony from the German petting zoo (and as I see it, kindred spirit to this old lady in [...]
Sep 25, 2010 at 12:33 pm rating: 90
#42 Funniest (not necessarily passive-aggressive) notes of 2010 | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] The saddest zoo in the world [...]
Dec 31, 2010 at 12:41 pm rating: 90
#43
Engagement Rings
Well, at least the German’s used pictures to soften the message a bit. I think the second note, though, was the most PC. Although, I’m sure then a child would ask where the animals who died went…
Mar 11, 2011 at 3:49 pm rating: 90
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