Happy birthday dear what’s-his-face

September 5th, 2010 · 57 comments

Jo in Australia received this message from an ex-boyfriend via the dating site OKCupid. “This was where we met, so I guess he was trying to be poignant,” Jo says. “For obvious reasons,” — a.k.a. THEY WERE BROKEN UP — “I neglected to call him on his birthday. This clearly brought up more deep-seated self-esteem issues.” Nothin’ sexier than that!

Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday dear what's 'is face, Happy Birthday to me. Just wanted to thank you for the care and concern you showed over the last two weeks by returning my calls and remembering me on my birthday. I think your silence spoke the volumes you wanted it to. I am hurt. I am sure it galls you to owe money to somebody who is clearly just a pest so i have included my account details below. If you could also mail back the missing Battlestar episodes I leant your brother that would be appreciated. Devastated that we fell so far.

“Replying to him is out of the question,” Jo adds — “I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of words.” Instead, she took the passive-aggressive approach: submitting it to this site.

related: So glad we’re not together!

FILED UNDER: Australia · birthday · ex drama · just not that into you · online dating · thanks (but not really)

57 responses so far ↓

  • #1   TippingCows


    By the way, why do you owe him money?
    Clearly that is the real issue that bothers him.
    The birthday thing is the reason he tells you that you should have called him.
    But he really just wants his money.
    Oh, and the Battlestar episodes.

    Sep 5, 2010 at 12:41 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Agreed

      Seconding. I think he mentions the birthday less out of self-pity and more in an attempt to make her feel guilty so that she pays him back.

      A friend of mine is struggling to get paid back by an ex-boyfriend, and at this point she’d probably resort to something like this to get the cash back, if there were any chance it would work.

      Sep 5, 2010 at 1:40 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   zenvelo

    Knowing OkCupid, she should (1) block him from messaging her, and (2) give him an “award” …

    Sep 5, 2010 at 12:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   Jonathan

    Block and blog, as we used to say in flagmod.

    Sep 5, 2010 at 12:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   Steve

    OK, this guy’s a douche, but has anybody pointed out the passive-aggressiveness of submitting personal notes to this website? The assertive thing to do is return his stuff and tell him to piss off.

    Sep 5, 2010 at 1:07 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Sean Jungian

      That’s what I like most about this site, it is almost always a two-fer. I especially enjoy the submissions from people who hope to gain support for their own bad behavior.

      Really, why DID she borrow money from him and not pay him back? There’s almost always at least two douches involved in a p/a note.

      Sep 5, 2010 at 1:16 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Maas

      I kind of like the clearly personal notes that third parties have stumbled across, because the submitter has no editorializing back-story, and we get to imagine what must have brought about the exchanges. Though trying to guess what a biased submitter isn’t telling us can be fun too, and in these cases involved parties may read the comments.

      Sep 5, 2010 at 1:27 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   Ndawg

      “…but has anybody pointed out the passive-aggressiveness of submitting personal notes to this website?”

      Why, yes, Steve, someone has. It’s in the original post above. I quote Kerry’s zinger above: “Instead, she took the passive-aggressive approach: submitting it to this site.”

      Sep 6, 2010 at 11:54 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   Laure

    Team Birthday Boy. If you never want to deal with someone again, step one is giving them their money back.

    Sep 5, 2010 at 1:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   caroline

      totally agree! it shows such a lack of character on her part to give him the silence treatment when she owes him money!
      she just doesn’t wanna pay him back…
      poor guy!

      Sep 5, 2010 at 1:51 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   bellybionic

      Well, that depends. I used to date a guy who, about a week after I dumped him, sent me an itemized bill for my half of every date he’d ever paid for. Just because he says she owes him money doesn’t mean she actually does.

      Though if she does really owe him money, she should definitely pay him back. If only to ensure that he has no legitimate excuses for contacting her ever again.

      Sep 5, 2010 at 2:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   Lucy

      Agreed – team b’day boy. I can’t see him handing his bank details over if the money he’s referring to is for ‘dates paid for’.

      Lesson – don’t submit a PA note if you don’t want people to think you’re a cheapwad.

      Sep 5, 2010 at 2:40 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.4   Hepcat

      bellybionic, some scumbag did that to my mother. He actually took her to court to get back money for dates and his unbelievably crappy handmade gifts.

      He was 86 years old.

      Sep 7, 2010 at 9:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.5   ariane

      Did she break up with him to avoid paying him back? I have known more than one person who did that. One of them did it repeatedly; pick a pigeon, start a “relationship,” borrow some bucks, then break up. And of course isolate the person with caller ID, banning/blocking, etc.

      Sep 7, 2010 at 12:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   Bunnee

    The pest better be careful that she doesn’t clean out his account. Why would he give account info to an ex? Why can’t she just mail him a check, along with the Battlestar episodes?

    *sigh* I guess we’ll never know.

    Sep 5, 2010 at 1:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Gretchen

      Your details which would allow someone to wire money into (but not out of) your account are on every check you write, you know. In Europe they have IBAN numbers which allow people to directly transfer money to an account, and I assume in Australia they have something similar. That’s probably what he meant.

      Sep 5, 2010 at 2:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   vj

      Most people in Australia wouldn’t have a cheque account, because no businesses accept cheques.

      Making a “direct deposit” into someone’s account is a very common payment method.

      Sep 5, 2010 at 6:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   Nack

      Especially the Battlestar episodes. It’s only right to give back the ex’s things. And it’s her responsibility to collect that from her brother to give back to him. The only reason he had access to it was their relationship so… her problem, just like sending him the cash back.

      This smells of a guy that was ditched prematurely to his knowledge of the fact. She stalled and that’s why she hasn’t the balls to write him back to say anything. She doesn’t want to be responsible to start with, and this is only highlighting it.

      And, while this is really PA, it reeks of genuine hurt. Bad form on submitter’s part.

      Sep 5, 2010 at 8:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   Bunnee

      Yeah, Gretchen, I know about checks, considering I’ve been in banking for about 20 years. Believe me, I’ve seen the hassle involved when giving out your account details to people who don’t neccesarily need it. Team mailing money orders to ex boyfriends!

      …and yes, I realize I said “a check” instead of “money order” in my first comment. Early senility may be kicking in.

      Sep 6, 2010 at 10:15 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   Angela

    Is her ex-boyfriend Dwight from The Office? That’s the only person I know that can ask for a Battlestar Galactica DVD and not become even more of a loser.

    Sep 5, 2010 at 1:51 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   jules

      what is wrong with you. BSG is awesome and not on either netflix or hulu. :P

      Sep 5, 2010 at 2:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   Anna

      Well, he does have the 3 B’s: Birthdays, Bucks, and Battlestar Galactica.

      Sep 5, 2010 at 6:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   Kim

      Have you ever actually seen Battlestar Galactica? It was consistently rated as one of the best shows on television. I don’t want to sound passive-aggressive, so I’ll just say: you’re obnoxious.

      Sep 5, 2010 at 11:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   Silence

      Seriously. BSG is pretty awesome. I’m an unrepentant nerd, but it’s still a really, really well-done piece of television.

      Sep 5, 2010 at 11:51 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   Jeff

    What a total git. Good job on breaking up with this asshat.

    Sep 5, 2010 at 6:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   Missy

    I’m so dissapointed in the “team birthday boy” people. This dude is obviously a little unhinged. Perhaps you’re all from the USA but here in Australia guys who whine like that deserve to (and usually do) get slapped!

    Sep 5, 2010 at 6:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Silence

      Ah, Australia. Where “real men” carry 10-inch knives and hunt crocodiles, and would never feel bad after a breakup, or want their money and property back.

      Keep perpetuating those stereotypes, they’re obviously fair dinkum.

      Sep 5, 2010 at 11:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   Nack

      Real Men don’t “Slap”.

      Sep 6, 2010 at 12:35 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   caroline

      it doesn’t matter how whiny he is… SHE OWES HIM MONEY!
      until she pays him back, she has no right to say he’s being passive-aggressive…

      Sep 6, 2010 at 5:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.4   pylgrim

      Ah yer, Australia. Where if bitch dump’d ya, ya just rape the bitch and take the money back with interests, fer cryin’ out loud! Hell, she might be so turned on by that display of manliness that she might even beg for a reconciliation.

      By the way, australian here. Just poking some fun at the poster and her ridiculous stereotypes. Wondering if she also gets men she dates to loan her some cash and then dump them and tell them to stop whining if they demand the money back.

      Sep 6, 2010 at 9:27 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.5   Canthz_B bang

      Wasn’t “Macho Man” sung by a bunch of gay guys?

      Sep 6, 2010 at 11:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.6   Spooky

      Missy, your little corner of Australia sounds like a hellhole. Please stay there.

      In the civilised parts of Australia, we pay our debts. People who suggest others get slapped for asking for their cash back have probably watched one too many episodes of Underbelly.

      Sep 14, 2010 at 9:09 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   AuntyBron

    Why is he asking her for the BSG tape? He lent it to her brother, not her.

    Sep 5, 2010 at 7:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   Thatwasdelicious

    this goes without saying but it hasn’t been pointed out yet. Those BSG tapes were delicious.

    Sep 5, 2010 at 7:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   MadRabbit

    I think Jo may confusing sarcasm with passive-aggressiveness . I think the last line of his message makes it obvious.

    Sep 5, 2010 at 7:42 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   Boxstacker

    Dude, give him back his Battlestar stuff, keeping it is just petty.

    Sep 5, 2010 at 9:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   Janellionaire

    Ugh. Boys. Stop being such girls! We got it covered, k?

    Sep 6, 2010 at 3:25 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   Sarah

    Clearly she’s in the wrong over the money, or she would have explained it.

    Sep 6, 2010 at 6:32 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   Kel

    I, too, think he’s being sarcastic.
    Submitter is a douchbagette for not paying him back nor returning the lame-ass DVD.
    Team Birthday Boy here!

    Sep 6, 2010 at 9:47 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   Woman on the Verge bang

    This is what happens when you get “romantically” involved with a hooker. Now he wants to charge for all of those “dates”. Money that was “borrowed” indeed.

    Sep 6, 2010 at 10:59 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #18   Woman on the Verge bang

    Frak. Claw and I use Battlestar-speak all the time. He likes to use his Boomer to Starbuck my Apollo. When he goes all Commander Adama on me, I know I had better play cyclon or it will get all flash inspection.

    Sep 6, 2010 at 11:02 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #19   Flip-Flappin'

    …sooo, he’s available, right?

    Sep 6, 2010 at 11:13 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #20   April

    IF she really does owe him money just pay him back already and get him his disc back and then you can block him and never speak or hear from him again. Otherwise as long as you owe him money and has his stuff he has every right to continue to bother you.

    Team Battlestar is an awesome show!

    Sep 6, 2010 at 5:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #21   People Person

    Yeah, it’s “BSG”, jerkwad, not “Battlestar.”

    Sep 6, 2010 at 6:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #22   Loser

    I’m always skeptical of reverse IOUs from exes. Last time I ended a relationship, I thought it had gone well–very amicable, very polite. Couple of months later, he sent me a list of gifts he had sent me, and which he wanted back. I’m a nice person–I’d have returned them–except, none of them had been to my taste, and I’d donated them to Goodwill ages ago.

    He still pesters me about these things, to this day, and will not accept offers of money. Oh, no. He wants his things. So weird.

    Sep 6, 2010 at 8:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #23   cathy

    Just because you’re broken up doesn’t mean you have to withhold basic acts of friendship. If he were violent or intrusive, then I would understand resorting to a total communication black out. But Jo doesn’t mention that.

    The only time I told an ex to get lost was when he became emotionally abusive to me after he broke off the relationship. As for the ones who were never mean, I continue to care about them. It would really hurt me to know if they’re feeling lonely or rejected even if they’re not my “responsibility” anymore. But this submitter finds her ex’s hurt feelings quite hilarious.

    So Jo from Australia, you’re an icy, cold-hearted bitch. You did this guy a favor by breaking it off because he can do so much better than a sociopath like you. Get your brother to mail back the DVDs. Settle the financial dispute. Dive back into the dating pool and go find the asshole you really deserve.

    Then maybe one day he’ll be posting a whining, pleading post-break up note on this site, written by YOU.

    Sep 6, 2010 at 10:27 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #24   Ammy

    Did it occur to anyone that maybe she did have a legitimate reason for completely breaking off contact with this guy and maybe she just doesn’t mention it? If she had said he pulled a Tiger Woods on her, would you still feel bad for him? Or would you continue cutting her down for mentioning it and besmirching his reputation? Honestly, some of you scare me a little with the vindictiveness of your responses to the submitter. It’s rare that a breakup is as one-sided as some of you make it sound. I doubt she is purely a “cold-hearted bitch” as much as I doubt that he didn’t have his good moments, but there was obviously some incompatibility.

    Sep 7, 2010 at 6:04 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Helen

      Yeah, but in this case they weren’t married so she’s not entitled to keeping half (or part) of his possessions.

      Sep 7, 2010 at 8:26 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #25   Patty

    Really? Ya’ll take his creepy word that she owes him money. Maybe she owes him nothing. It’s a one sided post with very little background info to go on. Judgemental people.

    Sep 7, 2010 at 6:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #26   Kara

    I’m just wondering if she broke up with him and didn’t tell him about it. Like, those two weeks of silence were her “Hey I’m breaking up with you.”

    I’ve seen that happen before but this is just a thought.

    It is also her responsibility to return all things that were his because her brother received the DVDs because of her relationship.

    To Patty: Truly we can’t make any assumptions about either one of them. He might be a perfectly nice guy, not “creepy”. She might be a perfectly nice woman and not an “icy, cold hearted bitch”. Also, I would just like to point out that even though you are telling others to quit being judgmental, you yourself are judging the ex-boyfriend by calling his word “creepy”.

    Sep 7, 2010 at 8:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #27   Divvitar

    Ok, let me get this straight… this loser just left his bank account information on this note? The joke’s on him when he goes to the bank and finds it cleaned out and the account closed!

    Sep 8, 2010 at 12:09 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #28   Mo®

    She wouldn’t do the weird stuff on the second date and this is why they broke up. His idea of weird may have been too weird for her.

    Sep 8, 2010 at 1:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #29   josh42042

    bitch, return to BSG discs!

    Sep 9, 2010 at 8:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #30   Odious

    Not getting his stuff back to him: lame, mean and p/a. Try using the mail.

    Sep 11, 2010 at 5:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #31   Nate

    Bitch, give him his shit back. Seriously….

    Sep 17, 2010 at 9:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #32   Anne

    You know, paying him the money you owe and making your brother give back his property wouldn’t require any words at all. Just saying. Also, maybe he’s contacting you via OKCupid not to make a point but because you won’t return his calls.

    Nov 15, 2010 at 7:59 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #33   Gwendolyn

    This is why I never EVER lend money to anyone or try to borrow it. And if I do, as soon as I get some I give it back.

    If you want to stop a relationship of whichever kind it’s better to settle everything before it becomes a resentment like this.

    Nov 28, 2010 at 6:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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