The passive-aggressive mailbox prankster

December 15th, 2010 · 43 comments

Stuffing your neighbor’s mailbox with a bag of dog poo/a dead rodent/a hundred boxes of orange tic-tacs? So amateur. If you really want to drive someone crazy, try repeatedly scratching out her name and writing “VACANT” over it instead. Apparently, it works like a charm.

Dear whoever keeps finding it necessary to inform the mail carrier my apartment is vacant, It is not. I do live here and have a need to receive my mail. Please mind your own business and stop fucking around in other people's mail boxes.  Sincerely, Apt. D

related: Stop ordering McDonald’s and then not answering your door!

FILED UNDER: going postal · i before e · irregular capitalization · neighbors · New Orleans

43 responses so far ↓

  • #1   lagne

    I’d pay good money to watch someone fuck around inside a mailbox.

    Dec 15, 2010 at 10:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   pony girl

      I’m sure there’s a website for that.

      Dec 15, 2010 at 10:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Mark bang

      Rule 34.

      Dec 16, 2010 at 9:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   FeRD bang

    That note’s pretty entertaining, but I’m actually more interested in the little “VACANT” label below it. Did Arf install his complicatedly-three-dimensional missive into the box, but inexplicably leave in place the very thing he was objecting to? Or did his mysterious tormenter once again come along, find the note, and then just go right ahead and mark it “VACANT” anyway? Because screw Arf, that’s why!

    Dec 15, 2010 at 11:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   park rose bang

      There’s no point asking,
      You’ll get no reply

      Oh we’re so pretty
      Oh so pretty. . .

      Dec 15, 2010 at 11:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Alicia

      Am I missing something? Who is Arf?

      Dec 15, 2010 at 11:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   Reggie

      I believe she misread “Apt D” as “Arf D”.

      Dec 16, 2010 at 12:03 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   sleeps

      Which is odd; you’d think ‘Art’ would be a more logical leap.

      Dec 16, 2010 at 1:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.5   FeRD bang

      It’s called sarcasm, clearly you’ve never heard of it! ;)

      Well, that, and taking advantage of notewriters’ handwriting ambiguities. Because it’s more fun if it says “Arf!” …It is to me, anyway.

      (I actually did misread “Apt D” as “Art D”. Which I found lacking, as a nom de p-an. Hence, ∴, “Arf”. QED, and… stuff.)

      …Then again, Reggie misread me as a “she”, so we’re none of us hittin’ the bullseye.

      But Sue’s to Blame! (Didn’t you read the credits?)

      Dec 17, 2010 at 6:19 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.6   Divvitar

      Funny…I saw “Aft” D. Insert your own joke here.

      Dec 17, 2010 at 12:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   Marcy

    ‘I’ before ‘e’ except after ‘c’!!!

    Dec 15, 2010 at 11:40 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Who? Me?

      That caught my attention too :-)

      Dec 16, 2010 at 2:23 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      As I have said before, “I before e except after vodka”.

      Dec 16, 2010 at 2:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   zanie

      That vodka was fucking delicious!!!

      Sorry WOTV, I had to do it.

      Dec 16, 2010 at 10:41 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   shwo! bang

    The fact that the apartment signed the note makes this super creepy…

    Dec 15, 2010 at 11:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   ashmeadow

      Wouldn’t any Apt. be upset if the mail carrier didn’t fill her box? Makes an Apt. desperate if her box has gone without mail for a long time. Frankly, mailblocking is quite cruel, especially when it’s preceded by fucking around.

      Dec 16, 2010 at 9:45 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   Rhamza

    A three dimensional letter really sounds like a good idea, except where the heck does the mail go if the message is so large? Just wondering…

    I love how the actual apartment is worried about this person stealing it’s occupants letters. ;)

    Dec 16, 2010 at 12:25 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   Lenny!

    Well there’s your problem. Apparently since the apartment is the one receiving the mail and is the one who signed this oh so lovely note, others must have assumed that the inside of Apt D is vacant, believing Apt D ate the previous occupants.

    Dec 16, 2010 at 12:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   The Elf

      Apt D got lonely because no one ever wrote to him. It then succumbed to emotional eating, namely its’ residents. Alas, this only made the problem worse as now everyone thinks Apt D is vacant. Poor Apt D. Not even Valpack coupons likes it.

      Dec 16, 2010 at 11:08 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   Who? Me?

    I’m starting to feel sorry for the poor mail carrier who has to read this note (day after day after day after day …) Though perhaps it breaks up the monotony.

    So now I’m wondering what is the wildest thing that the mail carrier ever found in the boxes on his route …

    Dec 16, 2010 at 2:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   The Elf

      I’m pretty sure there’s a website for that, too.

      Dec 16, 2010 at 11:09 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   anglophile

    If this doesn’t work, Apt D is going to have to move on to more drastic measures, like filling the mailbox with marbles, or maybe rigging up a can o’ snakes inside.

    Dec 16, 2010 at 5:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   Splint Chesthair

    This happened to me! On my first job, I traveled often for weeks at a time. I always had my mailed held or forwarded and every time I came back home, someone ripped my name off the mailboxes and replaced it with a “Vacant” label and it would screw me up from getting my mail because I’d have it schedule to be delivered the morning of the day I’d get back and then I’d have to go clear it up because the mail carrier thought there was some mistake. It happened like 10 times! I don’t think it was a joke, just some ill informed person with good intentions who was screwing things up.

    Dec 16, 2010 at 6:42 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   clumber

      When I was a very little kid, like 5 or 6, the landlord of the house my parents rented would stick a “FOR RENT” sign in our lawn everytime we left for the weekend – camping or visiting relatives. I believe a few times he even changed the locks.

      As you can imagine, this is not a fond memory for my parents, though is mitigated somewhat by the fact that the landlord’s house burned down. One weekend when he had gone fishing and left his electric blanket turned on HIGH so it’d be warm when he got home… yeah it was WARM when he got home alright!

      Dec 16, 2010 at 11:22 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   April

      clumber: That is a crazy story. All I can think is maybe the landlord had a bunch of past tenants who would run out in the middle of the night with no notice or not paying up past due rent or damages so he just assumed everytime that you guys would do that and tried to rent it out again asap. A totally whackjob and wrong thing to do but that might be his reasoning.

      Why did he think you guys would just leave all your stuff though? Renters who do leave suddenly with no notice will leave behind belongings but only if they were crappy or trashy or just random stuff.

      Dec 16, 2010 at 1:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   clumber

      Holy crap – I made word of the day! My life is complete.

      April, I have no idea what caused him to do this to my folks. I mean how many renters would also leave one of their cars in the garage if they were running away? I was much too young to retain the details aside from the occasional knowing smirks on my dad’s face if he is reminded. Eventually my dad got tired of storming the landlord’s house carrying the FOR RENT signs and a hefty dose of umbrage, and he just stored them in the garage. I think he used them every Spring as kindling to burn the tent caterpillars. When my dad lived close enough for me to gift him over the holidays in person, I liked to give him an electric blanket ever few years, just to hear the story. Sadly he lives 2 time zones away now. :( I’ll email him tonight.

      Dec 17, 2010 at 12:39 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   Bellhalla

    What Arf D doesn’t realize is that those yellow vacant stickers are put there by mail carriers. Mostly to remind them not to put unaddressed third class mail, i.e. snail spam (Sorry, Uncle Paul!), in the box.

    Dec 16, 2010 at 6:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   April

      I was going to say this. When I moved into my old duplex the first time I ever check the mail I saw almost the exact same vacant sticker. So I was thinking it might be the mail carrier that did this too. I just remember removing it and I never had any problem and started getting mail.

      My advice is too call the USPS and ask about it.

      Dec 16, 2010 at 1:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   Bel

      Yup. I had my mail carrier do this to me because I refused to accept the junk mail he put in the mailbox at my apartment.

      I had a PO Box where I got my real mail and so never checked the one at home.

      That carrier didn’t like me much. Oh well.

      Dec 16, 2010 at 3:42 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   Mo®

    Oh I bet it was those bitches in Apt 3-G or that beady-eyed busybody Mary Worth scratching vacant on the mailbox.

    Dec 16, 2010 at 8:04 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Mel K

      The apartment was supposed to be vacant by now but one of the other residents did not keep up their part of the plan.

      Clearly Apt 3-G kept up their part of the arrangement to make it look like the resident skipped town quickly.

      The resident should be worried.

      Dec 16, 2010 at 4:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   Janey

    What I really want to know is…Who took the picture? Is it the vacant labeler, the appartment dweller, or the mail carrier?

    Dec 16, 2010 at 9:29 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   *snerk*

    Maybe the “vacant” is not a commentary on the apartment, but the occupant. You know, the lights are on, but nobody’s home?

    Dec 16, 2010 at 10:23 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   red velvet

    Isn’t tampering with the delivery of mail a federal crime? Quit with the PA notes and call the cops on this jerk.

    Dec 16, 2010 at 11:03 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   April

      This too. Instead of writing the note I would have called the USPS first to make sure it was not them doing it, then left a note for the mail carrier alerting them this is not a vacant mailbox. Then if it continued I would call the cops.

      You are not even allowed to open someone’s mailbox technically unless you work for USPS.

      Dec 16, 2010 at 1:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   bellabeastie

      My maillman is so totally dyslexic…I have lived here (three story house, three apt., ) and I have been here for going on three years, and this clown STILL can’t put the “deliveries” where they belong.

      Seriously, the girl on the third floor moved out two months ago, and he puts stuff in her mailbox still. Maybe if I wrote him a note and mixed up all the letters….

      Dec 16, 2010 at 3:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.3   FeRD bang

      I was steadily receiving mail for every previous tenant of my apartment, for at least the first 3 years I lived here. Probably longer. I counted 4+ completely different, unrelated names.

      Now that I’ve been here 5 years, that stuff seems to have died off, but I have a feeling it’s for lack of sending. The mail carrier certainly doesn’t seem to give a f— that mine is the only name on the box.

      Until the one! time! someone had a package sent to my apartment in his name, C/O mine. That, somehow, they managed to decide “wasn’t addressed to the occupant” and nearly returned-to-sender!

      I don’t know why they didn’t deliver it to one of my neighbors, like they do with half of the mail that is addressed to me!

      Dec 17, 2010 at 6:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   Woman on the Verge bang

    Why am I picturing some kids earnestly telling the postman that the apartment is vacant and then running off giggling?

    Dec 16, 2010 at 2:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   FeRD bang

      …Because you finished that book you’ve been reading, and there’s nothing good on TV?

      Dec 17, 2010 at 6:34 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   Non-Mommy

    I sickly find this very amusing. I wouldn’t do it, but it is kind of funny. Nothing says “Move out” than repeatedly putting “vacant” on the label.

    Dec 17, 2010 at 7:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   scarletpariah bang

    Apartment D can talk

    Dec 29, 2010 at 11:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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