Laura in Tempe, Arizona found this note posted in the laundry room of her apartment complex, where it’s common knowledge that if you wash your clothes late at night, you’d best grab as they’re done.
Now, I realize not everyone will appreciate the subtlety of this kind of crazy. And sure, notes about stolen laundry aren’t all that uncommon. But for some reason, the peculiar syntax and semi-twisted tone of this one really got me. English majors, can we get a close reading here?
related: Panty raid!
62 responses so far ↓
#1
Me
FIRST!!!! But I’m really wondering if the note-writer made it through the fourth grade. That, from my recollection, is when the “who” vs. “whom” distinction is made.
Feb 23, 2011 at 11:23 pm rating: 90
#2
K Nelson
It does seem to have been written by a child. What gets me is the “I still recall your acts.” as though they happened long long ago… maybe this is a haunting of some kind…
Feb 23, 2011 at 11:33 pm rating: 90
#3
Canthz_B
“I still recall your acts”?
How PA is it when you move to a place with your own in-unit washer and dryer and then feel the need to go back to your old apartment complex two years later to post a note in the laundry room?!
Hypnotic regression fans take heed, and watch your laundry!
Feb 23, 2011 at 11:36 pm rating: 90
#4
Seanette
I’m guessing English is not the writer’s native language.
Feb 23, 2011 at 11:38 pm rating: 90
#5
Melodie
Listen, lady, I don’t want to tell you how to live your life, but having such thoughts as “You are a low-life and I still recall your acts” is the whole entire reason why I have a drinking problem, and also insomnia.
Detach with love and move on, is what I recommend. You can change long before they ever will, I assure you.
Feb 23, 2011 at 11:43 pm rating: 90
#6
Canthz_B
Of course they can recall the Acts…I just never read anything in the Bible about laundry theft.
Guess now we know what Jesus would do if your dryer cycle ended and you weren’t around.
What?! He always seems to have on clean sheets when I see a painting of him!
Feb 23, 2011 at 11:50 pm rating: 90
#7
Canthz_B
The love in this note is so moving…how can nice guys finish last if, even after they steal your laundry, when they get cancer they can give such happiness?
Just goes to show you that life is all about “give and take”.
Feb 24, 2011 at 12:34 am rating: 90
#8
JetJackson
All I can think is…
Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya. You stole my washing from dryer number 17! Prepare to die!
Feb 24, 2011 at 12:51 am rating: 90
#9
dixiechick
This English major–and former teacher of Freshman Comp, so I’ve been through the wars of deciphering alien thought-processes–is still trying to parse this post.
All I can come up with is bad juju for somebody, either in a past or present life.
I’m going to nominate for “Bad Park You!”
Feb 24, 2011 at 1:03 am rating: 90
#10
heather
SYLLEPSIS – “get caught or cancer”
how poetic.
Feb 24, 2011 at 2:41 am rating: 90
#11
Emily
I teach people who are non-native English speakers, and none of them write with this kind of grammar. This person is either a child or an idiot.
Chill, people. Why would you ever do your laundry and just leave it there? I find that more rude than having someone remove the laundry from the washer/dryer. Just buy a washer if you’re that pissed.
Feb 24, 2011 at 5:43 am rating: 90
#12
nora
Low life doesn’t have a hyphen…
Feb 24, 2011 at 5:49 am rating: 90
#13
anglophile
The “get caught or cancer” reminded me of “let go and let God”, which always makes me grind my teeth with the awkwardness of it all.
Feb 24, 2011 at 8:22 am rating: 90
#14
KMacMurray
“Whom” is fancy for “who.” That’s how you know the writer is educated and serious.
Feb 24, 2011 at 9:33 am rating: 90
#15
aaa
Maybe it’s because TV Tropes ruins your life, but I feel an overwhelming urge to link to the article on disproportionate retribution.
Feb 24, 2011 at 9:40 am rating: 90
#16
bah
Oh, I hope you’re joking…. for that statement is so far from accurate it’s not even funny
Feb 24, 2011 at 10:32 am rating: 90
#17
Adriana
At a laundromat, I overheard a woman talking to her friend about how she’d had a $300 blouse stolen from a dryer at another laundromat. I was really feeling bad for her until she mentioned that she’d left it there overnight.
What?
Obviously, stealing is wrong, but if you leave your car unlocked with the keys in the ignition on a public street, you don’t expect to find it there in the morning. People steal, so if your clothes or your car or whatever you own is that important to you, then do what you can to protect your possessions.
Also, as a matter of basic laundromat courtesy, don’t let your clothes sit in washers and dryers for a long time. If all the dryers are taken when I walk in, I start the clock. If there are still no dryers by the time I need them, I pull their clothes out myself after an hour. I don’t want to do that, but I’m not going to go out of my way to be courteous when others won’t be.
Feb 24, 2011 at 10:36 am rating: 90
#18
Laura
Little backstory from my neighbor: it was a guy. Apparently it was all of his workout clothes and he also lived in my building. Yes, he is an ASU student, and he is an engineering major.
I’m an ASU student as well. Go Sun Devils! :]
Glad you guys enjoyed :]
Feb 24, 2011 at 11:58 am rating: 90
#19
Managed Hosting Los Angeles
Aside from the grammatical errors, they’ve really managed to hit the passive-aggressive nail on the head.
Feb 24, 2011 at 5:24 pm rating: 90
#20
Divvitar
Bad steal you! You get caught or cancer! I curse you!
Feb 24, 2011 at 6:54 pm rating: 90
#21
Important Dee
Everyone knows that God’s punishment for laundry theft is cancer. “Vengeance is mine,” saith the Lord.
Feb 25, 2011 at 2:06 am rating: 90
#22
calarch
Handy guide for most “who” and “whom” usage:
Use “who” when you are talking about “he,” “she” or “they.”
Use “whom” when you are talking about “him,” “her” or “them.”
Ta-da!
Feb 25, 2011 at 2:04 pm rating: 90
#23
Kal
Passive agressive prozeugma.
Mar 16, 2011 at 8:27 am rating: 90
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