How now, Mad Cow?

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June 29th, 2011 · 77 comments

Our submitter in Tucson had just started a new position in the office of a hospital, and at the time — her budget already stretched thin — she only just one pair of dress shoes to wear with her meager set of work-appropriate clothing. Although she was happy to finally be able to pay her rent, you can imagine how much better she felt about her new job after finding this note dropped on her desk by an unknown coworker. (Because, really, who doesn’t appreciate being called a “thundering cow”?)

Adds our submitter: “Since I had no other way to address the author’s rudeness, I handwrote my response and tacked it up on the outer wall of my cube.”

FILED UNDER: a little insensitive · noise · office · shoes

77 responses so far ↓

#1 katie_2256

Thundering cows are wearing heels nowadays?

Who would have thought?

Jun 29, 2011 at 10:11 pm rating: 90

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- #1.1 park rose
  
  They’re hoofin’ it!
  
  Jun 29, 2011 at 11:48 pm rating: 90
- #1.2 Danny
  
  Only thundering cows wear heels. Regular non-thundering cows have to stick with flats.
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 12:02 am rating: 90
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#2 halo

good for her although why not take the note straight to HR or a manager?

Jun 29, 2011 at 10:25 pm rating: 90

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- #2.1 Cr8vly
  
  good for her definitely… as far as taking it to HR or a Manager… what if they wrote the note to begin with? I have worked with people like that, I am all for the public outing instead.
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 4:24 am rating: 90
- #2.2 Suzi
  
  Well, given it is unsigned, it’d be fairly impossible to track down who actually wrote it in the first place and have an official “stop being a dick” chat, so best they could do is make some kind of generic, public statement about bullying and notes and such. Which is pretty much exactly what she has done, except that if it came from HR, it’d look like she couldn’t handle it and had to run crying to mommy at the slightest criticism, thus undermining her impression of professional control. Much better to prove that it doesn’t bother her personally in the slightest, but that she takes offence on behalf of her co-workers that that kind of behaviour exists, and makes it clear that it won’t be tolerated if reported to her.
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 4:37 am rating: 90
- #2.3 spoko
  
  Absolutely. If you can make a mountain out of a molehill, why even think twice? Do it! She probably should have just called the police, really, and enlisted the services of a private investigator. If you want a thing done right, you’ve got to overdo it right off the bat.
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 9:05 am rating: 90
- #2.4 Jimmy James
  
  (In best Humphrey Bogart voice)
  It had been a hard day, and it was about to get harder. I made it back to my office and poured myself a scotch. But before I can enjoy this brown beauty, in comes a blonde. Of course, I didn’t know she was a blonde yet. All I saw was my drink trembling, like I do without my drinks. It was like Jurassic Park, the way this broad was coming towards my office. Thundering like a cow, and she breaks down my door like it was the walls of Jericho.
  “Whataya want?” I says.
  “This,” says the dame, “I want to know who wrote this.”
  I take a look at her. She’s serious.
  I take another look. She’s gorgeous, too. I finally look at the note, and take a drag on my cigarette.
  “It’s typed,” I say.
  “You really are some detective,” she says.
  “I mean there’s no handwriting. All I can tell is it’s someone who thinks you make a noise to wake the dead when you walk. Mea culpa, darling.”
  “It may not be a crime, I may not get any justice. I just want you to tell me who’s responsible for subjecting me to this. And I want to look them in the eye, just once,” she says.
  “I told the padre the same thing last Sunday.”
  She doesn’t laugh, and I knock back the scotch to cover my disappointment. “I’ll take the case.”
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 10:04 am rating: 90
- #2.5 Spirit of the Staircase
  
  First thing I like to do on a new case is clear my head. I’ll head to Sal’s- the mirror behind the bar is as dirty as the glasses, but it’s a good place for reflection. Plus he knows me, and he usually knows a thing or two besides.
  
  “The usual?” he asks.
  I nod and take a seat at the bar.
  “Jesus, Sam. You look like Mickey sent you to one of his plastic surgeons. One of the ones that specializes in brass knuckles.”
  The shot tastes like gasoline, but I swallow it before I correct him.
  “It’s Jimmy. And I always look like this.”
  “You got a case?”
  “Yeah, case of the DT’s”
  He pours another one.
  “Dame Troubles?” he asks
  “Never met a dame who wasn’t. Trouble follows ‘em around, like a shadow.”
  “What’s the shape of this particular silhouette?”
  “Walks like bigfoot’s daughter, but fortunately got her looks from her mother’s side. Said some gal at work left her a note, and she’s real broke up about it.”
  Sal nods.
  “I seen her. Word is she works over at the hospital- your perp must be there too. The way you’re headed, you’ll wind up there soon enough.”
  “Thanks, Sal, but I’d like to catch her under better circumstances.”
  He thinks for a second, and says,
  “Some of the gals there have trouble have their budgets stretched pretty thin. Some of them even moonlight doing cabaret at a little place uptown at a place called The Black Cat.”
  “Just my luck,” I say. “Thanks, Sal. And tell Sam I wouldn’t use his usual to clean my carpet.”
  
  I should have asked for directions, but I’m too damn proud. I’m a detective, and I like to work these things out for myself. I’ve been trying to work it out for an hour, but I think I must be walking in circles. Then I see a sidewalk looks like it’s been broken up with a sledgehammer. A ladies’ size eight sledgehammer. And some real hot jazz is pouring out of a door off an alleyway, into the street and down the gutter. This must be the place.
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 12:38 pm rating: 90
- #2.6 Nola
  
  @Spirit. This is awesome, is it Auster/Murakami reference?
  
  Jul 1, 2011 at 6:37 am rating: 90
- #2.7 Spirit of the Staircase
  
  I’m not familiar with either of those authors (though I may make a note to check them out later) I just started out going for an over-the-top hard boiled detective paraody, to continue Jimmy’s story above.
  
  Jul 1, 2011 at 7:50 am rating: 90
- #2.8 RandyinReno
  
  You haven’t seen the shoes that Sandra is wearing?
  
  Jul 7, 2011 at 2:20 am rating: 90
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#3 Lauri

In college, I lived in a house with four other girls. Only one walked like a thundering cow and, perhaps coincidentally, she was known for wrestling guys at parties. Maybe said target should try being a little more feminine in her gait and walk evenly or more on her toes than heavy on her heels. I know I can change how loudly I walk on whim. Some people are simply loud by nature and need to re-evaluate their nature when it affects others.

Jun 29, 2011 at 10:26 pm rating: 90

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- #3.1 Emily
  
  Yeah. Or the person who wrote the note can deal with the fact that some of us are heavy walkers and not ballerinas and will walk however we feel comfortable.
  
  Jun 29, 2011 at 11:43 pm rating: 91
- #3.2 jadefirefly
  
  Or maybe the girl just IS heavy, and unless she’s tiptoeing around the office, is going to make heavier footfalls than a more slender girl.
  
  Telling a fat girl to learn to walk like a skinny girl because it makes everyone else happy is just bitchy.
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 12:24 am rating: 90
- #3.3 Lucy
  
  Did you really just say ‘be a little more feminine in her gait?’ What? *That* is offensive.
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 1:23 am rating: 91
- #3.4 Cr8vly
  
  It has been proven that walking forward toward your toes and less on your heels is extremely unhealthy. Not only is this statement ignorant, but it is written in an offensive manner.
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 4:26 am rating: 91
- #3.5 Synnove
  
  I guarantee that men are rarely or more likely never told that they should alter the sound of their gait to please others. Jesus.
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 5:59 am rating: 90
- #3.6 Lauri
  
  Slamming your heels down hard enough to be heard can’t be healthy either. A person can distribute the weight more evenly and be quieter. Has nothing to do with a person’s weight. Some women just stomp walk and when you live below them or they are doing the “power walking in their heels” down the halls, it’s very annoying. I bet if she just got something soft tacked onto her shoe bottoms her problems would be solved and she wouldn’t be waking patients.
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 6:59 am rating: 90
- #3.7 behindbj
  
  Not to mention the fact that weight can have nothing to do with how heavy someone walks. I am a large woman (currently 220 lbs – but down from 360 lbs) and even at my heaviest, I was a “silent walker.” Still am. All 6’1″ of me. However, my 5′, 90 lb co-worker? You can hear her coming half a floor away – and the floor shook a bit when she walked. She was a heavy walker.
  
  So – size may not actually be an issue (except to the sissy note-writer, of course).
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 7:02 am rating: 90
- #3.8 The Elf
  
  Conversely, I am/was a “loud” walker even when I was a skeletal 75 lbs. Funny thing was – I took ballet. Didn’t say I was any good at it though!
  
  It’s just the way I’m built and the way I walk. That’s a tough thing to change, and I agree that it’s unlikely that a man would be asked to. Some shoes make more noise than others, shoes that would be mostly quiet in a typical carpeted office environment but slap on a hard surface.
  
  She should probably buy new shoes that fit more closely to her feet and have softer soles – when she can afford them!
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 7:31 am rating: 90
- #3.9 Rattus
  
  Why should anyone have to pander to those who are biased against thundering cows?
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 7:53 am rating: 90
- #3.10 The Elf
  
  Good one, Rattus!
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 8:36 am rating: 90
- #3.11 TippingCows
  
  Who cares? This is something MOST people would be able to ignore … unless you’re a petty harpy.
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 9:45 am rating: 90
- #3.12 Nick
  
  But what if she can’t help it? What if her father is a marching band?! Did you ever stop to consider something like that?
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 5:12 pm rating: 90
- #3.13 zomboid
  
  “I guarantee that men are rarely or more likely never told that they should alter the sound of their gait to please others. Jesus.”
  
  could be because they rarely or more likely never wear heels to work…
  
  Jul 2, 2011 at 11:08 am rating: 90
- #3.14 bookworm
  
  You’ve never been to Seattle, where the men walk around in heels for fun. And no, they’re STILL not told to alter their gait to please others.
  
  Jul 4, 2011 at 11:26 am rating: 91
- #3.15 Noelegy
  
  “Who cares? This is something MOST people would be able to ignore … unless you’re a petty harpy.”
  
  Trust me: Medical billing is FILLED with petty harpies.
  
  Jul 11, 2011 at 5:08 pm rating: 91
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#4 Nahhh

Having been a patient in many different hospitals, I suspect this note is just a standard request printed out and distributed to ALL non-medical hospital employees.

You can always hear someone from Billing on their way to your room…

Jun 29, 2011 at 10:29 pm rating: 90

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- #4.1 AuntyBron
  
  Not me, baby. I sneak up on my unsuspecting patients and then I smile at them. Oooo! Scary.
  
  Jun 29, 2011 at 11:49 pm rating: 90
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#5 whoops

It would also make a better image if the author wrote grammatically and like not an inarticulate cow.

Jun 29, 2011 at 10:32 pm rating: 90

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- #5.1 Noelegy
  
  Let’s leave the Chik-Fil-A cows out of it, shall we? They mean well.
  
  Jul 11, 2011 at 5:09 pm rating: 90
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#6 farcical aquatic ceremony

This kind of note would’ve inspired me to hammer thumbtacks into my clunky heels (anyone else have good childhood memories of homemade tap shoes??? : ) — then I could’ve been a tap-dancing thundering cow.

Jun 29, 2011 at 10:36 pm rating: 90

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- #6.1 Persephone
  
  ♪I’ll be mooo-moving and shakin’ the cubicles now/
  I’m a tap-dancin’ and thun-thundering cow…♪
  
  (Sung to the chorus of “Top Hat, White Tie and Tails”, of course)
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 12:03 pm rating: 90
- #6.2 emcd
  
  I sense a shuffle-ball changin’ flash mob forming…..
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 12:05 pm rating: 90
- #6.3 emcd
  
  A-toot (STOMP), a-toot (STOMP), a-toot-diddelyada (STOMP-STOMP)-toot
  He blows it eight-to-the-bar (TAP-TAP-TAP-TAP), in boogie rhythm (STOMP-STOMP)
  
  (special thanks to Miss Wendy’s School of Dance circa 1981)
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 12:23 pm rating: 90
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#7 EmKitteh

I feel you, submitter. I’m a loud walker too.

Jun 29, 2011 at 11:20 pm rating: 90

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- #7.1 AuntyBron
  
  I don’t have thundering heels but I have squeaky soles.
  
  Jun 29, 2011 at 11:50 pm rating: 90
- #7.2 Seanette
  
  My DH is a clumper, too, and he’s average height/weight for an adult male. We deal by living on the ground floor so he doesn’t drive the neighbors nuts.
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 1:09 am rating: 90
- #7.3 EmKitteh
  
  @Seanette, I’m a tiny woman but I walk like a “thundering cow”, haha. I live on the fifth floor but our apartment is mostly carpeted and I hardly ever wear shoes inside so hopefully I’m not disturbing the folks downstairs.
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 3:09 am rating: 90
- #7.4 The Elf
  
  Oh, I’m sure they are quietly seething. One day, it will erupt in PAN goodness. I eagerly await the day.
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 8:38 am rating: 90
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#8 Angie

Wow, that’s nasty.

Jun 29, 2011 at 11:56 pm rating: 90

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#9 gallifreyseven

What sort of cocamamy hospital only has one patient? I’d be more worried about paying the bills than about weather-related bovine.

Jun 30, 2011 at 12:27 am rating: 90

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- #9.1 Stan Brown
  
  As long as we’re proofreading, it should be “to WHOEVER wrote this note”, not “whomever”. “Whoever” is the subject of the verb “wrote”.
  
  The object of the preposition “to” is not “who[m]ever”, but the clause “who[m]ever wrote this note”.
  
  I’m not agreeing with the dick who wrote the original note — that was just rude.
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 8:30 am rating: 90
- #9.2 Noelegy
  
  People who don’t really understand grammar like to use “whom” when they should use “who” so that they’ll sound…I don’t know, smarter.
  
  The same people will say “please see Jane or I if you have a question” when it should be “…Jane or me.”
  
  Managers are particularly egregious offenders with regard to both of these grammatical errors.
  
  Jul 11, 2011 at 5:11 pm rating: 90
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#10 courtney

Good lord.. .I am extremely annoyed by loud walkers, but no freaking way would I leave an anonymous note, at work of all places, calling someone a thundering cow. What a jerk!
I remember working with a girl who couldn’t afford more than one pair of work pants. She was always clean and well-groomed overall. Nobody noticed, since plenty of other part timers wore the same pants a few shifts (3-5 hours) in a row. One of our managers decided to call her into his office after a few months and say she would do better at work and not be mocked by coworkers if she wore another pair of pants some days. Poor girl ended up crying and thinking that a bunch of people who liked her and hadn’t even noticed the stupid pants were talking about her behind her back!

Jun 30, 2011 at 1:29 am rating: 90

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- #10.1 TippingCows
  
  Poor girl needs a thicker skin! But nobody should have said something like that to her anyhow. If she did her job well and wasn’t causing problems then who cares what she wears?
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 9:48 am rating: 90
- #10.2 Adriana
  
  That almost made me cry. Jesus, some people are so unbelievably cruel. I love how the manager projected his or her own judgement onto the staff, assuming that everyone else had the same problem with her. Basically, the manager was saying “I make fun of you.” Pay her better and maybe she’ll buy a new pair of pants to wear to work.
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 1:38 pm rating: 90
- #10.3 Nick
  
  It’s also entirely possible that what the manager said WAS true: that they have heard other employees mocking her fashion, as opposed to assuming only the manager has a problem. But I do agree that this information was conveyed in a really hamfisted way.
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 5:16 pm rating: 90
- #10.4 M
  
  The way I – and a lot of women for that matter – are proportioned it can be very hard to find pants that fit well, so when I do find a pair I get several pairs of that cut. So I don’t understand how/why management would assume that she only had the one pair of pants (unless she made that public knowledge, which would be inappropriate) rather than several pairs of similar looking pants in a basic color.
  
  Note to people who are suggesting a person in the original situation should change their walk: maybe s/he can’t. There could be some kind of disability, foot problem, hip problem, back problem, etc.
  I understand that in this particular instance that wasn’t the case, but in general that could have been an HR issue.
  
  Jul 15, 2011 at 12:05 am rating: 90
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#11 Nawtreally Hear

Sadly, Health Care settings really are this caddy and silly. I was pulled aside by colleagues, and informed I could get a really nice pair of Dansko’s for just a few hundred dollars. I was not only insulted, it spurred my stubborn streak, and I got sneakers and office slippers written into my contract. Happy feet, make a Happy Worker, Happy Workers, Work harder! I loved that VP, she did her job, and didn’t sweat the petty sh*t… Don’t piss off your Project Managers, we’re creative, an vindictive. I drove those old bitties out of their ever-loving pant suit minds for years. Most fun I’ve had at a job! (an no, dansko’s are overpriced, flimsy, crap… I picked up a nice pair of Doc Marten Mary Janes.. Now that’s style.. take that shoe nazis!!!!)

Jun 30, 2011 at 2:30 am rating: 90

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- #11.1 Synnove
  
  I didn’t know what Dansko’s were so I looked them up. What an ugly ass shoe, and way too expensive.
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 6:03 am rating: 90
- #11.2 TippingCows
  
  Did you mean “catty”? Or is caddy a term used in the medical profession? This is a real question, not snarkiness.
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 9:47 am rating: 90
- #11.3 Pix
  
  I’m not sure why you think this has anything to do with a health care setting. I work in an office in a hospital and I can’t imagine the people I work with being that rude to any of their coworkers or telling someone to buy new shoes or more expensive pants.
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 12:27 pm rating: 90
- #11.4 lala
  
  Synnove – Danskos are ugly but nothing makes my feet happier when I have a bad night and am on then for 12+ hours straight!
  
  Jul 1, 2011 at 4:54 pm rating: 90
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#12 Buck

I’ll bet it was UMC in Tucson. Most insane bunch of people I have ever had the misfortune of meeting in a workplace!

Jun 30, 2011 at 3:22 am rating: 90

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#13 Jenn

SOMEBODY feels threatened by their new coworker~

Jun 30, 2011 at 6:44 am rating: 90

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#14 havingfitz

There is this prevailing belief now that we deserve to be ecstatically happy all day, and if someone is interfering with that then we have the right to make them stop, gosh darn it! Somewhere along the line we decided that we were such unique and special little snowflakes that instead of adapting to the world, the world had to adapt to us. A few months ago I had a coworker snap at me for ‘breathing too loud’. Yes, I breath loud. I walk heavy. I fill up my water noisily and use scented laundry detergent . Don’t like it? Find a world of perfect little clones and leave this one to the flawed, imperfect, and wonderful human beings.

Jun 30, 2011 at 7:47 am rating: 90

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- #14.1 Kat
  
  I remember being told by a daycare worker as a child that I was breathing too loud through my mouth and I should breathe through my nose. Cue two minutes of me struggling to get enough air while obeying and her realizing that that was going to be even louder. I don’t think my nose actually became functional until I was most of the way through middle school.
  
  Shit can’t always be helped. I mean, yeah, we should all make an effort not to be obnoxious, but the world doesn’t revolve around anyone’s petty little pet peeves.
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 8:02 am rating: 90
- #14.2 The Elf
  
  Alright. But do you let your cats out?
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 8:39 am rating: 90
- #14.3 Kate from Iowa
  
  Hey you! Stop that breathing!
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 4:20 pm rating: 90
- #14.4 havingfitz
  
  I’m really not a rude person. I mean, I try to be considerate of other people. But my feeling is that your rights end where mine begin, and I’m pretty sure I have the right to oxygen…*nervously looks over Constitution*
  
  Jun 30, 2011 at 7:35 pm rating: 90
- #14.5 juju
  
  I was with ya until “scented laundry detergent.” That stuff makes me ill, and I can’t drown it out with headphones.
  
  Jul 1, 2011 at 3:59 am rating: 90
- #14.6 SarahG
  
  I breathe loud as well. I’ve had a few people complain about it… not like I can fix it. I have asthma and an unusually large lung capacity. I like breathing more than the people that complain.
  
  Jul 1, 2011 at 11:30 pm rating: 90
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#15 Rocky's Mama

Typical Tucson a-holes. That place is hell on earth.

Jun 30, 2011 at 8:46 am rating: 90

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#16 shwo!

Just wait until the notewriter gets home and tries to deliver the upstairs neighbor’s mail…

Jun 30, 2011 at 9:08 am rating: 90

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#17 sdedit

Not only are nasty notes and name calling rude, but they usually don’t work. I’m a heavy walker, and I have to make a conscious effort to tiptoe at work. If I were to forget, and someone were to politely ask me to walk a little softer, I’d probably apologize and make an extra effort to remember. But if someone left me an anonymous poison pen letter calling me a thundering cow? I’d probably put on my loudest shoes and stomp down the halls for a week. More flies with honey, as they say.

Jun 30, 2011 at 11:38 am rating: 90

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#18 Mike

Occur to anyone to just say, “Fuck ‘em”?

Jun 30, 2011 at 11:40 am rating: 90

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#19 unsatisfied

holy (thundering) cow!

Jun 30, 2011 at 11:43 am rating: 90

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#20 Iris

I wear the Crocs Malindi slingback flat to work and I’m pretty much a ninja. And I’m a hefty gal too.

Jun 30, 2011 at 12:52 pm rating: 90

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#21 easily distracted

Thunder…Thunder…THUNDERCOWS-HO!!!

Jun 30, 2011 at 5:46 pm rating: 90

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#22 sarzipan

Funny… the tiniest girl in my office actually stomps around and makes the most noise. I find it funny some people are quick to assume this woman’s steps are loud due to her weight.

Jul 1, 2011 at 7:28 am rating: 90

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- #22.1 Deus Ex
  
  The phrase cow being commonly used to describe 95 lb women
  
  Jul 23, 2011 at 11:25 am rating: 90
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#23 DarkSock

Thundering Cow = My New Band Name

Jul 1, 2011 at 11:26 pm rating: 90

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#24 jill

Oh my God, healthcare settings are the worst. All of my experience in dental offices have really convinced me that dentists are all just a-holes. I’ve never been pulled aside like this, but I have been instructed by my boss (the dentist’s husband, who was a perfectly healthy 34 year old man) to go downstairs and pick up three folding tables and a buttload of chairs out of the back of his truck. I am a girl, btw, and that was definitely not my job, but he was just trying to punk me out because he knew I didn’t like him. It still makes me angry to think about it.

Jul 3, 2011 at 8:10 pm rating: 90

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#25 George Hale

Submitter’s archaic use of ‘to whomever’ suggests that she probably wound the complainer up by picking holes in their spoken style, and they fought back the only way they knew how

Jul 8, 2011 at 5:12 am rating: 90

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#26 Mel

I used to work in a hospital and they actually had a dress code rule that stated you couldn’t wear “loud, noisey shoes” so you didn’t disturb the patients. That said, if the note receiver worked in a hospital like that, they may have the same rules and HR would not only side with the LW, but “warn” the “thundering cow” to get new shoes. BTW, I quit working at the hospital after 6 months of working there. Couldn’t take their BS.

Jul 19, 2011 at 1:49 pm rating: 90

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