I super duper hope you go screw yourself!

July 18th, 2011 · 104 comments

During Diana’s lunch break one day, a concerned coworker apparently decided to seize the opportunity to let her know — anonymously, of course — that the state of her cubicle was too much too handle. Even more obnoxiously, Diana says, “He or she actually just opened up Word and typed this note on my computer.”

To top it all off, Diana insists her workstation was hardly a disaster area to begin with. “The only things on my desk at the time were my computer, a few pieces of paper, and a coffee mug.”

Hey, Diana, Your workstation is really messy. It makes all of us look bad when you just can’t pick up after yourself. No need to get sloppy! Even if you are used to it after hours, there’s no need to bring bad habits into your cubicle. I super duper hope you’re enjoying your lunch! Thanks so much, A concerned co-worker

related: Can you please walk quieter?

FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · a little patronizing · Kansas · office · office cop · unsolicited feedback

104 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Madge

    This is actually kind of funny, and makes me wonder if the person who wrote this wasn’t just being a smart ass. If Diana’s desk truly only had a computer, a few pieces of paper and a coffee mug, that could be the case…

    Jul 18, 2011 at 10:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Robin

      I agree…I think it sounds sarcastic/tongue in cheek, like a funny note left to someone who is extra neat, teasing them…

      Jul 18, 2011 at 10:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   kermit

      Had she written it on a Post-It, then maybe it could have been interpreted as “funny”.

      Sorry, but it’s just not funny to use someone’s computer when they’re gone. Granted, Diana should have locked her workstation, but that’s not an invitation for co-workers to come use it, send emails in her name, etc.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 5:11 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   iamsofaking

      I think that is exactly what that is. You really need to lock your workstation when you leave it.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 8:21 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   Clumber

      My usual action is to change their display scheme to eggplant, their system font to comic sans at 36 pt size, and to change their screensaver to come on every 2 minutes of inactivity scrolling I SHOULD LOCK MY PC BEFORE LEAVING MY DESK!” in Baskerville orange font. And sometimes have their display screen rotated 90 degrees.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 11:14 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   clever name

      Orrrrrrrrr, you could piss off and not touch other peoples things?

      things we learn in school still apply in the adult world.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 12:16 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.6   Clumber

      clever name; Good plan and one i usually follow since I don’t generally give a flying fuck, however I work in IT so actually computer security is, indeed, part of my job. The enforcement of security policies is generally left to our discretion. Scares them a tad and inconveniences them enough to remember for months if not longer? Good show, carry on.

      Also I did something similar (but more nefarious) in school but, to be fair, it was an information security program and the student had left his personal laptop unattended and logged in. Practically BEGGING to be fucked with.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 1:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.7   kermit

      Clumber, I don’t know what company you work for but I have never encountered a workplace where computer security was at the IT’s department’s discretion, to be enforced on a whim.

      Sorry, but it is your JOB to do things like:
      > back up servers so people’s work doesn’t get lost in case of crashes, run antivirus software, etc.
      > ensure that workstations lock automatically if the computer is idle
      > require that user’s periodically change their passwords to further ensure security.

      It it precisely because users don’t have admin privileges on their work computers that they can’t program these settings themselves, like they can on a personal computer.

      And by the way, screwing with a student’s laptop is not really something to be proud of. For all you know the person had just gone to the bathroom and trusted the safety a library/school environment is supposed to provide.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 5:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.8   lagne

      “Trusted the safety of a library/school environment” by leaving a laptop unattended?? Dude. Anyone who leaves their laptop open for business and unattended with a bunch of strangers milling around is just dumb.

      I’d be way more pissed if someone messed with my personal laptop than my work station, but I’d be way stupider to give them the opportunity.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 6:09 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.9   kermit

      The situations aren’t even comparable.

      Yes, students should be responsible and guard their stuff, even though a school library has more security than your local Starbucks. (It’s why people pay tuition). I still say that it’s a shitty thing to mess with someone’s computer. Granted, when I went to school, people had no problem returning expensive stuff like graphing calculators or computer peripherals.

      A worker, however, doesn’t have the same flexibility with their workstation, so a student’s carelessness can’t really be compared to a worker’s carelessness.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 6:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.10   lagne

      I wouldn’t necessarily agree that a school library is more secure than a Starbucks. Really the only difference between the two is that you need a student ID to get into the library, and I unfortunately know pullllllenty of students who wouldn’t think twice about jacking up your shit if you leave it lying around. If a student walks out the door with your laptop, the security guard on-duty sees: a student walking out the door with a laptop. Nothing out of the ordinary there.

      But it does suck to mess with peoples’ personal stuff. Just because it’s sitting there doesn’t mean anyone HAS to mess with it.

      You’re right, a student’s carelessness can’t compare to a worker’s carelessness. Being careless with your personal stuff is bad, but leaving open access to company files, information, internet access, emails, etc. is way bad. So I think an IT person, just like any member of the company, would be acting in the company’s interest to point out the carelessness when it occurs. The question of whether someone SHOULD use someone else’s station is secondary to the question of whether a worker should lock their station – which really isn’t a question at all.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 8:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.11   Seanette

      Also depends on the workplace. I’ve worked in places that had a policy that required locking unattended workstations (this was in medical/dental insurance, where HIPAA was a factor, even though work areas required an employee ID to gain access).

      One trainer I had in such a workplace did the “invert the display” or “change the color scheme to something horrible” trick as a friendly reminder to us about locking stations.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 8:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.12   Canthz_B bang

      HIPAA rules are mean bastards. $10.000 fine which is the employee’s responsibility not the company’s if you leave PHI (Personal Health Information) where prying eyes can see.

      Workstation locking becomes second nature in really short order. Inconvenient, but better for my pockets.

      Jul 20, 2011 at 2:04 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.13   divaandwriter bang

      I work at a university, and theft of unattended laptops is a major problem here. It is very easy for thieves to wander around campus pretending to be students. It is never a good idea to leave a laptop unattended, even just for a couple of minutes.

      I work as a receptionist, and I have had students actually try to leave their laptops on my desk while they go off to talk to someone in one of the offices. This is not fair to me, because it is NOT my responsibility to guard their belongings while they leave them unattended, and I can’t guarantee that someone won’t try to take it if I should have to leave my desk for a moment.

      Stealing someone else’s laptop or messing with it while they leave it unattended is lousy. Leaving it unattended in the first place is stupid.

      Jul 20, 2011 at 9:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.14   Iris

      Just to be nit-picky…PHI is “Protected Health Information”. I work for my state’s fiscal agent for Medicaid and my buddy is a HIPAA Privacy Officer. :-)

      Jul 20, 2011 at 1:37 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.15   shorty j

      @ Seanette — they actually do a Serious Business version of that at my job. We have a couple of IT “liasons”–basically, regular employees with a super-nosy streak–who will wander through the cube farm periodically and make sure there aren’t any unlocked, unmanned workstations. They also have to check other stuff (ex. that your keys are in a locked desk drawer and not sitting out). If they notice any of that, they have to report it to your supervisor.

      It’s a little weird but we deal with a lot of super-confidential information. We also have social engineering tests–for example, someone will call from an outside line and try to get you to reveal personal information–and have to go through training and more testing at least 2-3x as year.

      Jul 20, 2011 at 3:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.16   Royer

      @ 1.4

      or you could just lock the workstation for them, send a gentle reminder email or IM about corporate computer security, and not be pompous ass

      who knows that might garner some goodwill and respect

      Jul 20, 2011 at 4:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.17   Clumber

      Sheesh, get a flu a few days and everyone goes all batshit. Ok, i can’t believe anyone cares, but whatthehellever.

      1.7 Kermit, The discretion is not in the security itself, but in the way that we dopesmack the ones who violate the security. Sorry if that wasn’t clear, again i cannot believe anyone give a shit, since most users in the damn agency don’t….

      Additionally, you only named 1 part of my job, the other parts are assigned to others of varying competency.

      3rdly, the student in question is and was a raging douchewaffle who lorded his higher power hipster-wannabe better than thou self over anyone in earshot because (ooohhh ~~~jazzhands~~~) he ran Linux on his personal box, used Vonage for phone, and so on. He didn’t need to learn anything, you see, because he already knew it all and had tricked those stupid bastards at the VA to pay for this program he was taking. So he told us. Every day. Over and over.

      The best part is he never even remotely considered that I could have been the one to do it to his amazing special personal laptop… you know, being born with boobs and no dick apparently makes me too stupid to approach his level of amazing-technicalness. I mean how could a girl possibly know how to even access properties on a big scary linux machine!

      Jul 21, 2011 at 2:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   Astounder

    What a bitch.

    Jul 18, 2011 at 10:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   farcical aquatic ceremony

      Before everyone jumps to this kind of harsh conclusion about the notewriter, I think you should know that by “a few pieces of paper” Diana means “unidentifiable roadkill that she left, half-skinned, on her desk when lunchtime rolled around, and by “coffee mug” she meant “tower of toenail clippings and pile of loose, dandruffy hair from the 1,000 times per day that she runs her fingers through her unwashed locks”.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 1:00 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   The Elf

      May be. Some people don’t see the mess.

      A coworker promised to get me some information that was in a briefing. “It’s right here,” he said, “Just under this.” His implication would be that the information I needed would be very easy to find, that “this” was really nothing. “This” was a towering stack of paper. Actually, it was more of a mound, in that “stack” implies some sort of effort to put papers on top of one another in a sensical fashion. I swear, if we dig down in this mound enough, we’ll find a longboat. But we probably won’t find that briefing.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 5:30 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   Canthz_B bang

      I think I saw Diana profiled on “Hoarders”…just a few pieces of paper, piled nearly to the ceiling and overflowing her cubicle walls…

      Jul 19, 2011 at 7:30 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   divaandwriter bang

      Elf, I have known people like that. I once had a boss whose office looked like a paper factory after a tornado. I swear he had been piling things up in there for twenty years. He always knew where everything was, though, and he never wanted anyone to touch the mess or in any way try to straighten it out.

      Jul 20, 2011 at 9:24 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   Shay

    Oh wow…, I woulda made a scene…and found out who did it..

    Jul 18, 2011 at 10:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   obtuse

      that’s what Shay said.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 12:07 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   Unemployedchica

    That is why I hate corporate settings…. its all about being a entrep…. entrapan…. entree… damnit, self employed!

    Jul 18, 2011 at 10:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   park rose

      hors are all about being entrees . . .

      Jul 19, 2011 at 12:58 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   'Ol Dirty Custard

    Start dusting the keyboard for prints

    Jul 18, 2011 at 10:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Canthz_B bang

      That keyboard was probably pre-dusted. Just go out and check coworkers’ fingertips for telltale evidence.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 7:34 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   Seymour Brighton

    Print a bunch of these out and pin them up haphazardly around the cubicle. Shame them while pissing them off even more ;)

    Jul 18, 2011 at 10:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   lagne

    Yeah, I’ll go ahead and clean up my cubicle for you, right after I finish those TPS reports and my margarita with NO salt.

    God, I hate office work.

    Jul 18, 2011 at 10:54 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   joy

    or maybe the computer could be password locked when the responsible party is going to be away from the desk for any length of time. idiot.

    Jul 18, 2011 at 10:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Ella

      Great job! You completely missed the point.

      Jul 18, 2011 at 11:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   a-Arialist

      Actually, I suspect Joy ‘got it’ and it’s you who’ve missed the point. This seems very much like the type of prank played on someone who is foolish enough to wander off leaving their computer unlocked. In our office, that tends to result in the wander off-erer offering (via email) to buy drinks for the entire office.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 3:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   Suzi

      Hah, I do this all the time in the college, folk will actually leave class without logging out, leaving all their coursework for the entire year at the mercy of whoever sits down next. Luckily, I’m not enough of a bitch to just delete it all, and instead leave hilarious notes in various folders. Well, I find them hilarious, they probably just find them confusing and a little creepy…

      Jul 19, 2011 at 4:04 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.4   lagne

      In my last college class, I’d often sit down in the computer lab to find that someone hadn’t logged out of their Facebook account before leaving. I’m not enough of a bitch, either, to sabotage their stuff, so I’d just update their status with “[name] needs to remember to log out of his/her Facebook before leaving the computer lab. Love, the kind stranger who is doing it for him/her.”

      Then I’d watch the mocking comments roll in for a minute or two. :)

      Jul 19, 2011 at 11:58 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   Chris Wells

    Dianna needs to leave a whoopie Cushion on her chair from now on.

    Jul 18, 2011 at 11:09 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   Matt

    I’m fairly sure I would print that out, and then print a reply and leave it where everyone could see it.

    Jul 18, 2011 at 11:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   Katie

    I’m surprised no one else saw this being typed, considering all the bold and italicized words. Probably took them awhile.

    Jul 18, 2011 at 11:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Suzi

      Because Ctrl+i takes sooo long to press…

      Jul 19, 2011 at 4:01 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Katie

      Actually, I meant when you have to highlight every word, and since there are 9 of them, they might have sat there a little while. But then again, I am a pretty slow typist.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 4:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   Quite Contrary

    Doesn’t anyone realize how concerned this co-worker truly is? “Concerned” is both bold and italics.

    Jul 18, 2011 at 11:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   The Elf

      Yeah, but it wasn’t underlined. So they couldn’t have cared that much.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 5:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   Silence

    This note is so overwhelmingly sarcastic, that I’m really questioning Diana’s spin on things. It’s almost as if Diana is the neat freak, and this is someone’s idea of shoving it in her face…

    Jul 18, 2011 at 11:37 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   chemgal

      I’m thinking super duper may be something Diana says without even realizing it. This note is less PA and more mocking in nature.

      Jul 20, 2011 at 7:32 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   Adriana

    I super duper hope Concerned Coworker chokes on a breakroom muffin.

    Jul 18, 2011 at 11:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Gladystopia

      I super duper hope that nobody else thought that “breakroom muffin” sounds like an obscure, filthy and demeaning sex act.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 12:43 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   The Elf

      Mmmmm Mmmmm! Those muffins sure are moist!

      Jul 19, 2011 at 5:34 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.3   Canthz_B bang

      An office where muff-diving goes on in the break-room?

      Where do I send my resumé?

      Jul 19, 2011 at 7:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.4   Clumber

      re: 14.3:
      Bryn Mawr
      101 N. Merion Ave.
      Bryn Mawr. PA 19010-2899

      Jul 19, 2011 at 11:17 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.5   Oh Geeeee bang

      Excuse me, ma’am – I believe your breakroom muffin is moldy. You might want to get that checked out.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 12:07 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   Michelle

    Diana tells us about what’s on her desk but she doesn’t mention under or around her desk. A rotting apple? Some sandwich crusts? Also, if her version of a ‘few pieces of paper’ is the same as mine then she had a mini mountain on her desk!

    Jul 19, 2011 at 12:57 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   Divvitar

    You no work! Bad clean you!

    Jul 19, 2011 at 1:01 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   Kay

    Hey, Diana!

    Your workstation is supposed to be secure. It puts us all at risk when anyone can sit down at your computer and do anything. Even if you are used to your unsecured virus-laden network at home, there’s no need to bring those bad habits in the office. I super-duper hope you’re enjoying your lunch because we’ve just spent the hour re-installing all the security you stripped, believing you’re too high and mighty to type in that dang password every time you return to your desk after a break.

    Thanks so much,
    the IT team.

    Jul 19, 2011 at 1:10 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   The Elf

      Hey, IT Team, if you didn’t make your password rules so complicated and varied, I would feel better about locking it or logging out before I left. Seriously, is it necessary for me to have 19 (I just counted) different passwords in order to do my day’s work?

      Jul 19, 2011 at 5:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.2   Nunavut Guy

      (Dancing around in a circle singing)…….I don’t work in an office,I don’t work in an office,I don’t work in an office…………………

      Jul 19, 2011 at 6:39 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.3   Rattus

      Yeah, IT Team, what the hell is the deal with all the different passwords we need, each of which needs to be changed every two months? And then with the bitchsnivelling because I need to write out a list so I can remember how to get back into the stupid thing after a weekend away, never mind the two weeks I just had off. If you actually want me to remember without the use of the written aid, turn down the paranoia somewhat – I’m old and there is only so much space left in my cranial hard drive and I’m not about to waste it on work stuff.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 7:24 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.4   Canthz_B bang

      The secret to “new” passwords is to end your password with a number. Then when you have to change it all you do is change the number at the end.
      birdDog@01 becomes birdDog@02, etc. I’m at birdDog@23 now, and boy is my pooper-scooper tired!

      Jul 19, 2011 at 7:45 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.5   Rattus

      I do that – I use the year and the fiscal quarter. I’m currently in 113. I still have to have multiple passwords for the many different databases and other computery things I have to access because I can’t use the same word for all of them.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 7:54 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.6   Canthz_B bang

      I had the great idea of putting all of my passwords and their associated programs into an Excel spreadsheet once.
      Then I forgot my password and couldn’t access my Excel password spreadsheet.

      The egg on my face made for a nice breakfast though.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 8:04 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.7   The Elf

      Nah, that doesn’t work. Your IT people must not have latched onto the idea of disallowing portions of previous passwords to be used in current passwords. I think my IT people really must like tech support calls.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 8:05 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.8   Canthz_B bang

      IT hates calls.
      That’s why they tell you that if you cannot get online, send an email to [email protected] for assistance.
      Sending emails is easy when you’re not online, right?

      Jul 19, 2011 at 8:09 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.9   Rattus

      Oooh, The Elf, you have my deepest sympathy. I thought I had it bad when they took away our ability to flip back and forth between two numbers (password1, password2, password1, etc.) causing me to develop my fiscal period system, but your IT team are truly Draconian.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 8:12 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.10   Canthz_B bang

      Rattus, I’m still laughing at “computery things” because it seems that not a week or two can pass by without the folks at my job creating some computerized crappola we’re forced to use that screws up the minds of anyone over the age of 45!
      Saves time, they say…then we waste a half-day learning how to use the new system which will be used incorrectly for the next six months…progress. LOL

      Jul 19, 2011 at 8:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.11   Rattus

      Technology is the only thing that still makes me cry, and the only thing that still causes major fights between me and Mr. Rattus.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 8:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.12   Kay

      These responses all make me laugh!

      I am compelled to tell you that the nicest IT security guy I know is named Attila. His mother must have been foretold his destiny when she was naming him.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 11:08 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.13   Who passed out the Haterade?

      I could understand the IT security at my workplace if they didn’t apply it to the most laughably trivial items in the name of job security. We all want to keep our jobs, buddy, but do you really have to make us password-lock applications whose data have no conceivable use outside the company? Just so you can make charts showing that we’re 13% more secure than last quarter? It’s gotten to where my passwords are routinely some variant of “f5ckth!s” or “th!5bl0z”. (But I have to admit CB had a good idea, and I may start using “f5ckth!s2″ et al in the future. They haven’t wised up enough yet to do anything more than forbid exact matches of previous passwords.)

      I’m just waiting for them to password-lock the toilets so that everyone’s feces so that they can be reviewed by a manager before they’re allowed to leave the building. Heeeeeeyyyyyy, maybe we could get these guys in touch with the Mad Bomber Gym…

      Jul 19, 2011 at 12:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #18   Jason

    Sounds like someone’s got a case of the Mondays…

    Jul 19, 2011 at 2:14 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #19   Nahhh bang

    This looks like the office equivalent of leaving a LAN party to get snacks, and returning to find your character floating face-down and naked in a Goblin pool.

    Jul 19, 2011 at 6:09 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #20   bored@work

    This person got off easy. I work with a bunch of engineers, and if you leave your workstation unlocked, they will send emails on your behalf to various members of the company. Then they delete them from your sent file so you don’t know it was done. I had one sent from my computer to my boss involving ‘hotdogs’ and ‘assless leather chaps’. Needless to say, I’ve never left my workstation unlocked again….

    Jul 19, 2011 at 8:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Canthz_B bang

      HOT DOGGY-STYLE!!!!!

      Jul 19, 2011 at 9:03 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #21   CrazyMama

    Sheesh – the person typed it so Diana wouldn’t be able to walk around w/ the post-it asking everyone “Hey do you know whose handwriting this is?”

    Jul 19, 2011 at 9:06 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #22   havingfitz

    This note could have much shorter. “Dirty Diana: Don’t.”

    Jul 19, 2011 at 9:08 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   havingfitz

      Sorry, could have been much shorter. Stupid edit feature not working for me.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 9:14 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #23   Harmy G

    I really think we’re going to need a picture of Diana’s desk to sort this thing out.

    Jul 19, 2011 at 9:38 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #24   Buck

    So glad I don’t work in an office anymore. While I don’t condone workplace homicide, I can certainly understand it. Particularly with people like this “concerned co-worker” around.

    Jul 19, 2011 at 9:56 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #25   Oh Geeeee

    Eh, anyone curious about what Diana’s job actually is? I mean, if she’s the main line of contact with clients then she needs to be more careful about work station appearances. If she’s a cubicle monkey in the back corner of the office, then live it up :-) I knew a guy who kept stacks and stacks of girl scout cookie boxes in his cubicle during tax season. It was the awesome. I let a pile of paper to be shredded get so high that a piece of paper slid off the top and poked me in the eye; which lead to the embarrassing photo of me in an eye patch sent to the partners. Yar har!

    Jul 19, 2011 at 10:06 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #26   Canthz_B bang

    This note has inspired me.
    I’m going or spend some time organizing my cubicle space…next week.

    Jul 19, 2011 at 10:19 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #27   aaa bang

    I think I’ve sussed out the true lesson behind this post:

    1) Don’t have a messy cube or your coworkers will bitch at you.
    2) Don’t have too clean a cube or they’ll unleash a wave of sarcasm at you.
    3) “Super duper” is the quickest way to make yourself look like a dildo.
    4) Password lock your computer when you leave your cube.
    5) Don’t fucking work at a cube farm.

    Jul 19, 2011 at 10:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   The Elf

      #5 is especially true (looks at gray cubicle walls).

      I’m going to go cry now.

      Jul 20, 2011 at 6:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #27.2   no srsly

      Cry if you need to, Elf. It keeps you from hurting people sometimes. :)
      [I've had a coworker "straighten up" my desk, uninvited, *while I was sitting there*.]

      Jul 21, 2011 at 8:12 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #28   JenStar

    I would have rather had someone leave, “You look hot today. Love, The Computer”. If they wanted to be funny.
    PS – Lock your workstation and people can’t type notes. Or they spend 5 minutes rummaging through your desk for a post it!

    Jul 19, 2011 at 12:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #29   libiblio

    I’m pretty sure Ned Flanders wrote the note.

    Jul 19, 2011 at 1:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #30   Army of Words

    I get the feeling that all the “shoulda locked her workstation” people (and the people who like to leave cute little notes) are the same people that would eat something in the office fridge that didn’t belong to them because it wasn’t labeled.

    Jul 19, 2011 at 1:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Oh Geeeee bang

      What would make you say that? The “shoulda locked her workstation” people should be far too paranoid to eat random food in the fridge. That stuff wasn’t locked down, what if someone POISONED it?!? The truly anal retentive never risk poison/other people’s cooties by eating unlabeled food . . . unless it’s a hot pocket.

      Jul 19, 2011 at 1:27 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #30.2   Army of Words

      Hot Pockets are very tempting, this is true, but really my comment was directed at the people who never learned to not touch things that do not belong to them (or learned and just decided that being an asshole was more fun.)

      Jul 19, 2011 at 1:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #31   Scott

    “Super Duper”?

    What is she, 3?

    I would have gotten a big Barney the purple dinosaur doll and beat the crap out of her with it! LOL It’s not like it would hurt! LOL

    Jul 19, 2011 at 1:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #32   Mrs.Beasley bang

    @Elf (17.7) – I so feel your pain.

    Rearranging the words in a phrase, changing the numbers at the end, modifying capitalization – all result in the dreaded “too similar to a previous password” message.

    Frankly, it’s a burden to have to come up with totally unique passwords on a regular basis, especially when they have to be X characters or more and have X numerals and/or capital letters included. Forget about remembering them – you end up having to record them somewhere and continuously look them up.

    Jul 19, 2011 at 9:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   The Elf

      Exactly, and this is the biggest security breach of all.

      Jul 20, 2011 at 6:38 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #32.2   Seanette

      In workplaces with that level of complexity, the only sensible answer I could think of was to record current passwords on the PDA I had at the time, that NEVER left my physical possession unless I was at home.

      Jul 20, 2011 at 8:09 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #33   Teresa

    Where I work, if you leave your workstation unattended and unlocked, someone will come and change your wallpaper to an ugly porn image or open a browser with a NSFW or at least annoying page on every screen — some of us have two or three. The milder page you’ll get is the Nyan cat one.

    Jul 19, 2011 at 10:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #34   Jessica_Iowa

    I would have to resist the urge to print this off, write a big BUGGER OFF in red sharpie on the top and pin it to my cube’s outside wall.

    Jul 19, 2011 at 10:55 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   The Elf

      Ooohhhh! That’s an aggressive-passive note!

      Jul 20, 2011 at 6:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #34.2   Jessica_Iowa

      True story.

      Jul 21, 2011 at 8:47 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #35   Pharmd629

    Hello! dcckaeb interesting dcckaeb site!

    Jul 20, 2011 at 12:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #36   BBB

    Some people really do keep a nasty desk though. One person I work with has food containers behind the monitor and around the desk (sometimes she rediscovers items she had forgotten were there) as well as unwashed dishes (eats soup, leaves the last few ml in there for days), silverware, and cups. Her keyboard is grimy, sticky, and the level of uncleanliness is visible to the naked eye–it’s not just crumbs of something inside the keyboard, it’s eating with your fingers and then touching the keyboard type messy. The desk itself is sticky, the monitor is completely covered with smudge marks, and of course she has piles of paper everywhere. Anything that she uses, even when property of the entire office, she keeps on her desk.

    Yes, she actually does make the rest of the place look bad. However, I am not her boss and it is not my job to clean up after her or be her mother and nag, so I let it be. But I can definitely sympathize with the feelings of the PA note writer.

    Jul 20, 2011 at 9:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #37   Slunt

    She shouldn’t have left her Windows session open during luch time to begin with … if she is as caring with her desk as she is with her computer, the note might be justified. However it’s not her co-worker’s job to tell her to clean her desk, even if it’s disturbing for the work environment. It’s her boss’s job.

    Jul 21, 2011 at 4:06 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #38   Ed Decatur

    Does a coworker’s messy desk make everyone else look bad? I never thought of that.

    If so, how should you handle it when someone is dragging you down with their mess? Talk to the person directly and privately? Talk to the boss using general terms?

    Jul 21, 2011 at 11:29 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #39   Windsor Grace

    That is the most passive agressive, ridiculous thing I’ve seen in a long time

    Jul 21, 2011 at 11:54 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #40   Radasserys

    Hey Asshat,
    I hope you die in a super duper fire.
    Thanks so much,
    Concerned as to why the fuck youre in my cubicle.

    Jul 23, 2011 at 2:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #41   Concerned Co-Worker Explains

    Did you see the office manager was giving one of the head honchos a tour yesterday? I know, right. But I could see that they could see Diana’s desk, with all those – exactly. Now they didn’t say anything, and the manager didn’t say anything to Diana at the time, but they must have noticed; I mean how could you not? So I decided – I had a free lunch hour. Chad cancelled on me – again! – that I’d say something. But then I thought to myself ‘this is Diana here, she’s just going to personalise things if I confront her directly’. Do you remember how she was that time that Mandy said that thing about her hair? Right – and that was meant as a compliment, I think, so think how she’d take criticism. So I thought ‘I’ll write her a short note, explaining the issue’ and just sign it as ‘a concerned coworker’. But I put concerned in italics, that way she knows I’m coming from, like, a place of friendship. Anyway, it’s done now and I feel really pro-active. Do you think I should volunteer to be the office health and safety person.

    Jul 25, 2011 at 7:39 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #42   gc

    I’m guessing Diana isn’t quite computer savvy since she can’t take a screenshot.

    Jul 25, 2011 at 12:09 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #43   Whatevs

    You know i gotta admit when i sit next to a cluttered coworker, i feel cluttered myself. I’ve worked with cubers who are just flat out slobs ate their desks and I can’t stand it! The “super duper” at the end was a little uncalled for but I’d send the note too!

    Jul 26, 2011 at 5:35 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #44   Newspeak

    Dear Passive Aggressive Notes people –

    You could have taken a whole different approach with this one and referenced Michael Jackson’s Dirty Diana. I’m just saying…

    Jul 27, 2011 at 11:29 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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