Sorry I hit your car, but whatever, it’s a tacky piece of crap anyway

July 27th, 2011 · 42 comments

Explains our submitter in North Carolina: ”My friend walked out to the parking lot to find a big dent and a sticky note on her car, which still had some writing on it from her recent birthday.” And while the driver didn’t just dent-and-dash, the fact that he or she didn’t bother to leave a name/plate/policy number — just an entirely unnecessary postscript — made the whole situation a less-than-satisfying belated birthday surprise.

Sorry I hit your car, you can call my insurance and sort it out [phone number redacted]. P.S. You should clean this writing off your fucking car.

related: I dinged your car, but you kind of deserved it.

FILED UNDER: car · non-apology apology · p.s. · Raleigh · unsolicited feedback

42 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Meredith

    So, how is the insurance company going to “sort it out” if they don’t even know which client to bill? You can’t just randomly call Allstate or whatever and say, “Yeah, so someone hit my car, and they left me a scrap of paper with your number on it. Fix it.”

    Jul 27, 2011 at 9:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Oh Geeee

      There looks like there might be enough writing to have a policy # too, just a shortish one.

      Jul 27, 2011 at 9:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   farcical aquatic ceremony

      Found secured to the notewriter’s prone body with a thumbtack:
      “Sorry I hit and kicked the shit out of your sorry ass, but I caught you leaving that dickhead note about running into my car. I’ve driven away now, but you can give St.Fuck You’s Hospital a ring at (—)——- to sort yourself out. P.S. next time, try being a grown up, and not a chicken-shit when you make a mistake.”

      Jul 27, 2011 at 9:55 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Clumber

      ERROR: Already voted!

      Otherwise I’d go through this entire office building severing the thumbs of every employee in order to give them to you, fac.

      Jul 28, 2011 at 8:14 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   sammi

    Omg whoever wrote that note is the ultimate douchebag!

    Jul 27, 2011 at 9:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Citrico

      It was Gene Simmons?

      Jul 28, 2011 at 2:41 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   it's naptime

      No, it was spencer pratt and his creepy flesh-colored beard.

      Jul 28, 2011 at 2:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   wonderman

    “p.s. you should wipe your ass more often too”

    Jul 27, 2011 at 9:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Lauren

      “With this piece of paper.”

      Jul 27, 2011 at 9:37 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   Lindsey

    I chose to believe that the only reason this note would need a PS is if the denter was too busy reading the other car to pay attention driving.

    Jul 27, 2011 at 9:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   sammi

      Totally agree!

      Jul 27, 2011 at 9:37 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   Quite Contrary

    PS to your PS: You shouldn’t have hit my fucking car in the first place!

    Jul 27, 2011 at 9:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   Kay

    No plate #. I don’t think there is room for a policy #. It is an old ploy in the world of sleazebags to write a note of no real value after you have hit someone’s car if someone is watching. So you get out of your car, appear to be concerned, and appear as though you have to get somewhere soon. So you scribble some drivel and put it on the victim’s wind shield so that those within sight believe you did the right thing and don’t report your license plate to anyone. Not condoning the action, just reporting. :( Did someone say douche bag?

    Jul 27, 2011 at 10:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   Get on your bikes and ride bang

    What an idiot. Really? If you’re going to bother to stand there and try and think up some useless drivel to write that you don’t really mean to make yourself look good for someone watching you that you don’t know, why not make it fun while your at it? Forget the pointless note and draw a three legged flaming unicorn with a lyric from your favorite death metal band under it , maybe blended with a quote from your favorite movie. It could even become your trademark signature for when you ding cars and feel unreasonably compelled to appear ethical without even comprehending the meaning of the word. But then of course you wouldn’t get to be posted in PAN. *Sighs* Life is full of conundrums.

    Jul 28, 2011 at 12:44 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Kay

      Well I would enjoy receiving the 3-legged flaming singing unicorn far more than this bark, “clear the writing off your fucking car”. But I don’t think this brand of douche bag cares enough to entertain like a true P/A artist would, nor has the creative brain cells to even conceive of a 3-legged flaming singing unicorn.


      Jul 28, 2011 at 5:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   Jimmy James

      This reminds me of a letter I always wanted to send to people when I’m frustrated by a company’s unreasonable policies or some such:

      [Picture of a lobster riding a bicycle on the moon]

      “This is a picture of a lobster riding a bicycle on the moon. Confused? Well, what you did didn’t make any more sense to me.”

      Jul 28, 2011 at 2:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   Canthz_B bang

    Brilliant!! In these days with cameras everywhere, pretending to leave a legitimate note is absolutely nearly almost the right thing to do.

    Jul 28, 2011 at 2:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   FeRD bang

      It’s certainly a more calculatedly dickish one than… well… pretty much ANY other response!

      You kind of have to hope that, in the miniscule percentage of these incidents where they’re able to find security cam footage or something, and thus track down the perp, that extra level of calculated terribleness will result in a measurably worse outcome for them. That, at least, would offer a reassuring sense of karmic involvement.

      Jul 28, 2011 at 4:55 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   Canthz_B bang

      LOL. We need more calculatedly dickish actions in the world.
      I’ve sure had my fill of thoughtlessly dickish actions!

      Jul 28, 2011 at 8:57 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   *snerk*

      I thought that if the dick was involved, it was automatically thoughtless.

      Jul 28, 2011 at 11:20 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.4   Canthz_B bang

      Naw, lots of guys keep their brains in their underwear, though most keep them in the back…

      Jul 28, 2011 at 11:42 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   Black Bellamy

    There IS a phone number on that note, for all you “fake note” commenters. If you’re going to leave a fake note, why leave a fake number too?

    Jul 28, 2011 at 10:06 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Rattus

      It’s the phone number of the insurance company which is not at all helpful without the name, license or policy number of the hitter. It is true passive-aggressive douchery at its finest.

      Jul 28, 2011 at 10:12 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   aaa bang

    This reminds me of an old coworker of mine from a few years back. Evidently he ran into a parked car and didn’t think he should have to pay for the damages “since it was a piece of crap”. He didn’t seem to understand that nobody wants their car crapped up, even when he was asked “Would you want somebody pulling a dent and dash on your car because they thought it was a piece of shit?” “But it’s my car, they should pay for it!” He wasn’t the sharpest pencil in the box.

    He also somehow ended up without a car, I can’t remember if it got totaled, repoed, or impounded (and I think his license was suspended around the same time, too) not too long after that and decided that would be the perfect time to buy some fancy new rims for his non-existent car. Our guess was that he took his bitchin rims with him when he rode the bus. Just because you don’t have a car, that doesn’t mean you can’t travel in style.

    Jul 28, 2011 at 11:09 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Clumber

      Once while at work, (back in one of my previous lives when I worked with severely developmentally disabled folks who lived in regular apt complexes) I went out to my car to get my sweatshirt or something… just in time to see a woman in a t-bird backup and then deliberately ram my parked car 3 times before she parked in her spot a couple away from where mine was. Then she got out of her car, walked to mine, and kicked dents in every single panel all the way around my car. Made sure to kick out both headlights and 1 of the taillights as well.

      Months later in court, she tried to tell the judge that the insurance estimates to repair my car added up to more than the bluebook value of my car so she shouldn’t have to pay any of it. Especially since the felony vandalism fines had already cost her more than twice that amount. After staring at her with the “no way you are that much of a dumbshit” look for a good 5 silent minutes, he schooled her rather sternly and awarded me all damages i had requested and suggested I file for more.

      Sadly, my car never forgave the incident and tried to kill me and my sister a few months after it was repaired…. I’d loved that car. :`(

      Jul 28, 2011 at 11:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   Rattus

      Clumber, more than anything, I want to know why. Was there any explanation given for her inexplicable rage? There’s obviously no explanation required for her behaviour in court – she is an oblivious moron of the first order.

      Jul 28, 2011 at 11:50 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   Ranadin

      My wife just had someone back into her car causing minor damage to the bumper. The upstanding citizen did the right thing leaving his name and contact in a note under her windshield wiper. After contacting him though with the estimate, he has decided he doesnt want to pay that much and doesnt want another accident on his record.

      Were completely baffled why someone would give their real name and contact info and then have no intention on paying for the damages. If you dont want to pay, draw a 3-legged unicorn and leave it at that.

      Jul 28, 2011 at 12:11 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.4   wright1

      Geez, confronted with that level of raging stupid, I wouldn’t really be concerned about any explanations. I’d be satisfied with getting my money and away from Teh Crazy.

      Jul 28, 2011 at 12:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.5   Rattus

      I am boundlessly curious and I need to know everything.

      Jul 28, 2011 at 2:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.6   Clumber

      Rattus et al – I never got any explanation of why. It only got weirder from there, but it felt like I was treading close to tl;dr already… Apparently, and I didn’t witness this part, while trying to park in her spot which had a pole and another person’s spot between where my car was and her parking place, she hit the pole and that made her angry. So angry that she decided to backup and ram my car. The 3 hits I witnessed (like a slack-jawed yokel I can assure you!) were hard enough to lift my car’s rear wheels into the air. The rear shocks were damaged, it was that hard a hit. A co-worker called apt security and they came and blocked her car in while they called police. During that time she came back out and tried to claim that she was the county prosecutor and would have all of us charged and arrested if we didn’t unblock her car. She wasn’t, of course. She knew someone who worked in the prosecutor’s office… She tried the same story on the responding cops, and at that point she found herself handcuffed and bent over the Crown Vic’s hood being searched intimately by the cop.

      And no, she wasn’t drunk at all. Or under any apparent foreign-substance influence. They checked for that, even getting a warrant for a blood draw. They couldn’t understand WTF either, I guess.

      At the court hearing that I’d had to request since she was refusing to pay any damages, she brought more photos of my car than I had. Yes – she brought her own evidence of the damage she caused. She didn’t deny any of the damage as being hers. She tried to point out that a dent in my bumper wasn’t from her, but I had already specified that in my complaint.

      She was so batshit strange that the several times a check was even a day late from her, I immediately contacted the court (which the judge had strongly advised me to do, he was a very prescient gentleman) which immediately put out a warrant for her arrest, which would result in my getting the next couple on time…

      I had never come into contact with her prior to the event. We normally didn’t even park in that particular reserved area b/c it was a bit further than we were comfortable with from a couple clients that had a tendency to get hurt. AFAIK no other staff or client had any contact with her beforehand either. Sorry, Rattus, I wish I had some ability to make it sensical. I’d love to have any grip at all on WTF. Some snowflakes are too special for us wormscum to understand, i suppose.

      Jul 28, 2011 at 3:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.7   pony girl

      @ Clumber,
      I have nothing interesting to add, just had to say,

      oh, and I want a t-shirt that says,
      I am boundlessly curious and I need to know everything.

      Jul 28, 2011 at 4:12 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.8   Rattus

      Thank you, Clumber, for the story. Actually, guanopsychosis does make the whole thing sensical insofar as one can make sense of the actions of the guanopsychotic.

      Jul 28, 2011 at 4:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.9   Clumber

      @ PG – when you get that shirt made, please put me down for a couple. I like black with white lettering best, but anything other than white/red/yellow and I’ll get funds spirited off to you asap.

      @ Rattus, my poor brain is sort of vomiting up more memories of the event… LOL…. I think I had almost successfully suppressed the memories until today’s PAN! For instance, while trying to get her car unblocked when the “I’m the prosecutor” didn’t work, she went on and on about how wealthy she was and would go back and forth between threatening to ruin us all and offering to buy us off.

      Further, I am going to get biz cards made up that claim I am a Guanopsychologist. ©Rattus, ‘natch

      Jul 28, 2011 at 4:41 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.10   Clumber

      Baqhahaha…. another quick memory just hit me, I had to get her served with a summons and my bf at the time (yes, B… I was young and stupid, what can I say… later he turned out to be gay as well, we were a great couple! lol) eagerly volunteered to do it. All on his own, he dressed up in a white tux with a name patch on it, a delivery type white cap, got a big ivory-coored flower box wrapped in silky ribbons, knocked on her door, and handed her the summons in a huge pink envelope attached to the box that contained about 15 photos of the damages as well as another copy of the 3 estimates for repairs.

      Big surprise he ended up gay, huh… lol Anyway, I got to watch from a good distance away with binocs and I am so happy I got to remember that. It was freaking AWESOME. Much better than calling the Sheriff to do it, which had been my idea…. today’s PAN rocks.

      Jul 28, 2011 at 4:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.11   Adriana


      Is it possible to do a background check on the guy who hit your wife’s car? Might be worth the $10 or $20 if you can track him down and report him to the police.

      Jul 28, 2011 at 6:54 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   wonderman

    That story doesn’t make much sense. A complete stranger did this with no explanation?

    Jul 28, 2011 at 12:02 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Clumber

      If a gigglebrax misplacement meant for mine, yes complete stranger, no explanation.

      Jul 28, 2011 at 3:58 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

  • #12   it's naptime

    He could have just scraped a “wash me” into the leftover birthday writing.

    Hitting her car to give him the excuse to leave a “wash me” note taped to it seems excessive.

    Jul 28, 2011 at 2:45 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Clumber

      Maybe he thought if he hit it hard enough it would knock all that crap off? Benevolent citizen!

      Jul 28, 2011 at 3:34 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

  • #13   Crustacular

    Clumber’s story instantly reminded me of the scene in The Big Lebowski when Walter smashes the wrong car. classic

    Jul 28, 2011 at 11:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   dabearkat

    The capper? The blocked-out part reads (555) INS-URED

    Jul 29, 2011 at 12:22 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   Chesire Cat

    I don’t think cops care about bash and dashes honestly. Hell someone hit a little old lady in her c car causing her to run into my husband’s car. The driver drove off immediately. My husband and the old lady got the liscense plate number. The cops came and took their statements and they gave them the liscense plate number.

    I called the police several times to ask if anything was done to the hit and runner and nothing was ever done to him as far as we know. I assume if charges were brought we would get some notice or my husband would have to go to court to be a witness. Nothing happened. We never got compensation for it. It was just a small bump so it did not do much damage so we did not file a claim. The old lady’s car was much worse.

    So I tend to lose faith in justice when it comes to automobile accidents of any kind. In my state we have a no fault law and often times even if it a blatantly someone else’s fault the cops just no fault it so they don’t have to gather evidence or do police work and then you get stuck with the bills even if it was not your fault.

    Jul 31, 2011 at 12:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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