A look back: The Most Popular Notes of 2011

January 1st, 2012 · 37 comments

They stole your food, disrupted your sleep, acted like slobs…and usually somehow managed to blame you. 2011: the year of assholes (and the snarky smartasses who goad them.)

Chief among them, and the landslide winner of the 2011 “douchecanoe of the year” award: the insufferably self-righteous vegan. Not that there wasn’t some stiff competition, of course. Cast your votes in the comments!

Dear whoever stole my Amazon package: I can understand your need for 30 rolls of toilet paper considering you're a huge asshole. Enjoy, Your Friendly Neighbor

Dear Neighbors, I apologize for any loud

Next time, I'll burn the mail.

TO THE INDIVIDUAL OBSESSED WITH DRAWING PENISES: Rest assured that you are the only personal who finds humor in this. While I am glad you are so open in expressing yourself, it is rather distasteful to be depicting to your desires in such great detail on everybody's doors. If you care to enjoy your phallic artwork alone in your own place of residence, that is perfectly fine by me. However, there are a number of students who fail to appreciate your unique style of expression on their property. The next time time you feel the urge to create penises, do it on canvas and take it to an art show. Maybe you'll make some money out of the deal.

Who says Canadians are nice?

DO NOT REMOVE. This is the property of unit 1. We pay rent for this carspace and shall therefore use it for whatever vehicle we want to. [crossed out scribbles]

To the Members of the California State Senate: I am signing SB 769 which allows for a dead mountain lion to be stuffed and displayed. This presumably important bill earned overwhelming support by both Republicans and Democrats. If only that same energetic bipartisan spirit could be applied to creating clean energy jobs and ending tax laws that send jobs out of state. Sincerely, Edmund G. Brown Jr.

[Note 1:] Every thing in this drawer belongs to Elaine. Do NOT use or steal anything in here - It is for me - Elaine [Note 2:] Everything else in this refrigerator belongs to everybody else. It belongs to everybody else. Thank you, Everybody Else

Hey Sillies! I noticed you guys keep forgetting to pick up your dogs' poopies so I took it upon myself to bring by some baggies. I assumed you're all out because why else wouldn't you clean up after your dogs? Oh! I also helped out by dropping all the said poop conveniently in front of your dog, for easier clean up. You're welcome!

Hi, my name is Jack I accidently [sic] hit your car & someone saw me so I'm pretending to right down my details. SORRY. Jack

7 MARCH MY NEWS: I WENT TO MY FRIEND LUCAS HOUSE. MY MOM GOT DRUNK. [Teacher:] Oh my goodness me! It's important for mom to let her hair down once in a while!

Dear Mother of Hair Baby, Please take care of your disgusting little child, I'm tired of seeing it. I don't care if you love it with all your heat, I don't want to see it. If you care for it so much take the little varment [sic] to your room & care for it there. Your Truly, Disgusted

The IT Help Desk Wheel of Responses: That sounds like a hardware problem. No, it's gone forever. OK, let me Google that for you. Have you tried restarting your computer? Is the cord plugged in? Have you tried changing your password? Yes, click OK. It's a scam, just delete it.

Hey, look! A coffee pot!

Hover & Flow(chart)

Wrath of the Ancients™ 2.0

Someday when you're wondering why you're alone and society has all but crumbled around you, you'll think back to the dishes you left in the sink

(Click on any of the photos above to see the original posts in all their glory.)

Dishonorable mentions:

related: The Most Popular Notes of 2010

FILED UNDER: most popular notes of 2011

37 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Guy Paul

    I like Jerry Brown’s the most, but those are all quite good.

    Jan 1, 2012 at 9:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   The Elf

      I have to agree. The fact that it was official correspondance, on the Governor’s letterhead, and thus entered into the annals of history, makes Jerry Brown’s PAN the second best. The rest of these notes are passing fancy. People will be able to comment on the snarkiness of the Governor of California in the next century. They’ll probably make fun of the way our “s” is typeset.

      The self-rightous vegan is the best, even though it doesn’t make history. It’s just so awesome on so many levels, including the debates in the comments. Oh self-rightous vegan, you so crazy.

      Jan 3, 2012 at 8:38 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Who passed out the Haterade?

      It is one of the best… it’s just that it suffers by comparison with the epically-PA acrostic that came before it. Kinda hard to follow that act.


      Jan 3, 2012 at 9:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   Roto13

    The last one sounds like something Glados would say.

    Jan 1, 2012 at 10:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   wright1

    Jack (pretending-to-write-down-contact-info-after-hitting-your-car) definitely gets my Douchebag of ’11 vote.

    If there’s a Righteous PA Note category, then the clothes-freezing resident of 301 wins in that division!

    Jan 2, 2012 at 12:03 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   meri

    I love the Wrath of the Ancients, and remember chuckling over it for many days. My second choice is the clothes washing, apartment 301 dwelling excellent PA note writer. It was to the point and well deserved.

    Jan 2, 2012 at 1:48 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   Who passed out the Haterade?

    If we can vote for more than one, then count me in for apartment 301 and the Amazon toilet-paper thief. If it’s gotta be one or the other, though… I guess the Amazon toilet-paper thief, because it made me laugh the most.

    Jan 2, 2012 at 5:05 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   lindsay

    I really enjoy the penis one.

    Jan 2, 2012 at 8:00 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   Murray

    Lindsay, you accidentally put the word “one” at the end of your sentence.

    Jan 2, 2012 at 8:23 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Palomon

      Gigglebrax, dick.

      Jan 2, 2012 at 3:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   Palomon

      - draws cartoon penis on Murry’s thread-

      Jan 2, 2012 at 3:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   Ho-Ju

    My favorites:

    1. Wrath of the ancients
    2. Candy optional
    3. Insufferably self-righteous vegan

    Jan 2, 2012 at 9:03 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   dot

    I have to go with the toy car one. PA, but still hilarious. And technically, they are still within their right….

    Jan 2, 2012 at 9:22 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   CdnGinger

    1. Drunk mommy (not strictly speaking PA but I loved the teacher’s reaction)
    2. Apt. 301
    3. Death by 1000 puns

    Jan 2, 2012 at 12:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   fibrowitch

    I have to send my love to the little car in the parking space. I have to pay for my garage space and it drives me crazy when I come back home and find someone in my parking space.

    Jan 2, 2012 at 4:09 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   Lily

    I vote for Apt 301. Written on wrapping paper, affixed with happy face bandaid, she is “also” an asshole AND is Canadian! Ha.

    Jan 2, 2012 at 10:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   Abby

    I love the coffee pot diagram! I can totally relate and the aesthetically pleasing aspect of it definitely makes me vote for it.

    Jan 3, 2012 at 12:40 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   Sus

    These are all beautiful, and I especially enjoyed the visual response to the request to stop drawing male genitalia and of course my very own governor’s letter to the state legislature.

    However, after rereading the self-righteous vegan’s novella and getting pissed off all over again, there’s no question which writer wins the prize of a bacon cheeseburger with spam and a side of beef jerky.

    Jan 3, 2012 at 3:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   Tara

    My vote goes to the Amazon Toilet Paper Bandit! Correct grammar, and gets the point across without needing exclamation points or smiley faces. “I can understand your need for 30 rolls of toilet paper considering you’re a huge asshole.”


    Jan 4, 2012 at 7:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Tom

      Agreed. It was clear, concise, and to-the-point. Anything more elaborate would be a bit derogatory. ;)

      Jan 10, 2012 at 3:11 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   Rattus

    Apartment 301!!! In part because anyone remotely interesting is an asshole upon occasion, and I genuinely admire those who will acknowledge that they are. Kudos to you, asshole in 301.

    Second and third are tied – peeogram (I want to smack all the hoverers) and raging vegan (love it when the self-righteous are so blatant about it).

    Jan 4, 2012 at 8:44 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   SoupySales

    Too many to choose from!

    Are we supposed to vote for:
    – The biggest douche PAN? If so, my vote would go to either Noisy Gamer or Jack, the Cowardly Pretend Note-writer.
    – The PAN that tickled us the most? Gov. Brown.
    – Or the PAN that we could sympathize with the most? The laundry-tosser.

    However, the PANniest of PANs goes to “poopies” note-writer for her — I’m assuming it’s a woman — language (“Sillies,” “poopies”, correct use of “you’re”), handwriting, and actions. The hearts in the exclamation points seal the win.

    Jan 4, 2012 at 12:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Patti

      I have to agree with the vote for the POOPIES note, for the same reasons stated above. The corny factor goes a long way in upping the PA factor. The neatness, hearts and the content of the second paragraph show that it was also pre-meditated and not written in a rage, adding extra PA points.

      I also loved “a good month to be a bitch,” and the toy car. This illustrates one of the many reasons I choose not to have a car.

      Extra credit goes to apartment 301 for identifying themselves.

      Jan 15, 2012 at 5:39 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #18   Palomon

    Maybe it should be judged like Halloween costumes:
    Funniest: Penis Drawings
    Scariest: Drunk Mommy
    Sexiest: Drunk Mommy
    Most Creative: (tie) Coffee Pot Decision Map/Help Desk Wheel
    Most Passive: Jack, the No Details Guy
    Most Aggressive: Frozen Laundry
    Most Passive-Aggressive: Poop Collector (“Hey, Sillies” is the tie breaker vs “Good Month to be a Bitch”)

    Spirit award for being “Funny (if not necessarily passive-aggressive) note from a pissed off person”: Parking Spot Saver
    Runner Up: Gov. Brown’s totally not P nor A but dryly funny note. Parking spot wins with great use of a prop. Had Mr. Brown put the note on the stuffed lion he might wear the crown.

    Jan 4, 2012 at 1:42 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #19   Palomon

    Forgot the Douche Canoe Award: “Invest in Ear Plugs”

    Jan 4, 2012 at 4:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #20   Susan

    I thought the Amazon toilet paper note was awesome, and I feel sure I’d like the note writer. He/she has a right to be pissed off, no direct way of confronting the thief, and he found a funny way to vent. Two thumbs up!

    Jan 4, 2012 at 9:11 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #21   Annie American

    Governor Moonbeam’s memo made me laugh.

    1. Government does not create private sector jobs.
    2. Clean/Green jobs are a myth, see Solyndra, et al.
    3. No Democrat has ever supported cutting taxes to benefit the private sector. I don’t know what Gov. Moonbeam is referring to, but Calif has very high taxes and they want to increase them more. They think higher taxes will mean more income, but it just forces businesses out of the state.

    Then again, Jerry Brown ran the state into the ground in the 1970′s and the voters are giving him a second chance to do it again. Yay!

    Jan 5, 2012 at 3:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #22   Doodle Bean

    1. “When you’re all alone and civilization has crumbled…” because it takes the butterfly effect to new heights of lunacy!

    2. Gov. Brown’s masterpiece of PA Note because it’s so well worded and on official letterhead. He stands behind his PAN’s!!

    3. Toilet Paper one because it’s clever and has the added mystery of why anyone would order TP through Amazon!!!

    Jan 5, 2012 at 4:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #23   nancy

    “Next time I’ll burn the mail”.

    Self-righteous, offensive.. it’s also a hideously over-the-top reaction with a lovely hint of genuine menace that is rarely found in a good passive aggressive note.


    Jan 6, 2012 at 3:38 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Tom

      LMAO! It’s like you’re a “passive aggressive connoisseur”. Brilliant!

      Jan 10, 2012 at 3:03 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #24   NonnyMus

    Is it passive aggressive to attempt to hijack a PAN thread with political b.s.? Yes, I think it is.

    Well done, idiot!

    Jan 6, 2012 at 10:55 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #25   NonnyMus

    Before I read unAmerican Annie’s comment, I didn’t have Governor Brown’s letter as my first choice, but I do now!

    Anyone who can piss off a teabagger that much should be given a prize!


    I’d vote for the earplugs one as the most douchie. Kids these days…

    Jan 6, 2012 at 10:59 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Who passed out the Haterade?

      My favorite is still the Amazon bandit, but I think it would be funny if Jerry Brown wins because of a passive-aggressive response to a passive-aggressive vote for his passive-aggressive snarcasm.

      Jan 7, 2012 at 9:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #26   Debbie

    I love the Jerry Brown one, also a big fan of the drunk mum and the IT Help Desk Wheel (I want one of those)

    Jan 8, 2012 at 7:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #27   Tom

    I like Gov. Brown’s the best. It was the most official and, therefore, the most hysterical!

    Jan 10, 2012 at 3:23 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #28   Clinozoisite

    My vote is for the frozen clothes in a snowbank message. The act of dumping their clothes outside is aggressive, but the note-leaving is passive, so I’m a huge fan. Best of both worlds!

    Jan 12, 2012 at 6:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #29   Blake

    The washing machine one isn’t passive-aggressive, and frankly I agree with the note writer and their actions. Stopping their laundry was a douchey move to start with and made the ‘victim’ fully worthy of their fate.
    The vegan, whatever you may think of them, has an excellent point. If she truly believes ‘meat is murder’ then she should be trying to outlaw it and use force to prevent its consumption, as one would try to stop any murder. My question is: what exactly is she going to do to ‘disallow’ meat being in the house? Throw it away (and necessitate buying more meat)?

    Jan 22, 2012 at 5:12 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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