The Bridal Shower Trap

February 19th, 2012 · 37 comments

Perhaps this bride has a fabulous sense of humor, and receiving a trashy romance novel as a wedding gift was a dream come true. However, given that Melanie found this inscribed copy at a Colorado Goodwill — and looks, she says, “completely unread” — Sariah might have preferred say, a toaster.

Sariah — You Are The Husband Trap! Since you are not letting me come to your bridal shower and I can't make the reception in California, I thought I would send you a gift instead. I have never been to a bridal shower before and didn't know what to get you. I hope this will help you and Lehi. You are awesome and Steve is lucky to have you. Congratulations. Sincerely, Your Friend Tyler

P.S. If you’re curious, here’s the Amazon synopsis of The Husband Trap:

Here comes the substitute bride. . . .Violet Brantford has always longed for the passionate embrace of Adrian Winter, the wealthy Duke of Raeburn. Problem is, he’s set to marry Violet’s vivacious, more socially polished look-alike twin sister, Jeannette. But when Jeannette refuses to go through with the ceremony mere minutes before it is to begin, soft-spoken Violet finds herself walking down the aisle and taking vows in her sister’s place. Soon shy Violet is a high-society wife, trying to keep her real identity a secret while living out the fantasies of her wildest dreams.  Adrian thinks he knows exactly what he’s gotten himself into: Jeannette may be flighty and, well, a bit self-involved, but she’s the picture-perfect wife to carry on the Winter name. Yet this marriage of convenience brings the groom more than he bargained for when he finds his sweet, innocent wife surprising him at every turn. And though he never planned on true love, Adrian is definitely in danger of losing his heart.

related: This is a very interesting present!


FILED UNDER: Colorado · gift · love & marriage

37 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Quite Contrary

    I am sure there is a good reason Sariah didn’t allow her friend Tyler come to the bridal shower, and I am absolutely dying to know what it is.

    Feb 19, 2012 at 4:36 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Siaci

      I’m thinking it’s the fact that he has a penis.

      Feb 20, 2012 at 9:07 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   Melissa

    Wowzers! I’m picturing Emma Stone in that bridal shower skit on SNL recently, (except that character was sweet).

    “I’ve never been to a bridal shower before! I really don’t want to whiff this.”

    Feb 19, 2012 at 4:36 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Melissa

      “It’s Twink Summer, ma’am? It’s 90 minutes, 100 twinks, one unforgettable summer.”

      Feb 19, 2012 at 4:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   Melissa

    If the groom is Steve, does Sariah have a twin sister named Lehi?! Was Tyler not invited just because they didn’t invite guys? Inquiring minds want to know!

    Feb 19, 2012 at 4:40 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Chels

      I know as many women named Tyler as I do men. I do only know two Tylers, however. Girls are all about stealing boy names these days.

      Feb 19, 2012 at 4:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   Dr.Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      I also know as many women named Tyler as I know men named Tyler. I do only know zero Tylers, however. This isn’t so much a girls-stealing-boys-names thing as a people-giving-their-children-surnames-as-first-names thing, which personally I think is equally ridiculous for both sexes.

      Feb 20, 2012 at 12:51 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   RequiredName

      I think the “Lehi” is a reference to the Book of Mormon. The prophet Lehi was married to a woman named Sariah.

      Feb 21, 2012 at 9:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   Tasha

      Yeah, pretty sure there is no Sariah who really married a Lehi. This has gotta be a joke.

      Feb 27, 2012 at 11:01 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.5   notolaf

      Yeah, I thought that was weird, too.

      And who’s Tyler? Sounds like the bitter ex.

      Mar 13, 2012 at 11:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   litchic

    Yeah, I’m thinking Tyler is a guy … which would be why he wasn’t invited. And why he’s never been to a bridal shower … I think I went to my first one when I was about 2 mos old and yearly thereafter.

    Feb 19, 2012 at 4:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Nunavut Guy

      It’s legal in Canada now.

      Feb 19, 2012 at 9:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   litchic

      That just made me laugh out loud … and also feel bad about my gender normative comment. ;)

      Feb 21, 2012 at 12:45 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   Cambrie

    Lehi is a prophet in the Book of Mormon, and his wife was named Sariah. If you were Mormon and you decided to marry Steve and dump Tyler, Tyler might start calling Steve “Lehi” as a joke in order to pretend like he didn’t care, even though he obviously did. And you wouldn’t let Tyler come to your bridal shower. And you would leave the book in Colorado before you moved to California with Steve.

    I don’t know these people, but that’s my best guess.

    Feb 19, 2012 at 5:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Melissa

      That was actually my first impression, that they were Mormon, and I didn’t even know about the names. Thanks for the insight!

      Feb 19, 2012 at 5:09 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   Quite Contrary

      Whoa! Thank you for insight. Having this information makes me thatmuch more scared of Tyler.

      Feb 19, 2012 at 6:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   infanttyrone

    Supposedly 8 comments made so far, but only 7 of them showing.
    Something about Twink Sumner got lost in the shuffle. Nice work.

    Inability to count & display comments coupled with this site’s twitchiness about needing to “moderate” YT links while shopping-spam gets posted immediately…these contributed to the committee’s decision to put PAN on the D-List. Say Hi to Maggie Griffin as you obey the Law of Gravity.

    Sink me! It appears Kathy’s mum has absorbed another box of claret.

    Feb 19, 2012 at 6:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Melissa

      The secret comment was mine. I only tried to link to a bridal shower skit from SNL!

      Feb 20, 2012 at 3:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   infanttyrone

      At the time I wrote my post, the first few words of what is now #2.1 were visible on the Stirring Up Trouble sidebar but the whole post wasn’t in the main thread.

      My “nice work” comment was directed at the management, not at you.
      Did you originally post a link to a YT clip of the skit ?
      That might explain why it was on the sidebar and not on the main thread.
      The clip could have made the whole post invisible “pending moderation”.

      Whenever I post a YT clip these days, it seems to take the moderator a day or more to get around to allowing it to see the light of day, which happens to be the title of a movie & song. There’s a nice YT of Springsteen and Joan Jett doing a live version, but if I posted the link, you wouldn’t see the above comments until tomorrow at the earliest. But just search YT for their last names and it’ll be at the top of the list…rock ‘n’ roll tonight if you wanna. :-)

      Feb 20, 2012 at 8:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   Melissa

      No, my first posting attempt was the NBC link, then I tried removing the http and the www to see if it would help, it didn’t. It’s not so much fun.

      Feb 20, 2012 at 8:55 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   FeRD bang

      I’m not going to rage like ty (who seems to have that covered — decaf, man!), but I will say that frustration with most of my latest comments (which happened to contain links) getting stuck in moderation limbo has been a major contributor to my recent P-AN apathy, and resulting comment silence.

      And while, looking back now, I see that the limbo’d comments were eventually put through, I also see that they were all-but-ignored in the popularity contest. This lends weight to my theory that the mod delay interrupts the flow, and renders those comments “too little, too late”. Plus, didn’t I take the time to become a registered user here for a reason?

      “Too little, too late” is just one theory, of course. It could certainly be the case that my comments were ignored because they simply weren’t funny. But I can’t see how that could possibly be true — “Hillbilly Bajingo Wash” is clearly fucking hilarious!

      (I’d post a link, but… well… you know. Google the phrase. You won’t regretsy it! …And that’s a frickin’ partner site, ferchrissake!! *sigh* OK, on second thought maybe I’ll rage a little. But not like ty.)

      Feb 20, 2012 at 9:01 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.5   Rei

      FJLs forever! Club Fuckery for life!

      Feb 20, 2012 at 10:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.6   infanttyrone

      Thanks Ferd,
      I did google it….that’s one laff riot and a half.
      I also liked the Rocky Rococo pinata and special-day Ronald McDonald “collectible item” in the Other Regretsy posts you might like section.


      P.S. Costa Rica has tons of good coffee, but not much in the way of decaf.
      I’ll use what tech we have here and experiment with upping the rum.
      Hopefully it won’t throw me into trans-paradoxical territory.

      Feb 21, 2012 at 1:07 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   Nick

    What the hell is this.

    Feb 19, 2012 at 7:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   Lady in a Smalltown

    So I went ahead and Googled sariah steve and found a blog about a Morman couple who married at the Oakland Temple and had receptions in both California and Missouri.

    Poor Tyler.

    Feb 19, 2012 at 10:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Mara

      Sariah isn’t exactly an uncommon Mormon name, so there’s no saying that they were the same couple.

      The Sariah and Lehi thing made me laugh. A lot. I totally might have to start giving trashy romance novels to all my friends as they get married.

      Bitter old maid? Who me?

      Feb 19, 2012 at 10:27 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   Tracy

    Thanks all! My PR guy told me the words to write and the place to drop it at. Now 345th at Amazon, romance, weddings, twin brides category. Woo hoo!

    Feb 20, 2012 at 8:23 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   FeRD bang

      It took me a minute to figure out that this wasn’t comment spam, and is actually an extremely entertaining post! :D Well done, “Ms. Warren”!

      Feb 20, 2012 at 9:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   Clarice

    I’ve never been a fan of romance novels, but I have to admit I’m strangely intrigued by that Amazon synopsis.

    Feb 20, 2012 at 9:51 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Alex

      I agree, I might read this book now :p

      Feb 20, 2012 at 10:46 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   GraceFace

      I know! And I thought I was the only one :P It sounds oddly entertaining.

      Feb 22, 2012 at 12:32 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   Zsa

    Oh my. Now that is a bitter gift if I’ve ever sent…um… seen one!
    I think Tyler is a girl and the ex-girlfriend of Steve. Hence, Sariah is the “substitute” bride. I’m sure she could have come up with a better book about the whore who stole her man, but it’s a good try. Maybe next time Tyler!

    Feb 20, 2012 at 11:22 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   Dr.Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

    I love when cheesey romance novels and the like make up random aristocratic titles to make the dashing hero seem slightly more dashing. Although I think a duke is shooting a little too high, since dukes tend to be duke of somewhere significant and so making up a fictitious duchy seems a bit odd. You might aswell have made him King of Romantica.

    Feb 20, 2012 at 12:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Cat

      Every man is a duke when it comes to regency romance. Or a duke in disguise, or the lesser son of a duke. If you only had romance novels to go on one might think that the entire population of England at the time consisted of hundreds of dukes, several nice virginal courtesans, a whole lot of unconventional beauties just settling for a life of spinsterhood and the people that made their clothing.

      Feb 21, 2012 at 2:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   Lara

      As a guilty regency romance reader, your comment made me choke on my crumpets! But you forgot the governesses. The unconventionally beautiful governesses who tend the children of the dukes, only to later, to a woman, become their step-mamas.

      Feb 24, 2012 at 12:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   CubicalMouse

    I actually really like that romance novel!! It was fairly decent and entertaining.

    Feb 26, 2012 at 2:11 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   sparkle

    “…didn’t intend on true love…” Well, then you just shouldn’t have been born into a romance novel, should you, Adrian? BAD LOVE YOU!
    And WTF happened to Jeanette? Does she not know you can choose to NOT marry someone?
    Oh, the intrigue!
    How hot is the Duke dude that Violet is willing to marry him against his will without any preparation mere minutes after her sister gets cold feet?
    Oh, the drama!

    Mar 3, 2012 at 7:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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