Would you trust this guy around a table saw?

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Would you trust this guy around a table saw?

September 3rd, 2012 · 77 comments

Recognizing its greatness, Kori in San Diego says her neighbor had this letter framed; it’s now held a place of honor in the garage for more than a decade.

(Just click the photo to enlarge.)

FILED UNDER: garage sale · guilt trip · high on highlighter · San Diego · spelling and grammar police · unsolicited feedback

77 responses so far ↓

#1 Dot

Who has staff uniforms for a garage sale ? O.o

Sep 3, 2012 at 11:12 pm rating: 90

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- #1.1 JK
  
  Yeah, and who gets upset that other people dare go to the garage sale? He’s mad that they illegally parked so that he couldn’t get closer to the sale…and illegally park, himself?
  
  On the bright side, I’m sure numerous students still have all their fingers because that table saw never made it to its intended destination.
  
  Sep 3, 2012 at 11:26 pm rating: 90
- #1.2 Poltergeist
  
  My garage sale uniform is going to consist of an open bathrobe and white boxer shorts with a malfunctioning button fly.
  
  It’ll be like Antiques Roadshow hired a Chippendales dancer. Bring your kids!
  
  Sep 4, 2012 at 12:31 pm rating: 90
- #1.3 redheadwglasses
  
  Poltergeist, you made me laugh out loud at my desk!!!
  
  Sep 7, 2012 at 4:27 pm rating: 90
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#2 Disco

Don Johnson, huh?

Sep 3, 2012 at 11:13 pm rating: 90

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- #2.1 M L
  
  You read my mind.
  
  Unfortunately, San Diego is a pretty big place. There’s probably more than one.
  
  Sep 3, 2012 at 11:40 pm rating: 90
- #2.2 Jessi
  
  I work with a Jennifer Beals.
  
  A lot of people share names with famous people. Most of them by coincidence.
  
  Sep 4, 2012 at 1:38 am rating: 90
- #2.3 The White Clouds of Opium
  
  Have you seen Nash Bridges?
  
  If I’d gone from Sonny Crockett to backing up Cheech I’d be pissed at the world too.
  
  Sep 4, 2012 at 2:28 am rating: 90
- #2.4 Mike Rophone
  
  Along with the table saw, he was also looking for a heartbeat.
  
  Sep 4, 2012 at 1:17 pm rating: 90
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#3 Hailey

Haha he must not understand garage sales.

Sep 3, 2012 at 11:16 pm rating: 90

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- #3.1 BuckyTooth
  
  I once had an angry email from someone on eBay, who claimed I “stole” an item from them and I was a terrible person. I entered a bid at the last minute, as you do on eBay, and apparently this was stealing the item they really wanted. I replied as nicely as possible, assuming this was someone with some type of issues, saying I was very sorry, but it was an auction and that is how auctions work. They replied again with one of the craziest emails I’ve ever received. I wish I still had it. They called me an evil b****, who had ruined their life, and that I had intentionally known this item would mean the world to them, and I stole their dreams from them. It was a sweater with a bird on it. Not even a very nice one. I think I paid $3. It was for a costume party. No joke.
  
  Sep 4, 2012 at 8:12 am rating: 90
- #3.2 kermit
  
  Bucky, it’s stories like this that make me weary of ever buying anything from eBay. As much as I would like a Kermit reporter mug, I don’t want loony strangers knowing where I live.
  
  Sep 4, 2012 at 9:29 am rating: 90
- #3.3 Vulpis
  
  Ouch, Bucky. I mean ebay sniping like that is a royal pain in the backside (and part of the reason I avoid the auction format like the plague–the sister site Half.com with the set prices is a better choice to me), but that sort of reaction to you doing it is a bit over the top. Yeah, you’re an evil sniper, but not *that* evil.
  
  Sep 4, 2012 at 2:35 pm rating: 90
- #3.4 missy13d69
  
  Wow. I’m glad eBay blocks user names from being visible now. You can’t see who outbid you, so there’s no more of this kind of crazy.
  
  Sep 4, 2012 at 3:00 pm rating: 90
- #3.5 BuckyTooth
  
  Missy… That bidder was probably the reason for eBay’s current policy of anonymity. I hope they don’t still resent me for stealing their dreams from them. I should have let them know which Goodwill bin the sweater went to, just to give them another chance.
  
  Sep 5, 2012 at 7:16 am rating: 90
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#4 Maggie

Don Johnson? No way this is a real letter.

Sep 3, 2012 at 11:16 pm rating: 90

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- #4.1 Come on
  
  Honestly. It’s typed on some creaky old typewriter, framed for posterity, and has all the markings of being the work of a cranky old man. The name Don Johnson throws this whole thing into fake territory? Whatever lady.
  
  Sep 4, 2012 at 12:20 am rating: 90
- #4.2 BuckyTooth
  
  Don Johnson is probably a pretty common name. This is clearly a cranky old man. People take garage sales seriously and get crazy over them. I’ve had a few, and I’m terrified each time due to crazies like this.
  Just read my eBay story above – people are NUTS!
  
  Sep 4, 2012 at 8:15 am rating: 90
- #4.3 Jitty
  
  My neighbor in Michigan was named Don Johnson.
  
  Sep 4, 2012 at 11:31 am rating: 90
- #4.4 Omnivore
  
  We had a neighbor two doors down named Don Johnson. He would throw a fit whenever we were feeding bread crusts to ducks on our dock. He moved, it was for the better.
  
  Sep 4, 2012 at 9:35 pm rating: 90
- #4.5 quat
  
  No. She’s right. There is only one. Just like there is only one Bob Smith. It’s true! I have one of the weirdest names imaginable, and there is another woman with the same name in my town. Bitch.
  
  Sep 6, 2012 at 10:39 pm rating: 90
- #4.6 t-rex
  
  I heard “Don Johnson” called over the PA at the Miami airport.
  
  I really don’t think that he was at the airport with me.
  
  Sep 16, 2012 at 12:29 pm rating: 90
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#5 Rinny

Wood-shop guy VS table saw. And the biggest tool award goes to…!

Sep 3, 2012 at 11:20 pm rating: 90

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#6 Dyna

I’m sure there’s more than ONE “Don Johnson” in this world. I’ll go with it being real.

Sep 3, 2012 at 11:21 pm rating: 90

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- #6.1 juju_skittles
  
  Although the thought of this guy turning up with perfect hair and a white suit, sliding effortlessly in and out of a really cool car at a garage sale is hilarious! Probably wouldn’t have had such trouble getting a car park though.
  
  Sep 3, 2012 at 11:33 pm rating: 90
- #6.2 Vulpis
  
  Don’t forget the crocodile.
  
  Sep 4, 2012 at 2:36 pm rating: 90
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#7 loribl

He had to walk–GASP–a HALF BLOCK???? Unless he’s disabled, I am sure he can haul his carcass the few hundred yards necessary to purchase the tools!

Sep 3, 2012 at 11:32 pm rating: 90

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- #7.1 Vulpis
  
  Well..he *was* expecting to buy a table-saw. It was the trip *back* he was probably concerned about. Still…over the top with the complaints, there–I’m betting he’s never had to deal with shopping mall parking during the busy season–there’s a few that run shuttle-bus services for the lot.
  
  Sep 4, 2012 at 2:38 pm rating: 90
- #7.2 quat
  
  Well, he’s fat, because he was bullied as a child and he has allergies…
  
  Sep 6, 2012 at 10:41 pm rating: 90
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#8 juju_skittles

Clearly the MORON parking lot was full.

Sep 3, 2012 at 11:34 pm rating: 90

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#9 StephM

If you want to find the homeowner, find the person lounging on a chair.
Seriously, I have never seen the homeowner leave their chair without a darn good reason.

Sep 3, 2012 at 11:43 pm rating: 90

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#10 makfan

Dear Mr. Johnson, I tried to hire a cashier, but when I could only offer $1.50 per hour, they all laughed and walked away. So you are stuck with me.

Sep 4, 2012 at 12:24 am rating: 90

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#11 Elisha

I believe this letter is absolutely real because people that yardsale can be crazy. I know because I am one of those illegal parking MORONS who show up early and buy stuff so local schools can’t get it. MUAHAHAHAHA!

Sep 4, 2012 at 12:37 am rating: 90

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- #11.1 The White Clouds of Opium
  
  Why do you hate the children, Elisha?
  
  Why?
  
  Sep 4, 2012 at 2:30 am rating: 90
- #11.2 CharlesMichaelWilliam
  
  Maybe Elisha´s saving children health and life
  
  Sep 5, 2012 at 12:43 pm rating: 90
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#12 Ho-Ju

I usually don’t have any problems with distinguishing home-owners from bargan seekers.

Sep 4, 2012 at 1:05 am rating: 90

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- #12.1 Vulpis
  
  Indeed…they’re the ones that are chilling off to the side and watching everyone like a hawk to make sure they don’t do a runner, as opposed to the ones staring intently and poking and prodding the goods.
  
  Sep 4, 2012 at 2:39 pm rating: 90
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#13 Mike

Did he write “exsisted”? o_0

Sep 4, 2012 at 2:07 am rating: 90

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#14 DeniDee

And just what is Don Johnson’s IQ that he doesn’t know “i before e, except after c”? Or how to spell “bargain”?! BTW, I had an art teacher named Don Johnson.

Sep 4, 2012 at 5:23 am rating: 90

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- #14.1 Jessi
  
  Youtube “i before e QI”. It’s a pretty funny clip from the show QI and, apparently, “i before e” is no longer taught in schools. At least British ones.
  
  Sep 4, 2012 at 10:46 pm rating: 90
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#15 Me

Wow! An English teacher would have a hay day with that one. So much hypocrisy so little correct grammar!

Sep 4, 2012 at 6:31 am rating: 90

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- #15.1 Ponytail
  
  And this English teacher has a problem with the incorrect spelling of ‘heyday’…
  
  Sep 5, 2012 at 2:33 pm rating: 90
- #15.2 quat
  
  Thank you, Ponytail!
  
  Sep 6, 2012 at 10:42 pm rating: 90
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#16 Eileen

He couldn’t have made the guy who bought the table saw a better offer? I would have.

Sep 4, 2012 at 7:03 am rating: 90

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#17 Ashley

I want to know why there’s a naked person in the reflection. LOL It sure LOOKS like a naked person, anyway…

Sep 4, 2012 at 8:12 am rating: 90

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- #17.1 Vulpis
  
  Poltergeist must have shown up after all…
  
  Sep 4, 2012 at 2:48 pm rating: 90
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#18 tami

Why would a school buy used equipment? Or send a person who may or may not work for the school to go get it?
Does that seem weird in itself?

Sep 4, 2012 at 8:20 am rating: 90

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- #18.1 Erga
  
  Why wouldn’t they? Schools have limited budgets and it may be the only way they could afford one. For instance, many elementary/middle/high schools have secondhand computers for the kids to use rather than brand new expensive machines.
  
  Now, I assume you’re looking at it from the safety point of view since this is a saw. That’s generally remedied by a look over and a try-out, just like every other used item. Used items are not inherently unsafe.
  
  Sep 4, 2012 at 2:34 pm rating: 90
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#19 tami

And I also had no idea that hi-liters came in poo colour.

Sep 4, 2012 at 8:21 am rating: 90

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- #19.1 Jolly
  
  Haha, I was thinking the exact same thing, until I realized that after 10+ years orange highlighter ink probably loses some of it’s sparkle.
  
  Sep 5, 2012 at 3:28 pm rating: 90
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#20 Dane Zeller

I googled this, and yes, in January, 2002, this was the only table-saw available for sale in San Diego.

Sep 4, 2012 at 8:42 am rating: 90

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#21 AP

If the school was able to be interested in the saw ahead of time, that means there was an advance ad placed somewhere.

Why couldn’t they stop by or call in advance and say, “Hey, could you hold X items, we are interested in getting them for the school?” I’m sure most homeowners would oblige at least for part of the day.

Sep 4, 2012 at 10:41 am rating: 90

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#22 Nope

Such a shame that that was the only table saw and tools left in the entire world. Those poor children will never know the joy of injuring yourself or others with school supplied instruments.

Sep 4, 2012 at 10:50 am rating: 90

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#23 valarie

I just googled “the” (ahem) Don Johnson’s signature. I’ve gotta say, they are kind of close.

Sep 4, 2012 at 10:57 am rating: 90

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- #23.1 BuckyTooth
  
  http://www.hipolitodesigns.com/Players/Don-Johnson-538-Autograph-Through-The-Mail-Address.cfm
  
  Sep 5, 2012 at 7:19 am rating: 90
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#24 caprica

The text that appears when you scoll over the image is wrong.

“The highschool who was to get the sable-saw will not get this”

What is your I.Q.?! I did not know people like you exeisted!

Sep 4, 2012 at 11:08 am rating: 90

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#25 Poltergeist

I’m thinking of holding garage sale as a social experiment. It’s the ideal place to watch lunatics in their natural environment.

Sep 4, 2012 at 11:59 am rating: 90

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#26 Captain Hampton

Those who can’t do, teach.

Those who can’t teach, teach shop class.

Sep 4, 2012 at 12:35 pm rating: 90

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#27 Tesselara

At Captain.

I hate that quote. Clearly, the person who created that idiotic quote has never tried to teach. Heck, the vast majority of people fail at PARENTING, which involves only a few children. Teaching is a hard job, and not many people can do it well. The teachers I know are super heroes. (and heroines). And yes, we all know bad teachers, but this just underscores how hard the job is.

Sep 4, 2012 at 1:46 pm rating: 90

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- #27.1 Captain Hampton
  
  All I heard there was “I can’t take a joke.” Did I miss anything?
  
  Sep 4, 2012 at 1:53 pm rating: 90
- #27.2 Vulpis
  
  Yep. Of course all this proves that they’re good at teaching. But they’re not good enough to be *doing* what they’re teaching, otherwise they’d be out doing it instead of just teaching it
  
  Sep 4, 2012 at 2:51 pm rating: 90
- #27.3 Jolly
  
  @Vulpis, because no one WANTS to be a teacher, right?
  
  I know at least 5 people who specifically want to be teachers. They don’t want to pursue different careers, not because they aren’t good enough to kick ass in other fields, but because the other stuff they’re great at would get them a career that wasn’t being a teacher.
  
  That being said, this person needs to learn to take a joke.
  
  Sep 5, 2012 at 3:25 pm rating: 90
- #27.4 Tesselara
  
  Too many people say that quote seriously for me to get the joke cues. Also, Captain, if all you could read from that was “can’t take a joke,” your teachers missed something important. Bummed I missed the joke though. Was it funny?
  
  Sep 5, 2012 at 6:33 pm rating: 90
- #27.5 Jen
  
  Really?!
  
  Sep 5, 2012 at 9:54 pm rating: 90
- #27.6 Captain Hampton
  
  “Also, Captain, if all you could read from that was ‘can’t take a joke,’ your teachers missed something important.”
  
  For some people, the internet is a place where you can partake freely of humor, enlightenment, and collective wisdom. For others, it is where you go when you feel like being offended, whining publicly about your feelings, and then saying offensive things back.
  
  Sep 6, 2012 at 10:16 am rating: 90
- #27.7 notolaf
  
  @Captain Hampton:
  As my mother the teacher always said about mean-spirited, so-called humor, “It isn’t funny if EVERYONE isn’t laughing.”
  
  The quote *I* like is, “Those who can, teach. All others go into some less significant line of work.”
  
  Sep 15, 2012 at 5:13 pm rating: 90
- #27.8 Dorothy
  
  Ah, so you like it as long at it’s denigrating any line of work you don’t personally champion.
  
  Sep 19, 2012 at 12:09 pm rating: 90
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#28 squib

My favorite part of this is that he couldn’t take the time to ask who was running the garage sale, but was happy to invest the time to run home (excuse me, first run the whole half block back to his car) and then laboriously type out this letter.

Sep 4, 2012 at 1:48 pm rating: 90

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#29 Bob D

What horrifies me most about this letter is that it’s from someone who is involved with educating young people.

“Hey Mister Johnson, how does a garage sale work?”

“Well Timmy, the homeowner first builds a hyperdimensional parking garage so that everyone can park right out front. Then he puts on his cashiers outfit and spends the rest of the day vigilantly driving off anyone who dresses similarly…”

Sep 4, 2012 at 1:56 pm rating: 90

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#30 missy13d69

I’ve never been to a single garage sale where the “cashier” was labeled as such. I guess most people who have garage sales are of low I.Q. according to Mr. Don Johnson’s theory.

Sep 4, 2012 at 3:03 pm rating: 90

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#31 Lisa S.

I need to know if this letter arrived highlighted, or if the recipient highlighted his favorite parts.

Sep 4, 2012 at 5:19 pm rating: 90

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#32 LulaBelle

The homeowner should be happy Don Johnson COULDN’T buy the tools. He Probably would have had nothing but complaints, demanded a refund, or for remuneration of all the injuries caused by his teaching.
BTW…I am picturing an OLDER Don Johnson, as Sonny Crockett, as Colonel Sanders, perfectly white hair and beard to match his suit.

Sep 4, 2012 at 7:08 pm rating: 90

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#33 BooBoo

Now I think I’ll always wear a “homeowner” name tag to yard sales. It might be a way to make money.

Sep 4, 2012 at 10:16 pm rating: 90

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#34 havingfitz

People get weird when they can’t find someone ‘in charge’. If I go to the store after work, and forget to take off my work badge, it’s a guarantee that at least 3 people will stop me to ask where something is. Which is fine, except when I reply “I’m sorry, I don’t work here” the usual response is an almost panicky “But you’re wearing a badge!” (I work in a call center: my badge looks nothing like, say a Wal*Mart one, but I am wearing a badge so therefore I HAVE to work there.)

Sep 4, 2012 at 11:49 pm rating: 90

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#35 TurnOffTheDarnLights

So weird and hilarious at the same time.

Weirlarious?

Sep 5, 2012 at 5:07 pm rating: 90

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#36 notolaf

This person plagued the life out of the the shop teacher at the local high school, who, buy the way, did NOT request the purchase of these tools. The entire faculty of the high school were filled with gratitude on the day Mr. Crazy and Unpredictable’s otherwise delightful youngest child graduated and took him away.

Just guessing.

Sep 15, 2012 at 5:03 pm rating: 90

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#37 Don Johnson

I WAS going to post the first comment to this, but you MORONS beat me to it. Honestly, now that I won’t be on the top of the comment page, I’m sure no one will have the IQ to scroll down to read this. You people make me sick.

Sep 27, 2012 at 1:41 pm rating: 90

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