The Craft Services DTs

January 16th, 2013 · 47 comments

Our anonymous submitter in L.A. says this opus was posted at the kitchen of a production company working on a network television show…where at least two people seem to have too much time on their hands.

To the hilarious slob who left the mess in the kitchen, good one! Ha ha! LOL! However, I ask you, are you bored with your job? Do you not have enough to do? You must have some spare time as you seemed to have gone out of your way to make such a mess. Or, maybe you have too much to do, so much that you don't have the time to clean up. From either scenario, I can deduce that you likely have a time management problem. You need to dig deep down inside and determine the root of the problem.

related: Dear Desperate for Salad

FILED UNDER: cleaning · kitchen · Los Angeles · TL;DR

47 responses so far ↓

  • #1   everover

    Was the second “two” some sort of pun…?

    Jan 16, 2013 at 7:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   Fridge Pirate

    Everything was fucking delicious!

    Jan 16, 2013 at 7:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   Red Delicious

    Some people get a bit too touchy about what they consider a mess, I think. I once left a box of Triscuits on my desk at the end of a work day by accident, and was suddenly deemed the office slob, complete with PA note and everything. Someone forgets to throw away a granola bar wrapper and it warrants a two page note, in caps?
    Aren’t we overreacting a bit here?

    Jan 16, 2013 at 7:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Bec

      Maybe an overreaction, but in my experience the slobs never realise they are are being slobs because that is what they are used to. Just as the super clean, anal people don’t understand why everyone doesn’t live up to their incredibly high cleaning standards. A basic list of rules like cleaning your cup & putting your rubbish in the bin should be sufficient to keep everyone happy. One wrapper might seem ok, but the conscientious person who has to clean 5 wrappers & 3 coffee cups at the end of every day will eventually go crazy & poison you all.

      Jan 16, 2013 at 7:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   The Elf

      Why wait? Poison them all now, pre-emptively.

      Jan 17, 2013 at 11:10 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   Bec

    Perhaps the secretary harbours secret desires of becoming a sitcom writer & this is her “audition piece”. Maybe she puts her incredibly detailed notes all around the office in hopes of being noticed by the right people.

    Jan 16, 2013 at 7:30 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   E

    Wait, who has too much free time???

    Jan 16, 2013 at 8:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   sadi

      Probably some of us on this site.

      Jan 17, 2013 at 11:08 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   f2point8


    Jan 16, 2013 at 8:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   Doc

    I worked in the film biz for too many years, and each year it got worse. Nobody wanted to clean after themselves, and they couldn’t even figure out how to open a carton of milk.they are all used to being catered to, even the PAs, and heaven forbid you ask them to do their job while they were texting!

    Jan 16, 2013 at 8:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   redheadwglasses

      My friend’s a CPA in the movie biz. When she was new to the movie biz, she brought some overspending discrepancies to the attention of the movie’s producers. It seemed some people were on the payroll but weren’t actually working on the movie. SOmeone else on the crew was getting his expenses paid for, but the expenses were personal and not for the movie. ETc.

      She was told that this is how movies get made and that the higher ranking people use their authority to get “jobs” for various friends and family, so they get put on the payroll but they don’t actually do any work for the movie.

      Jan 21, 2013 at 12:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   juju_skittles

    It’s the Seinfeld note – a note about nothing.

    Jan 17, 2013 at 12:23 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   dizit

    I’m with Doc. I, too, worked for many years in the film biz and the PAs just got worse and worse as the years went on. They all seemed to want to get into another, more prestigios position so spent a lot of working hours doing everything except their job, trying to be noticed by the cinematographer, or the gaffer, or the grip. They’d run through the craft service line leaving a mess behind, while the actual craft service people are running their tails off trying to keep a full, attractive, and neat table.

    Jan 17, 2013 at 12:59 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   AMoparGirl

    I get it completely. In the communal area, you have to considerate to others. Where I work, they’ll empty a pack of shared cookies & leave the empty box just sit there, open. What, you couldn’t have pitched when you grabbed the las one? Lazy asses.

    Jan 17, 2013 at 7:02 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Lil'

      I hate that. I just threw away an empty 2 liter bottle from our fridge. The trash can is only a few extra steps away. It’s actually close enough to toss the bottle in without walking over to it. WHY??? I had a coworker ask me yesterday if someone will put his dishes in the dishwasher if he leaves them in the sink. Apparently, he always uses ziploc bags and paper plates, but this time he brought homemade soup in a plastic bowl. He wasn’t sure of protocol.

      Jan 17, 2013 at 8:39 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   treehugger

      what, you didn’t recycle it?

      Feb 7, 2013 at 7:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   The Elf

    If you’re going to go through the trouble of writing a passive aggressive note over a granola wrapper, dirty coffee cup, and a little bit on the counter, you might as well go big or go home.

    Jan 17, 2013 at 7:24 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   The Elf

    Pet peeve: Using both left and right justification. This is as bad as center aligned bullet points. Inevitably, there will be a long word that is too long to fit at the end of the line and leaves a lot of space, causing the line to be stretched out. You can see it in this note with “productions, the ones that sign your check, care.” It’s right above the break between pages and caused by the use of “Alternatively”.

    Here’s an alternative: Use left justification only, and let your PAN become more readable.

    Jan 17, 2013 at 7:27 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Sheriff Fatman

      Or write your PANs in something with a decent hyphenation/justification engine, like LaTeX.

      Jan 17, 2013 at 7:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   Closereader

      Or you could notice that a word (presumably the name of the production company) is whited out before the word “Production,” thus causing a gap. No justification for blaming the justification.

      Jan 17, 2013 at 9:59 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.3   The Elf

      No, no. I’m talking about the gaps on the line below, the ones in the middle of the line between the words.

      To me, my mental voice (which was already in SCREAM mode because of the caps lock) started making unnecessary pauses. This interrupted the flow of the words, which had been proceeding along nicely up to this point.

      PRODUCTIONS, (pause) THE (pause) ONES (pause) WHO (pause) SIGN (pause) YOUR (pause) CHECK, (pause) CARE

      Honestly, it’s like someone took William Shatner and turned the volume to 11. I kept expecting to see the identifiy of the culprit revealed (KHAAAAAANNN!!!!) or a proposition to the hilarious slob (assuming she’s a hot space babe).

      The office slob…. Truly a no-win scenario.

      Jan 17, 2013 at 11:22 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.4   oi

      Are you a printer in human form or something? I couldn’t see the “gaps” even when I tried.

      Jan 17, 2013 at 12:39 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.5   Brian

      I thought I was the only one driven nuts by “Full” Jusitification (where text is set to the margins and spaced out weirdly). It’s even worse when using all caps.

      Jan 17, 2013 at 1:30 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.6   AMoparGirl

      It’s a PAG, who cares about justification. And the spacing on the last line if perfect poignant! But I would have used wider margins. ;-)

      Jan 17, 2013 at 9:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.7   lucy

      I always use justification in my reports at work – it looks much, much neater.

      What makes this note hard to read is the INCESSANT USE OF CAPITALS.

      Jan 18, 2013 at 12:49 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.8   Macca

      Any problems with full justification are easily remedied by turning automatic hyphenation on and not typing in all capitals, which this person did not.

      Full justification isn’t the devil, it makes newsletters and books look nice and neat. It also makes them marginally (ha!) easier to read because the eye knows where the line ends every time.

      (anyone decrying full justification – you did notice almost all prose books use it, right?)

      Jan 18, 2013 at 10:45 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.9   kermit

      To be fair, professionally typeset books do not have weird empty spaces that stretch out sentences for no good reason.

      It depends on your taste, but personally I find full justification to be extremely irritating. I don’t find left-justified text hard to read or bothersome at all. Stretched out words and sentences do annoy me, though.

      Jan 18, 2013 at 2:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.10   Macca

      Kermit, I’m not sure how either of those points refute my talking points. You can like left justified text just fine (I never claimed it was hard to read) but that’s not a point against full justified. The only cause of improper spacing, and therefore difficult reading, in full justification is writer error. Therefore any problems people may have with the letter above aren’t the fault of the justification but the writer. Also, books have plenty of variable spaces in their full justified text if you’re looking for them. That you didn’t notice them in casual reading is a testament to the readability of the format.

      Jan 19, 2013 at 1:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.11   kermit

      If by “writer error” you mean choosing words and/or sentences that naturally don’t fit on a line and are automatically stretched out once you click on the “justified” button, then sure.

      Jan 19, 2013 at 5:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.12   The Elf

      I do not have a problem with full justification (both left and right) per se. I do have a problem with it the way it is typically used by most people, which results in these odd huge spaces between words if you happen to have an especially large word that wraps to the next line. The problem can be alleviated exactly as described above, by hyphenating words.

      The pros do it right, because they know how. The writer here didn’t, because he doesn’t. He would have been better off using left justification only (and not using all caps).

      I know it’s a minor thing, but I did start out by calling it a pet peeve!

      Jan 20, 2013 at 11:19 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.13   kermit

      Elf, it’s not a minor thing and we all should raise hell over it. After all, it’s what PA notes (and comments on PA notes) are all about. It’s a big deal, upon which civilization’s very existence depends, dammit!

      Jan 20, 2013 at 1:55 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   redank

    “To the hilarious slob” – how great! I’ll have to start my email with this.

    Jan 17, 2013 at 10:02 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   Nope

    Simple solution, don’t provide a “break room.” I don’t get why people would not just use disposable dishes/flatware in an office or office-like environment anyways. Who wants to wash dishes? No one, that’s who.

    Jan 17, 2013 at 10:09 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   Macca

    I enjoy this note. I’m not sure why the writing style appeals to me so much, but it does. It was both entertaining and informative. A+

    Jan 17, 2013 at 10:31 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   Joe

    People seem to assume that because this note only specifies a couple messy items, that those were the only things the note writer was complaining about. Judging by their description, I figure there is much more left to the imagination that they dealt with.

    Jan 17, 2013 at 11:58 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   Eileen

    Love the Capslock Rage. I was hearing it my head in an R. Lee Ermey “drill sergeant” voice, and it was hilarious!

    Jan 17, 2013 at 2:09 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #18   We shall speak anon

    Given where it was posted, I keep hearing the sound of a canned laugh track accompanying this note…

    Jan 17, 2013 at 5:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #19   shesajem

    wow this person would HATE my work, the kitchen is always a little messy but I guess I don’t have my head up my ass and take less than a minute out of my day to do such a small task as put something in the bin.. but that’s just me.

    Jan 17, 2013 at 5:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #20   Poltergeist

    I’m all for cleaning up after yourself, but it’s very difficult to be on somebody’s side when all you want to do is tell them to shut the fuck up.

    Jan 18, 2013 at 4:02 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #21   Repton Brepcount

    Surely it should be Faithfully?

    Jan 18, 2013 at 4:13 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #22   Neeners

    This guy went home and screamed into his pillow for two hours before falling asleep sobbing silently through his frustrated tears!

    It’s ok guy, don’t worry….it’ll get worse!

    Jan 19, 2013 at 1:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #23   Answerguy

    If the letter writer came to me and said “Someone needs to be fired”. I would say “I agree, you’re fired!”.

    Jan 19, 2013 at 9:51 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #24   Merri

    That note writer needs an editor. They want to be funny and cutting, but it ends up being tedious.

    Jan 20, 2013 at 9:20 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #25   Brian H

    The poster might want to read “Bossypants” where Tina Fey describes that comedy writers have a penchant for urinating in jars and cups then leave them around even though a bathroom is close by. The wrapper pales in comparision.

    I was in the Army and law enforcement and I never heard of people doing that where it was even the least bit acceptable. I would flip out if a co-worker did that.

    Jan 22, 2013 at 9:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   The Elf

      I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Army and law enforcement both promote a different working environment than a comedy show.

      Jan 23, 2013 at 6:51 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #26   Jessica

    jesus christ you could have scrubbed the whole kitchen top to bottom in the amount of time it took to write that essay

    Jan 23, 2013 at 5:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #27   ne1

    ok so may he wrote in caps to make it easier to read/see… some ppl do that you know…. and who cares about the spaces, he gets the point across, in a funny way…. cant we just laugh this off??? why does there need to be an argument on how its typed? his ‘essay’ made to to a very popular website… and lots of ppl like it, so i say, bravo! and on to the next

    Feb 7, 2013 at 1:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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