Steve in Los Angeles says his dog has been having some separation anxiety, typically crying for about 30 minutes to an hour after Steve leaves for work. He recently found this oh-so-helpful advice taped to his front door. (His response: “WTF?!”)
Steve, just to put things in perspective, you might want to take a look at the Chicago approach:
related: My bite is work than your bark
66 responses so far ↓
#1
at2002
It’s sweet, or a little creepy, can’t decide which, that the neighbor used to cry every time Steve left. I guess she’s over him now.
Feb 20, 2013 at 3:26 pm rating: 91
#2
dd
This doesn’t seem ugly. It is conceivable that someone wouldn’t know their dog barks when they’re gone. They aren’t there to hear it, after all.
Feb 20, 2013 at 3:30 pm rating: 90
#3
Joanne M.
P.S. – Would you like a sample of my delicious stew? The meat is like nothing you’ve ever had before, but I can teach you all my secrets.
Feb 20, 2013 at 3:30 pm rating: 90
#4
jdaniel
Well thank you for passing along what finally worked for you. Since I have to work for a living, and you seem to be around, how about working your magic with my hound.
Feb 20, 2013 at 3:31 pm rating: 90
#5
matt w.
seems rather unfair to criticize this note. writer doesn’t seem angry, note isn’t funny or unreasonable. why is this even here?
Feb 20, 2013 at 3:34 pm rating: 91
#6
amanda
Probably because of the super helpful advice part of the note.
Feb 20, 2013 at 3:37 pm rating: 90
#7
Steph
Poor dog. DON’T get a dog if you have to leave your dog at home alone while working.
Feb 20, 2013 at 3:43 pm rating: 90
#8
matt w.
@amanda
well i guess i just took that as a show of support and solidarity without presuming to offer unsolicited advice. besides, if the writer HAD offered advice they’d be assuming that what worked in their situation would work for the note receiver. looks like a catch 22; either way, unremarkable note ends up on the site.
i’m guessing it’s just a slow day for passive aggressive notes.
Feb 20, 2013 at 3:44 pm rating: 90
#9
Monster's Mom
Doesn’t look like there’s any sort of advice in the note, let alone helpful advice. But I’m not sure that this note has enough aggressive to even balance out the passive. Where’s the snark? Where’s the acerbic wit? Where’s the beef?
Feb 20, 2013 at 3:47 pm rating: 90
#10
kim
How does Steve know how long the dog barks?!
Feb 20, 2013 at 3:52 pm rating: 90
#11
citydog
Too many people *don’t* know that their dog barks/whines/howls when they are gone until after the neighbors can’t stand it anymore and call Animal Control or complain to the landlord. I think the neighbor was being helpful and encouraging.
While separation anxiety in dogs is pretty darn treatable (I say this as a trainer for 20+ years), the protocol is a bit much to dash off in a note. Once aware of the issue, it’s the responsibility of the dog’s owner to do a little research on how to effectively and humanely help the dog and stop the barking–blindly taking advice from anonymous notes probably wouldn’t be the smartest thing to do anyway.
In case anyone is interested, Patricia McConnell’s short book “I’ll Be Home Soon–How to Prevent and Treat Separation Anxiety” is a great resource, as is Nicole Wilde’s “Don’t Leave Me! Step-by-step Help for Your Dog’s Separation Anxiety.”
Feb 20, 2013 at 3:52 pm rating: 90
#12
jiloca
Team note writer. It is proper of them to let the dog owner know of the noise that the dog is making while he is out, so that he is aware of the noise problem it causes for his neighbors. Owning a dog comes with a slew of responsibilities, one of them is making sure your pet is not a nuisance, whether you are there or not.
Feb 20, 2013 at 4:07 pm rating: 90
#13
Olivia
I’m with the note-writer, though they could have been a little more helpful!
I’ve left a note for the owners of a barking dog before. It actually fixed the problem. Their dog was bored. They didn’t know. They were grateful that someone had bothered to tell them. Guess what? The dog doesn’t bark anymore.
If a dog owner has a barking dog, they ought to damn well fix the problem. Sometimes a bit of self-reflection goes a long way.
Feb 20, 2013 at 4:08 pm rating: 90
#14
Rodalpho
That note is a polite first step to give the person the opportunity to address the problem before they call the landlord or animal control.
I assure you the dog barking is driving that neighbor absolutely crazy.
Feb 20, 2013 at 4:15 pm rating: 90
#15
courtney
I’m with the note-writer who was very nice about it. Even if it really is just 30-60 minutes, that is plenty of time to wake up neighbors or just drive them crazy.
Feb 20, 2013 at 4:48 pm rating: 90
#16
Mothers little helper
Nothing wrong with that note.
I had two dogs I left in the big fenced backyard during the day when I was at work.
None of my neighbors liked me and I didn’t know why.
Finally, one day one of the little kids came up and said his mommy wanted to know why let my dogs out all day. Turns out they had dug a hole under the fence and waited until I left for work and then ran around the neighborhood all day and only came back in right before came home! I had no idea!
Feb 20, 2013 at 5:13 pm rating: 90
#17
jabashque
The alt-text for the first images says, “I’m not sure if you’re awesome but your dog . . .” when it should be “I’m not sure if you’re aware but your dog . . .”
Feb 20, 2013 at 7:02 pm rating: 90
#18
Jessi
I know I would sure appreciate a note like this if my dogs were being obnoxious. When I lived in a second story apartment, I wouldn’t even let the two of the run and play in the house, because I didn’t want to disturb my downstairs neighbors. Thank goodness for off-leash dog parks and a Chuck-it!
Feb 20, 2013 at 10:37 pm rating: 90
#19
Erika
Is no one realizing the first note is just there to provide contrast for the second note?
Feb 20, 2013 at 11:34 pm rating: 90
#20
VM
I read that bit about having had a similar problem as a signal that the neighbor understands what Steve’s going through and is willing to be patient, knowing it might take time before he “finally” solves HIS specific situation. It should reassure him that this is just an FYI, not a warning shot before authorities are called in. Frankly, I can’t think of a nicer note to receive in the situation. Better than a know-it-all screed lecturing you how to handle a dog that the notewriter isn’t really familiar with.
Feb 20, 2013 at 11:47 pm rating: 90
#21
Daithi
It’s ‘separation distress’ not ‘separation anxiety.’ The majority of dog owners do not know that their dog is experiencing this distress, or do not know the extent to which the dog experiences the distress (Bradshaw, In Defence of Dogs). Letting someone know that their dog is distressed, and leaving a comment that tries to reduce any kind of blame or barriers to conversation is not a passive aggressive note. If Steve cannot socialise or care for his dog properly, so that it is not distressed, he should not own a dog.
Feb 21, 2013 at 1:26 am rating: 90
#22
wyncote100
An hour of barking can seem like an eternity to an innocent listener! I don’t see anything wrong with this mild note.
Feb 21, 2013 at 7:05 am rating: 90
#23
misspiggy
Nice that Steve decides to send this note to PAN rather than doing something about his dog’s (and the neighbourhood’s) distress. Nice that he knew about the problem earlier but had apparently thought it would take care of itself.
Gives me a bout of extreme dog related jealousy. I don’t own one because my lifestyle wouldn’t work for a dog; but my commitments would mean much less disruption than leaving the poor beast all alone in the house every day. Bad Steve.
Feb 21, 2013 at 7:14 am rating: 90
#24
redheadwglasses
If the dog’s on the third floor, how will you shoot it? Rent a space on the building across the street? Shoot it through the door like the South African athlete shot his girlfriend?
Feb 21, 2013 at 12:10 pm rating: 90
#25
pooham
http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/02/21/17043535-tears-but-no-charges-after-neighbor-shoots-dogs?lite
Feb 21, 2013 at 2:01 pm rating: 90
#26
Brian
While I personally would have preferred to have the letter writer knock on my door, there’s nothing wrong with the first note.
I cured my dog’s (milder) separation anxiety simply by getting a second dog. I also utilize a web cam and speakers to check in on them.
That said, my wife and I work alternating schedules, so the dogs are alone for no more than 45 minutes at a stretch, (unless there’s errands to attend to etc.) I think the longest they’ve ever been left at home alone was 6 or 7 hours when we went to a wedding.
Feb 21, 2013 at 2:29 pm rating: 90
#27
Brian H
It also goes to the point that many dog breeds are not suited to apartment living nor being left alone. A little studying up before getting a dog can be very helpful.
It’s totally incumbent on him to rectify the situation post-haste. Why should his neighbors be forced to put up with it?
Feb 21, 2013 at 10:13 pm rating: 90
#28
Raichu
Wow, that second one is disgusting. Threatening to kill someone’s animal? Not okay.
The first one I didn’t have a problem with. They sounded like they were being reasonable and just trying to inform him.
Feb 22, 2013 at 10:11 am rating: 90
#29
KarateLady
In our case, the neighbor put ‘em in the backyard every night and they barked & barked. After a week or two, a neighbor contacted Animal Control & was told they needed incidents on file, etc. , so they went around & gave the offender’s address & the city # to call & make a report. But a few weeks after that, someone snuck into or aimed over the fence from their own yard & shot the dog(s) 2-3x. I don’t remember if the dog(s) lived but I do remember bring questioned by police because a smidgen of our fence bordered their backyard. Case was never solved and no dogs in the backyard after that.
Feb 22, 2013 at 10:36 am rating: 90
#30
Grumpy
Shockingly, dogs bark. Guess some people haven’t realized that’s what they naturally do.
If someone ever threatened my dog in the manner of note writer #2……
Feb 22, 2013 at 11:51 am rating: 90
#31
ano
The first note is just a friendly FYI? I’ve left similar notes for working neighbours because…well, if they’re not there how are they meant to know?
I’d hope someone would leave a similar note to no#1 if my future dog barked while I wasn’t home so I’d know and could fix it.
Feb 23, 2013 at 1:15 am rating: 90
#32
Esperea
I see no problem with the first note, but the second note screams psychopath.
People seem to think their pets are perfect and everyone should let them do “what is natural.” The same with children. I see people with their kids running around destroying stuff and when they are told they have to pay for it, they get offended.
Same with their precious pets.
I am okay with dogs barking occasionally, or helping a neighbor corrall their escape artist pet, but most of the time my neighbor lets her dogs bark all night long. She then claims she doesn’t hear anything because she takes sleeping pills anyways.
My other neighbor has two toddlers and the dogs always wake her u.
Feb 23, 2013 at 9:39 pm rating: 90
#33
Dave
Learn the difference between whose and who’s please, people!
Feb 25, 2013 at 4:08 am rating: 90
#34
Erin
Steve’s the problem, not the note-writer. I don’t think he has to do anything so drastic as to quit his job but if you know that your dog barks for 30 mins to an hour every time you leave then you need to do something about it. Period.
5 minutes of dog barking is annoying enough. One hour is fucking unbearable, especially if you’re trying to nap, study, or do anything semi-peaceful next door.
Feb 25, 2013 at 12:39 pm rating: 90
#35
Brian
As to the second note writer:
My response would be:
I love my dogs as if they were my children. You have threatened them with mortal harm. Should I ever see you near them, I will defend them with lethal force.
And I’d mean it. Try to hurt my dog, and I’ll put you in the ground.
Feb 27, 2013 at 2:41 pm rating: 90
#36
Disco
I’ve often wanted to leave several of my neighbors a version of the second note. Sadly, I think you might get nailed for terroristic threats. I’m not kidding.
Mar 1, 2013 at 4:16 pm rating: 90
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