Vigilante justice: Don’t try this at home

March 25th, 2013 · 111 comments

Nicole in Baltimore says her roommate returned home from work and found this note taped to the front door. Later, they discovered a copy of the same had also been taped to the doors of everyone on the entire street. (Kindling for the torch-and-pitchfork-wielding mob?)

ATTENTION: do you know who you live near????? Your neighbor Charles L. M**** (DOB December 19**) who lives at 2***** St. is having an affair with my wife of 12 years. It has been going on since Feb 25, 2012 but I just found out in January 2013. My wife promised to break if off but I found out yesterday that they are still seeing each other. I will be divorcing her. His home phone is 410-***-****. He is 6'3, 195 lbs. He drives a white Chevy pick up truck (license plate 4****) I will be going to his job tomorrow and attending his church on Sunday to let everybody know the kind of man that he is. Because I cannot physically harm him and risk losing my kids or going to jail, I plan on spreading the word about this lowlife loser.

Meanwhile, a submitter from nearby Silver Spring, Maryland snapped this photo during rush-hour traffic.


related: Buy one divorce, get the second one half off!

FILED UNDER: Baltimore · love & marriage · Maryland · public shaming · spurned lover

111 responses so far ↓

  • #1   unsatisfied

    if all that happened to the guy in picture #2 AND his still has his penis and both balls attached, I’d say that he’s one lucky asshole.

    Mar 25, 2013 at 8:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   Emma

    Wow, what a psycho husband. I hope she gets as far away from him as possible.

    Mar 25, 2013 at 8:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Lloyd

      Nothing psycho about it. Most people don’t get the just desserts they deserve, so some people will dish it out. He’s doing nothing illegal and it’s a shame he doesn’t get worse.
      Don’t get even. Get ahead.

      Mar 25, 2013 at 9:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Nami

      psycho for being cheated on???? While I wouldn’t be taping notes on every door in the city, I would be angered and hurt by an affair. Cut some slack for the poor guy and show some empathy.

      Mar 25, 2013 at 9:35 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   Richard

      The fact that this man is willing to advertise that he has been cuckolded is impressive. He’s letting everyone know that his wife is a cheating, two-faced whore and he’s thinking about the future he will have with his children. He chose them over giving the two a well-deserved beating.

      Mar 25, 2013 at 10:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   lala

      “he’s thinking about the future he will have with his children.”

      Yeah, the future where his kids hate him for bad-mouthing their mom. I doubt she’s mother of the year material but unless she’s neglecting or abusing them, their private issues need to stay that way for the kids’ sake.

      Mar 25, 2013 at 10:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.5   kermit

      Sorry people, but I have to agree with Lala, here.

      If you have no problem looking like trash and having your children hate you, by all mean send out letters to the neighbors and make (soon to be) ex-spouse stand out in traffic.

      Heaven forbid that your boss or prospective employers should see that you can’t keep your shit together when you find out your spouse is cheating on you.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 3:46 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.6   PinkPlaidRibbon

      Well, he doesn’t actually call her out in the note. Not like he gives out her details like he does the other guy. Also, she just cheated on him for over a year, I think it’s justified for him to be upset and do a little bad mouthing. I don’t think this is too over the top and isn’t violent. The kids are going to wonder why they broke up anyway, what are they going to say then?

      Mar 26, 2013 at 6:08 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.7   The Elf

      I wouldn’t go so far as to say “psycho”. This is pretty extreme provocation. When someone takes a vow to be with someone else until death, no matter what life may throw that person’s way, and then that person decides to be with someone else instead, I think it’s pretty reasonable that the someone else might have a problem with that! I don’t think it’s necessary to paper the village with news bulletins – it’s probably going to show up in the divorce hearing, especially if there’s custody involved – but the emotion behind that act is *very* understandable.

      That said, I agree with Lala that for the kids’ sake this should have been left private.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 6:48 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.8   thrall bang

      Notice the salient point. He called her on it in January, and she continues to cheat after she “promised to break it off.” NOW he outs her behavior and her lover. He did not escalate to this point right away.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 10:15 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.9   nikki

      Eh… she cheated on him and he has every right to be hurt, but he is still acting badly and could probably get civil charges brought against him. If the man he is following around and giving out personal information about feels threatened (and I would probably feel threatened), he could probably get a restraining order. Which wouldn’t look good for this dude in divorce or custody filings. He should probably take the high road.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 10:59 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.10   Lil'

      I’m far less concerned about the emotional state of this guy who does this as he slams the door on his marriage than I am about the woman (or man I guess) who punishes her/his cheater publicly then stays. You know that guy wearing the sign is in for hell for the rest of his relationship. He might as well wear that sign every minute of every day because his punishment goes far beyond this.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 11:19 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   ZB

    NOT the right thing to do.

    Mar 25, 2013 at 8:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   AMoparGirl

      Neither is boinking someone else’s wife. He should consider himself lucky he doesn’t get worse.

      Mar 25, 2013 at 9:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   ZB

      That’s the thing though… The offended parties are making it quite simple for these men to ‘get worse’. Virtually inciting violence against him. Though that guy standing there with the sign on in a dunce IMO. Putting himself in danger like that – though obviously under duress.
      If my husband ever cheated on me, sure I would be all sorts of emotional about it. It would stay between the two of us though. Far more dignified ;-)

      Mar 25, 2013 at 9:33 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   J-train

      You have no idea how you are going to react to cheating until you actually experience it. It’s not the cheating that drives you to do things like this, it’s the lies and manipulation. Eventually the cheater drives you to a place where you DO start to publicly out them because that is the only way you think you can get your sanity back. I never thought I would be that person until my ex husband started screwing one of his students (college age). Eventually I was that person sending emails and making phone calls to all his coworkers, etc. I did all sorts of things because all the evidence pointed to him boinking this girl even though he came up with all these reasons I was the crazy one. Now that I’m sane again and happily divorced I do not regret one thing I did a bit…in fact I have helped other people do similar things! I’m on team husband all the way on this!

      Mar 28, 2013 at 7:16 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   s

    It’s an embarrassment that both of these are from Maryland. But if you want to play people, you have to pay. I doubt they learned their lesson.

    Mar 25, 2013 at 9:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   Hillary

    His wife is JUST as much of a loser for cheating as the other guy. The responsibility does not lie on one person.

    Mar 25, 2013 at 9:01 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Gagota

      exactly, maybe even more so.

      Mar 25, 2013 at 10:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   kbee

      Agreed. It’s very easy to go after the ‘other guy’, but the one who had a moral responsibility to the relationship is ultimately the one who failed their partner. I wouldn’t call the wife out, but she’s the one who did the bigger wrong here. Ugh.

      It’s kinda like when I see two girls pulling each other’s hair and screaming in public, because one girl’s “man” was sleeping with the other. I just think, “Well yeah, okay, but what about that skeeze boyfriend who did the actual cheating here?!”

      Mar 28, 2013 at 4:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   lala

    If I were either of the people being talked about in this letter, I’d be suing the LW for harassment and stalking. No matter how reprehensible it may be, cheating is NOT a crime and people who do it should not be treated like sex offenders.

    Mar 25, 2013 at 9:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   s

      says someone that has probably cheated.

      Mar 25, 2013 at 9:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   S

      Adultery is absolutely illegal in some states. As of 2012, 23 states still had laws against adultery. Some consider it a felony, others a misdemeanor. There have been cases where the scorned spouse has sued their spouse’s lover for alienation of affection (and won). Furthermore, if a military member commits adultery, it is punishable by UCMJ action, up to and including loss of pay, rank, and dishonorable discharge.

      Mar 25, 2013 at 9:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   CLaybob

      fortunately, everything printed in that letter is public information and if what he states happened in the letter actually happened, there are no grounds for a lawsuit. both the wife, and adulterer are the scumbags in this, i can’t see how any of you think their actions are ok (unless you’re feeling like you relate to the cheaters, more than the husband).

      Mar 25, 2013 at 9:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   lala

      Actually, I am someone who has been cheated on. Never, ever done it myself in any way, shape, or form.

      Phone numbers are not necessarily public information (cell phone numbers are definitely not…at least, not at this time). License plate numbers sort of are, but only if you already know what vehicle someone drives. I don’t think Joe Citizen can call the DMV and ask what someone’s plate # is.

      I didn’t realize adultery was still a crime in so many states (apparently in MD the fine is a whopping $10, though it’s not clear whether that’s per incident or total). However, I don’t think it should be. We shouldn’t be legislating morality.

      Mar 25, 2013 at 10:11 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.5   s

      Someone that is cheated on doesn’t make excuses for other cheaters. And yes, for the right amount you can buy that info at the DMV and on websites. So it is public knowledge.

      Mar 25, 2013 at 10:30 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.6   Rachel

      It is not legislating morality. Marriage is a legal contract.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 2:15 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.7   kermit

      Rachel, I don’t think there’s any clause in the marriage contract you sign at the court house that specifies sexual fidelity or emotional fidelity. Plenty of people get married with the explicit understanding that it’s an open marriage. So the state has no business enforcing a contract whose terms aren’t specified.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 4:20 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.8   Nunavut Guy


      I’d say he has probably all ready dishonourably discharged.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 7:49 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.9   Jami

      Kermit – If people can sue over a broken engagement for breach of contract, why couldn’t they do the same with marriage?

      Mar 27, 2013 at 8:26 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.10   merkin4

      Since adultery is grounds for divorce (along with drunkenness, laziness, abandonment, imprisonment, abuse, and the like), it can reasonably be assumed fidelity within marriage is contract condition.

      Mar 27, 2013 at 1:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   sockpuppet

    this isn’t something I would do myself, BUT where I live people SHOOT each other over cheating…so I am going to give this guy a break. He found a way to get his aggression out without resorting to violence. He just spent the last year being duped–he has every right to be outraged

    Mar 25, 2013 at 9:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   Tupelo

    I would say good for the guy – I also hope he does the same for his wife too though because it takes two to tango.

    Mar 25, 2013 at 9:51 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Gagota

      exactly. like I wrote below, it is as much, I would say more her fault as it is his. She should just keep her legs closed and not be such a S**t.

      Mar 25, 2013 at 10:01 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   The Elf

      You make that sound like it’s a gender thing. I think you mean that since the wife is the one who took the marriage vow, she is more at fault than the “other man” for breaking that vow.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 6:54 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   Gagota

    While he may be angry at the man, his wife is really the most guilty one. SHE is the married person. SHE is the one that should keep her legs closed and not like an open garage that everyone can just drive into. SHE is the one that should be standing there with the sign on her neck. Everyone blames the man for everything, why is that? Yes of course, he has some blame too, but it is mostly her fault for seeking other men to have sex with. Wake up people! Women are just as guilty as men when it comes to cheating. So remember this. The most guilty party is always the married person, not their lover/mistress. I hate cheating as much as anyone, dont get me wrong. But the majority of the blame is aimed wrong in this case. Let justice be served and place her at a round about with that sign on her neck.

    Mar 25, 2013 at 9:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   H for Toy

      I agree with you Greg, but the thing is, the person who has been cheated on loved his/her spouse at one point, and maybe still does. So, sometimes they justify, consciously or not, “my wife never would have cheated on me, if that lying, wife-stealing SOB hadn’t come along.” As illogical as it may be, a lot of people are willing to make excuses for someone they love(d).

      Mar 26, 2013 at 6:03 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   H for Toy

      I don’t know why I called you Greg either. Gagota. Sorry about that!

      Mar 26, 2013 at 6:14 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   a-Arialist

      a. how do you know the guy isn’t also married? It doesn’t specify either way.

      b. you know nothing – NOTHING – about this situation. Is language like ‘legs open like a garage’ necessary? No. Calm down. For all you know, Mr Note-writer is a controlling, abusive arsehole who has brow-beaten his wife her whole marriage and he fecking deserves it. Point is, we don’t know. Labelling the woman a slut, like you’ve done upthread (and I note you’ve not said anything remotely comparable re: Mr Sign) says a lot more about you then it does her.

      And in regard to Mr Sign, his wife should be ashamed. He is her husband, not a child. You don’t ‘punish’ your spouse. If one of you cheats, you make a decision regarding your ongoing relationship and trust, you don’t stand them in the street with a bloody sign around their neck.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 7:25 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.4   Nunavut Guy

      Well it makes me feel better about calling you Troy.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 7:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.5   H for Toy

      It’s true, Nunavut. And Troy is a lot closer to Toy than Greg is to Gagota!

      Mar 26, 2013 at 8:06 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.6   The Elf

      Absolutely, NanGreg for Troy.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 9:59 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.7   quatfaux

      Yeah. She needs a fucking SCARLET LETTER carved on her forehead, too. That way we can all judge her. Forever. Without knowing anything about the situation. What a bunch of moralistic, judgmental finger-pointers you lot are being.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 12:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.8   H for Toy

      I think I can speak for myself when I say that’s not at all what I was saying. I was agreeing with the fact that it is just as much the wife’s fault as the lover’s. I wasn’t necessarily agreeing with the garage door part. I think I can also speak for Nunavut Guy and The Elf, when I say that they weren’t thinking about Scarlet Letters or Garage Doors, either.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 1:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.9   Jami

      Unless the wife kept her marriage hidden, both are equally guilty. Because he could just as easily say “I don’t sleep with married women.” Just like she could say “I’m sorry, I’m married.”

      Mar 27, 2013 at 8:28 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.10   H for Toy

      Jami :) I feel like I haven’t seen you in a little while. Please tell me you and Rufus went on a little island vacation.

      I think it would be difficult to keep your marriage hidden from someone for a year. I don’t know, I’ve never tried, but I would think the other party would begin to suspect something after a while.

      Mar 27, 2013 at 8:34 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.11   Jami

      H, I wish! I’ve been trying to figure out new ways to bring up Rufus Sewell. I’ve already done the PAN turned into movie bit.

      I suppose if the other party is really stupid they could do it.

      I have a very low view of adultery as I have a brother who not only cheated on his now ex-wife multiple times but finally abandoned her and his kids for his mistress (now current wife). Sometimes when I see someone say how we shouldn’t “Slut Shame” I want to write a rant about how some women – and men – deserve to be called a slut and use my brother and Skankarella for an example. (Besides him being married when they started the relationship, both are drug addicts, child abusers, and he’s a dead beat dad.)

      Yes, his marriage was miserable. But when a marriage is miserable you either get help or get out and if you do the latter you give yourself time THEN fine someone new. You don’t start another relationship while still married. Period.

      Mar 28, 2013 at 4:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.12   H for Toy

      It’s amazing that her name is Skankarella, and she’s actually a skank! ;) I’m with you 100% on that. If your marriage is that bad, divorces are $300 on the Internet. Some women specifically like to go after married men, because its a challenge. Probably there are men like that too. They make me angry and sick all at once.

      Mar 29, 2013 at 5:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.13   Jami

      Sadly, H, with my brother there’s no challenge. He’ll sleep with anything that’s willing to spread their legs for him. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if one day he died from complications from AIDS from the way he f**ks around. And Skankarella too. She’s one of those women who decided to support herself on her back instead of getting an education. Then blames everyone else for her bad choices.

      Mar 30, 2013 at 2:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.14   H for Toy

      Seriously Jami. How did you end up so normal? Between Todd and Skankenstein…

      Mar 31, 2013 at 5:44 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.15   Jami

      I think it’s just watching all the mistakes my brothers made and vowing not to do that.

      Oldest brother, Paul, is a recovered drug addict. Showed me to never smoke pot or any of that other stuff people insist are “really harmless.”

      Todd, the middle one, is a recovered alcoholic. Thanks to him I always limit myself to one drink.

      Mark, of course, current drug user, dead beat dad. (Likes to claim he pays child support but in reality the court has to garnish his wages because he refused to pay. So he’s not REALLY paying. He’s being forced to pay.) Man-whore, welfare cheat (tried to collect welfare & food stamps for his daughter even though she was not living with him and Skankarella at the time.) And has been fired repeatedly from jobs for stealing from them to pay for his drug addiction.

      I had some really excellent examples on how NOT to live one’s life.

      What sucks is we were all raised to do right and not be like that. However, my brothers did have a different biological father who was an alcoholic and would beat mom severely. He eventually abandoned them to run off with an 18 year old and never paid child support. However, my bio-dad, the man who actually loved and raised them and who is their real dad, did his best to undo that damage. But I guess it wasn’t enough.

      Mar 31, 2013 at 12:35 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   Puppet

    I’d feel kinda dumb making such a public display out of the fact that I was duped for a year… and what’s anyone else gonna do about it anyway—give the cheaters dirty looks in the grocery store? Oh wow, they must feel so… shunned! Yeah, right. :/

    Mar 25, 2013 at 9:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   redheadwglasses

      Eggzackly, Puppet. This guy has given up all dignity and pride.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 11:51 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   tulips

    From my experiences in online dating.. I have found scores of people held sexually hostage in shitty relationships and then see issues like this and comment from others who want to blame and crucify people who seek some sort of satisfaction outside ofa shitty relationship. Think about it.. if they were able to communicate and receive what they need with their partners.. would they have looked elsewhere? People who get “cheated on” could possibly look in the mirror and reflect on how they contributed to a crumbling relationship AND take stock of the situation and their role in it.

    And to anybody who says “they should have controlled their urges.. ” Sexual and emotional health is a basic human need.

    And to anybody who says.. “if that’s the way they felt.. they should have left..” Walk a mile in the shoes of someone entrenched in mortgage, kids, history and time.

    Let people be who they are. If you can’t support them emotionally or otherwise with their changing needs, provide them with respect while they support their own sexual, emotional and physical needs and whatever you do.. don’t hold another human being emotionally, physically, sexually or in any other manner HOSTAGE because you can’t sort your own shit out.

    Mar 25, 2013 at 10:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Gagota

      my guess is you have cheated lots of times or at least once if you say BS like this. do you have any idea what it feels like being cheated on? I do. Her excuse was “I was horny and you weren’t there”. Well if she would have talked to me, maybe I would have been. If you are gonna have a relationship, the least you can do is be honest and be faithful to the one you marry or choose to have a relationship with. If not, leave them. Having kids is no excuse for being in a rotten relationship where you dont love and respect the other person. Just because lots of people do it, doesn’t make it right. if lots of people jumped of the empire state building, would you do the same? Of course not.

      Mar 25, 2013 at 10:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   s

      Wow! I can’t believe you actually wrote that bullshit. It sounds like another cheater making excuses for other cheaters. Cheating shows an utter lack of morals. If you’re not happy then you get out. You don’t make the situation worse by staying and setting a horrible example for your kids(if you have them). They will find out. If not now, then when they are older. That guy would not have gone that far if 1) she hadn’t started screwing around in the first place and 2) lying and saying she ended it. You want to mess around then yes, you need to pay the price. It amazes me that people actually make excuses for cheaters. This woman basically showed her kids she is a lying tramp and it’s okay to be dishonest. Way to go mom!

      Mar 25, 2013 at 10:41 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.3   Kittymama

      Then there are the cheaters who are too cowardly to communicate with their spouse about whatever issues exist and choose to disrespect and betray him or her instead. Yay!

      Uh, sorry, I got all engaged in a conversation that isn’t about the note. It’s touchy. Adultery is still grounds for divorce in New York. People like Eugene O’Neill who just wanted out would make sure witnesses caught them with a prostitute so they would be granted a divorce.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 2:42 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.4   The Elf

      Uh, no. While I have no doubt that there were problems in the marriage before the cheating started (rarely in a divorce is there truly an innocent party), you still took a vow of fidelity. If it’s that bad that you are “being driven” into the arms of another, divorce first. Cheating is a betrayal first and foremost, and if you can betray the person you once loved enough to marry, then you shouldn’t be married to that pereson.

      Unless you have an open marriage or some sort of agreement with your spouse, in which case bang away.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 6:57 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.5   H for Toy

      Plus, online dating = not a lot of complete honesty. It’s possibly that these people are stretching the truth or outright lying to justify their actions.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 7:26 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   bob loblaw

    I was kinda wondering if the guy was 5ft 3 instead of 6ft 3, that maybe the poster might have just beaten the shit out of the postee?

    Worth a thought.

    Mar 25, 2013 at 10:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   Rene

    Guy #2, you’re facing the wrong direction of traffic! If making him wear a sign in traffic is an indication that she’s taking him back, then she’s a more tolerant woman than I am.

    Mar 25, 2013 at 10:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   bob loblaw

      I think he has the ass of his jeans cut out.

      Mar 25, 2013 at 10:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   Andrea

    I googled this Silver Spring thing, and only older stories come up and they are in VA and determined to be a hoax. It looks like the same guy. Plus, it doesn’t look like the Silver Spring intersection of 29 and Ga. Ave. Hoax?

    Mar 25, 2013 at 10:35 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   s

      Yes it was a hoax run by a radio station.

      Mar 25, 2013 at 10:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   The Elf

      I agree that that’s definitely not Colesville and Georgia, which is right at the heart of Silver Spring Downtown. Nor does that look like heavy enough traffic to be Silver Spring during rush hour! But that office building sure looks like something you’d see around the Beltway.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 7:09 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   Ajax

    I’ll bet you Charles L. skips church on Sunday.

    Mar 25, 2013 at 10:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   kermit

      I bet you Charles L. is the pastor.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 5:48 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   Straightline bang

    I’ve never understood the venom unleashed on “the other woman” or in this case, the other man. The anger is totally misdirected on the interloper. The spouse is the one who took a vow. The spouse is the one at fault. The spouse is the one deserving of the blame. And if the letter writer is heartbroken and betrayed, end the marriage. Or forgive her. I don’t care what the LW does because it’s none of my business. But then he went and made it my business with the public soap opera. Why would it be acceptable to plaster the neighborhood with scarlet letter handbills, or stalk someone’s workplace?

    Mar 26, 2013 at 1:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   PinkPlaidRibbon

      In this case, maybe he didn’t want his (ex-) wife to be shamed if they had kids? Maybe he wanted to spare them that, but still get out his anger. Yes, it’s the wife’s fault for cheating, but if the other guy knew she was married and was with her anyway, that’s pretty lowlife.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 6:04 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   poopypants

      The anger at the other person tends to come from societal training and the view that women are property. Killing a man for sleeping with your wife used to be a valid legal defense (and has continued to be used in more recent years) in the case of murder, because that other man essentially violated your property. Usually it’s dressed up a bit more, but that’s what it boils down to. I would frankly be more tempted to kick the shit out of my female significant other if I caught her cheating than the other guy, but there are also social taboos against men hitting women that are stronger than social taboos about men hitting men.

      Mar 27, 2013 at 11:30 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   Skittles

    Those poor bastards. If you’re going to cheat at least figure out how to be discreet.

    Mar 26, 2013 at 2:08 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #18   Nola

    I think he found a cool way to channel his anger, as he’s thinking of consequences. Publicity is a good way to get back at people like that, they usually fear it.

    Mar 26, 2013 at 6:59 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   H for Toy

      It’s certainly a better choice than the guy who found out his wife was pregnant with another man’s baby, so he found his wife’s lover, killed him, cut off his head, and brought the severed head to his wife’s hospital bed. Fun times.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 10:11 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #19   jj

    My stepdaughter was having affairs with many married men. One of the wives beat the heck out of her, so now she stopped that behavior and got married. Life is strange.

    Mar 26, 2013 at 7:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   kbee

      Sorry jj, but I laughed. Maybe that was the come to Jesus moment she needed. >.>

      Mar 28, 2013 at 4:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #20   Belinda

    I’ve not been cheated on so I cannot even imagine how that feels. I have been ripped off though, and when my son ripped me off for thousands of dollars, I drove around with that info on my vehicle. Some people think they can fool others, pretending to be good people and benefiting from others wanting to help good people. I think it’s important to bring the petrie dish out into the light.

    Mar 26, 2013 at 7:42 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #21   Brian

    I have never cheated, nor to my knowledge been cheated on. I am in a marriage where due to some health issues on my partner’s side, I am as it was put “held sexually hostage”.

    It sucks. Life’s like that sometimes. It’s not worth leaving my wife over. So I live with it.

    Can I understand a mistake in a moment of weakness? Sure. The need for physical intimacy is part of the human experience.

    Does it being an understandable mistake make it any less morally wrong? Nope.

    Mar 26, 2013 at 8:08 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #22   Pistachio bang

    I can’t believe the excuses that are being put on here! Human needs?? ugh…people/we need to own our mistakes and wrong doings period..and expect nothing in return!!!! That means owning our choices, coming clean, with no strings attached, no blaming, and no manipulation. This is a very freeing process, hard to do and always the right thing to do.

    Mar 26, 2013 at 8:50 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   kbee

      Yep. I have a human need to strip naked in Wal-Mart, scream at the top of my lungs and beat some fat housewife blocking the aisle with a huge stick of salami from time to time.

      But i don’t do it because I know better.

      Mar 28, 2013 at 4:54 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #23   Gonz

    Yeah, the reason Mr. Husband is not confronting this man to his face is that he’s 6’3, 195 lbs.

    The husband would probably get stomped if he tried to attack this man physically.

    Mar 26, 2013 at 9:20 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   poopypants

      6’3 and 195 pounds is not necessarily an impressively built man. I usually lift weights and run/bike on an almost daily basis and I’m about 190 at 5’11. Most people refuse to believe I’m that heavy and I don’t look particularly muscular. So he’s probably just an average 6’3 dude, and height isn’t something that inspires fear by itself (Who’s scared of Gabe from The Office?)

      Mar 27, 2013 at 11:33 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #24   Robyn

    Wouldn’t it make more sense for the husband to “out” his cheating wife then go after the guy who was sleeping with her. She was more in the wrong then Charles. For all he knows, this Charles guy might not have even known that the woman he was sleeping with was married…

    Mar 26, 2013 at 9:46 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   ShadeTail

      It went on for at least a year, so it’s not likely Charles wouldn’t know his “girlfriend” was married. Also, it could mess up the divorce proceedings for him and get his kids pissed off at him if he exposed her like that.

      Mar 30, 2013 at 8:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #25   Amelia

    This man is psycho. He is basically encouraging random strangers to harass and/or injure a man that as far as we know, did nothing wrong (we don’t even know if this guy knew that the woman he was with was married, and it isn’t like he was the one who had taken any vows). I cannot believe that people on this site are congratulating this psycho for his restraint (oh wow, look how well he is doing, he managed to refrain from committing MURDER) or outright saying his actions are good. Seriously people, I understand getting cheated on is emotionally painful, but deal with that shit in private like a goddamn adult. If I were this guys kids, I would rather live with my cheating mother than my unstable psycho of a father.

    Mar 26, 2013 at 11:39 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   November

      This. A emotionally stable person does not stalk the person their spouse cheated on them with. This is not restraint. Restraint is ending the marriage and moving on with your life. I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy does go off the deep end and kill people.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 11:54 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #25.2   quatfaux

      Finally, some reason. Thank you Amelia and November. The guy sounds like an scary asshat to me, and I can’t believe all these people who think he is justified in hanging notes all over the neighborhood. It’s too creepy. OK… his wife cheated. OK… he’s hurt and angry. This is not the way adults deal with things like that. And you are right. If I were the kids, I’d be dead with embarrassment.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 12:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #25.3   Tom

      Actually, a lot of adults react to extremely hurtful, shocking, and betraying things with a complete lack of foresight. In fact, quite a few adults react to small disagreements with big arguments instead of communicating effectively. Lots of adults can’t moderate their alcohol consumption responsibly, or their spending habits, or a host of other things. In fact, a lot of adults to profoundly stupid shit all the time, and a lot of adults act like “kids” when they don’t get their way.

      Frankly, the guy chose a middle-of-the-road outlet for his anger. We remark that he didn’t murder because in situations like this, people do! People actually murder others over betrayals like this. The emotions involved are extreme. So yes, we are nodding our heads and saying “thankfully he didn’t kill anyone” because that is a definite danger in emotional extremes like these. Very few “normal” people act rationally when faced with cheating. I am also on the boat of thinking that his decision to post flyers was understandable and forgivable.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 2:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #26   Brian

    Question for those who are so rabidly going after the moral failings of the cheaters…

    Do you have an obligation to meet your partner’s sexual needs? That is, do you think it’s fair to say “I am the only outlet you have for your needs” and then refuse to be that outlet?

    Before you get up and arms about one person failing to meet their marital obligations, ask yourself if you’re meeting your own.

    Mar 26, 2013 at 11:46 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   The Elf

      Well, since we’re getting all advice column-y….

      I do think there’s a sexual component to marriage; that one should at least attempt to satisfy their partner sexually. But it should never be forced, coerced, guilt-tripped, or otherwise a “duty” one approaches with the same enthusiasm as doing the laundry. At the same time, the partner who isn’t getting it regularly enough should consider WHY that is and not just bitch about it. Is the spouse dead tired after a full day? Maybe other partner should do more around the house/take a more active role in childcare. Maybe the solution is to have a morning bonk or afternoon delight rather than wait until bedtime. Is this a health problem? I think it’s asking a little much for someone who is vomiting from chemotherapy to put out! In that case, deal with the sexual frustration yourself without betraying the fundamental principles of the marriage, until such point as the partner is more able. Or maybe it’s just an issue of different drives, in which case the one with the greater drive might just want to consider the value of quality over quantity and make those times extra special.

      But if it’s a permanent thing and there just is no meeting in the middle, then the couple TOGETHER needs to figure out a workable solution to the problem. You know, communicate. That solution might be that it’s okay to have a little something something on the side. And if there is no workable solution, then maybe the answer is to divorce. Sex *is* important, but only the sexually frustrated spouse can answer if it is important enough to divorce over.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 1:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #26.2   Tom

      Well, my short answer is no, it is not fair to say “I am the only one” and then refuse to be that only one. Just as Elf says, there’s a lot of reasons why this may be and nobody should be forced to put out. However, I feel there is an obligation to at least try and fulfill each other and communicate about how/why you can and cannot – that’s the whole point of marriage. If we’re talking literally a sexual hostage situation, that’s just fucked and unless it’s an agreed-upon dom-sub thing that is not okay. It’s no grounds for cheating. It is grounds for divorce.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 2:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #26.3   nurgleth

      No, you don’t have an obligation to fulfill anyone’s sexual needs. Neither do you have an obligation to stay in a relationship that is not fulfilling.

      Why is that such a hard concept? I’ll never understand how some people act like cheating is the only option if you’re not satisfied with your sex life.

      Mar 27, 2013 at 6:42 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #27   KD

    I am thoroughly disgusted by all the name calling on here. No matter what promises are made, or what kind of papers are signed, you do not own another human being.

    Mar 26, 2013 at 11:47 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Thunder McKing

      Expecting your spouse to refrain from sexual relationships with persons other than you doesn’t equate to a sense of ownership. It’s one of the basic expectations of marriage. If fidelity isn’t for you, neither is marriage.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 1:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #27.2   The Elf

      I’m thoroughly disgusted by the fact that some people think oaths mean nothing.

      A husband or wife does not own their spouse in any way, and marriage does not confer ownership. But it is reasonable to expect that spouse to cleave to the vows they took or else sever the deal entirely.

      Marriage isn’t for everyone. I see nothing wrong with having a long-term, committed relationship that is not a marriage. If that kind of vow makes you uncomfortable, don’t marry. Or write your own vows that more adhere to what you actually intend to do. There’s lots of other options.

      Mar 27, 2013 at 7:08 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #27.3   poopypants

      I’m actually impressed that nobody has made the connection of the dangers the cheater exposes the cheated on to. Has nobody on this website heard of STI’s? If you’re a cheater, you are willfully exposing your partner to other, unknown partners without their consent. In my book, that’s as bad as assault.

      You don’t own another person, but relationships (even open ones) are often or always built with standards of fidelity. Those vary from relationship to relationship, but they’re still there. The norm is overwhelmingly a 1 to 1 expectation of fidelity. I don’t stick my penis, fingers, lips, etc anywhere near shady areas and you do the same with your genitalia, fingers, lips, etc. There is almost always a moral issue with regards to cheating.

      That said, I have been the other man on numerous occasions, once to a married woman. And due to the cheating (and my subsequent advice because I’m probably a bipolar poopypants), that marriage ended up stronger and happier than it ever had been before.

      Mar 27, 2013 at 11:40 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #27.4   Lil'

      Excellent point about disease. My aunt right now is living with AIDS that her cheating husband brought home. He and his mistress are dead now, but my aunt has been holding on for over a decade. I live far away from her, but the last time I saw her, her liver was swollen so severely, she looked as though she was expecting. Her daughters have to live each day knowing their mother could die any day – and they understand why. I don’t understand the comments suggesting cheating is no big deal, or that to expect fidelity is to assume ownership. Marriage is joining yourself to your spouse and forsaking all others. If a lifetime commitment to one person seems unreasonable, then why marry at all?

      Mar 28, 2013 at 7:17 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #28   redheadwglasses

    I suspect LW’s wife will be much happier without him. I know I would be.

    Mar 26, 2013 at 11:55 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   quatfaux


      Mar 26, 2013 at 12:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #29   pooham

    The following week:

    After an ass-kicking by Charles L. XXXXXX, I realize I made a mistake. I meant Charles M. XXXXX. His DOB is March 19XX. …

    Mar 26, 2013 at 11:56 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #30   H for Toy

    No matter which side of the fence you stand on, I think we can all agree that we have managed to disagree less passionately, and with fewer nasty names being called, than in the Indoor/Outdoor Cat Debacle.

    Mar 26, 2013 at 1:27 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   pooham

      May I add that if cheated on husband refused to put the toilet seat down he got what was coming to him.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 1:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #30.2   H for Toy

      He probably didn’t replace the toilet paper, either.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 2:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #30.3   kermit

      Disagree less passionately? That may be due to the technicality that this didn’t involve cheating indoor/outdoor cats.

      “My outdoor cat cheated on me with my indoor neighbor!”
      “My indoor cat cheated on me with my outdoor neighbor!”

      Just you wait, H. Just you wait.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 6:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #30.4   The Elf

      Is this thread not about wandering pussy, causing trouble for the neighbors?

      Mar 27, 2013 at 7:11 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #30.5   Brian

      Elf wins the internets! Well done.

      Apr 1, 2013 at 1:01 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #31   redheadwglasses

    I like the occasional PA note that’s way more A than P.

    Mar 26, 2013 at 4:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #32   notolaf

    While adultery is always wrong, I would be absolutely pissed off if some stranger came around trying to involve me in his personal chaos. What does he really think, that the dude is going to get flooded with outraged phone calls?

    If you ask me, whatever his wife has to answer for, she’ll be a lot better off without this loser.

    And not to flog a dead horse, but can you imagine what all this is doing to his kids? I can. I teach kids in this kind of situation every day, and sometimes it’s all I can do to not just scream at them.

    Mar 26, 2013 at 4:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   notolaf

      *I mean the parents.

      Mar 26, 2013 at 4:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #33   seriously

    It would have been much cheaper, and way more effective, to hire a crackhead to kill them.

    Mar 27, 2013 at 4:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #34   ljeannene

    the second picture was a radio station bit a few years back, he was standing by my office making a mess of traffic.

    Mar 28, 2013 at 11:05 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #35   kbee

    I’ve not been cheated on but there’d been a breach of trust in my relationship with my husband last year. He was behaving in a dishonest, shady way regarding a girl he was friends with. To discover that he had been lying to my face about his correspondence with her, it spun me for a loop because this was my best friend, my lover and my confidante. I could never ever contemplate the idea that he would actually lie to me, and it broke my heart because that was an important cornerstone of our marriage.

    He lied to avoid drama and arguments over what he saw was no big deal. I’d go digging, discover the lies he’d told me, it blew up into epic proportions and we’d fight. Both of us acted completely out of character and lost faith in one another. Is he lying to me? Am I snooping for more dirt on him? It took me months to regain my trust in him, and in the meantime I wasn’t entirely emotionally stable.

    I was also angry at this girl for facilitating his dishonest behavior; she’d keep calling him and texting him even when she’d been told it was causing us some stress and I asked them to stop. She finally started emailing him because I saw the calls in our phone bills. I wasn’t stupid, I knew that was going to happen that she’d just find another route to keep it up with.

    While I believed his friendship with her is strictly platonic, he was playing stupid and ignoring the obvious signs that she was interested in him more than just as friends and not being entirely subtle about it. I wanted to give her a good piece of my mind because what kind of person in their right mind would continue to behave in a way that brought unhappiness to someone else? What kind of friend would put a friend into such a position?

    But she had no responsibility to me, and he did. He was the one that mattered, and the one that could change the situation. So we worked on it. It’s still fresh, but we’re getting stronger for it, so long as we both respect each other and don’t lie. As for her? She can take a jump for all I care.

    TL:DR – I don’t condone the husband’s actions, but having been in a place where my trust was tested, I can’t really blame him for wanting to take some kind of action. I wanted to do all sorts of crazy things while in the heat of the moment, but for the most part I didn’t.

    Betrayal in any form is not easy to overcome, and when you’ve sat in a situation, powerless and ignorant while other people are the ones making choices affecting your life and well-being, one of them a spouse or lover, you want to take some semblance of control and just ACT.

    Mar 28, 2013 at 5:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up


Comments are Closed