Oh, gaufre…yourself

July 29th, 2013 · 49 comments

Maureen is the first to admit that when she studied abroad in Belgium, she was not the best of roommates (coming home intoxicated at 4 a.m. several times a week, an awkward run-in with a boyfriend, that kind of thing.) And yet, over the course of many months, her Belgian roommate never once complained.

One night, Maureen came home to find her roommate’s possessions neatly packed up in boxes. Before she had a chance to talk to her, everything — save this note — was gone, which Maureen interprets as “a not so subtle way of telling me she never wants to see me again.” (I’d say that’s a pretty safe bet.)

Dear Maureen, As you probably have noticed, I'm leaving. I wish you a happy and joyful life. Good bye, Andrea

related: Would you mind moving out?

FILED UNDER: Belgium · moving/not moving · painfully polite · roommates

49 responses so far ↓

  • #1   diogenes bang

    Now THAT…is passive/aggressive

    Jul 29, 2013 at 6:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   The Elf

      Oh yeah, that’s the stuff. Slow clap.

      Jul 30, 2013 at 10:24 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   KittenPlaysTheViolin

      I think you mean passive-aggressive.

      Jul 31, 2013 at 8:59 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   Hannah

    For once I don’t blame the person who wrote this note. The girl admits she was an awful room mate, she was lucky enough to have someone who didn’t complain about her annoying habits, and is blasting the real victim on a website because she was tactful in her way of burning the bridge? As someone who just (literally two days ago) got out of a terrible room mate situation, I feel bad for the writer.

    Jul 29, 2013 at 6:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   spoko bang

      I’m sorry, but did I miss the part where she “blasts” her roommate? She simply posted a note for us all to enjoy, along with an interpretation with which we can probably all concur. What the hell are you so up in arms about?

      Jul 30, 2013 at 11:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Poltergeist

      Why would she submit the note to this site if she knew she came off as the bad one in it? Well, there are two rational explanations:

      1. She enjoys self-deprecation.

      2. She actually didn’t think she came off as the bad guy and thought that people would just comment on the bitchiness of her roommate.

      If it’s the former, then by insulting her, we’re giving her exactly what she wants. If it’s the latter, then she deserves to be insulted.

      Let the insults fly!!!

      Jul 30, 2013 at 7:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   johnnyboy

      No, I think she’s just a selfish little brat who just enjoys being ‘seen’ on the internet, even if it’s in a decidedly unflattering light. You know what they say, speak well or speak ill, as long as you speak of me…

      Aug 3, 2013 at 9:03 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   Kahl

      I think that she should have covered the room-mate’s name.

      Also, she should have ended the post in a more positive note for the room mate. She endured months of her bad behaviour and doesn’t deserve to be shown at the end as spiteful.

      She handled in a very mature way when she realised she doesn’t want to live with her.

      People have different ways of resolving a problem. Being soft spoken is probably a weakness of hers.

      Aug 10, 2013 at 11:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   Scott

    “Not complaining” is not a virtue. She may have been an awful roommate, but people should speak up. if she then didn’t change,leave them in the dirt.

    Jul 29, 2013 at 6:40 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   NoAdditives

      Yep. A person can’t know how awful they are unless someone says something. Suddenly up and leaving is a pretty bitchy thing to do.

      Jul 29, 2013 at 6:51 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   Headset Hellion

      Except for the part where Maureen admits that she did know “she was not the best of roommates…”

      Jul 29, 2013 at 8:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   Chinchillazilla

      Yeah, I wouldn’t really think “Can you not come home drunk at 4 am several times a week” is something you even need to say. I would just assume someone who’s doing that is an asshole who will start drama if I talk to them about maybe not doing it.

      Jul 29, 2013 at 10:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   Vivika

      If the roommate comes home drunk, has boyfriend drama, and does not seem to care about you, then why would you think they would have a rational conversation?

      Jul 30, 2013 at 1:14 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.5   spacenomyous

      what? really? do you guys have any empathy whatsoever? at the very least you could ask if she’s ok. and then at some point you need to make the person aware of the problems she’s causing you, to allow her to fix it.

      i mean, this could’ve gone terribly worse with a news report at 6pm of Maureen being killed in a DUI after fleeing from her abusive boyfriend at 4am. how would you feel as her roommate because you never spoke up?

      Jul 30, 2013 at 8:25 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.6   redheadwglasses

      I would not beat myself up over that because another adult’s problems are not my problems.

      Jul 30, 2013 at 8:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.7   kermit

      Space, this person is not their mother or their sister. They don’t owe them “empathy”.

      Besides, she clearly admits that she wasn’t the best room-mate, so she knows damn well that her behaviour did bother her room-mate.

      Once that thing happens, the onus is on the offender not the offended to acknowledge the breach.

      This is exactly the sort of thing that happens with people who aren’t honest and upfront about their partying habits. Don’t lie and say that you’re not a party person when you really are a party person.

      People – especially students – have commitments and not everyone can handle coming home at 4 AM and/or being woken up by partying room-mates at 4AM. Just because you can do that doesn’t make you a “better” person , and just because you can’t (or choose not to) doesn’t mean that you’re a bad room-mate.

      Jul 30, 2013 at 9:32 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.8   redheadwglasses

      “Don’t lie and say that you’re not a party person when you really are a party person”

      My parents would ask for non-smoking hotel rooms when traveling, then smoke in them. When I found this out, I was rather shocked at their bad behavior. Mom: “Well, we don’t want to stay in a room that reeks of smoke.”

      This was before hotels started instituting fines of hundreds of dollars on people who smoked in nonsmoking rooms.

      Jul 30, 2013 at 3:55 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.9   Poltergeist

      No offense to you red, but your parents deserved to be smacked for that one.

      Jul 30, 2013 at 7:30 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.10   kermit

      Red – I think the same kind of reasoning goes for party people who intentionally seek out non-partiers as room-mates.

      There must be some kind of ego trip going on when it’s really important to you that you be considered the biggest partier at your house. Clearly these people don’t want to risk living with other partiers because they don’t want to get into the vicious cycle of one-upping their room-mates.

      Jul 30, 2013 at 9:55 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.11   Kimberly

      If your habbit disgusts you it should be a sign.

      Jul 31, 2013 at 2:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.12   Vivika

      I lived with someone who partied all the time. I said something to her and she just kept doing it. She ended up in a car accident, where she broke her leg so bad she was in a metal brace for 6 months.

      Her parents blamed me for not “doing anything.” I told them to “fuck off” because their daughter is not my problem.

      I had done everything that was required of me as a good person, I asked to speak with the RA about the issue, they did nothing, a new room opened up and she was going to move into a single. I am not responsible for a 21 year old, just like no one else is responsible for my bad habits.

      Aug 1, 2013 at 12:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.13   redheadwglasses

      *I* wanted to smack my parents for that!

      Aug 1, 2013 at 12:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.14   johnnyboy

      Empathy ? Space, you’re saying the person being a complete asshat is the one deserving empathy ? And the person getting walked all over is actually at fault for not caring enough about the roommate who’s making her life impossible ? Wow, that is amazing.

      It’s kinda like the people who go on behaving like total loudmouth boors, until someone finally says something, and they go “Oh but you should have told me, I didn’t know you felt that way !”. Well no, they shouldn’t have told you – you should have known you were being an asshole. THAT is what empathy is supposed to be.

      Aug 3, 2013 at 9:20 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   Gina

    Oh wow. I guess you never really know how you are being perceived until something like this happens. I just don’t understand how someone could not air their issues before it came to this?!?

    Jul 29, 2013 at 7:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Tom

      Simply leaving in this situation is what I perceive to be the path of least resistance. Why bother trying to change someone who parties and has drama with their boyfriend? They’re not your responsibility and they very probably won’t change because anybody else wants them to. So the easiest way to get a roommate who you DO enjoy is to…get a new roommate. That entails one or the other roommate leaving. Why kick up a fuss when it won’t change anyway?

      Jul 30, 2013 at 12:16 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   Jeanette

    I sleep like a rock, so if I had a roommate that came home regularly at 4am, even noisily, I’d probably sleep through it. It’s roommates – it’s always awkward.

    I don’t think Maureen’s trashing her ex-roommate, but really, if it’s bothering you, say something. Especially if there’s more than just drunken mayhem. But, personally, as long as you’re clean and respect personal space, I’m cool.

    But I also don’t have roommates now for a reason. ;)

    Jul 29, 2013 at 8:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   Unwanted Houseguest

    I once had a roommate I wanted to get rid of. So I hired a hooker to screw him one night and then keep stopping by the house like an obsessive stalker. He was gone within a week. No forwarding address.

    Jul 29, 2013 at 9:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Jeff

      Sure. That happened.

      Jul 29, 2013 at 10:33 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Vivika

      I once had a rude roommate. I talked to the housing board about her. They did nothing.

      So I had a friend smoke in her room–which was a huge no-no on a Christian campus–while I was away for the week. Someone complained about the smell and she was kicked out.

      Jul 30, 2013 at 1:16 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   redheadwglasses

      I once had a rude roommate.

      So I killed her.

      Jul 30, 2013 at 8:34 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   Beatus Mongous

      I once had a rude roommate.

      Jul 30, 2013 at 7:36 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.5   Gladystopia

      I once was a rude roommate.

      Well, more than once, actually. Then, in one of the most-monumental acts of karma I hope never to experience again, a roommate who was a good friend of mine screwed, in fairly rapid sequence, my two most-fervent crushes at the time….in one case, quite loudly and in the living room.

      Strangely, we remained friends for several years after…but then again, there was very little about that era of my life that was NOT strange, so make of it what you will.

      Moral of the story:
      None. I just felt left out, is all.

      Jul 31, 2013 at 1:05 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   Tard

    I’ve been BOTH of those roommates before.

    Jul 29, 2013 at 9:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   Steve

    The left-behind roommate was not the hottest chick in this place. And, yes, she knew she was a douchette. (Don’t start on me about making a feminine out of a feminine, ok? It’s early here.)

    The Belgian gets mad etiquette points for leaving a written note. In a serviceable script. In flawless English. She’s gone to a better place. And not looking back. This isn’t passive. It’s not aggressive. It’s class.

    Do you think she has a sister?

    Jul 29, 2013 at 10:33 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Hannah

      My sentiments exactly. The point of my comment was, I don’t think she’s rude, nor do I think she’s necessarily “passive-aggressive.”

      Jul 30, 2013 at 12:01 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   Cinders

      I totally agree. She put up with hell and still had the good character to wish her bad roomie well. Not passive aggressive at all.

      Jul 31, 2013 at 1:51 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   FeatherBlade

      Don’t worry, you’ve just made a feminine noun into a feminine diminutive noun. NBD.

      Jul 31, 2013 at 11:15 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   Kate

    It might be a language barrier. I went on a German exchange trip when I was 14, they visit you then you visit them deal. And when I left, my partner told me to ‘have a nice life’ – and I was like O.O whoa, ouch. But it turned out she genuinely had meant it, and didn’t realise it was something we say in England as a sarcastic comment – we stayed in contact for a good couple of years after that. So perhaps it’s less passive aggressive then it seems, and more a case of somebody from Belgium with very good English, but less understanding of phrasing?

    Jul 30, 2013 at 3:16 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   Jasper Nikki De La Cruz

    That is surely one way of getting out in a messy situation without being too rude to the other. Kudos to the roommate who left.

    Jul 30, 2013 at 3:29 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   everover

    Please tell me I wasn’t the only one who misread “Andrea” as “Andra”.

    Jul 30, 2013 at 8:49 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   Fireseeker

    On a completely different note, Andra has nice handwriting.

    Jul 30, 2013 at 9:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   Kwyjor

    The one problem with something like this is that roommates tend to split the rent payments, don’t they?

    Jul 30, 2013 at 10:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   kermit

      And the other problem with partying room-mates is that you can’t live in the place you’re paying for, so you still have to look for somewhere else to be able to study, etc. that you were planning to do at home.

      The submitter should just be glad that Andrea didn’t change the locks, pack up all of Maureen’s stuff and left them in the hallway and/or lawn. That would have been passive aggressive. Moving out was the nicest thing she could have done.

      And besides, if you can afford to party until 4AM with enough frequency, I’m sure you can probably divert some of your partying funds toward covering the other half of the rent.

      Jul 30, 2013 at 12:42 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   Nicole

    I lived in this house and they were both assholes.

    Jul 30, 2013 at 1:51 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Beatus Mongous

      That stinks.

      Jul 30, 2013 at 7:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   FrauBlucher

    I’ve had bad roommates and in some cases, trying to have a nice conversation about their rude habits is pointless. They’re often that way because they’ve been spoiled since birth, raised badly or have personality disorders. A girl who comes home drunk 4 days a week is not going to up and change. She probably told her “I’m almost never here, I go out a lot.”

    Jul 31, 2013 at 5:27 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   Raichu

    I think Andrea handled that marvelously well, personally, and a lot more nicely than I think I would have done.

    Hopefully now Maureen will learn to stop being a bad roommate. Realizing you have a problem is the first step, and she was willing to submit it to PAN – she’s not in denial.

    I wish them both the best.

    Jul 31, 2013 at 9:59 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   The Elf

    When you think about it, the way they say goodbye in Belgium is much, much better than the way they say goodbye in Germany. I like the Austrian way better.

    Jul 31, 2013 at 10:27 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #18   Iwill FindU

    The note writer is nicer then I would be. You want to come home stupidly late and drunk a few times a week. Guess what in my family we like to rearrange the furniture late at night. I hope you like the new home I found for everything and there is no straight path to any room in the place. Good luck. I hope to trip over something, that will at lest make me giggle when your drunk ass wakes me up in the middle of the night.

    Aug 3, 2013 at 12:11 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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