It’s time, once again, to cast your vote for your favorite note of the year as well as the infamous douchecanoe of the year! To refresh your memory, below are some of the most popular notes of the past 365 days. (Did I forget any? Let me know in the comments!)
related: Your Favorite Notes of 2012
95 responses so far ↓
#1
Suzanne
“Stupid Cat”. Hands down. I can imagine the whole scene unfolding and it makes me gasping for air! Thank you! I was writing lesson plans and I needed some sanity…
Jan 1, 2014 at 7:52 pm rating: 90
#2
CaCe
Lol @ Godless activities. If I received a note like that I would want to triple the amount of ‘godless activities’ as well as raise the decibel level.
Jan 1, 2014 at 7:56 pm rating: 90
#3
D Blancmange
Too much laughing.
Jan 1, 2014 at 8:08 pm rating: 90
#4
dawn
Stupid cat
Jan 1, 2014 at 8:10 pm rating: 90
#5
Janey
The one for Bill and Maura. That sucker took time and energy!
Jan 1, 2014 at 8:14 pm rating: 90
#6
Patrick
Douchecanoe has to go to Wedinator knob, with Stupid Cat lady a close #2 (who may or may not be being called a #2 intentionally).
Jan 1, 2014 at 8:22 pm rating: 90
#7
Lita
Andrew from the internet. There can be no equal to that massive missive.
Jan 1, 2014 at 8:29 pm rating: 90
#8
Bitchy The Dwarf
the subtlety of naming (and hopefully shaming) the Chik Fil A guy brings the level of passive aggressive to epic proportions. I have to pick that one just on cleverness.
Jan 1, 2014 at 9:00 pm rating: 90
#9
meri
Gosh, I love all of them, but JAYPARKER and the chik-fil-a minis is the kind of nicely put hatefulness that I can get behind. I hope the chik-fil-a minis were f*cking delicious!
Close second would be Andrew from the Internet. So much going on there.
Jan 1, 2014 at 9:38 pm rating: 90
#10
sunshynegrll
‘Godless activities’ gets my vote.
Jan 1, 2014 at 9:40 pm rating: 90
#11
Jami
Andrew’s is the scariest letter. The fact he took so much trouble he still comes off as a stalker.
Chick-Fil-A is the most creative, I agree.
And I still feel sorry for the little girl forced into dance by her stage mom.
Jan 1, 2014 at 9:40 pm rating: 90
#12
Amanda
#1 Douchecanoe is Andrew – creepy and time-consuming.
#2 Stolen Coke – although totally adorable and sympathetic, so depending on the criteria…
#3 Tie – Chic-Fil-A and Rhubarb both made me laugh.
Jan 1, 2014 at 10:50 pm rating: 90
#13
Kate
My vote for Douchecanoe is Andrew, writing to the wedding couple. (But what about that guy who complained about his neighbor’s deck project? Was that last year? If so, then he’s the Douchecanoe of the Decade!)
Jan 1, 2014 at 10:56 pm rating: 90
#14
jeanette
I vote for the “my mom loves to dance” note. What an insightful child!
Jan 1, 2014 at 11:06 pm rating: 90
#15
Ruby
Stupid Cat is the best note.
Andrew is the biggest douche (on the entire internet!)
Jan 2, 2014 at 12:46 am rating: 90
#16
assiveProgressive
Stupid cat. So PA with the all caps words and the captioned photo of a similar cat. Douchecanoe is Andrew, who doesn’t receive many wedding invitations, I’d guess. And so freaky, I would be calling ADT for a serious alarm system.
Jan 2, 2014 at 1:14 am rating: 90
#17
Kat
Tough call.
Torn between:
the Dear Bill and Mara/Marriage Rage–which is one whose jealousy reads between the lines as: I need medication
and The Goodbye BK–which is really more of a straight-forward middle finger versus passive, yet I’ve so wanted to do that before, it gives me vicarious pleasure
To chose one I will have to go with the Marriage Rage/Bill and Mara choice–due mostly to the “the jokes on me” aspect of it.
All goodies though!
Jan 2, 2014 at 3:37 am rating: 90
#18
The Elf
They’re all so perfect. But nothing beats the old Vegan Roommate note. That was just extra special.
Jan 2, 2014 at 7:56 am rating: 90
#19
Verthe
I would go for the baggage handlers. Second the godless activities and third Andrew from the internet (although I don’t really believe that one is real!)
Jan 2, 2014 at 8:49 am rating: 90
#20
knitchic
Mr. from the internet for the douchecanoe win, if you can win at being a douche. And godless activities for my favorite.
Jan 2, 2014 at 9:48 am rating: 90
#21
Lythande
#1 for me is the resignation / screw you letter. So much love for that one.
Followed by Late Nite Cat lady and Godless activities. (Andrew wins douchecanoe of the year award, though, hands down.)
Jan 2, 2014 at 11:37 am rating: 90
#22
deprogrammed
This is a Year in Review list worth reviewing! I’d forgotten how many in-your-face doucheties of life there had been.
Jan 2, 2014 at 2:12 pm rating: 90
#23
magicdomino
So many excellent choices. But if we are going for the douchecanoe award, I’m voting for Andrew the wedding critic. Way, way too much digging in someone else’s business just to promote his own opinions to total strangers.
Godless Activities gets the Rolling Eyes Award for clueless annoyance. It is possible to politely ask the neighbors to keep the screams of joy down a bit without being self-righteous about it.
Mom Needs To Dance gets the Applause Award for most agreeable despite being PA about it. You go, girl! Honorable Mention goes to Chik-Fil-A thief for its clever use of the culprit’s name.
Jan 2, 2014 at 4:23 pm rating: 90
#24
celebgil
Douchecanoe has to be Andrew from the Internet. Best note for me is Stupid Cat, hands down!
Jan 2, 2014 at 4:52 pm rating: 90
#25
Bitchy The Dwarf
honestly I think “deck guy” should win Douchecanoe. Makes me want to find that PAN just so I can hate him some more…
Jan 2, 2014 at 4:59 pm rating: 90
#26
SilentPsycho
Andrew from the Internet, by far. May he one day write a letter so fast with his fountain pen that the friction of it will set him alight.
Jan 2, 2014 at 5:50 pm rating: 90
#27
Meri
Douchecanoe goes to Andrew. Congrats, here’s your trophy, now go stand over with Self-Righteous Vegan and Deck Guy so we can all point and laugh.
Funniest is a tie between Godless and the dance letter.
Jan 2, 2014 at 6:13 pm rating: 90
#28
NonnyMus
“Godless” all the way! It’s such a delightful combination of holier-than-thou nastiness and vagueness that it gives me weird goosebumps!
Jan 2, 2014 at 6:17 pm rating: 90
#29
Lucy
Andrew from the Internets defines douchecanoe, for the simple reason that he goes entirely out of his way in his efforts to create and deliver not a heat of the moment missive but rather a carefully crafted screed.
I’m rather surprised it wasn’t accompanied by a detailed illustration of himself, outraged and seated at the computer (clad only in his underwear of course for verisimilitude) so as to put the addressee at greater ease.
I can only guess that Andrew* cannot draw hands that do not look like baseball gloves and so was forced to forgo this last step in douchecanoery.
* much like myself**
**this is all we have in common
Jan 2, 2014 at 7:06 pm rating: 90
#30
Snowflame
Yeah, think I’m inclined to go with “Godless” with Andrew from the internet a very close second. There’s just something about the air of condescension that is both hilarious and extremely irritating.
Jan 2, 2014 at 7:09 pm rating: 90
#31
LadyIslay
“Wedding Critique” wins for Creepiest Note of the Year. Its writer certainly deserves the “Duchecanoe of the Year” title. Other title winners for 2013:
“Baggage handler” wins for “Most Ironic PA Note of the Year”.
“Acrostic Note” wins the title of “Most Passive Aggressive Note of the Year” for its creative form of public shaming.
“Rhubarb Sign” wins for “Most Stero-Typically Canadian Note of the Year”.
“Godless Activities” note takes the title of “Most Fucking Prentious Note of the Year”.
Jan 3, 2014 at 2:48 am rating: 90
#32
slartibartfast
my favorite is the chick-fil-a note because that is a shitty thing to do and now everyone knows who did it. andrew is the douchecanoe, hands down. i can only hope he was having a bad day that day and doesn’t act like that on a regular basis.
Jan 3, 2014 at 9:49 am rating: 90
#33
emvee2o
Andrew from the internet, without a doubt.
Jan 3, 2014 at 11:46 am rating: 90
#34
Rattus
I have to go with “laughing too much” as favourite, because it could have been left on my desk by any one of a number of my irritated coworkers, and that just makes me laugh all the more.
And “godless” takes the douchecanoe prize at this time because the sheer volume of holier-than-thou rhetoric we are bombarded with this time of year predisposes me to feel that way about anyone who uses the word “godless”.
Jan 3, 2014 at 12:16 pm rating: 90
#35
MarfieDog
To earn the title of “Douchecanoe”, I think you need to have multiple things going on. Given that, I gotta go with Andrew, hands down. Consider this:
1. Utter stalker creepiness masquerading as helpful concern over security.
2. The entire thing seethes with jealousy and resentment.
3. Two words: “Key Points”.
4. Somewhere, deep down in the murky, flooded basement of his soul, he’s enjoying the sense of power that he feels over this poor, unsuspecting couple who had the audacity to publicize their happiness.
5. He’s slightly right (about the posting the address online), but is completely ungracious about it. He’s probably got the words “I told you so” tattooed on his body somewhere as his personal motto. I suppose we can give him some credit for not leaving the note sitting on their kitchen table since I’ve no doubt he’s handy with lock picks given that he probably spent a lonely childhood learning magic tricks.
6. Seriously meticulous printing – you could create a new font just from that note. Let’s call it Stalkervetica, shall we?
7. Unlike any of the other contenders, this one makes you want to immediately change your locks and pull all your shades down upon reading it.
I could go on, but my tendonitis is acting up.
Jan 3, 2014 at 1:12 pm rating: 90
#36
Raichu
I’m not sure about douchiest out of all the notes for the year, but Andrew from the internet is definitely the douchiest of this bunch.
Jan 3, 2014 at 5:16 pm rating: 90
#37
Tard
I would have reported the stalker one to the police and pressed charges. Why? Because it’s illegal to hunt them down and shoot them in the face. Still.
Jan 3, 2014 at 7:45 pm rating: 90
#38
Dr_Know
Gotta go with Bill and Mara with the godless activities a close second
Jan 3, 2014 at 11:10 pm rating: 90
#39
katimomkat
I’d like to nominate I’m detecting a foul odor coming from your general direction from October 10th, 2013 for the “Most Anal-Retentive Handwriting/Most Long-Winded Roommate Complaint” award.
I agree that the “Bill and Mara” is the creepiest and scariest letter of the year—perhaps of all time!
“Stupid Cat” is the funniest.
The “Dance Mom” note makes me feel sad for the little girl.
It seems ironic that someone with children would refer to other people having sex as “Godless.”
Jan 3, 2014 at 11:48 pm rating: 90
#40
Tsuyoi Kuma
Chick-fil-a for the win. May not be the best subject matter, but is definitely the best execution.
Jan 4, 2014 at 2:11 am rating: 90
#41
Lil'
Well, I’m torn between the crazy cat lady and the dance kid. I am leaning toward the kid though. I think it was brilliantly executed by such a young mind. This kid has a gift.
For those interested…my twins have arrived!! Two boys. Each almost 6 lbs. We are all doing well.
Jan 4, 2014 at 10:12 am rating: 90
#42
kermit
Argh, finally! Remember to keep the receipts, Lil’ because otherwise they won’t let you take them back for a refund.
Jan 4, 2014 at 1:39 pm rating: 90
#43
ramentastic
Andrew-from-the-Internet gets my vote for Douchecanoe of the Year! SO CREEPY!
I’m very torn between Stupid Cat, Jay Parker, and Godless Activities for best note …
Jan 5, 2014 at 11:21 pm rating: 90
#44
Tard
So, who or what is the winner?
Jan 6, 2014 at 6:36 pm rating: 90
#45
MaggieD
Oh Godless Activities, for sure. I haven’t had any Godless activity for so long and I sure a heck need some
Jan 7, 2014 at 12:30 pm rating: 90
#46
SkippyMom
Are we allowed to still vote?
If so, the Chik Fil A is my favorite, but the douchecanoe is definitely Jay, not the writer. Very clever.
Biggest douche/writer – Godless activities. Even if the woman who wrote it is a Christian and only believes in procreation, who is to say the couple isn’t married *and* procreating. The bible and/or God never said they had to be QUIET about it, right?
Congrats on the twins, Camden and Kendall.
Jan 7, 2014 at 1:25 pm rating: 90
#47
Jenny Tieman
Godlessness wins!
Jan 7, 2014 at 6:06 pm rating: 90
#48
Rebecca
Jay Parker. I mean my father was the author of the note so I feel obligated.
Jan 7, 2014 at 8:24 pm rating: 90
#49
Logan
chick-fil-a (#4)
Jan 7, 2014 at 8:47 pm rating: 90
#50
jennifer c.
cat lady– for everything!!
Jan 7, 2014 at 9:12 pm rating: 90
#51
Anne Stabile
Totally (I know, right?) torn between Godless Activities and Stupid Cat. So funny! But should the douchecanoe award really go to a Psycho Creep Monster like Andrew? Yeesh!
Jan 7, 2014 at 9:59 pm rating: 90
#52
Anne Stabile
P.S. Congrats on the birth of your sons, Lil! Had twin older brothers growing up. Never stopped laughing.
Jan 7, 2014 at 10:01 pm rating: 90
#53
DreAmeoba
Andrew is very creepy, Stupid cat is funny,(though I’d be concerned if I had a cat fitting the description,the author sounds unreasonably violent)but Godless activities wins my vote, makes me want to parade about my backyard in some sort of ridiculous costume,sticking sandwiches down my pants,dancing to Merzbow,with videos of insects & spiders eating each other in the background,then have them explain in clear,concise detail,how this is “Godless”.( or maybe they would prefer me & my friends watching them with their daughter in total silence with all the lights off….)
Jan 8, 2014 at 12:19 am rating: 90
#54
LEH
Some of these notes are truly moronic (Like the one telling the neighbor to cut down on their godless activities.)
However, I have to wonder at the thinking process that seems to imply that stealing from others is fine and complaining about it is passive aggressive.
I thought the note from the kid was brilliant. Passive aggressive? Nah – very direct. She does not want to dance and can see that mom is the one who wants to dance. It happens.
Jan 8, 2014 at 2:36 am rating: 90
#55
they call me tater
#1 I have to go with the creativity of JAY PARKER and the chik-fil-a. That takes time and wit. #2 is the rhubarb thief request. Lots of good choices this year.
Jan 9, 2014 at 10:23 am rating: 90
#56
PrivateEyes
Jay Parker/Chic-fil-a gets my vote for most passive-aggressive, and clever, too.
Jan 9, 2014 at 7:09 pm rating: 90
#57
ladywait
Andrew is the douchecanoe. Stupid cat is funny, sorta, but I would damn sure be keeping my cat indoors after such a note!! Writer might be PASSIVE aggressive toward me, the human, but sounds decidedly aggressive toward the cat.
Jan 22, 2014 at 1:34 pm rating: 90
#58
The other ghost girl
The cat one is sort of a douchecanoe. It’s pretty well known that you can get a can of cat repellant(sometimes known as stray pet repellent) at most pet stores and even some grocery stores. Since the note writer’s cat lives indoors, all they’d have to do is spray a little around they’re yard and it would keep the cat away.
It’s people like this who probably got my outdoor cat put down. (She went missing while we were on vacation and the local pound had (probably continues to have) a one day claiming period before putting a stray down. It’s never been confirmed, by it’s likely)
Mar 25, 2014 at 3:08 pm rating: 90
#59
Johne540
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May 1, 2014 at 1:31 pm rating: 90
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