“There’s a shelf in our office, where, every couple of days someone will contribute some sort of sugary/fatty treat,” writes Laura in Seattle. Luckily, one of her coworkers stepped up to enlighten everyone about the death trap they’ve created.”
related: Cupcakes are a gateway drug!
140 responses so far ↓
#1
Jeanne
I have a bag of those from Costco! They’re fucking delicious!!
Feb 18, 2014 at 11:12 pm rating: 90
#2
DS
I’d get one of those industrial sized bags of refined sugar and leave it there the next day.
Feb 18, 2014 at 11:30 pm rating: 90
#3
Lita
Aaaaah, I see. So people are fat because of sugar, fat and salt. Not because, yanno, they might have a medical condition, or they’re fucking lazy, or they just plain take in more calories than they can burn off. Nope, it’s sugar, fat and salt.
So does that mean I somehow miraculously have a diet devoid of any of these things since I’m severely underweight without the help of a pretty strong appetite stimulant? And clearly that pill is packed chock full of sugar, fat and salt, since I have some meat on my bones now!
Psh.
I guess I can’t argue that sugar’s a drug, though. Where else would we get the term “sugar pills”? Because ~clearly~ Big Pharma wouldn’t attach that term to something that isn’t a drug at ~all~.
(Yes, I’m a little cranky, and for this I apologize.)
Feb 18, 2014 at 11:46 pm rating: 90
#4
cafn8d
I’d add my own note: “Fine, then, YOU can’t have any. More for the rest of us!”
Feb 18, 2014 at 11:51 pm rating: 90
#5
Charlie
How in hell does SALT make someone fat??? Nutjob.
Feb 19, 2014 at 1:44 am rating: 90
#6
Poltergeist
If we’re gonna start making comparisons, yours was dumb. People do actually need sugar, salt, and fat to survive. The key is moderation. Heroin isn’t required for normal biological function.
Feb 19, 2014 at 2:11 am rating: 90
#7
gfa
To use a beautiful British word: “bollocks”. As Poltergeist said, you need sugar, fat and salt (in moderation) to survive. Where does this person get their facts from? Oh wait, they pulled them out of thin air. Don’t need heroin to survive and it could kill you in your first hit. Not so sugar. Unless it’s a 100 pound bag from a fourth floor window.
Feb 19, 2014 at 2:45 am rating: 90
#8
Stupid sexy Flanders
There’s always one Debbie Downer who has ruin it for everyone else. Ass.
Feb 19, 2014 at 5:12 am rating: 90
#9
TRT
I think the note-writer is saying they would prefer it if you left heroin there as a treat for the office.
Feb 19, 2014 at 5:41 am rating: 90
#10
Jami
My response would be to bring in cookies, cupcakes, and other homemade sweet treats every single day. And just keep doing it every day I work for as long as it takes for them to lose their temper in person.
Feb 19, 2014 at 6:11 am rating: 90
#11
Belaani
Ahhh, the fun to be had with an office gorgon! Leave presents around, like rock candy ( those huge sugar crystals on a string ) Twinkies, or just a huge bowl of sugar with a spoon in it!
Feb 19, 2014 at 6:47 am rating: 90
#12
madrugada
Dear note writer,
Self-righteous, tight-lipped and ignorant is no way to go through life, dear.
Eat everything in moderation, even sugar, fat and salt. For a quick hit of all three, I advise taking 2 potato chips and a square of a Hershey bar for a tiny but oh-so-fucking-delicious nosh.
xoxofu
Feb 19, 2014 at 6:52 am rating: 90
#13
Tesselara
‘Course, sugar IS addictive. I tried to stop eating sugar for a while, and it was crazy. I’m a pretty even-tempered person, but when I stopped eating any sugar, I snapped at my partner, my co-workers, and basically hated everyone. People were begging me to start putting sugar back in my coffee. Sugar makes me a nicer person.
Feb 19, 2014 at 6:53 am rating: 90
#14
Jami
Today’s the day. Bye bye uterus.
I don’t know if any of you ever read STFUParents but there was one entry there that made me really raging mad. Some woman posted to the Sainsburys FB page about how there’s “not enough parent parking” and how she parked in a disabled spot and got a ticket. It made me so mad that I went looking for the original so I could inform her having a child is NOT a disability – couldn’t find it – but I did see a vegan posting in a rage about how “no one wants sugars and fats” in their food. I ALMOST posted “Mmmm – sugars and fats. Yummy.” Except I’ve never shopped at a Sainsburys. After all, we don’t have one in the US. I did, however, once shop at a Marks & Spencers while visiting England.
Feb 19, 2014 at 7:10 am rating: 90
#15
Havingfitz
What a beautiful world it would be if everyone just worried about the size of their own ass.
Feb 19, 2014 at 7:48 am rating: 90
#16
Zairrin
I thought, as a biology buff with a fairly firm grasp on how the human body works, I might weigh in on the Sugars & Fats concept.
The human body, to function, requires calories, which are from proteins, fats, sugars and carbohydrates. Calories are instant energy; they are measured as “the amount of energy that is required to raise one mL of water one degree Celsius,”.
As you can imagine, there’s not a lot of energy in just one calorie, and they are used up very fast. To survive, humans would have to be constantly eating to replenish the lost calories they spent on sitting, standing, and even thinking (which is where the majority of calories are used). Fat, an evolutionary godsend, is the solution to this problem: stored energy. When the human body runs out of instant energy, it taps into the stored energy in fat, burning it to keep the body going. Without calories and fat, the body would not get the energy it needs to feed the cells and keep them working.
And what happens when the brain can no longer get the nutrients it needs to function? It starves, just like the rest of the body. Extensive brain damage, but hey, at least you’re thin!
This is why any “carb-free” or “fat-free” or “sugar-free” diet is bullshit; starving the body of needed nutrients is NOT a safe or healthy way to lose weight, and anyone who says otherwise is suffering from the brain damage caused by starving their brain. (Except for extenuating circumstances wherein someone may, for medical reasons, be unable to have certain substances. I would imagine, however, a doctor would help them create a diet where they would still get everything they need and not starve themselves.)
Crazy Coworker is right on one point, though; in many developed countries, obesity (and complications linked to obesity) is the leading cause of death.
It used to be thought that sugar and butter were the Devil, so alternatives were created. But then, oops, we find out that these alternatives are actually worse for us, and that sugar and butter are actually good for us. Everything, in ridiculous portions, is “bad” for you; hell, too much water will kill you. Everything in moderation, and all that. Except heroin. Don’t do heroin, even in moderation.
Some weight loss tips, for anyone who’s interested:
1) Talk to a nutritionist; some are now offering to do genetic testing to see what foods your body responds best to.
2) Eat a large breakfast, and a small dinner. You don’t need a lot of calories to sleep, but you do for working all day.
3) Exercise. ‘Nuff said.
4) Snacks are okay, but try to find some that are yummy AND not loaded with unnecessary stuff. I really like NutsOnline (the closest UK equivalent seems to be the Graze Box; can any Europeans let us know if they’ve found something else?), they’ve got a ton of tasty and healthy stuff.
5) Eat portions according to your lifestyle. If you live a very active life, you’ll need plenty of calories to get you through the day.
6) Drink lots of water and get a good night’s sleep.
7) Practice discipline. Just because there are snacks available doesn’t mean you need to eat them.
8) Reward yourself at milestones.
Feb 19, 2014 at 8:57 am rating: 90
#17
Zero Our Hero
From the note I can make the ff deductions:
The note writer is overweight.
The note writer is on a diet.
The note writer may have a low blood sugar level and that makes her cranky.
If all if the above are incorrect, the note writer is just an ill informed Tool with a superiority complex and the self control of an incontinent puppy.
Well done Watson! To the Burger King then!!
Feb 19, 2014 at 9:18 am rating: 90
#18
Havingfitz
Sometimes knowing something logically and putting it into practice are two different things. I’m as addicted to sea-salt as any smoker to a cigarette or addict to heroine. I eat it straight. So much so that last week I actually aspirated a piece into my lung and coughed up blood as result. Some people tell me it’s a form of PICA, others a result of being anemic (which I am). In any case, no one has to tell me what I’m doing to my health by gobbling it down. I know darn well. It’s easy to say “Well, just stop” but with an addiction, any addiction, it’s never that simple.
Feb 19, 2014 at 9:31 am rating: 90
#19
Phoenix
If NW is so concerned about helping the rest of the world eat healthy, they should provide better alternatives for everyone else. Spread the alternative lifestyle love.
Of course, I doubt that’s what’s happening. Far more fun to reprimand people for living their own lives. Oh, office rats.
Feb 19, 2014 at 12:18 pm rating: 90
#20
Kasaba
I live on my own and I love baking. I used to, whenever I had baked a cake or cakes, take some of it into the office to share with my colleagues. Everyone (so I thought) loved it, until one of my colleagues who was trying to lose weight said that she felt I was “torturing her on purpose”. I thought I was doing something nice for my colleagues.
Now I eat whole cakes on my own.
Feb 19, 2014 at 2:22 pm rating: 90
#21
Belle
We need to introduce this nutter to my uber-militant vegan co-worker. He’s fond of putting notes in the suggestion box that demands “all corpses” (aka anything not vegan) be removed from the vending machines.
Funny thing is that I have other vegan co-workers and they would never dream of trying to force their dietary choices on others. If you bring the subject up & ask them questions about being vegan they’ll gladly answer, but they also realize that being vegan isn’t for everyone.
Feb 19, 2014 at 3:02 pm rating: 90
#22
warns
Love.. the office killjoy.
I can’t stand people like this, lady if you want to lecture people on nutrition, become a nutritionist. Otherwise, keep it to yourself.
Nobody’s ever said “someone wrote a really preachy note about their beliefs on what I choose to eat, I’ll definitely go ahead and change my behavior as a result.”
Feb 19, 2014 at 3:04 pm rating: 90
#23
whatever
I think every office has one of ‘these’ people. And as it typically is, in my office it’s the sickly thin vegan trying to tell everyone else what they should eat.
Feb 19, 2014 at 7:22 pm rating: 90
#24
GB
Such poor grasp of basic biochemistry is saddening. Let’s start at the beginning: macronutrients (proteins, carbohydrates, and fats) provide energy and, in the case of protein, a lot of other specific function. An excess of these, whatever the form and ratio, will make you fat. (There is an exception if you induce a ketotic crisis; don’t do that, no matter what the Atkins’ people tell you.) The goal is to balance your calorie intake (macronutrients) to your energy expenditure while ensuring you get adequate vitamins & minerals (micronutrients). All this rabbiting on about how one form of sugar is good and another bad is bollocks. They’re all just empty calories: macronutrients with minimal micronutrients. They’re fine in calorie-deficient diets: for example if you’re an Aborigine living in the Gibson Desert.
Feb 20, 2014 at 3:06 pm rating: 90
#25
Zero Our Hero
It’s funny how we seem to believe the calorie counters are all women. I remember I went out for drinks with a coworker and he ordered a beer and I got a diet coke. He gave me the ‘you’re kidding me, right?’ look and said he had to go. I’ve never felt so emasculated by a frigging drink in my life.
Meanwhile.. I noticed a typo in my post and none of you had the courtesy to post some snide put down/correction? Elf and her minions have chased all the sarcastic pricks away
@lita nope.
Feb 20, 2014 at 3:11 pm rating: 90
#26
Jami
Thinking about it, this could count as harassment. Note writer could be reported to HR. Same with all the pushy vegans the rest are complaining about. I mean, your diet is none of their business. So if they’re going on and on about what you should eat and try to force you to change you should just report them.
Feb 21, 2014 at 10:53 pm rating: 90
#27
Mith
Sugar is roughly half sucrose and half fructose. But in America “high fructose corn syrup” is everywhere instead of sugar. And fructose goes straight to the hips and belly.
Feb 23, 2014 at 10:59 am rating: 90
#28
KittenPlaysTheViolin
Hey I just wanted to point out to everyone that sugar is not an essential part of our diet. There is a process in our metabolic pathway that is called gluconeogenesis, which literally translates to the generation of new Glucose. It produces Glucose from Pyruvate, which happens to be the product of glycolysis. I learned this in an introduction to biomolecular engineering course, but I’m sure a cursory Google search will provide validation.
But I too think anything with sugar is fucking delicious and the holier-than-though notewriter can go to hell.
Feb 24, 2014 at 4:42 pm rating: 90
#29
assiveProgressive
I have had to take it easy the past week and rest my weary driveling self, meanwhile soothing my sore throat with soda pop and filling up on various unhealthy foodstuffs. Since Valentine’s Day I have put on at least five pounds! Aaaack!
Feb 25, 2014 at 12:32 am rating: 90
#30
Dr Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff
How does salt, a mineral with literally no calories, cause obesity?
Hypertension, yes, but obesity, no.
Apr 17, 2014 at 7:58 am rating: 90
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