Out: pink flamingos. In: headstones?

August 25th, 2014 · 70 comments

So…what is it about the Minnesota suburbs that makes the idea of killing someone’s pet the height of hilarity?

Here lies the last dog that shit in my yard

Here lies the last dog that pooped in my yard.

At least in Seattle they try to be a bit poetic about it.

Here lies cold and hard the last damn dog that shit in my yard

(Thanks to Scott, Karen, and Sarah for submitting!)

related: You forgot something!


FILED UNDER: dogs · neighbors · shit

70 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Roundredhead

    Wow, the effort some people will put into being hostile to their neighbors – or at least their neighbor’s pets.

    Aug 25, 2014 at 9:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   J Foley Jr

      Yeah, takes so much effort to put up a sign…

      Aug 26, 2014 at 11:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Dolly

      Or alternatively the lack of effort neigbors will go to to not be responsible pet owners and keep their animals contained and clean up after them.

      Aug 27, 2014 at 10:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   TGIF

    That’s a very cool tree in the first photo!

    Aug 25, 2014 at 10:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Lil'

      They spruced it up for the funeral.

      Aug 26, 2014 at 9:59 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Lita bang

      Better than being ash-holes and pretending they weren’t pining terribly.

      Aug 26, 2014 at 3:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   H for Toy

      I’m sorry, Lita, but I’m gonna need a lot more cookies to agree with the puns.

      Aug 27, 2014 at 8:56 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   TKD

      I’m always up for acorny pun or two. I tried to root one out, but I’m stumped. Oh well, if I did, I wood probably be axed to leaf.

      I’ll just have to agree with Lita. She is always right! And those cookies were fucking delicious!

      Aug 27, 2014 at 11:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.5   Lita bang

      Have I told you guys I love you lately? :D

      Aug 27, 2014 at 1:41 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.6   mutzali

      Oh, birch, birch, birch.

      Aug 27, 2014 at 1:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.7   assiveProgressive

      something shady is going on here, and it’s NOT oak-ay, if you ash me.

      Aug 27, 2014 at 3:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   Roto13

    “There wasn’t enough left of the owner to bury.”

    Aug 25, 2014 at 10:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   Stefan

    Pretty sure that last one isn’t Minnesota.

    Aug 25, 2014 at 10:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Rachel

      Probably why they labelled it “in Seattle”.

      Aug 26, 2014 at 2:11 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   The Elf

      There’s a Seattle, Minnesota?

      Aug 26, 2014 at 8:30 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   Jami

    I would like to beat the crap out of all these people. Killing an innocent pet is NOT funny!

    Aug 25, 2014 at 11:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   TheBeastAmongUs

      Instead, it should say, “Here lies the owner of the last dog that pooped in my yard.”

      Aug 26, 2014 at 11:19 am   rating: 91  small thumbs up

  • #6   kermit

    I can understand homeowners being angry if neighborhood cats pee on their plants. Cat pee is extremely acidic and can ruin (most?) plants.

    But dog poop? Come on. It’s free fertilizer, and unless you have an entire dog sledding team shit all at once, it doesn’t smell that bad.

    Aug 25, 2014 at 11:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   The Elf

      …. until you step in it in bare feet when you’re gardening.

      I understand dog pee and cat pee much more than dog/cat poop. Not that I want cats and dogs peeing in my garden, but because the pee is liquid, it is much harder to remove when you’re out walking your dog or cat. But the poop is solid(ish), and you can scoop it. So be a polite neighbor and scoop your dog’s shit. There’s really no excuse for leaving it, other than that you’re an asshole.

      Aug 26, 2014 at 8:34 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Snicklefritz

      I have an even better method. I have a neighbor that will beat on the offender’s door and verbally berate anyone that allow’s their dog to poop in my yard, until they slink off in shame to clean up the mess.
      Why, you ask?
      Because my yard is where her dog likes to poop and mark his territory. She dutifully cleans up after him, so I have no issues with it.

      Aug 26, 2014 at 10:58 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   Rattus

      What about the dog piss, then? I have more dogs piss in my front yard than cats. I had a friend’s dog piss directly on my herb garden. My cats have never done that. In amongst the tomatoes, sure, but never directly on the herbs.

      And the waste of carnivores isn’t acceptable as fertilizer.

      Tsk, any reason to turn the blame on the cats.

      Aug 27, 2014 at 7:22 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   EffingReally

      Are you like certifiably insane? Because that’s the only reason to say anything like this. Dog shit needs to be picked up. It spreads disease and is gross and if you’ve ever stepped in dog shit in your yard, when you don’t even own a dog… ugh. Seriously. I hope you’re on some medication.

      Aug 27, 2014 at 3:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.5   kermit

      Wow, that’s an insulting over-reaction, to put it mildly.

      Here’s a partial list of all the shit that’s in your garden: squirrel shit, raccoon shit, coyote shit (if you live out far enough), worm shit, bug shit, mole shit, rat shit, mouse shit, outdoor cat shit, etc.

      Out of all of those, it’s only raccoon shit that warrants worry and careful removal. I have yet to see anybody do their gardening in bare feet. (Seriously, who does this?) Gardening shoes exist for a reason.

      Should people pick up after their dog? Yes, that’s the decent and polite thing to do. However if you’re enough of a dick to put tomb stone signs in your yard, I wouldn’t blame anybody for messing with your garden purely out of spite.

      Aug 27, 2014 at 11:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.6   Iwill FindU

      Although I would guess that the poop was a problem long before the sign went up. I’ve been finding dog poop in my yard all summer. And not just in the front were people walk by one the sidewalk with their dogs. (That makes sense to me, makes them lazy assholes for not cleaning up after their dog, but the first 10 or so feet of my yard I get it) But I’ve fond dog poop as far back as my back deck (new house haven’t built a fence yet). Which leaves one of two choices neither is very great 1 someone is letting their dog roam free which isn’t great, it could be hit by a car or bite someone or 2 my neighbors are big enough dicks they walked with their dog into my back yard let their dog shit there and then left in which case I need to get on building that fence because the dogs are the lest of my problems.

      Aug 28, 2014 at 1:39 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.7   EffingReally

      Hey kermit, uh, I don’t know if you’ve heard of e. coli but you might want to read this if you think it’s ok to just leave dog shit and enjoy some free “fertilizer.” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/09/dog-poop-scoop-infectious-disease_n_1138618.html ALSO. Yes I have and do walk around in yards barefoot because it’s my fucking yard and there shouldn’t be any shit in it. I don’t own a yard any more, but I mean when I did. Also like other posters have said, the signs probably came from people leaving their dog shit behind, not the other way around. And if you leave your dog shit because of these tongue in cheek signs, you’re both crazy and an asshole.

      Aug 28, 2014 at 2:54 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.8   The Elf

      I garden in bare feet. I do all lawn work that doesn’t require machinery in bare feet, from the spring thaw to the first snows. I like to go bare. I mean, it’s my yard. I know what is on it. And the answer should never be some else’s dog shit.

      I was taught by the best: my mother, who has a truly epic garden. And never wears shoes is she can at all avoid it.

      Hosing off my feet before I enter the house is way easier than getting mud out of shoes! I’ve never heard of “gardening shoes”. Who buys shoes for the express purpose of getting ruined by mud and mulch? Seriously, who does that?

      Aug 28, 2014 at 4:37 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.9   kermit

      As an avid gardener, are you saying you have never heard of gardening shoes, Elf? Crocs were originally made as gardening shoes. They’re gardening shoes because you wear them in the garden, not around the house or around town, and they’re easy to clean.

      Look, it’s your garden and you can garden however you want, shoes or no shoes. But if you’re going to complain about animals defecating in your garden because you don’t want to step in shit, you have to send the same notice to squirrels, mice, rats, moles, cats, worms, birds, and every other creature that frolics there because you’re not just stepping in dog shit.

      Aug 29, 2014 at 5:31 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.10   The Elf

      I’m honestly not worried about stepping in squirrel shit because they don’t drop huge stinky logs that squelch between my toes. They also don’t have owners walking them who are SUPPOSED to pick up their feces!

      Aug 29, 2014 at 6:52 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.11   Belaani

      It DOES smell bad, the kids inevitably step in it when they’re outside playing, and when you hit a mountain of Alpo-steamer with the lawnmower, well… You know, if you’re going to get a tank of a dog that shits like an elephant, you should assume some responsibility for keeping the dung piles on your own property.

      Aug 31, 2014 at 6:11 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   Boo

    I think this is hilarious

    Aug 26, 2014 at 12:44 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   CopyPaste

    The past participle of shit is shat. At least the ‘pooped’ reads correctly.

    Aug 26, 2014 at 2:25 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   juniper

    How odd – just because the site owner posts a comment criticizing those that have the signs, the comments follow suit. Are you kidding? The only reason people put out these signs is because there are people that repeatedly allow their dogs to shit in other people’s yards and don’t pick it up. It’s the freakin’ height of bad doggie ownership. And the signs aren’t trying to be funny. You don’t let your animals shit and piss in others yards – END OF.

    Aug 26, 2014 at 5:25 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   The Elf

      And I doubt there’s ACTUALLY a dog buried under those stones. A real killing would change my response entirely. My take is that it’s a way to express the displeasure, not a real threat or a real expression of what actually transpired. I’d prefer other ways of expressing displeasure at owners failing to scoop up their dog’s crap, though!

      Aug 26, 2014 at 8:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   TheBeastAmongUs

      For instance?…

      Aug 26, 2014 at 11:25 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   The Elf

      I’m in favor of poop flinging. Why should monkeys get all the fun?

      Aug 26, 2014 at 11:42 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.4   June

      How do you propose a person keep a dog or cat from pissing somewhere?

      Aug 26, 2014 at 12:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.5   pooham

      Keep your cats in your own yard. (Fence/leash.) Don’t allow your dog to walk on someone’s grass.

      I have multiple dog pee spots in my yard from my dog. But she changes it up often enough that they recoup. I’ve only had a dog for 3 months now. The worst part about having a dog is cleaning up her poop, but I always do. I’ve gotten to where it is perfectly natural for me to walk around with a bag of poop. (While I’m walking her of course!)

      Aug 26, 2014 at 12:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.6   magicdomino

      On the other hand, the situation does provide raw materials for leaving a Flaming Bag o’ Poo on the dog owner’s doorstep.

      Aug 26, 2014 at 3:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   Poltergeist

    The best part is that these people are pretending to care about their yards but then go ahead and stick these ugly/tacky signs in their yards for everybody to see. It’s like claiming that you care about the curb appeal of your house and then painting the outside of your house hot pink with lime green polka dots.

    But yeah, ignoring that silliness, people need to pick up their dog’s shit.

    Aug 26, 2014 at 9:42 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   pooham

      The first “gravestone” is quite attractive. The second one is not so bad either.

      Aug 26, 2014 at 12:39 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   Poltergeist

      Anything that has the word “poop” or “shit” carved on it is automatically unattractive.

      Aug 27, 2014 at 12:52 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   Dolly

      I don’t really care what my yard looks like but I still don’t want dog and cat poop in it. It has more to do with my kids play in said yard and don’t want to trample on poop while playing. Nor does my husband want to accidentally step on it while mowing. There are other reasons to not want it in your yard besides looks. I also don’t want to smell it. Some people use their yards for exercise and playing.

      Aug 27, 2014 at 10:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   YeahHuh

    Also a rural Utah thing, growing up a neighbor had a little sign that said the same as the last one, but more artsy and said poop instead of shit. She also had a lot of those plywood ‘ladies with big asses bending over gardening’ things. I always liked her yard the best.

    Aug 26, 2014 at 9:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   TheBeastAmongUs

      Fat-bottomed girls make the rockin’ world go ’round, don’t they?

      Aug 26, 2014 at 11:27 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Snicklefritz

      So Get on Your Bikes and Ride!

      Aug 28, 2014 at 4:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   assiveProgressive

    I wonder if they do a pet cemetery theme at Halloween. People around here create graveyards at Halloween, and some even put hanging dead men in their trees, which I think is really insensitive. Anyway, I’m sure such signs just attract rude people and their big dogs

    Aug 26, 2014 at 11:03 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   pooham

      I’m not so sure it’s that easy to make a dog poop when you want it to. They seem to decide that on their own.

      Aug 26, 2014 at 12:41 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   Nikki

    I’ve always been somewhat confused by anti-poop signs. Really, I would rather go out and pick up random dog poop than have a big sign in my yard that talks about shit or is an illustration of a pooping dog. The sign is much more offensive to me. We always picked up after our dog except for the rare times that he crapped off schedule and we didn’t have a bag. Those times I would usually go back later to pick it up. But, if you have a problem at your house, why not say… start with being cool and put out a roll of bags and a garbage can? Sure, you shouldn’t have to deal with it, but isn’t that a more pleasant way to go than being an a-hole yourself?

    Aug 26, 2014 at 12:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   The Elf

      A roll of bags and garbage can (at my expense, naturally) isn’t exactly curb appeal either.

      Aug 26, 2014 at 1:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   Nikki

      Nope. But it’s better than a sign that pretty much proclaims, “I’m a grumpy a-hole”. Walking through a neighborhood and one person has the asshole sign and another has something nice, who do I want to be nice to? Yeah. I’m much more into maintaining relationships than a pristine yard.

      Aug 26, 2014 at 5:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   Dolly

      I would rather my neighbors think I am a bitch than clean fresh dog poop off of my kids sneakers because they trampled through it while playing football in the yard. I don’t have a sign like this but I can identify with it.

      Aug 27, 2014 at 10:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   LadyIslay

    I want one of these! Except, it should read, “Here lies the free-roaming dog that killed my alpaca and chickens.”

    Aug 26, 2014 at 1:54 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   kambc

    Isn’t legal to let dogs roam, and not legal to do them in, either. Dang. From a person with a well fertilized lawn. And sidewalk in the winter. Shoveled walks are poop havens to doggies. Ugh.

    Aug 26, 2014 at 9:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Nectaris

      Depends on where you live. I live outside the city limits where there is no leash law. I remember when there was a neighbor who had a pack of problem-dogs, animal control had to sit on the city limit line and hope they crossed over to get them(they never did while animal control was there).

      Aug 26, 2014 at 9:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   kambc

    We could be nice and put up DOGS POOP HERE signs. Yeah. Right.

    Aug 26, 2014 at 9:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   Justme

    This is off topic, but I need some advice. I have a mama cat and 4 kittens living in my backyard. I already have 2 cats living inside my house so I can’t keep them. They won’t let me near them (even with food). Should I just leave them alone? Call animal control? Try to trap them? Suggestions from the cat experts out there in PA land??

    Aug 26, 2014 at 9:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   The Elf

      Kittens? If you capture them, there’s good odds they can be socialized and then found good homes. The mom is probably beyond help, but if you trap her then you can spay her which prevents future kittens.

      I’d talk to your local humane society about trapping the animals – a TNR for the mom and potential adoption for the kittens.

      If you are willing to do the socialization yourself, this is how I’ve successfully done it with three feral kittens:
      1) Use a bathroom or something for just the kittens, to isolate them from your cats. Set it up wiht the standards – blanket, litterbox, empty food bowl & water. If it’s a cold room, use a space heater but make sure it has a thermostat because kittens themselves generate a lot of heat. Use a carrier or a box to provide for a “den”.
      2) Trap kittens. Using gloves, remove then from the trap and leave. Let them get used to their new surroundings.
      3) Wait an hour or so, then come in with age-appropriate food. They’ll probably hide and hiss. Speak softly, deposit food, put a bit near them. Don’t try to handle them.
      4) Start playing talk or news radio outside their room. You want them to associate warmth, safety, food with human voices.
      5) Feed them frequently – small amounts. Each time, make sure they see you + food. Try to get them to eat while you are around. Put the food closer to them, hopefully they’ll take it from a spoon in your hand. Wet cat food or meat-based baby food is a great draw.
      6) When they will let you, touch them gently. Eventually pick them up, feeding them all the while. The way to the heart is through the belly!
      7) Once you can pick them up, make a point of touching them a lot. Hold them, pet them, walk around with them, whatever they will tolerate. Giving treats all the while, of course! Whenever they show interest in playing, indulge it.

      At some point early in the process, they’ll need to go to the vet. This is traumatic, of course, so let them chill out afterwards for a couple of hours before you try again with the food.

      It is very rewarding to socialize kittens. They naturally look to Mommy, so once they see you as Human Mommy it’s easy. The problem is finding a home for them afterwards. I socialized three kittens this way. Two of them are still with me…..

      Aug 27, 2014 at 7:15 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.2   H for Toy

      The mother may or may not be socialized already, depending on how feral she is. I used to live in a cul-de-sac neighborhood surrounded by woods on three sides, and we would often get house cars that people were tired of in our neighborhood. We were able to catch and take to the shelter, 4 mamas plus litters of kittens, and one Tom. It’s worth trying to catch her on the chance that she’s a pet someone dumped. The humane society will usually let you borrow live traps for the process. Tuna worked well for us. Once we caught the mother, we were able to just pick up the kittens because they were young enough.

      Aug 27, 2014 at 9:08 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.3   assiveProgressive

      Justme — I don’t think Animal Control responds to calls about cats. If they do, mama cat would most likely be euthanized since feral adult cats are nearly impossible to adopt. Personally, I would keep the kittens in the garage and get them to a vet BEFORE bringing them anywhere inside the house because of parasites and disease. I live in a semirural area, and the feral cats and kittens seem to do OK for a time on their own, though I would guess there is a pretty high mortality rate among the kittens from predators. There are a bunch of animal charities that offer free spaying and help people with TNR, you just need to check with them on times, dates, tips, etc.

      Aug 27, 2014 at 9:21 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.4   Justme

      Thanks so much to all of you! I knew you would have my answer. My lawn guy came while I was at school, and I haven’t seen them since I got home (even though I put out some food). They may have moved on, at least temporarily. If they come back, I’ll try to catch and socialize the kittens and talk to someone about a TNR for mama kitty. You guys really are the best.

      Aug 27, 2014 at 8:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.5   linda lou

      Love to hear about all the compassionate “kitty” folks out there. As one who tamed a feral mom (she’s now my indoor sweetie) and gave her kitties away for adoption, it can be done but slowly, on a day to day basis. Good luck!!

      Aug 31, 2014 at 2:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #18   Heather Williams

    Shit happens

    Aug 26, 2014 at 11:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #19   dog owner

    I think it’s pretty rude to let your dog poop in other people’s yards, even if you pick it up. There’s always some trace poop (sometimes more than a trace!) left over. People should be able to walk barefoot in their yards or let their children play without worrying about coming into contact with shit. Dog pee kills plants. The other thing is once one dog eliminates in that spot, all passing dogs will go there too, even if you pick it up.
    I know everybody has times where your dog MUST go in a less than ideal spot, or you’re caught without a baggie, but it’s really not that hard to train your dog to go in the same spot or at the very least avoid yards. I take my dog to the same spot to potty PRIOR to our walks. If he has to go during a walk I direct him to the grass between the sidewalk and the curb. If your dog poops in your neighbor’s yard on a regular basis you’re an asshole.

    Aug 27, 2014 at 11:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #20   mutzali

    This is why my front lawn has a row of rosebushes all along the sidewalk. Nice thorny ones.

    Aug 27, 2014 at 1:51 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #21   assiveProgressive

    if there’s so doggone much dog poop out there, why didn’t they write their screed in smeared excrement? The best (and craziest) signs are made with poop.

    Aug 27, 2014 at 3:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #22   Helen Without The H

    Joke’s on the homeowners cause dogs can’t read!

    Aug 27, 2014 at 4:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   assiveProgressive

      Maybe YOUR dog can’t…

      Aug 27, 2014 at 11:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #23   Poppintops

    “I dug a hole, he barely fit, but that dog knows now, not where to s__t. ” would be another I’ve seen.

    Aug 31, 2014 at 12:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #24   Rachel

    In my opinion, it should say “here lies the OWNER OF the last dog who…” etc etc…

    Sep 3, 2014 at 10:11 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #25   Raichu

    ghhh. People who joke about killing other peoples’ animals are gross.

    Sep 22, 2014 at 6:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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