Return to sender

October 11th, 2014 · 49 comments

Writes our submitter: “This note was left in the TEMPORARY mailbox that we put up to collect mail during a substantial construction phase at our house.”

In order to appease the anonymous critic, she says, “I have since placed a large neon green bow around the offending structure,” and plans to continue. “I’m going for the ‘North Pole threw up here’ look,” she says.

You have a beautiful house but your mailbox is ugly. Change it with a better one. xxx

related: #mailboxproblems

extra credit: uglymailbox.com: cool & crazy mailboxes 

FILED UNDER: there goes the neighborhood · unsolicited feedback


49 responses so far ↓

  • #1   ballz

    What an absolute fucker.

    Oct 11, 2014 at 9:22 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   phoenix

    Ah, the rare breed of “buy something new that I like” PA note. Always my favorite/most hated. Although this one doesn’t have the finishing touch of demanding the purchase of an overpriced version of an everyday item- like the nurse who was left a note recommending she buy the several hundred dollar shoes that didn’t squeak so much.

    Oct 11, 2014 at 10:17 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Tesselara

      “Rare” breed? Isn’t “having opinions about things that don’t involve you” our unofficial national sport?

      Oct 14, 2014 at 5:54 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Lita bang

      If not, it may as well be!

      Oct 14, 2014 at 6:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Raichu

      I think it’s a sub-category, Tesselara.

      Oct 29, 2014 at 2:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Toya

    A manatee wearing a sombrero mailbox it is.

    If this neighbor is opinionated about her neighbors mailbox, I can only imagine what she’ll have to say about their landscaping choices. And don’t let her inside the house. Oh the things she might say then.

    It’s a shame that when it comes to deciding where to live, a person can’t get an evaluation of all the neighbors surrounding the lot in addition to the schools, hospitals, and places to eat and shop.

    Oct 11, 2014 at 10:50 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   DaveS

      Nobody would be honest about bad neighbors because then they would never be able to sell their house!

      Oct 11, 2014 at 3:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Kasaba

      My downstairs neighbour that I liked recently sold her flat. I already dislike the new people who moved in. I came home from Berlin last weekend to find out someone (later discovered it was them), decided to paint the shared hallway between me and the neighbour opposite me (one floor up from them), with really toxic-smelling paint. They didn’t bother to ventilate the hallway. They are also not staying there while renovating, and nor is my neighbour opposite me. So it’s me stuck with the paint smell.

      Oct 13, 2014 at 1:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   pooham

      Dang it! Now I want a manatee wearing a sombrero mailbox.

      Oct 20, 2014 at 12:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   Lita bang

      Wait, wait wait. Is the mailbox a manatee wearing a sombrero, or is the sombrero itself the mailbox and the manatee is just decoration? :P

      Oct 20, 2014 at 5:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   Mariyum

      lmao I would so make my mailbox even uglier.

      Oct 25, 2014 at 6:36 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Ed Decatur

    Exemplary use of the passive-agressive “sandwich” technique: start with a compliment, deliver the criticism, end with three kisses.

    Oct 11, 2014 at 11:35 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Roto13

      Kisses? Is that what that is? I thought it was something pornographic.

      Oct 11, 2014 at 12:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   assiveProgressive

      I think x x x = tsk, tsk, tsk

      Oct 13, 2014 at 11:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Jami

    A letter like this would just inspire me to search out the most tasteless, ugliest mailbox in the universe.

    I wonder if they make a goatse mailbox….

    Oct 11, 2014 at 12:40 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Lita bang

      I like the way you think.

      Oct 11, 2014 at 3:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   kermit

    Chicken butt with glitter opening it is, then!

    Oct 11, 2014 at 1:07 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Lita bang

    I’d personally modify the gaudiest lawn flamingo I could find into a mailbox.

    Oct 11, 2014 at 3:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Helen Without The H

      Hey! What’s to dislike about lawn flamingos?

      Oct 17, 2014 at 11:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Lita bang

      Not a thing actually! But enough people have fits of spastic rage over them to make it worth it. :D

      Oct 17, 2014 at 8:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Chinchillazilla

    I found a wide variety of hideous mailboxes. Check the link on my name. My personal vote is for the creepy giant hand where the mailbox is the cigarette.

    Oct 11, 2014 at 10:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   deprogrammed

      Reduce, reuse, recycle – I vote for the repurposed hillbilly-sized Tidy Cats litter container. Preferably propped up on a cat’s ass, with an animated tail wag. It will fart on anyone who puts something in the litter box (love that double meaning).

      Oct 12, 2014 at 1:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   H for Toy

      I’m torn between the tidy cat mailbox and the 5-gallon bucket with the number crudely painted on the side.

      Oct 20, 2014 at 11:13 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Jennifer

    You have beautiful paper, but your handwriting is ugly.

    Change it with a better one.

    xxx

    Oct 12, 2014 at 1:27 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Jami

    Story time? STORY TIME!

    So when we remodeled our house dad took our mailbox out pole and all and put it in a giant planting bucket so it could be moved around as needed. At first the mailman didn’t mind. Then he found out we were going to get one of those security type mailboxes where you have to have a key to get inside. There’d still be a slit for mail to go in, just no one except the home owner could take it out. Plus it was all heavy duty metal so kids couldn’t break it with a baseball bat and steal it like we used to see some of our neighbors’ kids do.

    He threw a HUGE hissy fit! He didn’t want us to use that type of mail box cause apparently it was really inconvenient for him if we took all our mail to send out to the post office instead of leaving it for him to collect. Never mind he would be retiring before our remodel was even done. Nope, he wanted to dictate what kind of box we had.

    From that day forth every time he came out he’d move our temporary mailbox wherever the fuck he wanted. It would just randomly be moved to it was practically in the street. Or on the other side of the driveway. Or pushed way far back. And he’d yell at us if he saw us.

    He did not get one of our really good Christmas tips that year nor a retirement gift.

    Oct 12, 2014 at 2:35 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Lita bang

      Sheesh. Sounds like he was just short of

      (I’ll apologize in advance as I’ve got a chest cold and feel like le poo)

      going postal.

      Anyone? No?

      Oct 12, 2014 at 3:11 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Jami

      Yep. Pretty much.

      Our new mailman couldn’t care less. He only gets mad at us when our idiot neighbors park their car and block our mailbox. Yeah, we’ve still got those hoodlums next door. *sighs* Don’t know how they afford the rent (owner moved to Florida and rents the place out) cause I think only one out of the ten of them work.

      Oct 12, 2014 at 3:37 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   Moe

      Jami – Wait, what? Ignoring for a second that his impending retirement would make the whole thing moot — he was upset that he would no longer have to collect your outgoing mail? That making a delivery to your house would involve less work?

      Oct 15, 2014 at 1:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   The Beast Among Us

      Of course, Moe. That was the only time the mailman got to take a good, long look at Jami’s mom’s boobs every day.

      Oct 15, 2014 at 3:09 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.5   Jami

      Yep, Moe. I don’t know why he had such a problem with it. But he did not like that fact.

      Oct 15, 2014 at 6:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.6   SilentPsycho

      He would have a heart attack if he lived in the UK. Nobody here puts outgoing post in your own postbox.

      Oct 16, 2014 at 12:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.7   kermit

      I think it may just be an American thing because I haven’t heard it happening elsewhere. For one thing, he can’t tell if you put sufficient postage stamps on the thing because he doesn’t carry a scale with him.

      Oct 16, 2014 at 1:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.8   The Elf

      Typical outgoing mail is just ordinary first class mail service and is an established price. Or you can get the “forever” stamps.

      Oct 19, 2014 at 3:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.9   kermit

      I figured that, Elf. I’m talking about stuff like care packages, etc. that they need to weigh and measure to figure out the mailing cost.

      To have packages picked up by the mailman would be convenient since you have to go to the post office to drop it off, whereas it’s not a huge inconvenience to drop off a card in a post office box.

      Since most(?) people don’t pay their bills by mail anymore, there would be nothing else to send except packages and holiday cards. That’s why it doesn’t make much sense to me to offer the service of mail pick up.

      Oct 19, 2014 at 4:27 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   J Rock

    Someone in our town has a giant (fake) shotgun shell has their mailbox. I do believe this note would require I obtain one and use it for the foreseeable future. Or maybe just long enough to send a message.

    Oct 12, 2014 at 9:35 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   FeRD bang

    People, people, people. All of these novelty mailbox finds are nice enough, but I feel like you’re all overlooking the obvious answer to this problem.

    Submitter says they’re in “a substantial construction phase” at the house? Well, assuming that work includes bathroom renovations (and if it doesn’t, add it in!), I just want to offer three words:

    Decommissioned.    Toilet.    Mailbox.

    Oct 12, 2014 at 9:50 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Jami

      BEAUTIFUL!

      And I thought I was being clever when I used one of our old toilets as a planter and grew sweet peas in it.

      Oct 12, 2014 at 11:30 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   assiveProgressive

      Peas … ha, ha, ha. Now, was this planter in the front yard or the back yard?

      Oct 13, 2014 at 11:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Jami

      Front, of course!

      Don’t have it anymore, sadly, but it was fun while it lasted!

      Oct 14, 2014 at 2:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   however

    When you do get a nice shiny new mailbox, it will look like you took his advice.

    Win, or loss?

    Oct 13, 2014 at 7:15 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   The Beast Among Us

    You have a beautiful wife, but you are ugly. Your wife should change you for a better man.

    XXX

    Oct 13, 2014 at 2:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   telegramsamo bang

    Sure, are you going to pay for it?

    Oct 14, 2014 at 10:24 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Kimberly

    My neighbor’s mailbox was a rusted POS when I moved in 10 years ago. Neighbors have come and gone but the mailbox remains. It is in my yard and barely hanging on by a thread but I just deal with it.

    Oct 16, 2014 at 10:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   C

    A mailbox I pass on the way to my parents’ house has, erm, a wooden phallus as the door handle. You might not notice it the first time you see it, but I can’t think of anything else it could be– a 5-6inch long wooden post rounded off at the end, and two more wooden circles paired under it.
    Maybe not quite the thing to spite your neighbors, but good for all these people who need to spite their postman.

    Oct 22, 2014 at 7:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   The Elf

      Delivering the male?

      Oct 23, 2014 at 1:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   sansible

      Thus forcing your postal worker to perform Male service?

      Oct 23, 2014 at 3:42 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   The Elf

      It’s some serious mail on male action.

      Oct 24, 2014 at 8:51 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Tar

    Funny how people are getting all caught up in this neighborhood drama, but no one’s even considered the possibility that this note was written by a child – which I’m pretty sure it was. I’m guessing a seven-nine year old girl.

    Nov 12, 2014 at 11:45 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Rafa?

    It’s probably me! Love it.

    xxx starts :-)

    Jan 13, 2015 at 5:20 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     

Comments are Closed