Neighbors too loud? The Police can handle it.

October 27th, 2014 · 65 comments

This one speaks for itself, no?

Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take Is really audible through the floor. xo

(Thanks to our submitter, Bonnie in Edinburgh.)

related: A review of last night’s performance

FILED UNDER: neighbors · noise

65 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Belaani

    Nothing like taping the whole array of sounds, buying a jug of cheap wine, invting a bunch of friends over to critique the tape, and sending a copy upstairs. Might not work, but you never know.

    Oct 27, 2014 at 4:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   Lita bang

    I think we can assume they won’t be missing you.

    Oct 27, 2014 at 4:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   My name is Princess!

    So I creep yeah
    Just keep it on the down low
    Said nobody is supposed to know

    Oct 27, 2014 at 5:07 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   EpicBoxx

      haha! I Love TLC. awesome follow-up.

      Nov 12, 2014 at 3:47 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   The Beast Among Us

    You can hear them breathing through the floor? Really?

    Oct 27, 2014 at 5:16 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Lin

      I used to hear my upstairs neighbor snore, so yeah, it’s possible.

      Oct 27, 2014 at 6:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Jitty

      Ha! I used to be able to hear when my shared-wall neighbor would fart. Slums suck.

      Oct 27, 2014 at 10:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   The Elf

      It wouldn’t scan right in the parody song without out it! I give notewrite a pass on accuracy because of the creativity.

      Oct 28, 2014 at 8:04 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.4   L

      You should hear my mother snore.

      Oct 28, 2014 at 10:35 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.5   Hrmm

      Someone doesn’t get the joke.

      And this note isn’t passive aggressive in the slightest – this is pretty much the nicest way they could have told the loud asshole who submitted it to stop stomping around and making noise like a goddamned horse. Bonus points for the writer because it was funny.

      Nov 8, 2014 at 8:12 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   schmootc

    I can hear my downstairs neighbor snore, so yep.

    Oct 27, 2014 at 7:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   Wendy Jane

    Hate downstairs neighbors who complain about noise. Is the person not supposed to walk around their apartment and live their lives? I not too long ago had a downstairs neighbor tell me repeatedly that he could hear me walking around my apartment in “the middle of the night” – I go to sleep around 11:30pm. He worked the early shift and would wake at 4am and I could hear him shower and walking around until he left around 5:15 am. I could also clearly hear his wife screaming at him all the time during their daily fights. Don’t live in an apartment community and complain about your neighbors.

    Oct 27, 2014 at 10:16 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   AP

      This reminds me of our first apartment. My husband and I were adults with jobs. We got up around 8 am, left for work at 9 am, and came home from work around 7 pm.

      We had the fortune of living upstairs from graduate students, who left us a note saying that we were “walking around at extremely early hours of the morning” (8-9 am, getting ready for work) and that we needed to stop walking around during “our quiet study time in the evenings” (say, 7-10 pm, when we were having dinner, doing dishes, and packing up for work the next day.)

      I was very tempted to inform them that “quiet study time” is why libraries were invented, and that the local universities had several they could choose from.

      Oct 28, 2014 at 12:51 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   tarn

      But some stuff does merit complaints, even in apartment blocks. Very loud music, all night parties (especially on a weeknight) and my current ‘favourite’ from the students upstairs, slamming their door so hard it shakes the block every bloody time they go in or out. There’s no need for it. Previous tenants have all managed to close the door quietly.
      There’s just living your life, and then there’s being an asshole….

      Oct 28, 2014 at 9:56 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   H for Toy

      I am a downstairs neighbor, and we’ve had to ask the people upstairs not to wrestle after 10pm, because it rattles the ceiling fan, and to please tap his bowl somewhere else, because when he does it on the balcony railing, somehow it echoes through the entire apartment. He was cool about it.

      Oct 28, 2014 at 10:28 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   dd

      Hint:Everyone, stop walking by planting your heel into the floor first with a *thump*. Once you walk without slamming your heels down everywhere, only insane people will be able to complain. Flat-footed or even a toe-first approach will make you silent as a ninja. And take your shoes off!

      Oct 28, 2014 at 3:00 pm   rating: 92  small thumbs up

    • #6.5   EffingReally

      So people should walk like ninjas just to make sure the downstairs neighbor isn’t bothered? Fuck off, dude. I mean I understand it can get annoying, but I’m not changing a normal walk to a weird tip-toe approach. I don’t stomp around, but normal walking makes noise.

      Oct 29, 2014 at 3:07 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

    • #6.6   The Elf

      Depending on how the building was built, walking like a ninja wouldn’t make a difference. I could hear my ferrets running around upstairs and they are 1-3 lb critters!

      Oct 30, 2014 at 7:24 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.7   dd

      Because apparently it’s so hard to learn to walk differently. Hell, I consider not walking like an elephant a personal aspiration for everyday life. As such, my “normal walking” barely makes any noise. It’s called….not heel stomping like an ogre. From there it’s barely any effort to make the minute changes in order to walk completely quietly inside the house.

      Also, animals when running are essentially little heel stompers. Imagine little half pound weights being dropped everywhere instead and you can see why they make noise when they run. The solution for that is carpets and plenty of them.

      Oct 30, 2014 at 11:32 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.8   Feather Blade


      On the other hand (foot?), changing your gait so that the ball of your foot hits first not only makes your stride more graceful, it also works different muscles in your legs than a heel-first stride.

      And really, if you don’t practice walking like a ninja now, you’ll never be able to manage it when you really need to.

      Oct 30, 2014 at 12:42 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.9   L

      Slamming your heel down when you walk is actually really bad for your feet.

      Oct 30, 2014 at 2:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.10   EffingReally

      dd, congrats, you forced yourself to walk quietly to make your insane downstairs neighbors happier and are patting yourself on the back about how much of a better person that makes you. i don’t walk around like an ogre. I don’t stomp like an elephant. And I don’t get mad at the upstairs neighbors for walking around like human beings.

      Oct 30, 2014 at 2:08 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

    • #6.11   kermit

      Unless the people upstairs are walking in tap shoes or high heel shoes all the time, there is no legit reason to complain to them.

      That being said, construction in some (new) buildings is shitty for all sorts of reasons, and the soundproofing is non-existent.

      In short, if the noise bothers you so much your only option is to move somewhere else.

      FYI, people with flat feet (i.e. no arches) have a heavy gait. There’s nothing in the world they can do make their gait lighter, unless you want them to move around in a wheelchair. And a wheelchair makes a lot more noise.

      Oct 30, 2014 at 6:16 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.12   LittleBirdy

      Kermit, I agree with most of your comment, but I have to chime in – I have flat feet. I have the opposite of a heavy gait. I frequently sneak up on people by accident because I walk so quietly they didn’t hear me coming.

      Oct 31, 2014 at 9:04 am   rating: 91  small thumbs up

    • #6.13   JoDa

      I don’t know if it’s my gait (I also have flat feet, to the point of having some pain from them), but I’ve been told I’m a quiet walker. Even in heels, I don’t “clomp.” The only thing I’ve ever asked of upstairs neighbors is to PLEASE avoid wearing high-heels inside at very late or early times. I’ve always been obliged in that basic request, probably because I put it politely.

      Nov 1, 2014 at 4:42 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.14   FeRD bang

      I bang on the ceiling when my upstairs neighbor’s big-ass dog decides to stage a 3am rally race across his apartment. Anything less, it’s just part of apartment living.

      Nov 5, 2014 at 12:58 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   TRT

    Note posted in return…
    “You don’t have to put on that red light.”

    Oct 28, 2014 at 7:17 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   The Elf

      I’m sure that note wasn’t actually posted in return. It was just a synchronicity.

      Oct 28, 2014 at 8:08 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   DaveS

      Actually the note wasn’t “posted.” It was a message in a bottle.

      Oct 28, 2014 at 1:35 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   The Elf

    The Police will have conduct a Sting to see if they are violating the noise ordinances.

    Oct 28, 2014 at 8:06 am   rating: 91  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Dane Zeller

      Different note, Elf. Same verse. Your puns will not go ignored, if I can help it.

      Oct 28, 2014 at 10:27 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   DaveS

      That’s because, “Every little thing Elf does is magic.”

      Oct 28, 2014 at 1:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   Ace of Space

    AAAAGGGGGGGHHHH! The earworm!!!

    Oct 28, 2014 at 10:28 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   Kasaba

    On Sunday I heard worrying loud banging sounds from the apartment below me around 6pm. Went downstairs to check it out (lest they be knocking down a load bearing wall), and the guy was actually busy changing the lock on the door and said he would be “10 minutes at most”. I didn’t complain at that point, I just wanted to see what was going on. I was more inclined to complain when they were still hammering and drilling until just shy of 11pm. This is not being courteous to your neighbours.

    Also, I can hear the downstairs neighbours (two levels down) through the pipes draining the sink in my bathroom. I suppose they can hear me too. Kinda awkward.

    Oct 28, 2014 at 3:01 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   L

      The hilarious thing to do would be to start making ghost noises.

      Oct 28, 2014 at 6:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   Kasaba


      Oct 29, 2014 at 8:12 am   rating: 91  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   The Elf

      Then ghost noises of chickens, cows, and pigs.

      Oct 29, 2014 at 10:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.4   Kasaba

      That was my first thought actually. Just playing recordings from a hatchery or piggery or slaughter house on a loop all day.

      Oct 30, 2014 at 6:39 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   DLW

    I live on the third (and thankfully, top) floor of an apartment because I don’t want to be constantly bitchy about someone’s upstairs noise. I purposely asked for a top floor apartment because of this. I also go out of my way to walk softly, keep the tv down, and not slam doors (it shakes the whole damn building). I’m not sure how much the downstairs neighbors appreciate it though, seeing as how they woke me up with a screaming hours-long fight at 2 a.m. recently. -_- I call that guy Mr. Shouty for a good reason. Ugh. People.

    Oct 28, 2014 at 3:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   buni

      My house shakes when large trucks drive by, and I’m set way back from the road. It’s a single-family home and I own it, so I’m not sure who I can complain to.

      Oct 29, 2014 at 10:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   JoDa

    Heh, a downstairs neighbor (not the one directly below me) recently stomped upstairs to see “what the hell I was doing” after my “door slammed several times and then there was unpermitted maintenance work.” It was 7 PM, I admit I went in and out 4 times in the prior hour (in from work, noticing the problem; out to walk the dog; back from walking the dog; and one more time to see what the problem was), and I was tightening the hinges on my door because they had come a little loose and the door didn’t close smoothly, making it noisy to close. I told her I didn’t need permission to do small maintenance (our bylaws only cover major maintenance, specifically saying no notice is needed (it’s notice, not permission) for “minor maintenance activities conducted by the homeowner that do not require city permits or the use of power tools for more than 1 hour continuously or 3 hours total per day, if conducted outside of quiet hours”), and would she rather my door *need* to be slammed for the next 72 hours while the notice period elapsed? She at least had the decency to apologize, meekly ask how much longer I thought I’d be, and scurry away when I said “I’m done, actually…10 minutes and you don’t have to listen to my door slam anymore (demonstrates that the door now closes quietly)…YOU’RE WELCOME!” I appreciate peace and quiet as much as the next person, but some people need to live FAAAAAAAR away from others.

    Oct 28, 2014 at 7:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Poltergeist

      Don’t ever let her know about your secret lightbulb changing activities. That’s unpermitted electrical work.

      Oct 29, 2014 at 4:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   metalsheep

      Sounds like my old neighbor. We lived in a high rise. She lived next to me. Half of the length of our apartments, we shared a wall, and the other half there was a 30-floor stairwell. Well, whenever she heard noise in her apartment, she would make a noise complaint against us to the management company. This was usually at least once a week.

      The last straw was when she physically grabbed my roommate when she was walking down the hallway, dragged her into her apartment and yelled “SEE? I can hear your music all the time! I’m trying to write my dissertation, I need quiet!” My roommate yelled back “No one is home right now in our apartment – that is from the stairwell! It could be coming from anywhere in the building! And if you need quiet, GO TO THE LIBRARY, IT’S ONE BLOCK AWAY!”

      She stopped bothering us after that.

      Oct 29, 2014 at 11:58 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.3   JoDa

      Poltergeist, considering I need a full-on ladder to change some of my lightbulbs, I’m sure she’d be down at the code office pissing and moaning.

      Oct 30, 2014 at 5:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.4   JoDa

      The kicker is, she’s one of only 2 renters in our building, and goes out of her way to be unfriendly to everyone else. She also pilfered some of my stuff when I was moving in and left a few boxes in the hallway while I returned the truck (I was gone for, quite literally, 20 minutes, since the truck rental place is 6 blocks up the street). She did return it when I left a note (I didn’t feel it was PA, I just said “hey neighbors, I left some stuff in the hallway briefly and I’m sure you thought it was a giveaway, but it wasn’t, so if you took it, could you bring it back to {unit}?”), but felt the need to scold me for “leaving a mess” that “any sane person would mistake for unwanted junk.” Yes, because my $100+ knife (the only really valuable thing she took) is clearly junk, especially since you took it… Also, I’d like to see the hell she gives her landlord, if she’s that awful to her neighbors…

      Oct 30, 2014 at 5:54 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.5   JoDa

      Oh, and sheep, my unit also borders the stairwell. The stairs aren’t loud, but the door is. I’ve never found it particularly bothersome because my neighbors have the decency to close it quietly if it’s late or early. If it slams at 11 AM, I have exactly nothing to complain about, especially knowing the stairwell was there when I made the offer on my unit (and I actually kind of like being so close to the stairs…easy and quick to get out with my dog or my trash).

      Oct 30, 2014 at 5:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   drew

    I just moved into a townhouse to avoid neighbor noise.

    Hardwood floors and shoddy materials lead to hearing everything they were doing upstairs.

    Here’s some of the worst:
    1. If we’re in the bathroom at the same time, hearing him take a piss.
    2. Hearing him run up and down his stairs
    3. Hearing his tiny little dog make about as much noise as a bucking bronco
    4. Then complaining for us playing music at 8:00 PM…

    It’s worth the extra money to not deal with this crap.

    BTW: I love the line “every bond you break” in the Passive Aggressive note, as if the person downstairs could hear some infidelity occur upstairs.

    Oct 29, 2014 at 8:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   TRT

      That’s nothing. Marlene watches from the wall; her mocking smile says it all.

      Oct 29, 2014 at 9:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   The Elf

      Don’t rule out that neighbor can actually hear infidelity occur upstairs. First neighbor hears spouse leave. Then neighbor hears “delivery driver” arrive with a “package”. Then bow chicka bow wow.

      Oct 29, 2014 at 10:21 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   The Beast Among Us

      I figured it was a BDSM reference.

      Oct 29, 2014 at 6:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.4   JoDa

      Depending on construction, townhouses or connected homes/buildings aren’t always a panacea for peace and quiet. My old neighbor used to bitch up a storm to his neighbors about noises, which, in talking to them, determined were coming from our (attached) building (there were certain distinct noises he complained about that we could all say “yep, that’s ‘so-and-so’s’ ‘whatever’ (blender, vacuum, etc.)). We were a little worried we were being terrible neighbors, but the other residents of that building told us not to worry, the noises were barely audible and at decent hours…he was the kind of person to complain if someone sneezed after 8 PM or before 10 AM.

      Oct 30, 2014 at 6:07 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   TRT

    Sex noise is the worst.

    It makes a very heavy thump when you drop it on the coffee table.

    Oct 29, 2014 at 9:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   Raichu

    This strikes me as one of the most pointless notes I’ve ever seen here. It’s basically, “we can hear you.”


    Oct 29, 2014 at 2:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   dd

      Yeah and the obvious conclusion is, “It’s annoying, so please stop it”.

      What else could you assume from someone telling you you’re loud? It’s not a compliment.

      Oct 30, 2014 at 11:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   Lita bang

    Clearly this calls for the dude from those super annoying cell phone commercials that aired a few years back (was it Verizon?…)

    “Can you hear me NOW?”

    Oct 30, 2014 at 11:46 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   phoenix

    There’s give and take in being neighbors. Let the little things go, and don’t be an arse and make huge noises- or tone it done when asked.

    Usually it works, but I’ve got a secret weapon now- a ridiculously adorable bunny. I’ve had bodybuilders who lived upstairs power lifting at 12 am, and I went to talk to them. HUGE dudes came out into the hallway with their game face on.

    When I held up this little fluffyball and said “I’m sorry, but the thumping noises are scaring her really bad” they practically fell all over themselves to apologize. And were quiet since.

    Oct 31, 2014 at 3:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   JoDa

      Perfection. A neighbor recently said to me while walking my dog “oh, he’s the one that barks a lot at night, right?” I said “um, no, he hardly barks at all, but I especially don’t put up with that after 11 PM. He barks a lot if I bring him out in the yard for some exercise, but that’s between 6:30 and 8 PM, hardly ‘night.’” She then said, “yeah, we’re pretty sure he was the one barking when we had that party a few weeks ago…he was really upset that we were out in the yard!” My response: “oh, that night? Yeah, he was barking at you because you were blasting music and screaming in your yard until after midnight. You paid your noise citation, right, because I checked back with the police to make sure they cited you after I called the police on your ‘little get together’ three times. In the future, worry more about your stereo and screaming and less about my dog…” She was displeased, but there’s now, thankfully, a for sale sign in their yard, and at the price they want (and will likely get), hopefully I can secure some responsible neighbors…

      Nov 3, 2014 at 9:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #18   Jami

    Next time I need to write a PAN I’ve got to remember to do it as a parody of It’s Not Unusual.

    Oct 31, 2014 at 7:12 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   The Elf

      That would be the perfect PAN song.

      Nov 1, 2014 at 10:04 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #18.2   Jami

      Plus if someone decided to sing it someone else could do The Carlton to it.

      Nov 1, 2014 at 10:45 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #19   Haggie

    Yeah, who would have known when he or she rented the apartment that the people upstairs weren’t deaf mutes that walked around in fuzzy slippers…

    Pay the extra for the top unit or STFU.

    Nov 3, 2014 at 3:39 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #20   SparkyRell

    Man, my first apartment was on the top floor and the people below us were the noisy ones. I could hear them whenever they went to the bathroom, which was awkward and when the girl bought a cat, the guy developed a cough the whole block could hear. Someone went to him and asked about the cough and got him to connect the dots and realise that he was allergic.

    Right after that was resolved, a family moved in beside us and one of them started using one of those electric hand beaters and a steel bowl (noisy as hell) at two in the morning. They also kept their kid up till midnight, the kid screaming echoed down to the shops and the cops were called loads of times. It was like that till I moved out. You can’t win really.

    Nov 3, 2014 at 7:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #21   Madrias

    I know, I’m late to the party, but I write from the Middle Apartment.

    To those who say “spend more to get the top apartment”: Fuck you. We’ve been here for more than a decade in this apartment. The upstairs here is smaller than our apartment, and the downstairs is only slightly bigger than our apartment. Why should we pay more to get less considering:

    We can still hear you when you’re beneath us!

    Currently, we’re dealing with an awesome downstairs neighbor (only thing he does that’s loud is occasionally a movie or the radio. That, and his car’s loud, but still, nothing to complain about) and upstairs running a fucking daycare out of the apartment.

    Add to that the fact that none of them can walk quietly (and I can say something here. I can be quieter in my work boots at 305 pounds than anyone upstairs is), they love their loud music, and the kid that is actually theirs runs around the house all night screaming… Yeah, we can’t wait until they move.

    And no, we’re not moving. We’ve outlasted dozens of neighbors. There’s something to be said about doing one’s own minor maintenance, rather than calling the landlord because you don’t know how to use the pilot light starter button on your water-heater.

    Nov 5, 2014 at 7:26 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #22   EpicBoxx

    This is the nicest way I have ever seen anyone say ‘shut up! you’re too loud!’ Kudos to the author!

    Nov 12, 2014 at 3:46 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #23   humoradda

    The person is polite indeed

    Nov 12, 2014 at 10:10 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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