Clarissa in Portland, Oregon dutifully passed along this e-mail from her boss. I normally don’t like to encourage this sort of thing, but, well, ’tis the season for shameless self-promotion. So, uh, take from Mel?
“Seriously, I have their calendar and I love it.” —Melanie, Administrative Projects Coordinator
related: Ceci n’est pas une note passif-agressif
extra credit: The PAN 2013 Page-a-Day Calendar. Seriously.
Tags: all-staff e-mail · dishes · meta
If you work in an office that supplies your cream and sugar needs gratis, consider yourself lucky. There’s something about coffee creamer that sends folks off the deep end…
P.S. If you’ve thought of a different tactic, it’s probably been tried before.
related: Coffee, mate?
Tags: all-staff e-mail · CAPS LOCK · office fridge · Orlando · stealing
Here’s how Connie explains the situation: “I’m selling my house and moving to a new town. I’ve had an outdoor cat for almost five years, and she doesn’t do well indoors. Since it looks like I’ll end up in an apartment for the first year, I’m trying to find a new home for her. I made the mistake of asking a coworker who is passionate about his pets — seriously, he loves them more than people — and I thought he was just having a little fun with me when he bashed me for ‘throwing her away.’ I laughed and just told him to ask around and let me know.”
Here’s how Connie’s coworker chose to do that:
related: Sorry, my friends don’t eat cat.
extra credit: The saga of the passive-aggressive “lost cat” poster
Tags: cats · e-mail · frenemies · guilt trip · self-righteous vegans · South Carolina
A few months ago, Christie in North Carolina joined a group on Meetup.com, but never found the time to attend any of the actual meetups. This, it seems, is a serious breach of Meetup netiquette. Recently, the group’s owner did Christie the favor of explaining why she was being kicked out of the group — for her own benefit, of course.
![Soooo....*twittles [sic] thumbs* its been more than 3mths and you haven't joined us ONCE??? Admit it, you hate us, and I can imagine its gotta be pretty darn annoying to get so many notifications from a group that you DON'T want to participate in SO, ....let me to do you a favor... Ill remove you from this group and if you ever have a change of heart you can come back. :-) HOWEVER, keep in mind we are an active group and only active members are invited, so I'll have my eye on you! Tough love hurts but somebody's gotta do it or you'll never try something new! Welp until next time.... *tear](http://farm8.static.flickr.com/7218/7223643052_5091935181_o.png "Soooo....*twittles [sic] thumbs* its been more than 3mths and you haven't joined us ONCE??? Admit it, you hate us, and I can imagine its gotta be pretty darn annoying to get so many notifications from a group that you DON'T want to participate in SO, ....let me to do you a favor... Ill remove you from this group and if you ever have a change of heart you can come back. :-) HOWEVER, keep in mind we are an active group and only active members are invited, so I'll have my eye on you! Tough love hurts but somebody's gotta do it or you'll never try something new! Welp until next time.... *tear")
Tags: "helpful" advice · e-mail · North Carolina · painfully polite · smiley
Your corporate overlords would like to offer this friendly reminder of how much we value our employees!
![Hi Everyone, Effective immediately, [redacted] no longer works for [redacted]. On a more positive note, [redacted] (a new Qualifier) starts on Monday! Just wanted to keep everyone in the loop. I hope your [sic] having a great day!! TGIF... :) Thank you](http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6061/6036644270_6050267570.jpg "Hi Everyone, Effective immediately, [redacted] no longer works for [redacted]. On a more positive note, [redacted] (a new Qualifier) starts on Monday! Just wanted to keep everyone in the loop. I hope your [sic] having a great day!! TGIF... :) Thank you")
related: Recession incentive plan
Tags: all-staff e-mail · California · fired · now that's management · smiley · your/you're
Writes an office worker in Alabama: “A co-worker attends a weekly cooking class in town, and this week they made a Cinnamon Roll Casserole. The co-worker decided to bring it in to work and share it with the office.” The nerve of some people!
![Hey J, Brining [sic] in food items that are very heavy in calories is only fueling people’s addiction to sugar. It is the same as fueling people other desire in pursuits that you might consider as sin such as alcohol or drugs. People addicted to drugs and alcohol have problems controlling themselves around these items. The same goes for high calorie foods. The consequence for quick satisfaction as you know are being fat and unhealthy. Unless you wish others to be fat and unhealthy, please bring only healthy food. Thanks, Jeff](http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6086/6035733145_f3f5d49433.jpg "Hey J, Brining [sic] in food items that are very heavy in calories is only fueling people’s addiction to sugar. It is the same as fueling people other desire in pursuits that you might consider as sin such as alcohol or drugs. People addicted to drugs and alcohol have problems controlling themselves around these items. The same goes for high calorie foods. The consequence for quick satisfaction as you know are being fat and unhealthy. Unless you wish others to be fat and unhealthy, please bring only healthy food. Thanks, Jeff")
related: Loose lips shrink hips
Tags: "helpful" advice · Alabama · e-mail · food · hey fatty · office · office cop
Writes our disgusted submitter: “All that time on the toilet to think, and this is what you came up with?”
______________
Tags: all-staff e-mail · D.C. · illness · office · shit · that's disgusting · TMI
Tags: all-staff e-mail · Australia · door-slamming · message to all intended for one · office · pointlessly self-censored profanity · shit · TMI · warning
Our submitter in Malaysia called this auto-reply from her coworker “a great way to ensure consistent passive-aggressiveness in the workplace, even when you’re busy holidaying.” (As always, just click the image to enlarge.)
It reminded me of these “instructional instructions” from the manual that James in the U.K. received with his DVD player.
related: Gee, that’ll show ‘em
Tags: e-mail · office · questionable logic
Before her husband left on his first military deployment, Sarah in San Diego sent out an e-mail to the whole family with info about how everyone can stay in touch while he’s away. To avoid any potential in-law drama, she even had her husband read and sign off on the e-mail before sending. What neither Sarah nor her husband took into account? The Uncle Paul factor.
Her husband’s Uncle Paul, Sarah explains, is a mailman/postman/letter carrier — whatever the correct term is. (Based on Uncle Paul’s reply, she says, “I’m clearly not up enough on the intricate etiquette of the U.S. Postal Service to know.”)
Tags: e-mail · exclamation-point happy!!!! · family · going postal · holiday spirit · Oops?
![Hi Jason (and other intermittent door slammers): DO NOT SLAM THE BACK F*****G DOOR. The back room is a thoroughfare but it is also my office (and [redacted]). Sudden loud noises scare the shit out of me and also give me the f*****g shits like you wouldn't believe. Don't do it again or you will get to see a side of me that is extremely vulgar. I've been putting up with it intermittently for the past 2 years and am over it. If you have a problem with my request come and see me so I can give you a piece of my mind.](http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5056/5545324669_6bbc352646.jpg "Hi Jason (and other intermittent door slammers): DO NOT SLAM THE BACK F*****G DOOR. The back room is a thoroughfare but it is also my office (and [redacted]). Sudden loud noises scare the shit out of me and also give me the f*****g shits like you wouldn't believe. Don't do it again or you will get to see a side of me that is extremely vulgar. I've been putting up with it intermittently for the past 2 years and am over it. If you have a problem with my request come and see me so I can give you a piece of my mind.")