The day before her birthday, Emily in Baton Rouge was lamenting the fact that her husband had never once surprised me with a cookie cake. (Hint, hint.)

The next day, her husband “surprised” her with what Emily called “quite possibly the best present I’ve ever received — not only hilarious, but delicious as well!”

Meanwhile, writes Chanisa in Danbury, Connecticut: “This is what my husband wrote on my birthday cake after I nagged him about it for a week.”

related: I don’t want to hear another damn word about flowers

“Our organization recently moved most of its employees from several small offices into one large office,” writes our submitter in Vancouver. “It only took five months for the kitchen conflict to ramp up into a full-blown note war.”

related: Let the rest of us eat cake.

At Ama’s office in Jacksonville, Florida, a friendly staff member brought a sweet treat to share. “This became too much for one anonymous coworker,” Ama says, “who maintained his or her strength under pressure long enough to leave this note.” (Honestly, as someone with a particular weakness for the sweet stuff myself…I kinda understand.)

related post:

This is a candy-optional office

…because if there’s one thing you can do to help the starving children of Africa, it’s to eat a cupcake. (Sigh.)

That said, nobody wants the damn thing after you’ve taken a bite out of it. Don’t try to assuage your guilt/food issues by telling yourself that someone else will eat it.

related: The Nibbler — the plague of office breakrooms everywhere

extra credit: Charity Navigator’s top-rated charities providing aid to victims of famine and drought in Africa

According to our submitter, Jason and his cake-baking wife are newlyweds. So…I guess the honeymoon’s over?

related: “I don’t need a birthday cake,” I said.

extra credit: Bruce Bogtrotter’s chocolate cake

Well, lookie here: this office in Florida has a “Jeff” of their own!

related: A citation from the fat police; Sprinkles are for cupcakes

Coverage starts at 4 a.m. EST, but there’s no need for early-morning fanfare. Just pop this in the oven Thursday night and leave it on the counter. Goes great with cucumber sandwiches!

And yes, those are raisins. You might call it “The American Take on Spotted Dick.” (You could also call it several other more punning names, but my, wouldn’t that be vulgar!)

related: “I don’t need a birthday cake,” I said.

Mothers truly skilled in the art of passive-aggression don’t need much to make their feelings known.

Just ask Rachel in Boston, who recently finished a three-semester master’s program a few months later than expected. “My mom was less than thrilled that my nine classmates finished on time while I struggled to edit my final paper,” Rachel says. “When I finally finished, we had a small graduation party, and she presented me with this gem of a cake.”

Meanwhile, writes our submitter in Madison, Wisconsin: “My mother has a bit of a ‘thing’ against any sort of carbonated beverage and constantly refers to diet soda as ‘the devil’s brew.’ I recently bought a little pack of the mini-cans of Diet Coke, and left one on the computer desk. After arriving home one evening, I found that my mother had kindly re-labeled one of my empty cans for me.”

In recognition of this particular skill, Amazon.com has apparently farmed out the writing of their suggested “PayPhrases” to stay-at-home Moms across the country…as Jessica in California noticed, on a double-take.

related: Is your blog kid-tested, Mom-approved?

“My roommate in college was allergic to everything,” says Casey in Watsonville, California — and she talked about it ad nauseam. “For her birthday sophomore year, we went to buy her a cake but of course she was allergic to everything good. So in the end, I just got a cake I liked and we bought her some crappy vegan thing that wouldn’t make her break out.”

(The cake, Casey says, was “delicious.”)

related: “I don’t need a birthday cake,” I said.

extra credit: CakeWrecks.com

Juan in Brampton, Ontario wasn’t persuasive enough to convince his girlfriend, Kat, to skip work and go to her own surprise party. His friends were…not so happy.

Meanwhile, Sam’s best friend baked this for her husband after he re-arranged the living room early in the morning without telling her, resulting in some seriously bruised shins. “What’s even meaner,” Sam says? “She can’t cook. The cake probably tastes, well…bitter.”

Still hungry for more? Sharrin in San Diego, Sam in Daytona Beach, and of course, Cakewrecks have documented plenty more examples of sugar-coated hostility floating around the interwebs.

And then there’s my personal favorite (again, straight out of the michael scott playbook):

related: “I don’t need a birthday cake,” I said.
extra credit: passive aggressive cakes [cakewrecks.blogspot.com]