Quelle horreur!  “A good week after using my roommate’s microplane to grate parmesan, this note showed up on the fridge whiteboard,” writes Tori in (where else?) San Francisco. “Apparently microplanes are for ZESTING ONLY!”

(unless, of course, it’s a microplane zester/grater.)

related: notes white people leave

Our anonymous submitter found several copies of this notice posted around her McMansion-filled neighborhood in Leander, Texas, just five charmingly rustic miles north of Austin proper. (If you’re a little short in the 4-H ribbon department, that’s your cue to shake your head and mutter “Pshaw, city folk!”)

related: If your grandma wrote PSAs

First of all, the disclaimer: Our anonymous submitter in Houston lives in an apartment complex with very limited parking for residents. “When I come home from work late at night,” she explains, “the handicapped parking spot is typically the only one available.” That excuse, however, doesn’t seem to cut it for one of her neighbors.

As you’ll see from the note left on our submitter’s windshield, this eagle-eyed neighbor perhaps isn’t what you’d call “book-smart,” but — gosh darn it — what she lacks in basic spelling and grammar skills she more than makes up for with raw gumption and a steely sense of self-righteousness!

[Rough translation, from our anonymous submitter: "I see that you are not handicapped, but you park in the handicapped parking spot in our apartment complex. I am not handicapped, and I don't know anyone in the complex who is, but I feel entitled to tell you to stop parking there.  Furthermore, I feel entitled enough to have your car towed if you park there again."]

related: Mahvelous, just mahvelous

…courtesy of the hapless young lads of North America.

As documented by Kimberlee in Lawrence, Kansas:

And by Grant in Toronto, Canada:

Happy breakup season, everyone!

related: Some dating advice

“My 8-year-old daughter was concerned about all the pictures of Santa portraying him with a whip,” says Lisa in Orlando, “so she wrote him this letter, thinking he might appreciate her helpful advice on taking care of his animals.”

related: no girls allowed

Al Gore would likely be pleased hear that Marc in San Diego rides his bike (a vintage blue Colnago) to work in the mornings. A certain evangelical bike messenger, however, was less than impressed.

Marc says he’s since ditched his old cable lock. “After this note taught me the error of my ways, I now keep my bike inside where it’s safe.”

related: Next on thieves with low self-esteem

The tenth-floor kitchen at this office has no fewer than ten of these painstakingly laminated, clip-art-covered notes — and our anonymous submitter says this kitchen is only the tip of the iceberg.

“Nearly all of the notes in our office receive the same attention to detail,” our submitter says. “Every time I come to work I have to remind myself that I’m not in a cartoon fairy-tale land of fun.”

related: It takes a “genius” to come up with a potluck theme like this one

The manager of a Florida preschool seems to have a kindred spirit at a Missouri strip club, where our anonymous submitter spotted this note taped to a dressing-room mirror.

Personally, I like the idea of an junior-high-elective-style employment program. (Dance? Restaurant management? Government? You decide!)

related: happy to be of service

Marcus in Leicester, U.K. found this stuck to the lid of the toilet by one of his housemates. “I’d understand if it was the seat,” he says, “but the lid?”

I’m with Marcus, here — I don’t think this is some kind of Dear Abby “does the toilet paper go over or under?” type issue. Is there anyone else who considers closing the toilet lid de rigueur?

related: dearest roommate

Where do you suppose this “anomous” Tampa, Florida resident stands on the whole nature-vs.-nurture debate?

Interested? here’s a free preview!

related: Your to lazy