Our submitter says this note was posted in a Princeton University restroom by his coworker, who had become “completely obsessed with finding out who didn’t flush the urinal after using it.” After posting the note, he began to discreetly check the urinal every time he saw someone leave the restroom.

“Eventually he identified the culprit, and that individual was appropriately shunned,” says our submitter. “At least he kept his oath to God!”

related: Were you raised by wolves? (a flowchart)

Isaac prefaces this by saying, “I feel bad for the person who posted this screed. I really do.”

But — and isn’t there always a but? — he adds: “The university library here has a HUGE laptop and gadget-theft problem, and there are signs everywhere warning people not to leave their stuff unattended. This guy left a $2000+ shiny Apple laptop just sitting on a table, with all of his super-sentimental irreplaceable pictures on it, and just walked away. And then expected nothing to happen. Really?”

related: Which is a more despicable crime?

Writes Meg in New Jersey: “We just buried my Mom today. After Mass and luncheon we came home and unpacked cards from the funeral home. This is from my brother’s office.” Can you tell who didn’t bother to read the card before signing it?

related: My condolences on your birthday

Molly said this ice cream shop on the Jersey Shore was filled with signs of the “You’re in New Jersey, bitch” variety, but this one was perhaps the most obnoxious of them all.

“As it turns out,” Molly says, “my imagination didn’t quite capture the essence of the Mocha Chocolate Crunch that I ordered. If I’d had a sample, I would have realized the nuttiness was just too much for my delicate palate.”

related: It’s not food, it’s ice cream!

The good news? Stealing sprinkles from this New Jersey yogurt shop won’t lead to eternal damnation!

Thanks to Lauren in Princeton, NJ for submitting!

related: Wrath of the Ancients

To me this sounds suspiciously like an episode of The League, but Stephen from Cherry Hill, New Jersey claims his daughter recently caught him heading into the bathroom “for a little sit-down,” laptop in hand. When five-year-old Rosie asked why Daddy was bringing his computer into the fecal mist zone, he replied, “Multi-tasking.”

A few minutes later, Rosie slipped the following note under the door. (The drawing had already been done earlier.)

Translation: What are you thinking Dad? That’s a horrible thing to do.

Can you really argue with her?

related: Never put nature aside for television.

My friend Brooke said the doors at this New Jersey gas station were covered with notes, but this one in particular caught her attention.

(I particularly enjoyed the suggested topics of conversation. Kinda softened the tone a bit compared to this version from Toronto, no?)

related: A plea from your Boston-area barista

Angela and her father were poking around the local dollar store in Metuchen, New Jersey when we they came across these boxes of Christmas lights.

“We originally thought these vaguely ominous messages were meant to harken back to the ‘true spirit of Christmas’ but these threats don’t exactly engender goodwill toward men,” Angela says. “I don’t know for whom these vaguely ominous messages are really intended, but s/he must have seriously pissed off the manufacturer.”

related: Subliminal self-esteem killers

extra credit: Evil Elf on the Shelf

Writes Roxanne in New Jersey: “When my niece, Diana, returned from a yearbook-signing party, she showed me this inscription from a girl who Diana says she hardly even knows. We’re both dying to know what those terrible warnings about her could have been (but of course, grateful that Leah apparently gave her a chance in spite of them.)”

related: 2good 2be 4gotten

Nadia in Greensboro, North Carolina spotted this gem of a “you break it, you buy it” specimen at a local thrift store. “Apparently,” she writes, “Secondhand Punctuation Has Its Drawbacks? You Can’t Pick And Choose? You Have To Make Do With What You Have On Hand? Handwritten Notes Are Not Exceptions?”

The D.C. tourist trap that Amy visited took a less tentative tack with its signage, though I doubt the “four times is better than one” approach is any more effective.

These two stores, on the other hand, pretty much nail it with reverse psychology.

related: As Davy Crockett once said…